Beginning, Section II

Part Eleven

The first thing she noticed was the bright light on her face. She thought it must be late in the day for the sun to be shining so strongly. As her eyes fluttered open, Elizabeth took in the warm, comfortable room around her.

So she had made it to Hunsford.

She could not be sure how much of what occurred before had been dream and how much had been real. The carriage ride had seemed to last forever; the jostling of the wheels jarring her further and further into a sense of un-reality.

And yet, she was here. Tentatively, she stretched her arms outside the blanket that covered her and surveyed the bedroom. Gently, she raised herself into a sitting position. As she swung her legs over the side of the bed, she realized she felt the steadiest she had felt in weeks. She was weak, true, but there was no dizziness. And, she was actually quite hungry.

Thoughts of hunger also brought to light other necessities, and as she was completing a small amount of personal toilette, Charlotte came into the room.

"Well, I thought perhaps I heard you up and around. Elizabeth, it is so good to see you!"

"Charlotte! I must apologize for what must have been a dramatic entrance yesterday. I really have little recollection..."

"I am well accustomed to your ways, Eliza." Charlotte's smile and teasing tone set to rest any tension that might have risen in the room. Guiding her friend to a comfortable chair, Charlotte indicated that she would send the maid to change the sheets and help Elizabeth into a new night dress.

Jane came back into the room while the sheets were being changed. She had slept a while that morning and felt somewhat refreshed. Carrying a tea tray which held a variety of tidbits to tempt a fractious sister, she smiled at Elizabeth.

"Jane! I had thought you were a fever dream!" Lizzy stated happily as Jane put the tray on the table.

"Yes, I thought you might. You were not very coherent when you arrived." Jane paused, then looked at her sister, and reached for Lizzy's hand. "You scared me, Lizzy."

Elizabeth squeezed Jane's hand and smiled, "I am sorry, Jane. If it is within my power, I promise never to scare you so again. Now, I am utterly famished. What has Mr. Collins's cook prepared for us to eat?"

As the two sisters enjoyed the tea, Jane was satisfied to see her sister eat a good amount. The conversation flowed, centering mostly on the Gardiners and all that Jane had experienced in London. As she had hoped, Elizabeth abused Mr. Bingley's sisters in a manner that made Jane feel guiltily satisfied inside, though, of course, she protested aloud. It was not long, however, before even the light conversation became tiresome for Elizabeth, and Jane helped her back into bed, thanking providence once again that Lizzy had been spared.

Day turned to night and back again. To Elizabeth, the time seemed almost static. She had visits from Maria Lucas, and, of course, both Jane and Charlotte were often with her for the periods when she was awake. They talked about many things, but mostly avoided the subject of home, knowing that none was quite ready to speak of the tragedy of the plague. The few times that it did come up, a shadow would pass over Elizabeth's features. The fevered comments Lizzy had made weighed heavily on Jane's mind, and she wanted nothing more than to comfort her sister. It was obvious that Elizabeth continued to feel extraordinary guilt over Lydia's passing, but Jane feared Lizzy's health to be too tenuous to press the matter.

Charlotte amused her guests by sharing conversations with and instructions from her husband's Lady patron. She conveyed every piece of information with utter seriousness, and never once slighted Lady Catherine's name. Yet she knew that the stories would shock Jane and thoroughly amuse Lizzy. By the end of the second day of her visit, after Maria had also met Lady Catherine, Lizzy was a-quiver with curiosity. She could not quite believe that the great woman was quite as bad as the stories indicated, but if she were not... what a disappointment it would be!

Elizabeth listened with astonishment and gratitude as she heard what Mr. Darcy had done - both reuniting Jane and Bingley and bringing Jane to Hunsford. It served only to reinforce her shame in how she had sorely misjudged the man before. She resolved to be polite and friendly when they next met, unless he left Rosings before she was able to go downstairs.

The visitors at Rosings did make a call upon the parsonage in the first afternoon of Elizabeth's recovery. Jane and Charlotte greeted them with placid happiness. Colonel Fitzwilliam was introduced to Jane and Georgiana Darcy to Charlotte. Charlotte, in turn, introduced her very shy sister to both of the cousins. They had a merry visit, much lighter in tone than any of the visits between Rosings and the parsonage had been to date. When Mr. Collins and Sir William returned from visiting the church, Mr. Collins was shocked to see such noble persons gracing his own parlor. The shock of such condescension silenced him for the majority of the visit.

Before long, Sir William had made it generally known that he and his daughter would be returning to Hertfordshire by week end. He had asked Mr. Collins to procure transportation when Mr. Bingley calmly stated that he would be returning to Hertfordshire at the week end and offered to accompany them in his own carriage. Bingley knew that he could not make up for his previous absence, but he would do what he could now.

Sir William accepted the offer from Charles Bingley with a smile. William Lucas was a generous spirit who always strove to find the best in people. He did not have to look hard to find good in Charles Bingley. When Bingley had taken up residence at Netherfield the previous fall, Sir William was certain that the man was of good character and spirit. This initial impression had been reinforced in all dealings with Netherfield, and cemented by the ball given at that estate. It was not generally known why Bingley had vacated his estate with such rapidity and completeness. But Sir William had already dispatched a note to his wife telling her how Bingley had been completely ignorant of the happenings in Meryton, how he and Darcy had acted since they had known, and that he was, in general, quite pleased with the young man's penitence.

And so within a few days, the number of visitors to the parsonage decreased greatly. Within a week, Elizabeth became, as her sister had predicted, quite fractious at having to rest so much and being unable to walk in the burgeoning spring.

It was a warm afternoon on which Lizzy first came downstairs. Jane had finally relented, based on the doctor's say so, and helped Elizabeth to dress. As she put the finishing touches on Lizzy's hair, she bent down and kissed her sister's crown, something she had not done since they were children. Elizabeth smiled and thought to herself what a wonderful mother Jane would make. Though Elizabeth had been unable to see Mr. Bingley before he left, she had heard all about his visits and conversation from no less than three sources. Jane never quite met Lizzy's eye when she spoke of Mr. Bingley, but her blush and smile was enough to let Lizzy know that things were back on the proper track.

"Jane, I positively ache to go out of doors. Could we please venture to that little wilderness behind the house that has so tempted me from my bedroom window?" Lizzy pleaded.

Jane sighed and rolled her eyes. So much for taking things one step at a time. But it was a beautiful afternoon, and Lizzy was looking with such yearning that Jane did not have it in her heart to deny the request. They walked slowly to the bench in the back garden. Jane sat Lizzy carefully before returning inside for shawls and giving instructions to delay tea for half an hour.

As Elizabeth sat outside for the first time in more than a week, she allowed the sun to soak into her skin. Raising her face toward the sky, she closed her eyes and breathed it all in: the sounds of the birds, the smell of the damp earth, the warmth of the sunlight.

It was this sight that greeted Fitzwilliam and Georgiana Darcy. The brother and sister had taken to visiting the parsonage at various times. Georgiana had become friendly with Jane Bennet and was extremely curious to meet Miss Elizabeth Bennet. As she felt her brother stiffen, she looked up to his face. The expression - a mixture of wonder, relief, and yearning - was quickly stifled. Following his line of sight, she saw the petite brunette relaxing in the afternoon warmth.

Jane exited the house with a shawl for her sister and saw the Darcys approaching. Elizabeth heard her sister return and opened her eyes. As Jane was greeting the newcomers, Elizabeth's sun-shocked eyes were startled to focus upon Mr. Darcy. Still, the smile that graced her face as introductions were made was all that is gentle and genuine. Jane had mentioned meeting Miss Darcy a number of times, and Elizabeth held as much curiosity toward the younger Darcy as that girl did for Elizabeth.

"Will you not both come inside and have tea? Mr. and Mrs. Collins are not here currently, but Lizzy and I would love the company," Jane assured them. She believed this would be a good way to get Elizabeth inside without too much fuss. Darcy and Georgiana readily agreed to the invitation.

Lizzy stood slowly, and Mr. Darcy offered his arm to her. "Miss Elizabeth, may I escort you inside?" he asked gently.

"Of course," she smiled and took the proffered arm. Jane and Georgiana made their way a bit more efficiently, and soon, Lizzy and Darcy were alone, slowly meandering their way around the house. She felt very awkward, but knew that she must begin again with this man she had so sorely misjudged.

"It is very good to see you again, sir. I must say, I did not think we would have the pleasure of your company after you all quit Netherfield last autumn," Elizabeth said.

"So you lead me to believe the other afternoon, Miss Bennet," Darcy answered.

Elizabeth stopped and looked up at him with a question in her eye. "The other afternoon?"

"Yes, I was here when you arrived. Do you not remember?"

Elizabeth paused, furrowing her brow and nibbling on her bottom lip. So much of the fever passed in a haze, and she had no recollection of what was real and what was not. Shaking her head, she smiled slightly, "I must say that I do not. Did I embarrass myself thoroughly?"

"No, indeed! We had quite a good talk, in fact."

"Did we really?" Elizabeth's sparkling eyes met his, and his breath caught in his throat. As one of her eyebrows peaked, it became obvious that she wished him to inform her of the content of their conversation.

"Well, Miss Bennet, I believe I have you at my mercy now, do I not? I may tell you that you promised me any manner of things, and you cannot refute anything!"

Lizzy smiled widely at the open teasing. This was so out of character for what she knew of him, but something had obviously happened to make him feel at ease with her. "But you are too much a gentleman to take advantage of a sick woman, sir. Tell me, true. Did I at least apologize to you?"

Darcy once again placed his free hand on hers which was nestled in the crook of his arm. "Please be at ease, Miss Bennet. Yes, you did offer an apology. For which, I informed you, as I shall restate now, there was no need."

Lizzy sighed, still smiling. "Well, I have cleared my conscience, at any rate. Now, shall we go in to tea?"

Tea passed quickly, Elizabeth guiding the conversation from one topic to another, drawing Miss Darcy in to the conversation with practiced ease.

"Miss Darcy, I must say that I am quite jealous of you," Elizabeth stated, when she was seated next to that young lady. Though the cast of her face was serious, her wide eyes betrayed her humor to any who knew to look.

"J-jealous?" Georgiana stammered.

"Yes! You have a brother! I always wanted a brother," Elizabeth smiled and sighed.

"Yes, Aunt Catherine says your estate is entailed away because you have no brother."

"Oh, not for any reason so practical as that, I assure you!" Lizzy laughed. She leaned closer to Georgiana, as though she were to impart a secret of great import, "You see, Miss Darcy, I always wanted a brother because it simply is no fun playing pirates or climbing trees or catching frogs and snakes alone! Jane is a perfect sister, but she is just that: a sister!"

Georgiana's eyes warmed, "I always wanted a sister," she said shyly.

