Section I, Next Section
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Jane Austen never had indoor plumbing in her stories. As the inventions of hygiene were not as...er...wonderfully convenient as they are now (and we have it really good), it was evident that she could not have even considered setting her novels in the proximity of a bathroom.
But I can.
This is a story in which all our characters have to share the same bathroom. They live in the same dorm, which we will arbitrarily name after our dear authoress; this is the Austen House.
Austen House is the temporary home for a plethora of major and minor characters who dwell in the rooms, all singles. The fifth floor, unlike the second floor, is a co-ed floor.
There are two co-ed bathrooms available to the forty inhabitants of each floor. They are located at opposite ends of the hall, and therefore it is safe to assume that twenty of the occupants use one of the restrooms, and that twenty of the occupants use the other. Therefore, we will divide the dorm once more, and say that our main characters all live on Fifth South, as Fifth North is only occupied by nerds and overachievers.
Ok, overview's over: let's get on with the story.
The sounds of Britney Spears's "Oops I Did it Again" blared through the hallway. The origins of the racket: a frosh's room. The heavy metallic beats echoed off the walls of the bathroom, with no carpet to muffle Britney's loud lamentations of screwing up once more.
One, William Darcy, stood at the mirror, flossing his teeth. "Stupid frosh..."
Deliberately, one Elizabeth Bennet started to hum along for the simple reason to irritate aforementioned man. "Oops I did it again..." she swayed her hips, while braiding her hair into two silly little ropes. She didn't like the song any more than he did, but he didn't know that. Must have been that frosh Lydia, as her room was just around the corner from the bathroom.
Aforementioned man did not appreciate the singing, though he did appreciate the woman's movements of hip, to his mortification.
Fully aware of his thoughts, having discovered her powers over him the previous school year, she winked at his red face, and left the restroom. Her happy flirty expression died as she exited the room, muttering under her breath. "Jerk..."
Continuing his endeavor to have the best-flossed teeth possible, William fell back into his task with intensity.
"Did you know that Lydia was the name of the gold country of the ancient Greeks?" The tones slipped into the air, inflected with the intention to entice and tease the ear.
William jumped up, and sighed. Was the quest for well-flossed teeth going to be as difficult as he was beginning to believe it was?
The blonde, in black satin negligee, with one lacy strap falling gently down one shoulder, glided from her position, lounging at the doorway, and entered the restroom with elegant stride.
William continued to floss. Stupid frosh making moves on him. That's what happened every year: They come, They see, They worship.
He was arrogant, but he had a right, didn't he? These advances were not the first he'd had on him today, and they probably weren't going to be the last.
It was evident that this one wasn't going to appreciate her, and therefore, she dropped the sultry voice and let her Brooklyn accent come through. "Got any toothpaste?" she asked, as she pulled up the lacy strap.
He gestured at the sink, where at the edge of the bin, rested a little unoffending tube of toothpaste which he now eyed piteously.
"Name's Lydia Bynet. I'm a frosh."
He acknowledged, while picking up a cup to rinse.
"And you are?" she prompted. Well if he was going to be reticent...
"Tired. Going to bed," he said, as he put away his things, and left the bathroom.
Don't I wish I could join you... she watched his shirtless back exit, appreciating the taut skin, stretched over some well-toned muscles.
He was hot, and she concluded that he must have been the hottest guy on the floor, until the door to one of the showers opened, and He came out, with a towel wrapped around his waist.
And he knew how to smile. "Hello..."
"Hey..." she said, trying to find an elegant way to slip down the strap of her nightgown while brushing her teeth.
She gave up when she found there would be no feasible way to do it elegantly. He combed his hair, and put away his things, as she quickly spat out her toothpaste.
"And your name is?" the handsome stranger smiled.
"Lydia, Lydia Bynet," she said smoothly, disposing of her accent once more for something smoother, sultrier. "And who might you be?" she asked, eying his body blatantly in appreciation.
I take it she hasn't met Bill yet. he almost laughed. "Name's R Fitzwilliam."
"R stands for?"
"Nothing, just the letter R. That's the way my parents liked it," he said. "People here call me Colonel. I'm in the ROTC."
Yeah, I can see that... she stifled the sigh. "And what year are you?"
"Senior..." Therefore don't even consider it, dearie... and he smiled. "See ya..." he winked, and left the room.
She sighed after him, and realizing her hands were clasped at her heart, and her eyes were glazed over in an expression she only assumed was "starry".
She turned to check her reflection in the mirror. She certainly didn't look like a college freshman. Still same old Lydia from Brooklyn. Sighing, she turned to exit the bathroom, ready to change back into her flannel PJs.
That is, until the maniac who lived across the hall from her bounded at her. "GOD, TURN THAT AWFUL MUSIC OFF!!"
Lydia jumped back. The girl almost scared her, with that hideous green mask on her face, and savage expression.
Annie de Bourgh was short, at 5'2", as opposed to Lydia's towering 5'10". "Listen to me..." she stuck her index finger up at Lydia's nose.
Lydia looked at the little girl in front of her. "Um...yeah. Sorry," and then turned around, entering her room, turning off her music, and changing back to her regular personality.
Fifteen minutes later, in her red and green plaid flannel pajamas, she washed her face, and looked in the mirror. Better, she supposed, but what was college supposed to be about, if not trying out being other people?
Beside her, a tall young woman with endless legs and long, thick and romantic hair applied a cream of exotic scent to her pale smooth face. She was dressed in a T-shirt and gym shorts, but that not take away from the raw beauty in her features. She turned to Lydia and smiled. Her jewel-like blue eyes glittered, and she was about to speak. Undoubtedly, Lydia mused, with that sultry tone that Lydia could only dream of having.
"Lottie?" Colonel poked his head in.
"Yes, cheri?" she turned to him.
Lydia almost hissed a breath of jealousy. Oh yes, her voice was saturated in violet sunsets and golden twilight perfumes.
