Beginning, Section II, Section III

Chapter Seventeen ~ Distrusting Every Light

Posted on Wednesday, 26 October 2005

The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the ocean;
The winds of heaven mix forever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In another's being mingle--
Why not I with thine?

See, the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister flower could be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea;--
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou kiss not me?
(Shelley)

When we met first and loved, I did not build
Upon the event with marble. Could it mean
To last, a love set pendulous between
Sorrow and sorrow ? Nay, I rather thrilled,
Distrusting every light that seemed to gild
The onward path, and feared to overlean
A finger even. And, though I have grown serene
And strong since then, I think that God has willed
A still renewable fear . . . O love, O troth . . .
Lest these enclasped hands should never hold,
This mutual kiss drop down between us both
As an unowned thing, once the lips being cold.
And Love, be false ! if he, to keep one oath,
Must lose one joy, by his life's star foretold.
(Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

The morning's light found Pemberley in a peaceful state, it promised to be a most delightful sunshine tour this morning. Maria, so happily satisfied by Lisa's and her family`s presence, awoke with a smile on her lips and the memory of a sweet dream still lingering on her mind. A triumphant grin brightened up her graceful features as she realized that she was up before Lisa would come to wake her up. As she was getting dressed she heard footsteps approaching and a gentle knock.

"Come in, Lisa!" Maria cried as she started to brush her dark tresses. She couldn't help but notice that Lisa's usually luminous smile was marred by a painful expression of missing her beloved, even though she was concealing it very well. She was dressed as neatly as usual, a white gown with no ornaments except some lace on the bodice and the beautiful cross of rubies which she never was seen without. "Will you help me with these? I'll never be able to braid my hair as well as you do!" Maria begged, handing Lisa her brush.

"Of course, my dear!" Lisa responded warmly and, as Maria noticed happily, with with less ache in her eyes.

"Will Gina and Matthew accompany us this morning?" Maria asked curiously. She was fascinated by the frail looking Ginevra and by the young boy who was protecting her so lovingly. After their arrival Matthew had decided that Gina, as he called her, needed rest and that he would tell her a story so she wouldn't be frightened. He had not even honoured her with as much as a second glance even though she had proposed to show them around their new home. Gina's aunt Jane accepted her offer gladly but Maria's heart was no longer in it. She had longed for a sister for so long and now it seemed that she would get a sister and a brother who were either too timid or too protective to allow her into their special little world.

"Oh yes, they will! Aunt Jane is waking them up as we speak. They are not such perfect little early risers as you, Maria." Elizabeth responded as she tied the white ribbons around Maria's long braids. It would be a shame to put this magnificent hair up in a few years, Elizabeth thought. Maria's thick, glossy tresses were like a shining waterfall that went down to her hips. "You look very pretty this morning, precious. Is this the dress your Papa brought you from Paris?"

Maria did a graceful little spin that made her skirts fly gracefully. "Yes, it's one of my favourites even though it's getting too short and the sleeves are cutting into my arms just a little!" Her eyes were shining with love for the man who had presented her with his gift. The white, silken dress was flowing down to her ankles gracefully, little roses made out of lace were embroidered on the skirt and the sleeves. A mauve coloured sash complimented the charming outfit that was usually worn on holidays but Lisa decided to let her wear it nonetheless, yet she insisted on the matching move-coloured cloak and her gloves.

"Maria, I do not want you to catch a bronchitis, like your father did. Remember what he had to inhale?" Smiling at Maria's horrified expression she tied the cloak beneath Maria's chin and watched her as she put on her warm gloves. Yet her mind was as far away from gloves and cloaks as it could be. Matthew's icy reaction to both Pemberley and its inhabitants worried her, yet she was hoping against hope that time would heal the wounds Matthew and Ginevra had endured during their young lives. She knew that she could count on Jane to support her fully, yet she didn't want Matthew and Ginevra to love their new family out of loyalty to their aunt and mother. After tying her own cloak for the tenth time in twenty minutes she took Maria's hand in hers and went downstairs were Jane, Ginevra and Matthew were waiting to go out for their very first sunshine tour.