"Well, I have four of them..." Lizzy suddenly trailed off, thinking of Lydia, and that now she only had three sisters. She closed her eyes briefly, then nodded, continuing, "and you have no idea how hectic it is to be raised in a house with all girls! No bonnet, ribbon, button, or any such thing lies unclaimed, and no surface in the house isn't covered with bonnets, ribbons, or needlework. Why, my father takes to shutting himself in his library just to avoid female frippery!"

"Lizzy!" Jane joined in, laughing at the description of her family. "It is not so bad as all of that, Miss Darcy. Do not let Elizabeth's sense of humor mislead you. Life with sisters is often quite pleasant."

Between Jane and Elizabeth, Georgiana felt completely at ease, and she was most disappointed when her brother announced that they needed to return to Rosings. Mr. Darcy, whose attention never truly left Elizabeth, noticed that she was tiring rapidly. Wishing the Bennet sisters a warm goodbye, he escorted his sister to the door.

Part Twelve

The following week passed rapidly, and Lizzy got steadily stronger each day. Though she still could not walk far, and still napped daily and slept long through the night, she could feel health and energy coming back to her. The Darcys again visited the parsonage, this time their cousin joined them. Colonel Fitzwilliam, upon meeting Elizabeth Bennet, saw immediately what so captivated his cousin. Even diminished, she held a wit and fire that would be impossible for someone of Darcy's nature to ignore. She teased mercilessly, yet with a gentleness that would disarm any insult. Though he could not tell if she reciprocated Darcy's interest, she was certainly no mercenary - he would wager on that. And if she chose to accept Darcy, she would indeed make him happy. Not that Darcy would ever ask, but if he did, Fitzwilliam would certainly approve of his choice.

Charlotte and Jane watched the growing relationship with quiet satisfaction, each knowing that Elizabeth's former passionate dislike was now turning in a more positive direction. Gone were the comments on Mr. Darcy's arrogance and aloofness. If she mentioned him at all, it was with friendly rancor.

It was breakfast time at the parsonage a few days later. Elizabeth had spent a few precious moments wandering through the gardens and the brief exercise brought some color to her cheeks. As she sat down across from Jane at the table, the two sisters exchanged a quiet, satisfied smile.

Mr. Collins waited until his cousins were properly seated, blessed the meal, then began to load his plate with the filling provisions.

"My dear Charlotte, I have been most remiss. I received an express yesterday indicating that we should expect more company this afternoon."

Charlotte raised her eyebrows but remained calm, "Of course, Mr. Collins, our home is always at ready to greet guests. May I ask who it is we are to host?"

"My cousin, Mr. Thomas Bennet, is coming." At this news, Jane's eyes widened and Elizabeth smiled. Mr. Collins was triumphant in being able to deliver such happy news to his cousins. "It seems, Cousin Jane, that your mother has finally relented. She will allow you to come home. In fact, she demands it. Your father is to bring you home within the next few days."

Elizabeth looked quizzically from Mr. Collins to her sister. Jane shared her confusion. "Sir, did my father mention Lizzy?"

Mr. Collins paused in chewing the large piece of bacon he had just eaten. "Yes, of course. Cousin Elizabeth is to spend a few more weeks here, as planned. She was promised to Mrs. Collins for six weeks, and has been here less than four."

Charlotte smiled at Elizabeth. "It would not do for you leave Kent when you are recovering so well, Lizzy. I think your father wise to allow you to stay."

Elizabeth nodded, "You are correct, Charlotte, as usual. My only concern is how I shall return home when the time is finally at hand, but I shall cross that stream when I come to it!"

Part Thirteen

When the carriage pulled into the parsonage drive later that day, Mr. Collins was momentarily taken aback at the amount of luggage on it. Mr. Bennet, it seemed, was not a light packer.

Jane stood beside her cousins, waiting for her father to exit the carriage. It was a cool, damp, windy day, and she did not want to expose Elizabeth to the inclement weather.

Mr. Bennet stepped down from the carriage, bowed to Mr. and Mrs. Collins, then briefly patted Jane on the back.

"It is good to see you, Jane! I see a season in London has not changed your countenance. You are quite as pretty as your mother tells everyone you are."

They walked indoors, exchanging small talk, but all the while Mr. Bennet was distracted. It was not until he heard the minuet being played on the piano that he relaxed fractionally. When he entered the parlor, the playing stopped.

Lizzy got up from the piano bench and smiled at her father. "Papa! It is wonderful to see you."

Thomas Bennet had not cried since he was a child. When his daughter had died, when his other daughter had become ill, he had kept all the worry and shock and misery inside. But now, seeing Elizabeth poised on becoming whole again, he felt tears in his eyes. His usual acerbic wit deserted him, and he simply smiled, hugging Elizabeth. "Ahh, Elizabeth."

Blinking to clear his vision, he turned to his cousin, "Thank you, once again, Mr. Collins, Mrs. Collins. I was a bit worried about Lizzy, but she seems to have recovered quite nicely here in Kent."

Mr. Collins accepted this praise as was his due, then proceeded to wax poetic about the superiority of Kent in general and Rosings in particular.

"Well, indeed it is a shame that Longbourn is in Hertfordshire, sir. Pity we cannot move it before you inherit, no?" Mr. Bennet smiled at his cousin, who suddenly looked as though he did not know what to say.

It was at this point that Elizabeth noticed the number of trunks the servants had brought in. "Papa, is that not my old trunk you have brought with you?"

Mr. Bennet looked at Elizabeth, then nodded. "Yes, my dear. I have brought some small items that your sisters felt you needed. I have also brought letters from Kitty and Mary for you and Jane."

Elizabeth looked at the trunks and realized that they were big enough to hold more than a few items from her sisters. Mr. Bennet sighed. He had hoped to avoid this discussion for a few hours, but Elizabeth was already too curious to put it off.

Charlotte, seeing that something was amiss, directed her husband to a matter in his study, leaving the Bennets in peace to discuss their family business. When the parlor door was closed behind them, Mr. Bennet turned to his daughters.

"Papa?" Jane asked quietly.

Mr. Bennet sighed. "Ah, Jane. It will be good to have you home again. Though Kitty and Mary have become quite good company, I find that I miss all of my daughters. Longbourn is too quiet these days." He paused, and Elizabeth reached out and squeezed his hand. The look in his eye mirrored the one she felt - guilt, pain, and sadness. He swallowed visibly, then turned the topic.

"We were all surprised to see Mr. Bingley come back into the neighborhood. He has been visiting all his neighbors, and has even called on Longbourn. He has asked my permission to court you, Jane." Jane blushed, smiling. "I see that you will not be opposed to the idea. That is well, as your mother has ordered you home simply to be at Mr. Bingley's disposal."

Lizzy, too, smiled at this outcome. It seemed as though Jane and Mr. Bingley might find a happy ending after all. She only hoped she would be home in time to help plan the wedding.

"Papa, when am I to come home?" Lizzy asked.

Sighing, Mr. Bennet rose and walked to a window. He turned back to his daughters, who were watching him with curiosity and concern.

"Elizabeth, much though I would like you to come home, I do not feel it is the best place for you currently. Your mother is not well. She remains above stairs. She will not hear of you coming home for some time yet."

"But, Papa, surely you cannot expect me to remain in Kent indefinitely?"

"No, no. The current plan is for you to remain here for another fortnight and then go to your aunt and uncle in London for the summer. I have brought your summer dresses - Kitty packed them for you - so you should have all you need."

"All but her family," Jane said, quietly. Mr. Bennet raised his eyebrows and studied his eldest daughter. It seemed that none of his family had come through this trial unchanged. Jane seemed to have developed more of a certainty behind her serenity.

The door to the parlor opened at that point, and Charlotte came in announcing that some of the Rosings party had come to visit. Mr. Bennet was surprised to hear that the solicitude that Sir William had described continued. Mr. Darcy, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and Miss Georgiana Darcy entered the parlor and happily greeted his daughters. He was astonished to see the spark of friendliness between Elizabeth and the party - though he knew she had repined her treatment of Mr. Darcy when he had been in Hertfordshire, he had never believed that Mr. Darcy would be so open with Elizabeth and Jane. Indeed, there was warmth in the gentleman's eyes not heretofore seen. The warmth disappeared, however, when his eyes alit upon Mr. Bennet.

The colonel and Miss Darcy were pleasantly amused by Mr. Bennet, and the short visit passed rather quickly with Mr. Darcy speaking almost exclusively to Elizabeth. Though Mr. Bennet talked amicably with the others in the room, he kept an interested eye on his daughter and Mr. Darcy - it seemed as though the young man might be a bit late in approaching her father for certain permissions. Mr. Bennet would not stand for it if this man, no matter how wealthy, decided to play with his weakened daughter.

Part Fourteen

When the trio rose to take their leave, Mr. Bennet asked to speak with Mr. Darcy, mentioning that he had some correspondence from Netherfield to pass on. Colonel Fitzwilliam and Georgiana took their leave at Darcy's insistence. He wanted the opportunity of speaking with Mr. Bennet, and this seemed a good chance to have it.

As Mr. Bennet handed Bingley's letter to Darcy, he was surprised that Darcy approached the subject first, "Would you care to walk outside with me, sir? I have a matter that I would speak with you on." They exited the parsonage together, followed by the curious eyes of the ladies in the house.

Mr. Bennet was the first to break the silence.

"I was very glad to see Elizabeth so well. She was not in good spirits at all when I last saw her. Do you not find her much altered?"

"Indeed, sir, I have watched her come back to life these last weeks." Mr. Bennet heard the bitterness in these words, but chose to ignore it, pursuing his own questions.

"You seemed to pay an inordinate amount of attention to my daughter, Mr. Darcy. I am very concerned that in Elizabeth's weakened condition, she is not acting in a manner that best befits her."

"Her condition? You are acting rather late in concern of her condition, sir."

Mr. Bennet's eyes narrowed as he observed the angry man before him. "I would have you explain yourself, sir."

"I was here the afternoon she arrived, sir. Her countenance I shall never forget." Thinking of Elizabeth being so ill put harshness in his voice, and he turned once again to her father to ask what he had wanted to know all these weeks, "She was so diminished, so frail. How could you allow her fall to that state? And since she was indeed so ill, how could you think of allowing her to come to Kent? She should not have made the journey. It nearly killed her!"

Mr. Bennet closed his eyes briefly to remembered pain. It seemed that Mr. Darcy did have a great deal of concern and care for Elizabeth. Mr. Bennet knew that many had questioned his rationale with regards to Elizabeth's treatment; he had seen the accusation in Jane's, even in Charlotte Collins's eyes. But, somehow, the bewildered pain in this man's voice demanded an explanation.