Colonel winked at Lydia to acknowledge, and spoke to Lottie. "Are we still up for brunch tomorrow?"
"But of course!" she smiled.
"Then later," he smiled back to her.
Lydia simply stared.
Charlotte noticed the young woman standing next to her in complete awe, and wondered why and how. "What's wrong?"
"You're very pretty..." Lydia said naively and stupidly. Could you be a little more childish?
"Merci. You're pretty, yourself," Charlotte's beautifully manicured hands gently caressed Lydia's face. "Here, use this. It smells nice, no?" she unscrewed the top of the jar of the cream she'd be using.
Lydia took in the scent. "Yes, it smells very nice."
"It'll make your face very soft and pretty. Keep the jar. If you like, I can tell you where you can buy more. Good night, mon ami."
Lydia watched the young woman leave the room. Another person entered the room, and followed Charlotte's stride in appreciation.
Lydia looked back at the elegant glass jar, with the fancy gold-laquered top. Liz Arden. Geez. She never had used anything from a cosmetics counter! She turned to the person who joined her. "Who was that?" she asked the smiling young man, who was now checking her, Lydia Bynet, out!.
He smiled at her. "That was Charlotte Lucas."
"She's very pretty."
"Yes, that she is," He checked his reflection before grabbing a toothbrush. "Model. She's also a spokesperson for some big cosmetics..."
The door swung open now, and a semi-handsome young man of rather average height entered the room. He greeted his friend, "Hey Charles," and smiled shyly at her, and sidestepped her on the way to the shower.
"Oh wait, George?" Mr. I'm tired, and going to bed now entered the bathroom.
George Wickham turned back, grinning. "Isn't it past your bedtime, Will?"
William Darcy scowled. "Stupid Lizzy chooses now to meet with the new frosh Caroline and stupid laughing...what I get for taking the room across from her..." And he was pretty sure that Lizzy left the door open on purpose.
George laughed. "Sorry bout that pal...what did you need?"
"Grandma called..."
"Oh...shoot. I knew I forgot something."
"She'll call you tomorrow morning, so..."
"Ok, thanks. Night Will..."
"If I can get sleep..." he mumbled, leaving the bathroom.
The young man, whom Lydia had been watching in the mirror, now turned, and their eyes met in the reflection. She gasped, and then ducked down and started rinsing off soap from her face. Geez, like that was smooth, Benyt.
When she looked up, he was still standing at the same spot, and looking for her reflection. When it appeared, he smiled quietly, and her breath caught.
George Wickham was not accustomed to being the subject of a young woman's attention, unless you counted Linda Stevenson, and that was in third grade.
She must have been a new freshman, and she looked nice enough. He smiled tentatively, to see her duck down, and now he had her cornered. She had to say something.
"Um...yeah." She moved by him, and left the bathroom.
He looked after her, confused.
Outside the door, she hit her forehead. "Stupid stupid..."
The girl who lived across the hall from her now came by her on the way to the bathroom, and Lydia followed her, relieved that the guy from before had evidently went into the stall to take his shower. "Umm..." she said softly, trying to clear her voice.
"Yeah?" she hated mumblers.
"Um...hi." Lydia nervously waved.
"Look, I am tired of meeting people. I'll meet you tomorrow," she took out her contacts, and proceeded to scrub away the avocado mask. Her thick frizzy hair was piled on top of her head, and the girl toweled her face, and put on her glasses.
"I'm that girl...earlier, with the music..."
"Oh..." she was surprised at the difference in appearance between this girl standing at the door to the one she'd yelled at before. "Look, Blondie, sorry I bit your head off earlier, but the music was a little loud and..."
Lydia held up her hand. "No I came to apologize...the music was...loud and annoying..."
"You can say that again..."
"Look, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I'd like another chance."
Annie looked at the girl. "If you're really a Britney psycho I don't think we can be friends..."
"No, I assure you...that was...my doing something I will regret for quite some time..." Lydia said softly.
"You fluster easily, don't you?" Annie said, noting Lydia's red face, and marked fascination with her slippers.
Lydia looked up. "I try...not to..."
Annie smiled. "I don't normally like mumblers, but I like you like this."
Lydia blushed. "Um, thanks..."
"Got a name, Blondie?"
"Lydia..."
"I'm Annie..." she got off her bed. "Nice to meet you this time, Lydia."
"Um, sure..."
At this time, there would have been an awkward silence, but Annie de Bourgh was not the quiet type, and so proceeded into conversation which is not important to the plot, for it only lasted five minutes, when another person entered the bathroom. She smiled at them with happy surprise as she got her things together for a shower.
"Hey, welcome to Fifth South. I'm Jane Bonnet. I'm a soph."
"Annie and Lydia," Annie said for both of them. "We're new underlings."
Jane laughed. "Don't worry, you will get the swing of things soon. What's with your friend?" Jane nodded towards Lydia.
"She's a quiet kind of girl. I think she's still in shock of being in a co-ed bathroom."
"I've seen a lot more than I usually do," Lydia complemented, quietly.
Jane laughed once more. "Lydia, you're a riot! You'll get used to it. Georgie Darcy was a like that as well. But she's getting used to it. She's a frosh as well. You guys should meet her. Very friendly, in Caroline Bingly's room right now with Liz and Caroline, chatting and laughing loudly and keeping William up."
Lydia's eyes glazed over with all the names, and Jane laughed once more. "There's hardly anything on this floor that other people don't know about. I say you get used to it now, and don't try hiding. We always get you in the end anyhow."
Annie smiled back to Jane. "I think I met Caroline earlier...and I'm kind of tired. Maybe I'll meet people tomorrow."
"Good idea. Start on Liz. She'll intro you to everyone. Down the hall, second to last door on the left. Soph bio major, though I hear she has changed her mind this summer. Whatever you do, don't talk to her about the guys on the floor. She's not particularly fond of any of them. Went out with a senior, Frederick Wentworth, from 3rd North last year. Heard they broke up. Don't talk to her about William. Anyhow, shower."