Fitzwilliam Darcy felt none of the usual excitement during this stay in London. Business meetings and glamourous opera galas had lost their excitement and sparkle respectively. The news of his engagement had spread until every man in town knew that he was going to marry a young nurse with a dubious past. But Darcy could have shrugged this off were it not for the women's prattling on the affair. His engagement to a mysterious young lady was a juicy bit of gossip no woman in town wasn't eager to chew on, or even grind their teeth on it. And Darcy felt the sharpness of their fangs as old gossip was revived ruthlessly and letters from his mother in law kept flowing in. Puzzled at first, angered after a second glance Darcy ceased reading her reproachful letters, letters that had but one intention, to remind him of the sanctity of Anne's memory.

"I can't live bound to a memory of a person long gone!" he cried as his eyes met Anne's gentle glance on the portrait hanging on the wall behind his desk. Memories of his last visit to her calm presence were tossing in his mind like a boat among the gigantic waves in a stormy sea. His natural calmness, so often mistaken for aloofness or pride, was gone at moments such as this one. He detested the fact that society would not grant him his newly found happiness, the happiness Elizabeth's presence had brought into his life by smiling her sassy smile as she entered his house as a private nurse. Families who had depended on her kindness just as much now sneered at the fact that a young widow of poor family and a freakish child had won the heart of the most coveted widower in town. While the ton had set its hopes on Mr. Darcy making a choice among their very own daughters, nieces and grandaughters his gallantries never caused as much as the rise of an eyebrow. Maybe the fact that these gallantries were nothing but rather polite conversations and, in the interesting cases, a dance or two didn't yield much to gossip about.

Had he decided to marry a woman twenty years his senior the town would not care as much as it did now. London's society regarded the rich families of the ton to be their property and their private lives were the sparks that lit the fire of the gossip the women of the ton enjoyed more than any other kind of entertainment. Rumours on his future wife's past reached his ear, none of them pleasant or even tolerable. At best Elizabeth was described as an aging hussy who had blinded her employer with a pair of fine eyes and a pretty smile. The worat called her adulteress, some even murderess. The memories of his Lisa's tragic past and her steadfast loyalty and kindness for him and her family were a gross contradiction to the Messalina, the Locusta as Elizabeth was called by women who preached kindness and wouldn't know to show kindness if their lives depended on it.

Anger was completely devoured by hatred as he felt how they were trying to destroy the trust and admiration he felt for his lovely young bride. Among London's matrons who were against the match Caroline Bingley and her sister Louisa were those whose criticism was the most poignant and the most relentless. Mistress Foxy, as Elizabeth had called her with a teasing smile, had lived up to her nickname and more. Her catty remarks on Elizabeth's lack of finery, breeding and birth were picked up by others, turned into the truth that must not be spoken of in his presence but it was perfectly acceptable to feast on it when he had retired in order to escape their company. London's society had its ways to punish those who would not follow their codex of honour, ways that seemed harmless but were as poisonous as Indian arrows with poisoned tips.

As he was brooding over several matters of business and a solution as to how to deal with his bride's mysterious past his servant, Brewster, announced that he had a visitor who wished to see him most urgently.

"Tell him to leave his card. I am busy this afternoon but I shall pay a call tomorrow!" Darcy said, his mind completely absent.

"Sir, your visitor is a young lady who wishes to see you most urgently! Her name is Mariah Lucas, she says she is a close friend of Miss Bennet's...." Brewster explained.