Sighing, Mr. Bennet attempted to explain. "I had no other choice. She was so very ill, and her mother did not want her to get well. It is no secret that Elizabeth is my favorite, but Lydia was far and above her mother's favorite. My wife, I am sad to say, has been much altered by Lydia's death. She is so very angry, Mr. Darcy. It is as though she needs others to feel the pain she feels, and she has chosen Elizabeth as the one who should suffer most. It is as though she has lost her favorite daughter and so has decided to punish me by making me lose mine, also. Had Elizabeth remained at Longbourn, she would not have lived. My wife would not have allowed it. "

Darcy heard and saw the pain and grief in Mr. Bennet's eyes, but somehow, this was not enough to stop his questions. The brief conversation he and Elizabeth had in the parlor that afternoon had brought up another concern.

"Mr. Bennet, Miss Elizabeth is just recovering her health, and you propose to send her to London when she leaves Kent." Darcy could not keep the astonished anger from his voice. "London, in the summer, is a den of disease! In her weakened condition, who knows what she will contract? And yet, she tells me you will not hear of bringing her home. Indeed, you have brought all of her possessions here, as though you are disowning her."

Mr. Bennet could not keep the anger from his voice as he justified himself to Mr. Darcy. "Mr. Darcy, I do not believe you fully comprehend the situation in Hertfordshire. We lost dozens of people. Every able body is working - late spring and early summer will have every man woman and child in the fields. Even if I could convince Elizabeth to rest and let the rest of us handle things, her mother would still hound her. In fact, her mother still becomes quite agitated if anyone even mentions Elizabeth in the house. It will be easier for all around if she does not come home until she is fully recovered."

Darcy was beginning to get a glimpse of the delicate balance Mr. Bennet was attempting to maintain in his shattered home. Knowing that Elizabeth was still haunted by what had happened in Hertfordshire, and knowing that she now had an enemy in her own mother, Darcy understood that Longbourn was not the place for her. But, then, neither was London.

Quietly, he offered an alternate suggestion, "Perhaps then, she might be able to accept the hospitality of my sister, who would very much like to retain an acquaintance with her."

Mr. Bennet could not hide his astonishment. This man who had been too arrogant and proud to even speak to a Bennet in a public setting was opening his home to Elizabeth. And yet, all that he knew of the man was astonishing. He had been given the responsibility for a very large estate at a young age and had succeeded where other men would most certainly fail. He had the responsibility of a younger sister, and that young lady seemed well adjusted and happy. He was, in fact, the type of suitor any father would welcome. Would this man really choose to associate with Elizabeth? "You would take my Lizzy to your Pemberley?"

Closing his eyes briefly, Darcy admitted the truth of the matter, "I should have asked you last autumn for permission to take Miss Elizabeth to Pemberley. If not for my misplaced pride, she may never have fallen ill to begin with."

Mr. Bennet quietly surveyed Mr. Darcy. He realized the strong young man before him greatly esteemed Elizabeth, and could be trusted to take care of her. "You could not have got Elizabeth to agree with you on the color of the sky last autumn," he teased, then grew serious. "But she seems to have warmed to you."

It was a moment he had dreaded - he knew enough of Mr. Darcy to know that, given the fact that Elizabeth liked him now, it would only be a matter of time until his intelligence and wit would win her heart. Clearing his throat, he began again.

"There are few in this world I would trust with Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy. Those who have asked before have been easily denied. But if Lizzy wants to go with you to Pemberley, you have my blessings to take her there." Both gentlemen understood that Mr. Bennet was giving permissions for more than a simple trip to Derbyshire. They shook hands.

Darcy saw the fresh pain in the older man's face, and understood instinctively what Mr. Bennet must feel. "When you find that you have leisure to leave your estate, Mr. Bennet, I hope that you find your way there, too. Elizabeth's family will always be welcome."

With a small smile, Mr. Bennet bowed. "I thank you for that, Mr. Darcy."

Part Fifteen

Mr. Bennet returned to the parlor, quiet with thought. He trusted Darcy - the man was the sort who inspired trust readily. Derbyshire in the summer would be a superior place for Elizabeth to recover. But the question remained: how would Lizzy react to the proposal?

The three women were conversing happily, Mr. Collins having retreated from the scene when the important guests left. When Mr. Bennet entered the room, Elizabeth smiled up at her father and indicated that he should sit in the comfortable chair next to hers.

"Are you curious, Elizabeth, as to what Mr. Darcy had to discuss with me?"

"I would be a fool to admit it, Papa, for if I did so, you would be sure to keep it all a secret, simply to vex me."

Mr. Bennet laughed, happy to have Lizzy next to him, laughing with him.

"Indeed, Lizzy, our conversation primarily concerned you. Mr. Darcy wished to extend an invitation for you to spend a few weeks with his sister when you leave Kent."

Elizabeth could not hide her astonishment. "And how do you feel about the offer, Papa."

Mr. Bennet looked closely at his daughter, "I have no objections to the plan if you choose to go. In fact, I believe it may be wise for you to accept. Though I greatly appreciate the Gardiner's offer, London in summer is not what I would choose for your recuperation. Additionally, this will allow the Gardiners to go on their tour, as they had originally intended."

"Lizzy," Jane joined in, "from all that Mr. Bingley and his sisters have said, Mr. Darcy's estate is a fine one, with lovely grounds and an excellent library. You could not find a better companion than Miss Darcy. Consider it!"

"Yes, my dear," Mr. Bennet patted his daughter's leg, then stood, "you should consider it seriously. Meanwhile, I am going to excuse myself for a moment and go to speak with my cousin in his library."

Elizabeth was visibly torn. She and Mr. Darcy had put any former differences behind them and had formed a friendly rapport. His sister was perfectly delightful, and Lizzy could think of nothing better than to spend a few weeks in the company of the Darcy family at their home in Derbyshire.

But her conscience told her she deserved no such leisure. Her family and her neighbors needed as much help as possible. She was not back to full strength, but surely, with two more weeks of rest, she would be a useful pair of hands. Her place was with her family.

In the end, she did not know how she could justify enjoying a trip to Derbyshire. She had been able to avoid thinking on the winter and all that had happened over the last few weeks. But the stronger she felt, the guiltier she felt. She was getting better. Lydia never would.

Jane and Charlotte watched Lizzy closely. "It would be good for you to have a change of scenery, Eliza," Charlotte said, "and Miss Darcy seems to be an excellent person." She refrained from mentioning what she believed Mr. Darcy's primary motive was in removing Lizzy to Derbyshire.

When Lizzy would protest, Jane put her hand on Lizzy's. "The hardest thing I have ever done was tarry in London this winter. But I understood that my parents were comforted with the knowledge that I was not in danger. Knowing I was safe was one comfort they had in a world of chaos. It is your turn now, Lizzy. It is your turn to make the sacrifice, and put Papa's wishes ahead of your own. He needs you to get well. He needs you to recover. You must know that neither Longbourn nor London is the best place to do that. Pemberley will give you what you need to fully heal. Go to Pemberley, and when you come back to Longbourn, come back whole."

Swallowing, Lizzy nodded, "I promise you both that I will think on it."

She thought of little else for the next few days. At war was the desire to please her Papa and the need to appease her own conscience. No one spoke again of the offer, but she saw in Charlotte, Jane, and even her father a plea to do the sensible thing. It was her father's plea that swayed her. Papa asked so little of her; in the end she would do what would please him.

She would go to Derbyshire.

Part Sixteen

The first of May dawned bright and warm. It was the morning of Jane and Mr. Bennet's last day in Kent, and the entire party was invited to Rosings that evening for dinner. Lady Catherine had refrained from inviting the residents of the parsonage since before Mr. Bennet had arrived, and Mr. Collins was particularly anxious over this visit. Lizzy was feeling much better and had taken to roaming the lanes of Rosings in the morning to escape her cousin's lectures on behavior and deportment.

This morning's walk found her in a particularly isolated grove. There, underneath a pine tree, was a blanket of lilies of the valley, one of her favorite flowers. Smiling, she picked a stem and raised the small bells to her nose. Closing her eyes, she inhaled the perfume and felt her spirits lift with the scent.

Mr. Darcy found her thus, and smiled. He had wanted to speak with Elizabeth for several days now, but had been reluctant to intrude on the family reunion of sorts that had occurred at the parsonage. He knew that were he in Mr. Bennet's position, he would wish to have his long separated Jane and beloved Elizabeth to himself for a while. Additionally, Darcy's aunt had, as he had predicted, noticed his interest in the visitors at the parsonage. Visiting would bring more pressure on Elizabeth.

This morn, fate had given him a golden opportunity. He would not waste it.

"Lilies of the valley are one of my sister's favorite flowers," Mr. Darcy said quietly.

Lizzy smiled up at him, "Mine, also. I simply adore the fragrance. Good morning, Mr. Darcy."

"Good morning, Miss Bennet." Mr. Darcy knelt and picked a handful of stems, handing them to Elizabeth. "Joyeux Fête du Muguet." He smiled and bowed to her.

Smiling in return, she gracefully accepted the flowers. As Mr. Darcy knelt to pick more flowers for Georgiana, Lizzy thanked him, "Merci! The French always have a lovely way of saying things. Happy May Day, Monsieur."

Mr. Darcy didn't bother to correct her - that the lilies were given to loved ones as a French holiday tradition was something he knew from his father's mother. She, too, had loved the lilies and the tradition of the holiday. But he was fairly certain that Elizabeth wasn't ready for his declarations of love. So he allowed her to think of his gift as one celebrating spring.

Offering his arm to her, they walked quietly down the path, speaking of general topics. After a short time, Lizzy realized that she was inordinately comfortable with Mr. Darcy now. She looked at him with a smile.

"Why do you look at me thus, Miss Bennet?" he queried.

"Perhaps I am simply returning past favors, sir," she gently teased, remembering how he had often looked at her in the past. Thinking back on that, she became quizzical. "I know that I misjudged you heartily in Hertfordshire, Sir. But your behavior here is so very altered, Mr. Darcy. It is as though you have gone through some metamorphosis."

"I must apologize for my behavior then," he stated quietly. "I have few reasons but some small excuses. I am never comfortable among strangers, and, in this case, my manner was affected by very stressful situation my family had recently endured that I should have prevented. I was in no mood to make friends. When I look back upon how I acted to you and your family, I am amazed that you talk to me at all." Shaking his head, he suddenly turned his eyes to her. "Now it is my turn to ask, what was it that changed your opinion of me?"

Lizzy was quiet for a moment, then looked up to answer him. "Your behavior did not go unnoticed. I took very personally the fact that you seemed completely unimpressed with all of us. Mr. Wickham's charges against you merely reinforced my own prejudiced view of you." Darcy tensed at the mention of George Wickham, but let Elizabeth continue her story. "It was not until we were isolated, and Mr. Wickham's true character was revealed, that I was forced to think of your visit with new vision. I tried to take my personal feelings out of it, and review what you had seen of us."

Her eyes were unfocused as she recounted her thoughts, "You walked into a room where people were loudly stating your monetary worth. You saw us all at our very worst: my youngest sisters at their most rambunctious; my mother at her most avaricious. My own behavior, though strictly proper, bordered on the uncivil. And yet, you tolerated it all. When I threw accusations at you which were founded by a man who is most certainly not a gentleman, I must have insulted you deeply."