Annie let out a breath of relief as Jane shut the door. "My, that one has a mouth on her."
Lydia laughed quietly. "I like her."
"I do too...kind of, in a some odd way."
As the two laughing girls exited the bathroom, Georgie Darcy and Caroline Bingly entered the room.
"I think Liz and your brother would be adorable together!"
Georgie laughed. "I don't know bout that. I don't think he likes her, and I think she doesn't like any of the Darcys. When you two came into my room, I could tell she chose to do it most unwillingly."
"Yes, but you see that you and her still get along excellently, once she got over your name..."
"Yeah. Kind of snobby though. Perfect for my brother. If she could be a little nicer to me, maybe I could like her more."
Caroline laughed. "Yeah, I guess. There was a couple back in my hometown, and they never got along. You see, her father sold his a horse that wasn't quite as quality as they both thought, and family business prohibited their kids from really liking each other. But it was so romantic, they fell in love on a hayride..."
"Hayrides...horses..." Georgie watched the girl in astonishment. Growing up in New York City, she had no chance to really be naïve and innocent like Caroline. It looked like it would be fun enough.
Caroline looked at Georgie's elegant pink silk pajamas, and looked down at her shorts and T-shirt. There was a difference, she noted.
The girls brushed their teeth in silence, and then exited.
The rest of the night passed uneventful in the bathroom, save for Bill Collins's preening in front of the mirror for an hour and half (a habit he did late at night as at other hours, other people would watch him warily and disturb him concentration. He was sure they were all jealous of him, and wanted to learn his secrets) and then Louisa Bingly's stumbling in drunk a little afterwards, and Karl Hurst's berating her, as he was interrupting his own get-ready-for-bed procedure (he had been reading a very fascinating chemistry text until that time). She responded by vomiting on his feet. Disgusted and sorry for her, he brought her to the bathroom, let her throw up there, and took care to bring her to her room to sleep off any more alcohol effects.
She was lost soul, he decided as he washed off his feet in the shower stall, but he'd try to help her out.
And so ended the first night at Austen House's Fifth South bathroom.
The Dispelling of Many Notions
I have problems. There are just so many characters in this strange little story to leave each to the story to introduce. Since I have given you brief glimpses of each, I would like to present to you, the profile:
Lydia "Don't look at me even though I'm pretty" Bynet: Freshman - A repressed girl bursting out of her cage. But very awkward, as aforementioned cage was solid. From New York, with a heavy Brooklyn accent.
Random fact: She wears a 7 1/2 wide shoe size.
Annie "I don't take any crap" de Bourgh: Freshman - Raised in a family of 10 children, oldest. Rather outspoken and rather abrupt, but loves people intensely. While name looks English, very Italian.
Random fact: Afraid of clowns.
George "Would you paper or Plastic" Wickham: Junior - An All-Around Good Guy. Still debating whether killing a wood tree or a plastic tree for groceries is less harmful to the environment. He's resigned to carrying around things in canvas bags. Classic. Good looking. Simple. Cousin to his best friend, William Darcy.
Random fact: Had childhood fish named Henry, Joe and Susie. Susie died.
Charlotte "Legs" Lucas: Senior - A stunning brunette who should have little to recommend her, but is surprisingly nice and maternal, beyond being just wealthy and beautiful. It's out of place, but the French often are (yes, she's French!)
Random fact: Has never seen Return of the Jedi. She was just that fond of the ending of The Empire Strikes Back.
Karl "Jane Austen's a great writer" Hurst: Sophomore - Quiet nerd. Nothing more.
Random fact: Britney Spears is his former high school sweetheart. He doesn't like to talk about her much.
He's the one that that forgets to turn off his alarm when he wakes up early to shower, so that it goes off while he's gone! No one knows this yet; they've spent a year trying to hunt him down, but to no avail!
Bill "I'm a model" Collins: Junior - Adonis with little substance. Toothpaste-ad smile, Underwear-ad body. Beer-ad brain. Regularly models underwear for Calvin Klein. He uses a model name, as Bill Collins is too regular...as Fabio was taken, he chose Amperian. (after the physics entity, yes...think Ampere's law)
Random fact: Was stalked for a few years by some psycho named Lady Cat (yes, that's her full name). He was flattered but very frightened. Has a bodyguard now.
Colonel R "no name, just R" Fitzwilliam: Senior - Real men don't need three names. (Distant relative of Major Major Major from Catch-22) ROTC buff, but never beats anyone up; as he's too nice. Used to go out with stunning Charlotte, and still does, but they are both a little too wary of commitment to actually *say* they're committed to each other. He's handsome, from Virginia.
Ramdom fact: Simply terrified of Ladybugs (even more scared than Annie is of clowns).
Georgie "I'm not stupid" Darcy: Freshman - Golden girl. If there's a reason for William Darcy (described later) to stick around, it's to take care of his little naïve sister who is not as naïve as big brother thinks she is. Rather snobby, she is hesitant to make friends with people who don't take their notes in pen, just because.
Random fact: Has world's largest collection of annoying keychains that play insipid melodies.
Caroline "corn cakes, corn bread, mashed corn..." Bingly: Freshman - Sweet little thing who people despise because of her name and all connotations associated with it. It's not the same! Her name is missing an "e", and that makes the difference! From Nebraska, where her family farms. And she is content with that.
Random fact: She makes the best apple pie either side of the Mississippi.
Louisa "Wild Thang" Bingly: Freshman - Motorcycle red-haired rebel. Though a year older than sister Caroline, flunked a grade, but didn't stop her from having fun. Rather blunt and forward with whatever she thinks.
Random fact: Her middle name is Bob. She has it tattooed to her-oh wait, never mind.
Charles "quality and all that stuff from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" Bingley: Sophomore - Quality guy. Stranded in a Sears when he was three years old, he was brought up by clerks and therefore has a good appreciation for quality goods, namely women.
Random fact: Favorite fruit: the Papaya.