Darcy almost jumped to his feet as he heard Miss Lucas' name. Lisa had mentioned her many times when talking about her work as a private nurse. They had shared a similar fate, similar cases and a beautiful friendship. After telling Brewster to show Miss Lucas in he wondered what Miss Lucas had to tell him so urgently. Was it about the gossip or was it a clue to Elizabeth's past? As she came in he beheld a young, frail looking woman in a light green dress, a matching bonnet and a dark green cloak. She greeted him most politely and gracefully, yet her words were bare of grace or kindness. They were shrill, demanding and quite beyond any amount of gall he had ever seen in a woman.

"Mr. Darcy," she said with a rather crooked smile, "I am sorry to intrude upon your privacy but my friendship for Lizzy might explain my behaviour," she cried most alarmed. "Mr. Darcy, as a friend and a colleague of Elizabeth I beg you to release her from this engagement!"

The early, warm sunshine had the soothing and delightful effect Elizabeth had hoped it would. Arm in arm with Jane she was walking on Maria's favourite path to show her family the most beautiful grounds of Pemberley. Matthew held Gina by the hand and Maria was plucking flowers for a crown Matthew wanted to make for his little queen. She had listened most eagerly as Matthew was explaining that he called Gina his queen because king Arthur's beautiful wife's name had been Ginevra according to a story his Mama had read to him. Ginevra was clinging to Matthew's hand but she was no longer afraid when Maria wanted to pat her shoulder or stroke her blonde curls. She had not seen her little girl this happy in....no, she had never seen her this happy. Her heart swelled at the thought of the man who would complete this beautiful picture with his strong presence. His love and strength would mend the torn shape of this little family. Together they would not only love their children but keep them safe from harm. For a moment she caught herself praying that it would last, a thought she banished rather quickly.

To be continued…

Chapter Eighteen ~ Teach my heart to speak

Posted on Thursday, 21 December 2006

So I can't live either without you or with you.
Ovid, Amores

More than most fair, full of the living fire,
Kindled above unto the maker near:
No eyes but joys, in which all powers conspire,
That to the world naught else be counted dear.
Through your bright beams doth not the blinded guest,
Shoot out his darts to base affections wound:
But Angels come to lead frail minds to rest
In chaste desires on heavenly beauty bound.
You frame my thoughts and fashion me within,
You stop my tongue, and teach my heart to speak,
You calm the storm that passion did begin,
Strong through your cause, but by your virtue weak.
Dark is the world, where your light shined never;
Well is he born, that may behold you ever.
Edmund Spenser, Amoretti

She was gone. Yet her presence was still palpable for the air was heavy and cold as if all life had been drained from the room. Darcy felt strangely calm for the tears would not come, no matter how much he wanted to cry. He was not the type of man to make a spectacle of his feelings but after Miss Lucas' unexpected visit he had wanted to cry for the first time since Anne's death. As the tears stayed away a curious sense of self loathing emerged instead tormenting him with the pangs of a guilty conscience. For Mr. Darcy never cried or lost his temper, his countenance never lost any of its calm poise, everybody knew that. Words he had just listened to in a state of shock were repeating themselves in his ears with a startling vehemence no matter how much he attempted to ignore their chilling truth.

With all due respect, Sir, but my request means no disregard for your feelings for Lizzy. But my friend is blessed with the gift of healing and bringing joy wherever she goes. She must not stay at one place, her calling is to be the guardian of children like your little Maria. I beg you, Sir, for all the deep love she bears you without doubt, don't trouble her conscience so! The wife of Mr. Darcy cannot fulfill this profession but Miss Elizabeth Bennet can. You care for my friend deeply, I can see that. Do what is right for her, you must let her go!

Coming from anyone else but her these words would have been intolerable impertinence coupled with rudeness but the true affection shining in Miss Lucas' eyes made her cause no less honorable than his intention to marry Elizabeth...Maria's Lisa...his beloved private nurse with the healing touch and fine eyes. His chest felt heavy with despair as he was trying to find a path through the thorny field that was his love for her. For whatever he opted Elizabeth would be hurt but which decision would cause the lesser injury? Growing up as an only son who never had to ask for anything in his life he faced a terrible dilemma. Selfishness was not alien to him but usually his goodness of heart and soul won the battle in the end.