"Miss Bennet, I realize this may be a hard topic to speak on, but I would sincerely like to know how Mr. Wickham revealed his true character to you."

Elizabeth looked up at Darcy again, her dark eyes serious. She told the tale of Wickham and the risk that man had exposed so many to. She had no further word of where he had gone, but his actions blackened his name beyond all repair. Darcy apologized to Lizzy for not exposing Wickham's true character, and Elizabeth laughed without humor. "None would have believed you, Mr. Darcy. We had to learn our lessons our own way."

Then she smiled and looked back into his eyes, "But as for my change in opinion? In light of my new knowledge, I reviewed the conversations we had. Perhaps, I thought, you were not judging me so harshly. Perhaps you were actually teasing me. Perhaps, just perhaps, taking away my prejudiced view, you were actually offering friendship of a sort to me. And I spurned it." With a slight laugh, she shook her head. "I cannot tell you what it means to be allowed to redeem myself for my own foolish behavior. Thank you for that, sir."

"Miss Bennet, you take too much on yourself. My behavior to your family and friends was intolerable. I am simply glad these misunderstandings are in the past. I would like to tell you, if you will allow me, that I admire you a great deal."

Elizabeth blushed and turned her face away. Darcy smiled, reigned in his own desires, and presented what he thought she could accept.

"Georgiana also admires you a great deal. I would be very honored if you would accept her invitation to summer with her at Pemberley. I believe that she would benefit a great deal from a further acquaintance with you."

Elizabeth smiled and blushed again. "I assure you, Mr. Darcy, that any improvement would be mine. Your sister is a lovely young lady, and having thought about and discussed the situation with Jane and Charlotte, I have already decided. I would be most honored to be your sister's guest. At any rate," she added, teasing, "I have heard so much of the splendor of Pemberley; I am not sure how I could refuse!"

Mr. Darcy's happiness at hearing her speech was clearly expressed on his face; had Lizzy had the courage to look there. Instead, feeling strangely overwhelmed by the presence of the man next to her, Elizabeth kept her eyes fixed on the ground as they walked. The conversation gradually turned back to less intimate topics, and when Mr. Darcy delivered Elizabeth to the parsonage path, they parted with great amiability.

Part Seventeen

May 5
Dearest Elizabeth,

Greetings from Longbourn. Papa and Jane arrived home without incident, as Jane no doubt has informed you. She and Papa both have assured Kitty and me that you are doing very well and recovering quickly. I am so glad, Elizabeth.

Thank you for the sheet music. I understand that you and Miss Darcy picked it out specifically for me. I shall endeavor to learn it and play it for you when we next meet. I hope you do not mind that I did not send many of your favorite books to you. I have decided to branch out in my readings. Fordyce, much to my amazement, has not succored me through the trials of the past, and I find the words to be almost empty now. Some of your tomes, however, hold more interest. I find Donne speaks to me especially, and I have also turned my mind to the book of Blake's works.

Though Papa is not quite fond of poetry, he is more inclined to discuss these with me than he ever did with Fordyce.

Jane says that you are to go to Pemberley with Miss Darcy for a spell. I understand the area of Derbyshire to be quite beautiful. I know that you will feel that you should be here with us, but fear not. Kitty, Jane, and I have bound to each other with sisterly affection. Though we would be improved with you here, we shall contrive to manage without you.

Jane assures us that Miss Darcy is quite an accomplished and lovely young woman. Mr. Darcy impressed me as quite knowledgeable and staid when he was in Hertfordshire. He is, no doubt, a balancing influence on a young lady. It is to your detriment that he will pass much of the early summer in London attending business. But it would not be quite proper for him to be alone with you and Miss Darcy at Pemberley, so I understand the necessity of his withdrawal.

Mr. Bingley has called frequently at Longbourn. I believe he is quite eager to be reunited with our sister. He does seem to be more attached than he once appeared - I hope he does not play with our sister's affections again. I do not think Papa will allow it!

The tenant visits are becoming more pleasant once again. The Avery family have a new babe - he will not replace young Timothy (none could, in truth), but he reminds us that life goes on. And we should enjoy while we can.

We here at Longbourn miss you dreadfully, and await your homecoming in the late summer.

Your sister,
Mary

May 15
Oh Lizzy!
Can such happiness truly be mine? I cannot deserve this!

He loves me, Lizzy. He told me he has always loved me. He begged forgiveness for not being with me through the winter. The look in his eyes I shall never forget; they were filled with warmth and at the same time almost pleading with me to forgive him. Though I assured him that all was forgiven, Charles promised to do all he could to make up his absence for the rest of our lives.

The rest of our lives. That is how he said it. When he asked me to marry him, I was so happy I could scarcely get a word out. It is fortunate that he accepted my nod and smile as affirmation and acceptance. I am now engaged to become Mrs. Charles Bingley.

Oh, Lizzy, that I could see you so happy!

The news even cheered Mama, though she remains above stairs. She has instructed that we shall marry no earlier than October; that Lydia's mourning period must be at least six-month. Charles is so busy working with Papa and the other landowners that it is perhaps a blessing that she has asked us to wait. I am sure that she shall soon relent and demand you come home. You must stand up with me, my Lizzy.

The only regret I have is that Charles remains estranged from his sisters. I am sure it was all a misunderstanding, and had they known the truth of the situation (they believed me to be indifferent to Charles, Lizzy!), they certainly would not have stood betwixt us. But Charles is firm in this matter. I must bow to his opinion, though I shall work to help him forgive. Family is important. I understand that now more than I ever have before.

There is a little more news here. You will remember I told you of the new rector in our parish? He is young and unattached. I believe that his presence may do more to induce Mama's removal from above stairs than anything else. She has spoken of pairing him with both Mary and Kitty. Though both of our sisters roll their eyes at these demands, I believe that Kitty may not be so opposed to the idea. He is a rather nice young man, not exactly handsome, but cheerful and intelligent. Incidentally, he is the third son of a Lord. Though this does not impress Kitty, Mama seems to think it quite important.

Mary received the sheet music you sent with gratitude. She has been practicing diligently, and plays the Hummel with great introspection and a light hand. It is not quite the same as having you play, Elizabeth, but it is a comfort to us all, nonetheless. (And tell me, are you still practicing daily? Miss Darcy must be a good influence on you.)

Do send all the news from Derbyshire.
Yours &c
Jane

May 30
Dearest Charlotte,

I must thank you again and again for having me at Kent with you. Your home is lovely, and I am so glad to see that you have settled so well. I am sorry to hear that you will most likely be unable to attend Jane's wedding, however, it is for the happiest of reasons. Congratulations, Charlotte! You will certainly be there with us in spirit.

Although I am most certainly not an old married lady, I do have some interesting information for you. Mr. Darcy has informed my father (who passed the information to me) of the outcome of a rather tricky situation. It seems a scallywag that we all once knew has been handed his comeuppance. Having been discovered, tried, and found guilty of desertion, Private Wickham now awaits trial for forgery. He apparently tried to pass off some notes that came into his possession by a questionable manner. Additionally, his debts of trade are still outstanding. Between one charge or another, he shall not see the English light of day for years to come. There is still the hope of Australia, however.

Justice has been served. We must be thankful that he did not spread the pestilence, and that his own personal plague will no longer be allowed to visit upon anyone unsuspecting.

Please do pass on my regards to Miss deBourgh and Lady Catherine, and thank them once again for their condescension. Will they be attending the Fitzwilliam family party here at Pemberley in June? I must admit to a bit of trepidation at meeting all of Miss Darcy's family. Mr. Darcy was quite formidable upon first introduction, and Lady Catherine remains challenging. Were it not for the congeniality of the Colonel and Miss Darcy, I should almost find myself nervous at meeting them all. (Of course, I cannot fool you, dear Charlotte. I look forward to meeting all these new and interesting people. My courage always rises at any attempt to intimidate me, as Lady Catherine no doubt recalls. I did not shame you too much, did I, my friend? I know she is not used to one such as I offering differing points of view, but I simply could not help myself. I seemed to amuse the Darcy and Fitzwilliam cousins, if I did embarrass my own!)

Pemberley is indeed a magnificent estate. The library and paths and galleries and rooms... they all have such understated grandeur. The gardens are so naturally magnificent. I have completely recovered my health, I think, and walk for hours each day as Georgiana practices. She really is quite a wonderful person; I am glad for this opportunity to get to know her better.

Though I am well, I find myself restless now and again. I cannot help but believe I should be at home, helping there. But the days simply fly by here in this piece of paradise. I shall return home ready for whatever faces me there.

Be well, my friend!
Yours &c
Eliza

June 1
Sir,
I am writing to confirm that all at Pemberley is ready and waiting for your family to arrive. I have readied the Milan suite for the Earl and his wife; she seemed to prefer the view from that side of the manor when last she visited.

Your cousin and his wife have been given the Strasbourg suite. Its location should be quite ideal, and Miss Georgiana indicated that Lady Elaine's heritage would allow her to appreciate the furnishings in that suite quite particularly.

The Colonel has his usual room, if his leave does allow his presence. Miss deBourgh and Lady Catherine's rooms have been prepared, as you advised. We are all hoping that Miss deBourgh's health allows her and your noble Aunt to travel to Derbyshire.

Miss Georgiana blossoms under the care of her new friend. Miss Bennet also seems to blossom, sir. I have endeavored to do as you ask, but the young lady goes out of her way to be an easy guest. She is so appreciative of all your staff does that we cannot tell if we are spoiling her or not. I must say that she is an extraordinary young lady. She has quite charmed all of the staff and several of neighbors who have called since Miss Georgiana has been in residence.

If you have any further orders before your arrival a week hence, please express them. Your staff wishes to represent you and Pemberley as well as possible for your relations.

Matilda Reyonlds

June 2
Dearest Elizabeth,

It was lovely to read your description of Mr. Darcy's estate. Charles laughed aloud at your tale of becoming lost on your way to the dining room. He said that you should ask him about the time Caroline got lost in the maze. It shows how little we really know Caroline, for I never would have imagined her voluntarily walking in a maze. She must have sought some prize in the middle.

As for the more personal testimony and questions you have, well, though I am your elder, I do not know that I have the answers you seek. I am blessed, though, that you and I have such a relationship that we can tell each other these things. Truly, Lizzy, you have been such a wonderful sister when I needed you. I hope to do the same for you.

You say that you have great confusion in your feelings for Mr. Darcy. Since you have asked my opinion, I will give it, freely. I would like to point out that you have never been indifferent to Mr. Darcy. You hated him; you could not put aside your remorseful guilt in your treatment of him. Even in Kent, where you spent so much time dwelling on the recent horrors you had escaped, Mr. Darcy could bring a smile to your face when others could not. Now, you find yourself thinking of him, missing him. You wonder how you go from hating a man to longing for his presence.