Jane "Tell me" Bonnet: Sophomore - Loudmouth gossip. Of many words, of little thoughts. Don't worry, she grows on you.
Random fact: Compulsive Java programmer at night. Does not remember anything when she wakes up.
William "Best thing since Sliced Bread" Darcy: Junior - Fabulously handsome, and has dreamy British accent, though he's from Manitoba. Origin of sexy British accent unknown, but authoress would never be forgiven if she denied William Darcy his birthright. Oh yeah, did I tell you his ancestors invented sliced bread? He's really rich. He's pretty antisocial and very eccentric, however, and enjoys living his lifestyle as a regular Joe, though his name is still William (Don't mind all his expensive computers and things in his room; no one goes in there anyway).
Random fact: Does not really like sliced bread. Prefers to cut it himself.
Elizabeth "Are You Rich?" Bennet: Sophomore - Brainy wit, who T.A.s freshman physics. She also despises poser British accents, and therefore speaks with a poser French one. She's not as rich, but likes to go out with polished sorts who are. She does not like William Darcy, as she is attracted to him, and thinks that he isn't rich. (I don't know why thinks that.) She's actually pretty nice to everyone else though; so don't think that just because she's a gold-digger she's a mean person. She's still friends with everyone.
Random fact: Despises men who wear jeans.
Followed by a vague yet precise description of the layout of the bathrooms:
The bathrooms at Austen House each have two toilet rooms, and two shower rooms, all of them having locks. Within the shower rooms, there is a changing area, and the shower stall itself, separated from the changing area by a shower curtain. The main area of the bathroom has a long wall of mirror, and below it, 3 sinks. On the other side of the wall, with the exit door, there are 20 neat cubbies.
And now that the reader is adequately confused, I shall proceed.
September 13, 7:39 a.m.
He gargled loudly, and Liz glared at him, and then continued to brush her teeth.
He spit. "If it bothers you, come in some other time," he said, as he proceeded to lather up some soap and wash his face.
She would have come in some other time, but she had a lot of things to do today; five hours of lecture, a program project to write by midnight, which wouldn't worry her except for the fact that she had two dates tonight: one at 5:00 and the other at 8:00. (Of the two, the 8:00 was more important, as his father owned a very nice biotech company that was garnering quite a sum of money.)
She spit out her toothpaste, and lathered up her face.
Heroines and heroes don't often see each other in the bathroom in states of, well, not so prettiness, and therefore, this unique moment should be marked by comments on how William admired Liz's face, even when saturated with the mask of sleepiness that was currently being scrubbed off her face with scalding water, or how Liz admired his morning stubble before he shaved.
But it won't be, because our hero and heroine did not notice much about each other, except some annoying details:
1. He abhorred those PJs. Who wore yellow silk PJs?2. Why didn't he have the decency to put on a shirt? Never mind that it was a hot Indian summer and about 80 degrees outside, and even hotter inside. A man should have the decency to wear a shirt.
3. Her tooth-brushing technique was all wrong.
4. And he calls that washing his face?
Needless to say, our hero and heroine did not quite notice the right things about each other to make their interactions as romantic as they could be.
And the authoress will keep it that way for a little while, because they're so cute when they bicker.
Now, of course, another character will enter the bathroom, and in this case, it will be Caroline Bingly, because only she, of the occupants of Fifth South, would be up more than three hours before her first lecture.
"Good morning, Caroline," Liz cheerfully smiled.
Caroline smiled. "Good morning! Isn't it beautiful outside?"
"Yes, very!" Liz smiled, and did a small spin in the bathroom, while putting away her things in her cubby.
Darcy grumbled, checking his reflection once more, and exited.
"What's with him?" Caroline asked, rather worriedly.
"His life," Liz rolled her eyes. "Don't ever mind him." She then proceeded to the mirror, taking off her glasses, and putting on her contacts, and blinked at her reflection, and smiled at Caroline. "Anyhow, gotta get going..."
"Sure..." Caroline smiled. She then proceeded to one of the two shower rooms of the bathroom.
The next bathroom user entered, as Caroline finished, standing in front of the mirror, combing her blonde hair. A mass of dark crazy frills swore in Italian.
The girl pulled the hair out of her eyes.
Caroline smiled softly. "Morning, Annie."
"Yeah," Annie said, almost about to bite someone's head off this morning. She hated mornings.
Caroline was apparently a morning person. Unfortunately, Annie didn't know that Caroline was not only a morning person, but an afternoon person, and an evening person, and late at night person. In short, Caroline had lots and lots of energy to give anything she had to do, and she did a lot, to understate things.
"Have a good day," she left the bathroom, prepared for a new day.
"I'll try," Annie said, wistfully.
As she managed to splash some water in her face, two enthusiastic conversationalists entered the room, both of them very much unrecognizable to Annie, who did not really want to get to know any of the hot young men down her hall anyway.
Charles Bingley and George Wickham were engrossed in a discussion. The topic: whether or not Charles ought ask out a pretty brunette he'd met the day before in the library. "She's awfully pretty, George."
"I can imagine," George rolled his eyes as he grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste from his cubby, turned around, and claimed a sink.
"You don't approve."
George applied toothpaste to the toothbrush. "No, I don't. I like Jane. Why don't you go out with her?"
"Ha! I don't think so!"
George glared at him as he continued brushing his teeth.
"She's definitely not my type."
"And why not?" Annie entered the conversation suddenly. "She seems kinda nice."
Both conversationalists turned to her, and George grinned. "Yeah, Charles, why not?"
"Jane's a...hm. And me, well..."
Annie backed away, hands up in exasperation. "Men." She grabbed her toothbrush.
"Not just men. Some of us are good," George laughed.
Annie quirked an eyebrow. "I doubt that..." she smiled to Lydia, who joined the party in the bathroom. "Morning."
"Morning, Annie," she smiled widely, and then quieted as she saw the other two. Specifically George. She went to the sink, and proceeded to wash the night's accumulation of oil and sweat off her face. She did detest the humidity.