As he closed his eyes to think her image appeared in front of his eyes tearing at his heart. Her delightful smile which she had given him so many times shone in his memory like a light bursting into the dark corridor that was his life after Anne's death. Memories both dear and sad were raging in his mind leading him to one side one moment but only to tear him towards the other a moment later. Decisions usually came naturally to him and if his conviction that the conflict whether or not to declare his love would be the most difficult in his life had been true thus far, he now knew how little effort it had cost him to let love triumph over his grief and convictions. Meditating over the great pleasure that her company and her love bestowed he came to understand that he wished for her happiness above all earthly things. Her peace of mind was dearer to him than his own and if her happiness demanded the most gruesome sacrifice he would meet it at whatever cost.

His tension being released by this conviction he felt his eyes burning and his sight growing blurry. Hot tears flowed down his pale cheeks but he did not brush them off for she was not here. She must not see what it cost him to let her go and therefore he had to wait until he had no more tears. Covering his face with his right hand he let forth a strangled sob mourning his love and loss for he had to be of good cheer for her later and always.

Little rays of sunshine shone through the leaves announcing the arrival of a wonderful morning. Both Elizabeth and Jane were resting on a blanket captivated by a long conversation. Elizabeth could not help but tell her beloved sister how Fortuna had smiled at her at last by sending her to Pemberley. She had nothing but praise for the man she had accepted to marry but a few twinkly eyed remarks on the man's stern nature.

"I love him, Jane, I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone!" sighed the young bride with a smile so full of love that it made Jane teary-eyed.

"Sweetest Lizzy, I am so happy that you have found bliss at last. Mr. Darcy is the luckiest of men indeed!" Jane said, smiling gently. For it was true, she had never seen her younger, most beloved sister so perfectly happy. For all her cheerful demeanor Jane knew Lizzy to be lonely and now that she had found the man who would make her happy every trace of melancholy had vanished, leaving naught but the face of a woman still young and very much in love.

"Aunt Lisa, look what Gina made for you!" Matthew interrupted, holding up a garland of fresh flowers neatly attached to form a tiara.

"I helped too!" Maria cried happily giving her future stepmother a loving hug from behind. Ginevra, still frightened by her new surroundings did not come closer immediately but the smile shining for her Mama alone showed beyond doubt how happy she was.

"How perfectly lovely!" Lizzy smiled, as she put the tiara of flowers on her brow.

"All hail the Queen of Spring!" Matthew giggled. "And all hail the Queen of hearts!" he added, smiling at Ginevra who had come closer now.

Holding her little daughter by the hand Elizabeth gave her a loving smile. "Thank you, my darling. This is the loveliest gift I have ever received." Ginevra smiled and made a few gestures which Matthew translated as "Thank you, Mama. You look so beautiful!"

"Lets make one for Mama! Gina, will you help again?" Matthew proposed. But Ginevra had nestled up to her mother, refusing to let go. They made a beautiful picture as they held each other close and spoke only through their eyes.

This moment of mirth and gaiety was cut short by Lucy, one of Pemberley's two maids, who brought a letter on a silver tray.

"If you please, Madam, it's a letter from...!" the girl said, handing the letter to the future Mrs. Darcy.

"So soon?" Lizzy cried happily and ripped open the seal. But as she perused the letter she grew pale as a sheet. A tortured scream forced itself upon her and if Jane had not been holding her hand she would have fainted right onto the grass. Jane had heard Lucy finish with "...from Rosings Park." but since she neither new the estate nor its owner she knew not what to think of it. Thankfully the children had gone to make another garland for Jane which gave her time to revive her troubled sister to find out what had happened.