I believe, Lizzy, that you may be falling in love with Mr. Darcy. You have always felt strongly about him. When your understanding of his character was corrected, you could not help but love him. Indeed, even Charles has mentioned how well you suit. (I assure you, my dearest sister, I did not bring this topic up. Charles did.)

Before you hide yourself from him in embarrassment, I must tell you something. The first morning you were in Kent, the morning your fever broke, Mr. Darcy came upon me in the parsonage garden. I had gone there to cry my relief. I was so scared that I would lose you, my beloved sister. And when I saw the fever had abated, that you had once again passed through the valley of the shadow, I could do nothing but weep.

He came upon me then. When I first looked up, I saw fear in his eyes. Fear, Lizzy. And when he knew from my own visage that you were on the road to recovery, the look of gratitude and joy on his face was one to behold. He feels quite deeply for you, of that I am certain.

I know that you struggle daily with your own conscience and doubts. But, Lizzy, I think he could make you happy. You deserve happiness, no matter how you feel currently.

I hope that this has helped you somewhat.

We all miss you dreadfully, and await your return.
Jane

Georgiana and Elizabeth were discussing a piece of gossip from the London papers when the post was delivered. Georgiana happily received a note from her brother and another from her cousin Anne while Lizzy had one from Kitty and one from Jane. Kitty's note was sweet and light and full of bits of wisdom and conversation of a certain parson. Elizabeth smiled, glad that Kitty was finding some happiness. She had taken Lydia's death very hard - they all had.

Before she could allow herself to go down that morose path again, Lizzy opened Jane's mail. As she read the sisterly advice, she blushed to her ears. Georgiana noticed this reaction, but said nothing, not wanting to invade her friend's privacy. Turning to her friend, Georgiana asked Elizabeth how all her family was.

Lizzy was glad to have the conversation to take her mind off Jane's letter. But the content was never far from her mind. "Could I really be in love with Mr. Darcy? Could he care for me? Or does he simply feel the same concern for me that he would feel for anyone?" The thoughts churned in her mind. She did not know herself.

Reaching for her friend's hand, Georgiana at last captured Lizzy's full attention. "Pardon me, Elizabeth, but I must say that you seem very upset. Can you not confide in me?"

"I wish that I could. Truly! You have become such a good friend to me, Georgiana!" Elizabeth reassured her young companion, then she lowered her eyes again, "I simply am in such a state of confusion! A year ago, I was so certain of myself, so certain of my own discernment. But this past year has shown me that I cannot so often trust my own insight..."

"You have shown nothing but intelligence and good judgment in my opinion. What can have caused this crisis of confidence?"

"Oh, it is no secret, Georgiana. Ask your brother how I misjudged him! I believed the words of a scoundrel when that man lied about Mr. Darcy! Mr. Wickham's true colors have since been demonstrated, but it took... Georgiana?" Elizabeth noticed as the color first flooded into her young companion's face then completely left it, leaving Georgiana looking pale and incredibly upset.

"What do you know of Mr. Wickham, Lizzy?"

Somehow, from the manner in which she said this, Lizzy knew that Georgiana had been hurt by George Wickham. Angry once again at her own gullibility, she sought to reassure the younger woman.

"I know that he has been blessed with a beautiful face and easy manner, but that his actions do not often mimic his outward appearance. I apologize if you hold him in high esteem, Georgiana, but he has greatly wronged many of my acquaintance."

"Oh, I do not hold him in high esteem, Elizabeth. Though I once did." To her mortification, tears welled in her eyes.

Elizabeth chewed on her lower lip, not knowing what to say or do. She squeezed Georgiana's hand in a show of support. After a strained silence, Georgiana began to talk of George Wickham and what he had done to her. To Darcy. Elizabeth was mortified once again at how she had taken Wickham's side over Darcy's, but it was not the time for self flagellation. Her friend needed her support.

She listened while Georgiana talked, and held her hand while she wept quietly. Then, when it was all out, she invited Georgiana to take a turn in the garden. While they walked, she told her own history with George Wickham.

"Oh, Elizabeth. You do not know how last summer has haunted me! I know it must pain you, but it makes me feel so much less ashamed to know that one such as you was also taken in by him."

Lizzy smiled, "I am not so special, Georgiana. But I thank you for such a compliment."

The two ladies turned back in to the house and rang for tea, consciously changing the subject. George Wickham had occupied enough of their time.

Part Eighteen

Darcy pushed his horse the final miles to Pemberley. He had ridden ahead in order to ensure that all was ready for the guests who would be coming on the morrow. Or that was the reason he provided when asked. In reality, he simply could stay away no longer.

When Elizabeth had agreed to accompany his sister to Pemberley, he knew that she had a great deal of recovery ahead of her. Physically, she was starting to resemble her former self, but her spirit was still much diminished. He knew if he were present, he would not be able to keep from offering himself to her, and he knew she was not ready for such a commitment yet. So he had stayed away.

But with the Fitzwilliam clan descending on Pemberley for some weeks of activity, he had a perfectly good reason to be with her again. Smiling to himself, he gave orders to the groom for his horse, then headed for the main house.

Coming around the stables, he encountered what he had often dreamed: Elizabeth standing in the sun at Pemberley. She shaded her eyes with one dainty hand, and smiled widely as she recognized him. Curtseying deeply, she warmly greeted him, "Welcome home, Mr. Darcy."

The look in her eye, the tilt of her head, the tone of her voice... It was so close to fantasy for him that he had a difficult time not pulling her directly into his arms. Bowing deeply, he swallowed over the sudden tension in his throat. "Miss Bennet, thank you. Please allow me to say how lovely and healthy you look."

"I thank you, though I believe I must remind you that I am only barely tolerable when at full health. Perhaps the glare of the sun has blinded you, sir?" Her teasing tone belied any reprimand at his old insult, but he still had the grace to blush.

"If I promise to compliment you every day for the rest of our acquaintance, will you promise to forgive that ill-advised remark?"

"Oh, Mr. Darcy, the remark is long since forgiven. Forgotten, however, is another story. A girl must keep what few advantages she has when dealing with a faultless man!" Again, her smile was warm, and her tone held none of the confrontation of the days of old.

"You, Miss Bennet, are incorrigible!" Her laughter was fresh and strong and all that he remembered Elizabeth to be. Still smiling, he looked directly in her eyes, "You must allow me to say how relieved I am to see your health so much improved."

"I can well believe it! I was a veritable fright in Kent. You would not think that a parsonage would have so many mirrors - but apparently Mr. Collins allows for both dancing and vanity in a clergyman. He is quite liberal in his beliefs, is it not so? But there you have it. I could not enter a room without being confronted with my own gaunt, horrid visage. Is it any wonder that I wished to spend my days out of doors?"

"Well, whatever the curative, I am glad to see that it has worked."

He had offered her his arm, and they turned to walk together into Pemberley.

Lizzy chatted companionably with Darcy, ignoring the flutter in her stomach his sudden appearance had rendered. Pieces of Jane's letter floated through her mind, but she put them away forcibly. She did not know how she felt, she could not tell how he felt. All she could do was be herself and enjoy the moment.

The plush carriages began to arrive late the next morning. Colonel Fitzwilliam arrived on horseback with his brother, while Lady Elaine and the youngest Fitzwilliam children rode in the relative comfort of the carriage.

Elizabeth watched as her friend greeted each new arrival with poise and grace that the mistress of any estate, small or large, should have. Mr. Darcy entered the room with his cousins, laughing, and Elizabeth could not help but be drawn to such a sight. The colonel had been correct in a statement he had made at Rosings one afternoon; Darcy was lively enough in the right circumstances. Smiling at the sight of the happy family interaction, Lizzy suddenly was reminded of the lack of felicity in her own family.

Quietly, she removed herself to a favorite outdoor path. Knowing how busy they all were, she knew she would not be missed. Lizzy found the center of the maze easily and sat down to reflect. A year ago, Longbourn had rung with the laughter and silliness of five young, happy, and hopeful women. Now, though she was far removed from her family, Elizabeth would lay wager that there was no such laughter ringing in the house. She sat quietly until she contained her morose thoughts and once again felt calm and serene.

Making her way indoors, Lizzy strove to rejoin the family in a way that brought the least attention to herself. Because many of the visitors had gone to freshen themselves, Lizzy found Georgiana entertaining her youngest cousins in the parlor.

"Oh, Elizabeth, come meet young James and Herbert. Young men, this is my good friend, Miss Bennet."

Lizzy curtseyed properly to the children and did not laugh when they executed their not-as-proper bows and greetings. Leaning down to them, she asked them seriously if they had seen any highwaymen on the road, and if they were prepared to defend themselves if they did. The boys looked askance at her for a moment and then began discussing all sorts of plans for defense and attack. The three became fast friends, and Georgiana smiled to see it happen.

When the nanny came back to the room to relieve Miss Darcy of her charges, she found them in deep conversation with a household member she had not met. Georgiana made the introductions, and Lizzy congratulated Miss Hewitt on such excellent charges. Reminding them that, if their parents allowed it, she would take them on an excursion after tea, she smiled and bid them farewell.

"Elizabeth, I'd no idea you were so good with young children!" Georgiana was amazed. Though she loved her cousins, she was never quite sure what to say or do with them.

"Oh, that comes from familiarity. Aunt Gardiner has four rambunctious little ones, and when Jane or I visit, we spend much time with them. Jane is quite the favorite of the girls, while I seem to be more of a favorite with the boys." They both laughed.

Lady Matlock entered the room quietly, watching the interaction of the two young women. Catherine had written a letter full of the young, impertinent Miss Bennet. Behind the bluster, she could see that Catherine had been impressed by the impoverished gentlewoman who stood up to the very firm opinions of an aristocrat. When questioned, Richard had stated that he was quite impressed with both Miss Bennets, and had never enjoyed a visit to Rosings so well, due to the extra company that was provided.

Though her curiosity had been sparked, Lady Matlock knew her son, highly trained in the art of concealing important information in His Majesty's service, would give nothing away. Knowing from Catherine that the young woman was to be companion to Georgiana for the summer, Lady Matlock had bided her time. And here was the opportunity she had awaited. Now, she could study Elizabeth Bennet to her content.

The commanding voice in the hall startled Elizabeth. She had met Lady Catherine, of course, when she was in Kent. But she had forgotten the tenor of that Lady's voice. Understanding that Lady Catherine was lecturing Lady Elaine on the proper way to bring up young children, Elizabeth held back a smile.

Tea was served to the six women in attendance. Georgiana quietly conversed with her cousin Anne, who had politely greeted Elizabeth then, just as politely, had dismissed her. Lady Catherine greeted Elizabeth with voluminous remarks on that girl's good fortune in traveling in such circles as Georgiana could expose her to. Lizzy agreed gravely, but the spark in her eye belied her submissive acceptance of such statements.