Annie noted that George's gaze was focused on her friend, and amused and intrigued, watched to see how Lydia dealt with it. Lydia simply focused on her reflection while brushing her teeth.
"Bonjour!" Charlotte Lucas opened the door, smiling to everyone.
Annie whistled through her teeth silently. Gosh she was gorgeous. Did she never look rumpled? Lydia looked back at her own reflection. Some women had all the luck.
"And how is everyone this morning?"
Charles smiled in blatant appreciation of her legs. "Great, now."
Charlotte laughed. "Silly boy! Remember you're too young for me..." she kissed him on the cheek in that sweet maternal way she did for everyone, and went to take her shower.
"Man I wish I were a senior..." Charles mumbled.
Annie scoffed. "So much for the other women..." she looked to George in agreement.
George nodded as he continued to brush his teeth.
"What year is Charlotte?" Lydia asked, curiously. "I like her."
"Charlotte? She's a senior. Everyone on the floor likes her. She's gorgeous and fun. She likes to take care of everyone," George said.
Lydia continued to brush her teeth.
Aware that he was in total awe of her friend, and her friend totally in awe of him, and both too shy to do anything about it, Annie decided to take matters into her own hands. "Don't worry, she's shy," she told George, as she took her own shower stall.
Lydia sputtered, and spit her toothpaste, left alone with the two handsome young men.
She was therefore brimming with gratitude when Georgie Darcy entered the bathroom in her bright yellow terrycloth robe. "Good morning Georgie!" she enthused, after quickly spitting out her toothpaste.
Jane had been wrong. Georgie was not very friendly. In fact, she was quite...um...yeah. Lydia sighed as she shook her head.
Georgie snarled at the two closed and evidently occupied showers. Deciding that she could brush her teeth, she looked to Charles. "And you're just standing there because?"
"He's deciding whether or not to hit on a girl," George sighed, "and expecting my advice."
Georgie rolled her eyes. "Men."
"Why do women all say that?" Charles threw up his arms, and exited.
Georgie finished brushing her teeth, and glared at the showers once more, willing one to open in her mind.
Lydia finished her morning's preps, and grinned to Georgie. "I have to get going to class. See you."
Georgie smiled hesitantly and condescendingly to Lydia. "All right."
George looked at Georgie once Lydia left the bathroom. "You know she's pretty shy, right?"
Georgie turned to him. "Yeah, so?"
"Why can't you talk to her more?"
"I don't know, because we have nothing to talk about?" she shrugged.
"She's from New York, too..."
"Brooklyn and the Upper West Side are different places, George."
George's eyes narrowed. "You don't talk to many people here...why is that Georgie?"
She looked at her cousin. "I don't know. They're not very interesting. I wish I were never stuck on this floor."
"That's what Liz was like when she first got here. She got better. I hope you do too," George turned, and exited.
Georgie followed his exit with her eyes, and watched for the next person who entered the bathroom. "Bill, do you think I'm selfish?"
Bill Collins stared at his reflection at different angles, and decided that he definitely was a beautiful sight in the morning, even before showering and changing. Satisfied with his natural beauty, he turned to Georgie. "You said something?"
"Do you think I'm selfish?"
"Do you want me all to yourself?"
"No!" Georgie replied in disgust.
"Then you are very generous! But don't worry, I'll be as faithful as I can," Bill said to her.
Georgie's brow wrinkled, and sighed with relief as one of the doors to the shower opened and Charlotte Lucas exited in a towel. I'll have to tell Charles to stake it out... she mused, as she smiled courteously to Charlotte, content that she had chosen a selfless deed for the week. She'd tell Charles as soon as possible.
Annie exited from the shower. Bill was still preening when Louisa entered the bathroom, hair tangled in knots and yawning.
Karl followed. He looked like he slept in his clothes. No, he didn't look like he had slept at all. Curious, Annie asked somewhat amiably (and it took some effort), "Long night in lab?"
"Catalyst took a longer time than I thought it would," Karl said.
"You look dreadful. You need sleep."
"I'll get a few cups of coffee. I have biochem in two hours, along with a genetics p set due in three."
Annie shook her head. "My Ma would kill me if I did anything like that..."
Karl smiled, back to Annie. "My mother would, too."
Annie laughed, shook her head, and exited.
Karl then turned to Louisa. "How long did you sleep?" he asked her, concerned.
"I had a physics p set last night. Had to work on it."
"How long?"
"4 hours."
He hissed through his teeth. "Geez, Louisa. You have to get more sleep than that. How can your sister have so much more sense than you?"
Tired of being compared to her sister, she glared at him. "Pot and Kettle! You shouldn't be one to talk!"
Karl glared at her, then turned around, exiting the bathroom.
"Interfering jerk!" Louisa muttered as she splashed water in her face, brushed her teeth, and entered the shower.
Bill preened for another fifteen minutes and afterwards, both Louisa and Georgie exited to get ready for their 9:00 lectures.
10:02 a.m.
Jane Bonnet entered, thankful that her schedule included Tuesdays and Thursdays in which class for her did not begin until 11:00.
Charlie entered, lathered up, and started to shave. He had just finished the paper due in two hours, the one that he'd been working on all night, with the break during which he had consulted George and was scoffed at by two young women.
"You decide to make the moves on Anne Elliot?" Jane said.
He nicked himself. "Geez, woman!" he turned and glared at her. "Is there anything you don't hear about?"
Jane smirked. "As long as you're news, Bingley, I'll always be finding out little tidbits about you. Didn't your first class begin an hour ago?"
"Yes. And I'll bet you already know the reason why I missed it."
"Your sociology paper. You spent too much time last night with Harriet Smith. 'Studying,' indeed!" she scoffed.
"Careful, you're starting to sound like Karl," Charles's glare narrowed.
"I heard that," Karl entered, quickly to wet down the hair that still stood up on end. "But as I am already late for class, I can't argue. See you, you two."