He could not bring himself to send the letter until the early afternoon. Rather than sending it he would have preferred throwing it into the Thames but there was no way back, all paths were blocked. Memories of how his proposal had weighed heavily upon her all of a sudden became a different meaning. He had attributed this to her troubled past but maybe it was not her past that had caused her to refuse him at first. Her love for her profession was evident, she seemed to live to make troubled and ill children healthy and happy again. Her vibrant smile, her lovely eyes and her calm disposition seemed to be made for this calling and he knew it all too well. When had her calm deserted her? When had her gentle disposition shown signs of stress and melancholy? Had it not been unlike her not to want him to leave for London but to stay with her a little longer? Had she already known back then how things would end? These questions would never be answered and therefore they troubled him all the more.

Finally he brought himself to ring for Brewster to have the letter sent. She would read it in a day or two and then she would leave, never to return. As the door closed itself behind his valet Darcy felt his heart breaking at the thought of Pemberley and Maria without her. How would Maria bear it? Would she accept new help if it was needed once Lisa was gone? Had he caused his daughter pain by trying to keep Lisa with her forever as she had asked him to? For whatever the outcome might be nothing but darkness lay ahead both for him and his little princess. Had the price been too high? He had caused misery for everyone involved in his betrothal including his beloved's sister and her son...and Ginevra. Ginevra or Gina as Jane's boy had called her. This little girl reminded him of someone or something he could not identify. But now it did not matter anymore for he would never see her again.

Chapter Nineteen ~ Sovereign of my heart

Posted on Friday, 30 November 2007

Look how the pale queen of the silent night
Doth cause the ocean to attend upon her,
And he, as long as she is in his sight,
With her full tide is ready her to honor.
But when the silver wagon of the moon
Is mounted up so high he cannot follow,
The sea calls home his crystal waves to moan,
And with low ebb doth manifest his sorrow.
So you that are the sovereign of my heart
Have all my joys attending on your will;
My joys low-ebbing when you do depart,
When you return their tide my heart doth fill.
So as you come and as you do depart,
Joys ebb and flow within my tender heart.
(Charles Best)

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.
(Sophokles)

Darkness....

Trapped in the dark she felt her mind wandering through a maze of memories and reflections until it all spiraled into an abyss of tears and regret. Forcing her eyes open she awoke to by now familiar surroundings. Her room at Pemberley, the most beautiful room she had ever had for herself, with its calming atmosphere greeted her. A gentle hand was stroking her hair, another was holding her own hand, both belonged to her sister Jane whose concern melted into the assurance of her being well again. She smiled faintly, making an effort not to cause her any further distress but one memory had lingered, the memory of what she had read before fainting into Jane's arms.

"Oh, Lizzy, I am so glad that you are awake. Would you like some water now?" Jane offered, one hand already reaching for the pitcher on the nightstand.

"Jane," Elizabeth began, her voice quivering with emotion as she continued thus, "Have you read the letter?"

"Yes," Jane nodded her head slightly. Her heart went out to her younger sister, so obviously stricken by grief and remorse. Jane's kind heart rebelled against the past coming back to haunt her where she should have been naught but cherished, loved and protected. Elizabeth had fallen asleep again when a rather frantic knock interrupted Jane's thoughts. Wiping away her tears she got up, placed both of her sister's hands beneath the warm sheets and went to open the door. There stood Lucy, an apologetic look on her pretty face.

"I am sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Marshall, but we have visitors. And with the Master being away and Mrs. Reynolds kept in the village......" Lucy stuttered, clearly uncomfortable. Indeed, it was a more than chaotic situation. Mrs. Reynolds' daughter, Joan, was expecting her sixth child and had requested her mother's assistance, a request Mr. Darcy had granted most kindly.

"I will greet them in Miss Elizabeth's name, Lucy. Who are they?" Jane asked, hoping that she looked presentable enough as not to shame her sister. Nothing would have grieved her more than adding to Elizabeth's distress by making a bad impression on Mr. Darcy's friends.

"Why Lady Bowfield, her sister Mrs. Hurst, Mr. Hurst and Mr. Bingley, Madam." Lucy explained.