Lady Elaine proceeded to ask Lady Catherine her opinion on several of the great families that did associate with the Fitzwilliams. Anne was drawn into that conversation, but neither Georgiana nor Elizabeth had much interest. The two of them were pulled aside by Lady Matlock who began a subtle but thorough interrogation of Elizabeth.

By the time tea was cleared, Lizzy wondered if she would not have to provide dental and medical history to the Fitzwilliam clan. Preaching patience to herself - after all, they most likely wanted to ensure that Georgiana was not exposed to a wicked character - Elizabeth queried of Lady Elaine if her Ladyship would allow Lizzy to take that lady's sons out for a walk while their governess took tea. Agreeing with a surprised smile, Lady Elaine turned back to her Aunt to continue the discussion on the Cromptons of Surrey.

Part Nineteen

Over the next few days, through various dinners, picnics, teas, and assorted amusements, Elizabeth gradually won over the majority of the Fitzwilliam clan. The matriarchs were at times pleased with and startled by her outgoing, impudent nature. She showed respect to her social betters, but always acted with propriety and elegance which easily allowed her comfortable discourse with that circle. If there was a difference in circle, she never openly admitted to it.

Lady Catherine was vastly amused at the younger woman's opinions, Lady Elaine found Lizzy's penchant for her young boys quite flattering, as any mother would. Miss Anne de Bourgh noted how her male cousins respected the opinions and performances of Miss Bennet with a critical eye, almost as if she were hoping to learn the trick herself. The gentlemen soon found that conversations in which Miss Bennet took part were livelier and more challenging.

It did happen that shadows crossed her features, and she would sometimes slip from company, needing time to think alone. The family was all aware of what had happened in the winter, and understood that sometimes, Miss Bennet remembered those happenings, and needed solitude. But those instances were becoming more rare, and the pain in her eyes was slowly disappearing.

Lady Matlock genuinely liked the girl. She also liked that Darcy, though he hid it well, esteemed Miss Bennet greatly. Lady Matlock had married her husband because she loved and respected him. As a result, their marriage had been a good, long, happy one. It was the rule for a marriage in their circle to be more of a business merger, but there was no reason, if he did not desire that sort of relationship, for Darcy to settle for a loveless proposition.

There was, however, at least one woman in the family who thought Darcy had real obligations to marry within a certain, very small circle. Lady Catherine watched with growing unease as Anne distanced herself more from Darcy, while Darcy seemed to watch Miss Bennet with great intensity. It frustrated Lady Catherine that Anne made no effort for Darcy - in fact she treated him no differently than she treated James or Richard.

Anne did not pay any mind to her mother's censure. She spent most of her time conversing with her cousins Elaine and Georgiana. In the rare times when neither of those ladies was present, Anne would sit quietly, usually with one great volume. This behavior was not unnoticed. Smiling, Lady Matlock sat herself next to Anne one such afternoon. "What is that book you have been reading, Anne?"

"'Tis the most recent copy of the Baronetage. Lady Elaine had purchased it in London and kindly brought it to me to study on my request."

"And what is it that you find so fascinating?"

"I find tracing my lineage to be quite rewarding, Aunt. See, here is my father's line, and here is my mother's. I have not found yours or Darcy's, however, which is what I have been searching for."

"Oh, well, mine you will find under the Harvey line, from Cheshire. Darcy, though, only has nobility in his mother's side."

This news seemed to startle Anne, and she looked at Georgiana and Darcy with new eyes. She truly loved her Darcy cousins, but as cousins. She had no desire for a closer relationship. It was the knowledge of the Darcy line that gave Anne an idea. Though rank was important to her, she knew it was of ultimate importance to her mother. This could be just the opening she had sought.

Later that evening, Anne approached her mother with concern. She felt that a line as royal as hers should not be twice-stunted with untitled relations. Lady Catherine listened to her daughter's concerns. At first, she wanted to push them all away: Darcy was made for Anne. But gradually, she came to see the wisdom in her daughter's words. Had not Darcy and Georgiana made several firm acquaintances - even friends - outside the proper circle? The clear approbation of Miss Bennet, although she was quite an entertaining sort of girl, was a prime example of the Darcy lack of true gentility and breeding.

No, Anne was correct. She needed to wed a man who would understand the sanctity of the noble lines of Fitzwilliam and de Bourgh. Mother and daughter began discussing possibilities the next day, and with the aide of Lady Elaine, had several prospects lined up before the close of the day. It was settled that Anne and Lady Catherine would return to town with the Viscount and his family, and there, Anne would find a proper husband for herself, and a proper man to take on Rosings.

Darcy watched this turn of events with a sense of relief. He had never wanted to hurt his Aunt, but he had known for years that Anne would not suit as mistress of Pemberley, and he would not suit as master of Rosings. Indeed, the difference in the estates quite outlined the differences in the people. He would, with his uncle and cousins, ensure that Anne married well. But now he was free to marry his own choice.

His own choice was, at that moment, animatedly discussing fashion with his Aunt and sister. The party, now two weeks at Pemberley, was a smashing success. His family had accepted Elizabeth, and though he had not stated his intentions, he knew that none would be surprised at an eventual engagement. He was well satisfied but for one small fact. The presence of all his relatives had necessarily limited any time he could spend with
Elizabeth. Aside from some early morning walks, he had very little time with her at all.

A letter from Bingley that day had conveyed news of the Bennet family and Hertfordshire in general. Darcy used the letter as an excuse to speak with Elizabeth and she gratefully heard all he had to say. He did hold some detail back, however. Though Bingley was a most amiable man, he wanted his Jane to be happy. The situation with her mother was making her unhappy. Bingley had stated that Jane was extremely vexed at not being near Elizabeth on Lizzy's birthday, which was just a few days hence. It seemed that Mrs. Bennet was still quite vexed with Elizabeth, both for Lydia's death and for refusing an offer of marriage from Mr. Collins.

Darcy had to read that line several times to be sure he had not mis-read it. The thought of Elizabeth married to Mr. Collins was not something Darcy could come close to comprehending, though, to an impartial observer, it could be a good match. Darcy was far from impartial. He fought for composure, not understanding why he felt so possessive toward her when he had no claim, and not knowing why he suddenly had such an urge to go to Rosings and throttle a certain clergyman. Bingley had related the proposed marriage with humor, but Darcy found nothing funny about the idea of Mrs. Elizabeth Collins.

Shuddering, he read through again to ascertain just when Elizabeth's birthday was to occur. Without mentioning anything to the lady in question, Darcy shared his information with Georgiana, and the two planned a special dinner in celebration of the occasion.

The morning of Elizabeth's birthday dawned crisp and clear. The men of the house decided it was a perfect day to visit the far corners of the estate, and the ladies enjoyed their post in private.

Elizabeth received several letters that day, and none of the Fitzwilliams were surprised, as they were aware of the occasion. One of the addresses did cause a flash of concern to cross her features, and she asked the other ladies if they minded very much if she excused herself to read her post. The ladies agreed amicably and wished her a lovely walk.

Several hours later, the relative silence of the afternoon was disturbed by the return of the gentlemen from their survey of the estate. James and Richard loudly contested who had ridden better, while Darcy and the Earl discussed the various outlays that Darcy planned for capital improvements in the next few years. When they reached the small parlor, Georgiana met her brother's eyes, conveying a message that she needed to speak with him.

Excusing himself from his cousins, Darcy pulled Georgiana aside.

"What concerns you, dearest?"

"It is Elizabeth. She received several messages this morning, as we expected, since it is her birthday. She looked quite happy at first, then quite pensive. Fitzwilliam, she excused herself several hours ago. She missed lunch, and it is almost time for tea."

Darcy sighed. It did not take a great deal of logic to know what had happened. Touching Georgiana's arm reassuringly, he assured her that he would find Elizabeth and do all he could to make all well.

As he entered the small clearing he knew she favored, he found her, still and silent, staring into the distance.

"You have word from home," he stated. There was no question in his mind, only word from her mother could put the stains of tears on her face.

Elizabeth laughed, but without humor. "You know me so well, Mr. Darcy. You not only know where to find me, but you also know what troubles me. How is it that you know all of my secrets?"

"I have been studying you for these many long months, Miss Bennet. I know only your mother can make you cry. What did she write to you?"

Elizabeth handed him a paper, "Please read it, I do not mind."

He took the letter from her and began to read, growing angrier with each line.

"Surely you cannot believe this tripe?" he growled. He was livid, but tried hard to control his vitriol. Miss Bennet was not the target of his ire, and yelling would only make her more upset.

Elizabeth sighed, taking the paper back, folding it, and putting it along with her other letters into her reticule. "My mother grieves the day I was conceived, curses the day I was born, Mr. Darcy. What is there to believe but that she feels this way?"

"But her feelings are baseless, grounded in grief-induced mania, not fact. Surely, you understand that?" he demanded quietly.

"If all that she accused of me were groundless, I would not feel so... haunted. So guilty..." Her voice fell off in a whisper, and he had to listen carefully to catch her words.

"Elizabeth, you are the kindest soul I know. You would never do the things she accuses of you." Neither of them registered that he used her Christian name. It seemed so natural to him, as it was how he thought of her. She wasn't really listening.

She turned her eyes, full of tears, back up to him, "But there is some truth in the accusations," she whispered, full of self-recrimination.

"I did, for my own selfish desire, put to ruin the comfort and safety of all my sisters and mother. I turned down a completely respectable offer of marriage simply because I could not tolerate the idea of spending one day in that gentleman's company. Because of this, should my father die, my mother and unmarried sisters shall be homeless. All for my selfish needs. What makes it worse is that I should do the same thing today - that is the sad truth of the matter. That is the length of my selfishness."

They both thought on William Collins with no small amount of distaste for similar reasons. Neither could imagine Elizabeth as Elizabeth Collins. Darcy could not bring himself to place any culpability in her resolve to not meet that particularly gruesome fate, and struggled with a way to voice that reassurance. Before he could speak, she continued.

"As for the other charge? Also, not so groundless. Oh, I know I did not kill my sister, Lydia. But my mind often wonders if I did as much for her as I could." He stared at her with open disbelief. He remembered the state was in when she arrived in Kent. Elizabeth had wrecked her own health, almost dying, taking care of everyone save herself. If she had forgotten that fact, he certainly had not. He doubted he ever would.

"You see, we were so busy, all of us, trying to contain the fever and trying to serve those in need. It was all we could do to arrange and organize and limit exposure. And Lydia, well, she was never one to be tied down.

"When I found her coming in from outside, I believed her excuse that she was simply out walking, because I wanted to believe her. I knew she was no walker, and the fact that she could not bear to be inside anymore paled in comparison to the fact that she was lonely. I simply did not want to believe she would break quarantine." He sorely wanted to interrupt her, but saw that she needed to finish. She needed to purge these thoughts.