Jane looked on after him. "Karl needs a woman."
"Karl needs a sedative," Charles quipped.
"The rumor mill says that he and Louisa have a pedagoguish thing going on."
"Jane," Charles turned to her. "Please. Louisa and Karl, whatever. She's very...out there. Our Karl, he's a very quiet sort, very nice guy. He doesn't need a wrench like her in the works. He's intense. He's set. No woman for him, don't set them up. Karl is happy. He has no time, anyhow."
Colonel entered, and rolled his eyes, and exited. At it again. Did Bonnet and Bingley ever shut up? He'd wait until at least one of them was out.
Jane glared at Charles, and exited. "It's over now, Colonel," she said, to him.
Colonel entered as Charles was brushing his teeth.
In silence, they prepared for the day.
4:25 p.m.
Bill Collins preened for another hour.
(Various people go into the bathroom during the day, including main characters and minor characters who live on Fifth South, but the author does not care about them.)
7:13 p.m.
Shower. Shower.
Change.
Apply lotion and perfume.
Get on accessories.
Lots of things to think about. Liz rushed about the bathroom. If only she hadn't let the 5:00 drag on so long!
Linus Elton was a nice guy, but when was he going to get it into his head that though he was rich, she was only trying to get to George Knightley that way?
And the good shower was being used. Why me? Why now? She tossed both arms up as she took the other shower.
William entered, growling as he found both showers occupied.
Parents tonight. Why did they have to live so near by? Sure, they could just get together with their parents any time for dinner. Stupid presumptions.
One of the doors opened, and Georgie stepped out.
"Took enough time, didn't you?" he said, impatiently.
Georgie glared at her brother. "Whatever," she walked past him, out of the bathroom.
Ten minutes later, both doors to the shower opened up and Liz and William both came out.
Liz held up her hand. "No time to bicker now, Darcy. Can't you see I'm too busy?"
He growled after her as he exited the bathroom.
Georgie entered, checking her reflection in light blue silk.
George followed, straightening his gray tie over his burgundy shirt. "When did your parents say they'd be around to pick us up?"
Liz returned, dressed, and with a bag full of makeup. Penciling her eyes carefully, she blinked at her reflection.
William came in, attempting a knot. No matter how many years he'd tried, he'd never gotten it quite right.
After his third attempt, Liz swore under her breath as she turned to him, grabbed the tie by both ends, dragged him towards her, and tied it herself. He's not used to it she told herself. Patience with the less-privileged. He did look handsome when he cleaned up, she decided. Not bad. She then went back to scarletting her mouth.
She looked classy tonight. Fitting black silk. George smiled at her. "Looking nice, Liz. When will you ever look my way with one of those beautiful eyes."
"Got a bank account in Switzerland?" Liz batted her lashes.
"No."
"Get one, and I'll be yours!" she winked, sprayed a rich dense fragrance in the air, walking elegantly through the mists, catching the perfume in her carefully pinned-up tendrils. She then sprayed her wrists, rubbed them together, and exited with her things.
Georgie smelled the air. Tresór. Not bad. Could do better. She had to give a hand to Liz, though. The scent suited her.
The woman knew how to handle herself the best way. She respected that.
"Why are we still dawdling in the bathroom?" William said, irritated. It was hot, and Liz's scent drenched his suit, a casualty of her spraying the air and her spinning it. (And he was sure she sprayed the perfume into the air with that intention.) "Come on, let's quit dawdling."
10:29 p.m.
Karl Hurst got out of the shower, and toweled his hair dry. Sleep.
Reactions and orgo and all those despicable inventions of professors could wait. Tonight, he was going to sleep.
Jane was washing her dishes, having just had a snack of Ben & Jerry's. "Are you all right, Karl?"
"Right enough. Going to sleep," he yawned.
"Good idea."
Louisa Bingly entered the bathroom, Caroline on her heels. "Go to bed, Louisa!"
"I will...soon..."
"What does she claim is more important this time?" Karl asked, exhaust disappearing, to Jane's amused delight.
Caroline glared at her sister. "She thinks she can still go out now, and hang out."
Louisa looked between the two imposing figures. "Sorry if I thought that college was a time to have fun."
"Fun in moderation," Karl corrected.
There really was no reason why he took an interest in the frosh's welfare, as he did not care for any of the others. But something in Louisa Bingly appealed to his protector side. He was, after all, aspiring to be a doctor. It was only natural that he wanted her to take care of herself.
"Get yourself to bed, Louisa. You're about to fall over."
Louisa's eyes met with his in challenge.
His eyes were really quite beautiful when they had that solid, determined look in them. But she wasn't going to let him know that. "You can't make me."
"I may be tired, Louisa, but I can bet you I have more energy to fight with you on this one. Plus, Caroline will back me up on this one."
Louisa glared at the two and, exasperated, stormed out of the bathroom, down the hall, and slammed her door.
"She's across the hall from me. I should notice if she tries to sneak out..." he said to Caroline.
"Don't worry. Now that she's in her room, she will sleep. You look like you need some rest yourself. Thanks for helping out, Karl."
"I try."
Jane smiled a self-satisfied grin as she shook the water droplets out of the bowl she'd been washing. Charles now entered, with towel and in his boxers, rubbing his forehead. He glared at her. "Don't even start."
"Just get to bed. It's a good thing you had nothing planned for tonight."
Charles glared at her. "I did have something planned: Sleep. My choice, Bonnet. You can't tell me what to do."
"Wasn't trying to. Just giving advice."
"Well next time, keep it to yourself. I know how to take care of myself," he went into a shower stall.
Jane huffed, and left the bathroom in a storm.
12:56 a.m.
She couldn't even keep her eyes open anymore. But at least her calc p set was done!
Lydia braided her hair, and checked her reflection. She looked thinner than usual. She'd eat more, or Jane would be after her.
Or Annie! She laughed. Annie, who was probably still reading text right now. She'd take her a cup of hot cocoa before sleeping.