Jane remembered Elizabeth's descriptions of these people and none of them encouraged her well enough to look forward to meeting them. Her natural kindness won the battle in the end and indeed, she found them to be very pleasant once she had made their acquaintance. Mr. Bingley took it upon himself to introduce her to his sisters and Mr. Hurst and it was he who made her feel at home at Pemberley. There was an air of natural kindness about him, the way he inquired about Elizabeth's health as well as about the children showed him to be considerate, gentleman like and jovial. His presence was reassuring and comfortable, in a way he reminded her of her beloved husband who had always done his utmost to make her feel loved and appreciated. But it was not that resemblance alone that endeared this young man to her. He was handsome, well read, blessed with a good sense of humor and a most happy disposition in general without coming off as shallow or thoughtless.

"I do hope that Miss Bennet will be well enough to join us for dinner tonight, I should very much enjoy to meet the lady who has made my best friend happier than I have ever seen him." he said kindly during a game of cards his younger sister had insisted on. Jane knew she was losing and opted for using this fact to excuse herself so she could go back to Elizabeth.

"I am quite sure that she will be well again very soon, Sir. I must beg you to excuse me now so that I may take care of her." she said while putting her cards down for everyone to see. " Lady Bowfield, this is clearly your night! May I ask you to favor us with a song tonight? My sister has written to me mentioning your vocal skills in particular, I should be honored to hear you play and sing." she beamed at the rather quiet lady in green.

"I'd be delighted to sing for you.....and your sister." Lady Bowfield added haughtily before seeing Jane off so she could take care of her ailing sister.

"Neither of them possesses any considerable talent, not even the ability to flatter convincingly!" Lady Bowfield sneered as soon as the door had fallen shut behind Jane. That was all Jane could hear before hurrying away to Elizabeth, her face burning with shame and pain at being thus insulted. She had been naught but considerate and pleasant that afternoon and being so deceived in a woman's character hurt her more than she had thought it could. What if the brother was as proficient at deception as the sister, she feared, could such affability, such warmth truly be pretended? No, she concluded, if his kindness is false, then all affection in the world must be false as well.

"What could be wrong with Lisa?" Maria asked Matthew worriedly. She had grown to love the woman who had become both nurse and mother to her and the idea of her being in pain tugged at her affectionate heart. Jane had brought Ginevra, Matthew and herself to her bedroom where she had told them to play and be good but Maria felt restless, something in her heart told her that Lisa was in danger.

"Lisa? Oh, you mean Auntie Lizzy?" Matthew inquired, his brow creased. He was worried himself but he didn't want to show it in front of the girls. "I am sure that she will be fine and well. Maybe she's just tired from getting up so early, that is all." he attempted to calm down both Maria and Gina who was clinging to his hand with fear in her eyes.

"You mean taking care of me made her exhausted?" Maria whispered, deeply hurt.

"No, no, that is not what I meant at all!" he was quick to assure his future cousin. Patting her thin shoulder he continued bravely. "Auntie Lizzy is strong, plus she wrote to us how much she loved taking care of you, Maria. So I will not have you blaming yourself for her condition, understood?" he smiled weakly but it worked. Maria's face lit up at his bravado and she smiled.

"Understood, sir!" she saluted with military precision, causing them both to laugh. Both of their gazes fell on Ginevra who looked at them in bewilderment and fear. She had only seen that her mother had broken down and Jane's hasty explanation had not calmed her down at all. Maria approached the little girl and when she stood right before her she pointed at her heart and then at Ginevra. It was her way of saying "I am here for you." Matthew watched them closely and translated Ginevra's response to mean "Mama, how is she? Thank you for being kind to me, Maria..."