"When she started to show symptoms of the fever, I knew she had lied. And I was angry. I was so angry with her for risking us all simply because... what was her turn of phrase? ‘La, Lizzy, I am so bored! You all are so dull! A girl needs the company of soldiers to keep her happy, and there are ever so many soldiers still camped in Meryton!'" Tears filled her eyes as she thought of her poor, silly sister. Darcy saw this, but again held back. She was not done. Her eyes hardened.

"Stupid, thoughtless girl! I was so angry with her. And I was so tired. Mama left the treatment of Lydia on my shoulders and kept the rest of the household away. Lydia was a fussy patient, always complaining, and it made me even more angry. By the time she became too ill to complain, I was showing the earliest signs of the illness myself, and I knew she had killed me. I knew I would never see Jane again; I would never see you, never be able to set right my own actions. And I was angrier still..." her voice broke off here, and she closed her eyes before finishing her tale.

"Before I knew it, she had died. And for the first time, something besides anger pierced my tired, fevered mind. Lydia had paid the price for her indulgence, and whose fault was it, truly?" She looked at Darcy, willing him to answer. But he remained silent, letting her pronounce what filled her mind with guilt.

"I was her elder sister. I knew that Papa was too busy to protect my sisters, and I knew that Mama was simply not capable of protecting anyone. It was my job to keep her safe through the quarantine. It was my job, and I failed to do it. Lydia died because I did not protect her." Tears ran down her face, and she turned away from Darcy, wiping at her cheeks with a handkerchief already soaked with tears she had shed since reading her mother's letter.

"So, you see, Mr. Darcy, I did not kill her. But I did not do right by her, not completely. I only hope that someday I can find peace with myself for being so harsh on her."

He contemplated for a minute, gently replacing her soaked handkerchief with his own, then, as she wiped the last of her tears, he quietly asked, "You believe that you should not have forgiveness?"

"I did not protect my younger sister, Mr. Darcy. That is unforgivable," she stated in a resolute voice.

"Then, Miss Bennet," Darcy mused quietly, "I suppose we are in good company together. We have both done the unforgivable."

She looked at him with a question in her eye.

"Did you ever wonder why I hated George Wickham so, Miss Bennet?" Darcy asked, as though this non-sequitur was completely expected. Elizabeth shook her head slightly, a puzzled expression crossing her features. She knew now of Mr. Wickham's character, and what that man had done to Georgiana, but did not understand how Mr. Darcy could possibly relate himself to Mr. Wickham's actions.

"George was my father's godson, son of my father's most excellent steward, Edgar Wichkam. George was my friend, my brother. Growing up we played together, schooled together, got into the same scrapes, and admired the same girls.

"When we went to Cambridge, I noticed things about George that I hadn't wanted to notice before. He didn't like to lose. He didn't like it if someone liked me better than they liked him. He did, however, readily enjoy women, cards, and whiskey. In short, he was not the George I thought I knew. He was not my brother.

"I let it all pass, I forgave the insults, I overlooked the boorish behavior, I paid the debts. He was still my father's godson. My father, bless his soul, never knew, but certainly suspected that George had somehow gone awry. He tried to counsel George into a sturdier, more stable life. But George had gone wild.

"When my father died, he left a sum of money in his will to George, and requested of me that, should George want it, the living of rector at Kympton should be given to him. My father thought the church could save George. He never really thought what having a rector like George Wickham would do to the people at Kympton." Darcy smiled a small, ironic grin which did not reach his eyes.

"Of course, George wanted nothing to do with the church," Darcy continued. "He asked for a sum of money, instead, which I readily provided. I paid him to get out of my life. Unfortunately for me, he had other ideas.

"When the living at Kympton became available, George came back and demanded it. I refused, and he ranted and raved. My father had loved him, he said, and I could not tolerate that. I was accused of jealousy, of selfishness, of being petty. He had run through the 4000 pounds he had received from the Darcy family, and believed himself entitled to more. He was my brother in all but name. He deserved all that I had.

"When I did not bend, when I did not yield, he took himself off. But he swore revenge. Last year, he attempted to exact that revenge.

"My sister, who was but fifteen at the time, had no idea of the situation between George and me. She only remembered him as a charming, handsome man whom her father had loved. When he presented himself as a suitor, she fell for him, as hard as any young girl can fall. She loved him, and he convinced her to elope with him. Had I not surprised her with a visit, he would have married her, taken her dowry, and certainly broken her heart and spirit.

"I, who knew what he was, did nothing to prevent that from happening. I did not protect her from him. I did not thoroughly review every reference her companion at the time had given - that companion who turned out to be a great friend of George Wickham.

"In short, I failed my duty as her guardian, and but for a whim of fate, I would have lost her forever to the most heinous of outcomes. She would have been Mrs. George Wickham, which is a fate I would not wish on any young lady."

Elizabeth listened to his tale, reliving her own guilt in misjudging both of the men concerned. She looked upon this man whom she had come to admire so greatly and her heart broke anew at the anguish on his face. She tried to console him with logic. "But, sir, he took advantage. I, more than anyone, know just how his charm and manner can influence opinion and emotion."

"Yet, I knew what he was, and I did nothing to protect my own beloved sister from him. In your eyes, I have done the unforgivable, no?" He asked, his voice hoarse.

"No, sir," she contradicted him, "That is not true. You are an excellent brother. Anyone can see how you care for and protect Miss Darcy. I never cared for Lydia that way. I never took care of my baby sister."

"No, that was your parents' job. Unlike you, I have no parents, and so am more culpable in the situation with Georgiana than you are with Lydia. Lydia had two parents and three other elder sisters. Georgiana has only me." What had started as a simple example to alleviate her guilt had unearthed a well of his own culpability.

Elizabeth stepped lightly up to him and put her small, warm hand on his tense arm. "Sir, you are right. Now I think on it, I do not deserve forgiveness, neither do you. We neither of us did anything wrong to need forgiveness. In any case, forgiveness is not earned. It is granted. And I believe, by watching Georgiana speak of and to you, that any forgiveness is long since granted in your case. Georgiana loves you. You are her world. Never doubt that you have done well by her."

Looking down on her hand which rested lightly on his arm, he swallowed harshly. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and hold her until the world around them disappeared. But he could not. There was ground to be covered, healing to be done, before he could make her his. But he would. This day, this conversation, had made that resolve even more firm. He placed his hand over hers, trapping her warm flesh.

"Miss Bennet, you must also recognize the worry and love that is expressed to you by your own sisters. I have seen the sheer volume of correspondence you have with all of your sisters and I know that you care for them. I have watched your face light up as you read a tale from Miss Catherine; I have seen you puzzle out Miss Mary's logic; I have shared your joy as you learned of Miss Jane's happiness. You are an excellent sister. I believe, if you will pardon my boldness, that your feelings of guilt now are compounded by grief for Lydia and simply missing your family."

Elizabeth puzzled over what he said, and marveled that he had turned it all around on her. She had sought to comfort him, and he was now comforting her. And he was right. She smiled slightly and shook her head. "I have never had anyone argue me out of my own logic before, in doing so, protecting me from myself. You are indeed an excellent brother."

"Ahh, but Elizabeth," he smiled, raising her captured hand to his lips and bestowing on it the most gentle of kisses, "I would not be your brother. Think on that." He emphasized this by very gently brushing her cheek with the back of a finger on his free hand. He then placed her captive hand in the crook of his arm and prepared to walk them back.

She blushed furiously, for the first time completely acknowledging that warmth in her stomach which was due to feelings for him. Jane had been right, after all. He had never before openly confirmed that he had feelings for her - non-brotherly feelings. She knew that they had both been through too much, and there was still ground to cover, before anything could be done about those feelings. But his open acknowledgment of his regard for her (she was confident that his eyes conveyed the warmest of regard) was the best birthday present she could ever imagine receiving.

Suddenly, the day no longer was clouded in shadow, and Elizabeth felt a weight lift from her. She wasn't looking back any longer, she would look forward. Squeezing his arm, she smiled up at him, expressing her gratitude, regard, and all of the other tender feelings he fostered in her. His breath caught in his throat as he read the promise in her eyes. Smiling in return, he continued to guide them home, to Pemberley.

"What else does your family have to say, besides, of course, to wish you a happy birthday?" he asked, wanting to put her at ease once again.

Elizabeth looked at him with surprise.

"Bingley informed me. You shall have to put your smile back on, madam, for we are to celebrate your nativity this evening."

Lizzy sighed and laughed, "I see your family uses any excuse for a celebration. Which is fine, especially if your chef creates a gateau!" Darcy grinned at this nod to Lizzy's sweet tooth, which was legend already among Pemberley staff and residents.

"As to other news, sir, I do have some of great import! It seems that my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner are touring Derbyshire, and will be in Lambton within the week. I am to return home, to Hertfordshire, with them."

Darcy had known it was going to happen. He knew she could not be at Pemberley permanently until they were married. And, with her latest reaction, believed that it might be some time before he could convince her she should marry him. But time was now of the essence.

Just as Darcy made firm his resolve to spend as much time with her as possible, it seemed his family decided they must keep Darcy and Elizabeth apart. As days passed, and he was able to spend no more than a quarter of an hour alone with her, he felt his frustration mounting.

Part Twenty

The day before her Aunt and Uncle were to take Elizabeth away, Darcy was in a black mood. He was as quiet and reserved as he had ever been, and excused himself to his study to work most of the morning. Part of him knew he was being childish, but he could not help himself.

The letter from Mr. Bennet was both unexpected and strangely comforting. Mr. Bennet thanked Darcy profusely for his care of Elizabeth that summer. Her letters, and the attitude and wit they conveyed, had been a great source of comfort to the Bennet family. He went on to express to Darcy that he knew letting Elizabeth return to Hertfordshire under the circumstances would be a hard thing for Darcy to do. But Mr. Bennet stressed to Darcy that Elizabeth needed to go home. She needed to close a chapter of her life before she could truly open a new one.

Darcy sighed, knowing Mr. Bennet was correct. Elizabeth needed to make her peace with her Hertfordshire ghosts and with her mother. Only then would she be healed enough to come to him whole and happy. Accepting this, he got up from his desk and went in search of his love. He found her in the library, and, closing the door firmly behind him, he approached her, ensured of privacy to fully discuss the situation with her.

"Miss Bennet," he began, only for his thoughts to dissolve from his mind in the presence of his beloved. He knew what he wanted to say, he just didn't know how to say it.

"Sir?" Elizabeth drew closer to Darcy, wondering what it was he wished to say to her. Knowing what she hoped he would say to her. Fearing he would simply want to say goodbye.

He bowed his head, gathering his thoughts, "You know," he continued in a husky voice, "that you will be greatly missed here at Pemberley."

Elizabeth smiled, "I shall miss all of you, also. Your family has been so gracious to me; so kind. I know not how I shall ever repay you for giving me this time to heal."