And what was George doing tonight? She'd seen him previously, as he exited his room very nicely dressed. Probably had a date. He was very pretty-looking.
Pretty-looking guys never looked her way in high school. Lydia blushed as she recalled that.
Bill entered the bathroom. "Bill, am I unappealing?"
Bill ascertained his looks, and decided that even after a whole ten minutes with a textbook, his eyes were still nice and startlingly beautiful. He was glad, because it would be dreadful if bags formed. "Did you say something?"
"Bill am I unappealing?"
"Oh, hon, you're worried that I haven't asked you out yet? I know, I'm sorry. I would have, but you're a tad too young for me, and I've been in a whirl with trying to get graduation requirements out of the way. You are a very pretty girl, Lydia. Don't feel hurt that I don't have time for you."
Lydia laughed. "Thanks, Bill." She kissed his cheek, and danced out of the restroom. Bill Collins was so funny!
He examined to make sure her kiss left no oily or spitty residue on his cheek, and smiled after her. Cutesy, blowsy type. No, she wasn't his type. It was just as well that he sent her off. His career would never have allowed him to take on such a sweet little girl. She'd be crushed in his constant bookings, and get lost in the blur, and in the end, she'd only be hurt.
1:35 a.m.
Colonel flossed his teeth.
Charlotte, having finished reading another very satisfying romance novel, entered the bathroom, making preparations for bed. Colonel watched Charlotte admiringly, and she smiled back, knowing his admiration was for different reasons from Charles's.
"What are you thinking about?" she turned to him, brushing her dark silky curls, the highlights not dulled or marred by the harsh fluorescent lighting of the bathroom.
"The pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow," Colonel took her elegant chin into his hands. "I'm crazy about you, Lottie."
Lottie laughed, and uncomfortably shifted out of his reach. "We talked about this before, no? You're just plain crazy," she kissed him on the nose, spun out of his grasp, and grabbed her toothbrush.
"Lottie, one of these days, I'm going to mean it when I say it."
Lottie halted in her activities, and raised her elegant left eyebrow. "Is that a threat?"
"No, it's the truth."
Lottie laughed. "Silly Colonel. I'll see you for dinner tomorrow," she kissed him on the cheek, and left the bathroom, taking in a sigh of relief after exiting, and allowing her knees to quiver once before continuing back to her room.
Colonel looked at the door that she exited through, and promised silently, "One day, it won't be so easy for you to walk away from me, Lottie."
George entered, wrenching his tie away from his neck. "That's four hours of my life I'll never get back..."
William followed, also wrenching his tie away, and yanking the shirt from its neat tuck. "You can say that again."
Georgie yawned. "How was I to know Mom and Dad were going to invite Aunt Katherine?"
"You could tell it wasn't their choice, either. So my guess is that she invites herself to these things. God I hate interfering relatives!" William sighed.
Liz entered, and spun an elated happy circle, and took George in her arms, and waltzed him around the bathroom, humming the waltz from Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty.
"Good date, Liz?" George chuckled, amused.
Liz changed partners, and swept Georgie into a reluctant dance that the younger woman was surprised to find she enjoyed as it was more amusing and interesting than the last four hours put together.
"Excellent!" Liz spun Georgie in circles. "A lovely lovely dinner, and dancing! Oh, the dancing! I felt like I was dancing on a cloud..."
"And speaking in clichés..." William quipped as Liz slipped her grip on Georgie's hands, and spun in circles by herself, landing herself in William's arms. At the contact, she jumped and spun away.
William's face remained stolid, but he turned with a little more stiffness than usual, and exited the bathroom quickly.
George and Georgie watched William, and turned back to Liz, who now stopped spinning and was taking down the bobby pins that were holding her hair up, letting it spill down her shoulders.
George winked at Georgie, and Georgie's brow furrowed in thought. Caroline was right. There was certainly a something about them. She had yet to decide if Liz and her brother really suited each other, but if the sheer energy of the match were to decide, it would be very evident that they were perfect for each other.
But there had to be a reason for Liz's happy dancing, and she bet that it had to do with some date.
Georgie bid her good nights to the other two occupants, and went back to her room to change out of her dress.
Left alone, George leaned back against the wall and decided to have a little fun with Liz. "So tell me, was the date really that wonderful? Or were you trying to show off in front of William?"
Liz paused in taking out her contacts. "Whatever do you mean?"
"Oh you know exactly what I mean."
"And why would I care about William?"
"I don't know, because you like him?"
"George, please. William, well I'm sure he has assets, but...well, he's a tolerable enough companion, but certainly lacks other qualities that would tempt me."
William now entered in sweatpants, "Like money?"
"But William," George began, but William silenced him with a gesture of his hand.
Liz turned to him. "Yes, as a matter of fact. And tact. Good night, gentlemen."
George grimaced for his cousin as Liz exited the bathroom.
"Why didn't you just tell her that you were rich and see her reaction to that? I bet you were dying to..."
"No, I don't see why. What does that get accomplished? Then she'd be after me, and wouldn't leave me be..."
"Forgive me; for a second I thought you weren't antisocial. Liz can be a great friend, and even if you don't choose to show her up, you can still get to know her and other people on our floor..." George rolled his eyes.
William grumbled. "We're not getting in on that again. I like being antisocial. It keeps people out of my way. The halls would be a mess if people actually spent more time in them."
And with that philosophical statement, William Darcy called it a night. Good riddance.
Good riddance indeed. The bathroom should be cleaned.
However, I cannot use these. Why? Let's try. I choose the famous Jane gets Sick episode.
So Jane goes to Netherfield for dinner. (Netherfield = Charles's room) She rides in rain. (Never mind that she'd just go across the hall, and unless there's a hole in the ceiling, I don't think she'd get wet.)
She dines with Caroline and Louisa (who are, in this story, not related to Charles).
She falls ill. In fact, so ill she cannot get back to her room! (which is across the hall)
So Liz (who's not her sister, and it looks doubtful they're even that good friends as they have not really talked to each other in this story yet) goes over to Charles's room, "walking three miles in dirt" (though she lives down the hall).