"No need for thanks, Ginevra, we will be sisters soon, remember? And I'm sure that Lisa will be well again very soon. You know your Mama, she is the strongest woman I have ever seen....unlike my Mama." Maria hoped that changing the topic may keep Ginevra from worrying about her mother. Once again Matthew translated her response carefully. "Please call me Gina. I have always wanted to have a sister. I am sorry about your Mama, what happened to her?"

"She died when I was a baby...." Maria explained. Then something completely unexpected happened. Shy and withdrawn Ginevra walked up to Maria and threw her little arms around her neck in a sisterly embrace. Matthew couldn't help but gape at them bonding right before him, he had not expected Gina to let anyone else into her little world. For so long it had been the two of them......and now a new soul had joined their inner circle, from now on it would be the three of them. He had already grown to like Maria and her obvious affection for Gina only made him appreciate her more. He had forgotten how much happiness a friend could bring and now he was thankful for both Mr. Darcy and his lovely daughter.

The letter....

She had read it numerous times with the hope of finding a way to refute its author's threats and accusations but so far nothing believable had emerged. The truth, she knew, was too twisted to support her and so she was left defenseless against a woman whom she had known in the past. When married to her cousin William Collins, - Oh, that she should have come to cherish that Christian name above all others! -, she had met his gracious patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, several times but did not leave a good enough impression to become a regular guest at Rosings, just another thing her husband had used to blackmail, dominate and harass her cruelly. His death, she had hoped, had brought liberation from that yoke and now he was coming back again to haunt her.

Adulteress!

Barren wife!

Bearer of Eve's curse!

"No!" she screamed as she awoke, soaked in sweat and trembling like a hare caught between the fangs of a hound. The door was opened to reveal Jane with the very same tray she had used when nursing Mr. Darcy back to health, even its contents were the same. Herb tea, broth, a towel and water.

"Dearest Lizzy, were you having a bad dream?" Jane asked lovingly while setting down the tray.

"Yes, it was just a dream. Will you help me get dressed, please? I cannot let our guests think that I am hiding from them, much as I would like to lock myself up here until that insolent creature has left Pemberley again!" Lizzy cried with a sarcastic smile.

"Are you sure that this is wise? Should you not rest a little more?" Jane counseled, clearly not in favor of the idea.

"It may not be wise but it is the polite route, would you not agree?" Elizabeth retorted with a little laugh.

"I guess so, if you are up to it. Would you not rather discuss that letter?" Jane asked carefully but even that question was enough to make her sister's eyes flash.

"No. Just not now, Jane, please understand. I cannot think straight now anyway, plus I am obliged to welcome Mr. Bingley and his sisters to Pemberley, if only for William's sake. His happiness comes first with me, Jane, it always will. Do not blame me for not discussing this with you now for we shall discuss it once the time is right." Elizabeth explained as best as she could. It was true of course. William's and Maria's happiness came first, only then would she allow herself to think of her own. Hers was not an easy lot but she would face her demons, sword in hand, and rather perish than let them overcome her this time.

Two days had passed in strained harmony, both Bennet sisters had been civil enough, she'd grant them that. But Caroline Bingley, now married Lady Bowfield, was not a woman who would accept such a match. The fact that her brother was looking at the a little older Mrs. Marshall, born Jane Bennet, a little, no, much more than a gentleman should, did not cool her temper either. She had to find a way to stop this madness and in such a battle the cause sanctified the means of getting the desired result. Her first chance came when she received her mail from Lucy two days after her arrival. Lucy was obviously in a hurry and so Caroline offered to hand out everyone's letters. Her effort paid off that time, for among the letters was one to Miss Elizabeth Bennet, written in a hand she had recognized immediately.

"Now what shall I do with you, my precious?" she smiled viciously. Her mind toyed with the idea of reading it but she decided against it. Without doubt it was just a collection of declarations of love, nothing that she wanted to read unless she herself was the happy recipient. After a moment of hesitation she threw it into the fireplace. As the flames devoured it eagerly a satisfied smile was spreading on her face.

"Such a pity indeed that our precious nurse will never know what you contained....."