Stepping closer to her, he took one of her small hands into both of his, "My family came here knowing how important you are to me, and through your own brilliance, you have become important to them. They all like you, Elizabeth. They all regard you, not simply because I do, but because of the person that you are. You are wholly loveable."

"I fully return that regard, Sir, and thank you for the generous compliment," blushing, Elizabeth squeezed his fingers with her own, reveling in the improper but reassuring contact.

He raised that hand to his chest and looked deeply into her eyes, "Elizabeth, my own Elizabeth," he pleaded quietly. "I know not how to part with you! Please allow me... please say that you feel the same."

Her breath caught in her throat, and her eyes watered. She could not believe the depth of emotion coming from the man before her. "I... You must know that I do, sir," she managed to stammer.

It was her disconcertion that gave Darcy courage to continue. He knew somehow that her own emotions were what caused her to be so uncharacteristically hesitant. "Elizabeth, I know that you need to go home, I know that you need to see your family and put to rest the events of this past winter. I know that you need to face that, but you do not need to face it alone, though I respect you enough to know that you can. I would be with you, I would stand by you, if you would but let me."

As his words washed over her, her heart softened even more toward him. This man proved his love in so many ways without ever having to say the words. This quiet, intelligent, handsome, wholly wonderful man had chosen her. She felt truly humbled and completely exhilarated, "Indeed, sir, if I did not have the comfort of your presence to anticipate, I would be truly desolate."

Smiling once again, he studied her carefully, "Then you will allow me to call on you at Longbourn?" he asked, holding her gaze with steady intensity.

"I... of course, sir" she stammered in a whisper, blushing all the while.

His smile widened as he now bowed over her captive hand, bringing it to his lips. Again, his eyes held hers. The look burned through any defense she had, and she bowed her head with a blush and a smile. "Thank you," was all he said before rising once again and pulling her hand to the crook of his arm.

With the expertise of a dozen years in society, he put her at ease with quiet talk before taking leave of her for the evening.

As the carriage pulled out of Pemberley drive the following afternoon, Elizabeth's mind was on the parting of the previous evening, and not the proper goodbye that Mr. Darcy had given in front of her aunt and uncle. He had given her much to think on, and much to look forward to.

The tension at Longbourn elevated each day that Elizabeth remained at home. It was as though a storm were brewing. Mrs. Bennet's complaints could be heard more loudly, and her criticisms of her second daughter became more frequent, more pointed, and more vicious. But Lizzy let it all roll over her, and attempted to put back together the pieces of her old life.

She wandered the familiar paths of home, the halls of her youth, but she felt somehow disconnected. The house was quieter than it ever had been. Her mother kept upstairs, and aside from her diatribes, spoke with no one. She was bitter with the loss of her favorite daughter.

It was after visiting Mrs. Lucas and seeing how that normally staid woman was so anxious to go visit Charlotte that Elizabeth decided it was time to visit her own mother, no matter what that lady demanded.

As Lizzy entered her mother's bed chamber, Kitty looked up in surprise. Seeing that there would be a confrontation, Kitty quietly exited the room. Elizabeth was startled at the physical changes in her mother, who seemed thoroughly diminished by her grief.

"Well, I see who has finally deigned to visit her mother!" Mrs. Bennet bitterly declared, breaking the tense silence that had fallen upon the room.

"Mama, I would have visited the second I came home, had you let me," Lizzy replied, quietly.

"It is not as though you are one who does her duty. I cannot believe I raised a child who cannot do her duty in the most basic things. You, Miss Lizzy, are a complete disappointment."

Elizabeth simply watched her mother, not arguing, not justifying. She let her mother vent her anger. "You should have married Mr. Collins, as I instructed. But he was not good enough for you. And when I told you to take care of your sister, you failed me there, too. How could you? You let my Lydia die! How could I let my Lydia die? How could I..." Mrs. Bennet stopped, then, aware suddenly of what she had said. Then she dropped her face into her hands and began to cry, endless tears of bitter grief.

Lizzy knelt beside her mother and enveloped her in a hug. At first Mrs. Bennet resisted, then she leaned into her daughter's shoulder. "It was no one's fault, Mama. It was just rotten, rotten luck. Lydia was not one to be tied down. She lived her life to its fullest. Can we not mourn her death and still celebrate her life? She is gone, and we all feel that, but you have four other daughters that need you, Mama. Four other daughters who all love you. Can you not live for us, Mama?"

"You always were one to talk your way out of anything, Lizzy." Mrs. Bennet whispered, but the harshness was gone from her voice. She sniffled and nodded.

"Mama, can you forgive me for not saving Lydia? Can you believe that I tried?"

Mrs. Bennet looked at her child with a stony expression, then nodded. "I shall try, Lizzy. That is all I can promise." Elizabeth knew that her mother would never openly admit that she had been wrong, and would certainly never take any share of the blame on her own shoulders. But this statement was the first indication that Mrs. Bennet might actually begin to let go of her anger, no matter who the target was.

Mrs. Bennet came downstairs that afternoon, though not for long. Mr. Bennet was surprised to see his wife in attendance at tea, and walked to her chair, bowing, kissing her hand, and welcoming her back. Mrs. Bennet blushed for perhaps the first time in a quarter of a century. That day, the healing at Longbourn truly began.

One Sunday, not too many weeks after Mrs. Bennet's first step in recovery, the gentlemen of Netherfield arrived at Longbourn to escort the family to church. Bingley had long been a staple of the Bennet family's social calendar, but in recent weeks, Darcy had also begun to appear with the Bennets quite frequently.

He had held Elizabeth to her promise and had begun to openly court her, and her family's favor, in the late Hertfordshire summer. Dinners, teas, walks; though they were frequently together, they were almost never alone. It was as though Darcy was waiting for a sign of some sort.

That Sunday, Mrs. Bennet joined them for only the second time at service. She enjoyed Mr. Spencer's sermon, picturing him next to Kitty. She watched with pride as Jane was escorted by Mr. Bingley, and allowed some satisfaction in seeing Elizabeth so well paired with Mr. Darcy. Only Mary remained unpaired, and she seemed quite satisfied at that prospect.

After the service, Mr. Bennet guided his family not to the path home, but instead to the little graveyard behind the church. There were all together too many new stones in the graveyard. Too many tears and too much grief had been shed in the past year. But the Bennet clan filed to the far corner sedately, paying attention to nothing but their final destination.

In a well-cared-for corner of the graveyard, the Bennet family had a large plot. On the edge, there was a freshly-hewn stone. In Loving Memory, Lydia Grace Bennet. Mr. Bennet put his hand upon the stone, whispering goodbye to his youngest child. Kitty cried silent tears as she deposited a small bouquet she had brought. Mary said a brief prayer. Jane said a quiet farewell, saying that she would always remember Lydia as the healthy, energetic girl she had been when Jane had last seen her. Lizzy quietly asked Lydia for forgiveness. Mrs. Bennet was silent through all of this, merely remembering her daughter and imagining her whole family was together one last time.

Mr. Spencer joined the family, along with Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley. Hastily wiping the tears from her cheeks, Mrs. Bennet spoke to the rector, thanking him for the lovely service and inviting him to dinner. She hurried Mary home with her to help with the arrangements, pointedly telling Kitty that she must escort Mr. Spencer. Mr. Spencer looked slightly shocked, but offered his arm to Kitty, who blushed, smiled, and guided the parson toward Longbourn.

Mrs. Bennet's manner had been just a bit too obvious, and so closely resembled the Mrs. Bennet Darcy and Bingley remembered that the two men could not help but exchange a smile. Mr. Bennet also smiled and wryly remarked that he could not believe he had lived to see the day he was glad to have his wife behave thusly.

Jane and Elizabeth joined in the laughter at this point, and the rest of the group also turned to Longbourn, though at a more leisurely pace than Mrs. Bennet had set. It was not long before Jane, Bingley, and Mr. Bennet outpaced Lizzy and Darcy, who seemed to purposefully lag behind.

When they reached the lands of her father's estate, Elizabeth was surprised to have Mr. Darcy escort her to a more private wilderness to the side of the house. Offering her a seat on the bench, he sat next to her and turned to her.

"Miss Bennet, I find that I can wait no longer. Now, when you have faced all you must face, seen all you must see - now, will you come back to Pemberley with me? Share Pemberley with me?" The look on her face gave him the hope he needed to continue, "Elizabeth, will you be my wife?"

The intensity in his eyes held hers. The warmth in the depths was almost more than she could bear. The love she saw held her and gave her the strength to answer him in just the way he wanted.

"Fitzwilliam, I would be so honored to be your wife, to live the rest of my days by your side. You have stood by me already in sickness and in health. You have loved and cherished me. Indeed, I can not imagine living my life away from you."

Her answer produced more happiness in that young man than he had ever experienced. The road had been long and fraught with difficulties, but in the end, he had won. The prize was one he was sure he did not deserve, but he would always strive to be worthy of Elizabeth's love.

The day that Mr. Bennet gave away his two eldest daughters was one of the best days in his memory. The whole family felt the absence of their youngest, and yet, they believed she would not begrudge them happiness. It was at the wedding breakfast where Mrs. Bennet remarked how well Lydia would have liked the wedding, for dear Lydia had always loved a wedding. Elizabeth smiled and agreed. The specter of Lydia no longer haunted her. Turning, Elizabeth smiled into her new husband's adoring face. She had loved her sister; she still loved her sister. And from that moment on, she remembered Lydia with happiness, not guilt.

Epilogue

Fitzwilliam Darcy paced his library. The books brought him no solace. Though he had already been through this particular exercise twice in their seven years of marriage, each instance brought with it the same fears and anxieties.

In their suite, Elizabeth fought valiantly to bring the newest Darcy into the world. The midwife calmly gave instructions, the servants went about their work, and her mother held her hand calmly through it all.

The tradition had started when both Jane and Elizabeth were in confinement. Neither could attend the other, and their sisters were unmarried. Mrs. Bennet rose valiantly to the occasion in a manner none expected. She would have no further regrets in her life; she would not fail her other daughters in the manner she felt she failed her Lydia.

And so it was that Mrs. Bennet had witnessed the birth of James Bingley, Elizabeth Bingley, Thomas Darcy, and Richard Darcy, as well as Kitty's son, Martin Spencer. Now it was time once again.

Elizabeth gave one final push and heard the strong cries of her child for the first time. Laughing and crying all at once, she pondered the miracle that was the babe before her. The attendants cleaned the child gently before handing the baby back to Mrs. Darcy.

"Congratulations, Mrs. Darcy, you have a daughter!" the midwife smiled.

"Grace Anne Darcy," Elizabeth whispered, gently touching the soft cheek. Mrs. Bennet's eyes widened, and tears formed. Grace for Lydia Grace, she was certain. Smiling a watery smile, she reflected on the blessings before her. She bent and kissed her second eldest daughter, whispering good wishes, then went to tell her son-in-law the wonderful news.

Grace. How truly appropriate.

The End