And later she catches William (who has no real reason for hanging out with Charles as he does not hang out with anyone on the floor) playing billiards.
And here is where the contradiction is: A BILLIARD TABLE CANNOT FIT IN CHARLES'S ROOM!!!!
Those of you who remember your college days, you must remember how horridly cramped you were, and those who are still in your college days must cringe and say "Sing it, Sister!" And those of you who have not yet gotten to college....HAHAHAHA! =P ...um, I mean, you can cringe in anticipation.
Therefore, Jane will remain healthy, and Jane Austen's plot will now remain pristine. (Not to be associated with bathrooms...and billiard table wouldn't fit in there, either.)
The Eve of the Very First Exam in Freshman Physics (Graduation requirement...so many students take it their freshman year...)
She hated how he combed his hair.
It was like trying to tame a beast, really. How he wet his hair, and ruthlessly killed those lively curls into staid, smooth submission.
Not to mention he looked kinda slimy with his hair slicked like that.
Egads! Did she just admit that she liked his hair?
Well, it was gorgeous, really...he was gorgeous.
Liz suppressed her disgusted gasp as she quickly darted her eyes to her own reflection as his eyes narrowed on her reflection.
He glared at her. "What do you want?"
"A rich husband," she stated simply, and finished applying a thin layer of pretty-smelling moisturizing lotion to her face.
"Get in line," he replied, as he checked his reflection, and then turned to leave.
And he would have left, had it not been for the entrance of the dear Colonel.
"Hold it a sec, buddy, I have a favor to ask of you..." as Liz turned to leave, Colonel put up his hand to halt her.
William, not accustomed to being told what to do, looked at Colonel, narrowed his eyes, and asked, "What do you want?"
"I'm getting together a D-league hockey team."
William and Liz's reactions were one and the same: "So what?"
"I thought it'd be a nice thing if we played together as a team!"
William rolled his eyes, "So heartwarming that I'm simply hugging myself in happiness..."
Colonel laughed, and looked to Liz, waiting for the reply he knew he'd now get...he'd timed it this way...
"I'd love to play on the team, Colonel. Sounds lots of fun, I can skate, I'm from Michigan."
"A person's origin has nothing to do with his or her skating ability. It's ludicrous. Even I can skate."
"Great, then you'll prove yourself!" Colonel clapped his hands with elation. Success! "I'll e-mail official things, like when we're playing, later. Season starts in a week or so. Games happen at around 11:00 or midnight."
"Careful, you might stumble into Mr. Darcy's bed time," Liz stated. "I have an 8:00 class...need to get going..."
(At this time, the authoress should include an explanation of D-league hockey, AKA "tripod hokey", but will fail to do so, for she is saving it for another occasion. So ha.)
Colonel grinned at William.
"What are you smiling at me for?" he growled, "I have an 8:00 class too. Now if you will let me pass..."
Colonel staked out his spot at the bathroom. It would be a perfect day to recruit members of his new dream team.
The authoress would include conversations of enticing invitations to some of the minor characters who lived on Fifth South to join the Colonel's team, but then, we'd all want to join it. (Not all of them did, but that's beside the point.) Needless to say, he'd recruited a team of comfortable size (while people were still in semidrowsy, half-asleep state, the one in which they make decisions they'll never remember). The roster? Well, the authoress will surprise you with that later.
Among other news in the bathroom, Jane Bonnet got up a whole three hours early. Why? Because Charles Bingley's whereabouts last night were very unclear to the dorm, and she was determined to unearth details.
"Hello Charles," she smiled to him, after Charles was forced to join the hockey team. (She had been prepared to accept the invitation she'd known that Colonel was to offer her this morning; after all, hockey was big on campus, and there was more then enough news to go around, and people to talk about.)
"And why is this such a good morning?" he grumbled.
"I don't know, why don't you tell me? You vanished last night and I lost track of you."
"And you want to know why," Charles smirked. "Well, Bonnet, I'm sorry to not oblige you with a detailed account of my evening. Perhaps next time, you can send the dogs after me."
Jane glared at him as he claimed the good shower.
And that's when she realized that in all the time she spent in waiting for Charles to enter the bathroom, she'd not closed the door to the good shower to save it for herself.
8:30 a.m.
"Lydia? You know that red sweater you borrowed? Can I have it back?" Annie poked her head in the door.
Only about two months into term, and already getting up entirely too late.
"Sure, I'd get it but I'm in a rush."
"I'll find it myself. Thank you."
Getting up only half an hour before lecture. She'd heard that it'd get worse. Lydia sighed as she splashed more cold water in her face, trying to get herself awake. Not working. She changed extremes and almost cried with pain as the scalding hot water hit her face.
At least it worked.
"Belle, that is no way to treat your face..."
Lydia looked up to the entering Charlotte. "I'm sorry, Charlotte, but I have no time to care for my face today. I have no time to care about anything." Lydia turned to Colonel. "Whatever it is, my answer is yes."
He smiled. "So did you want to meet at 7:00 or 8:00 for dinner?" Colonel laughed.
Lydia halted in her movements. "I hope you're kidding. I don't have time for this, but either way, at seven or eight I will be busy studying for my physics test tomorrow. What was your real question?"
"Want to play hockey?"
"Now?"
"No."
"Well, then, as long as it isn't tonight, I'm fine with it. Whatever. Bye!" Lydia exited.
Charlotte looked disapprovingly at Colonel. "She's a delicate soul. She scares easily. You should not tease her like that. That one is not used to attention from men."
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you were jealous."
"Jealous? Impossible!"
"It's all right, darling," he took her hand and kissed it. "I love you anyways. So how about it? Will you join the team this year? Please?"
"Every year you ask, and every year, I give you the same answer..."
It was a familiar line, used twice a year. The first was when she refused to marry him (usually done at the beginning of the year, as he would have just spent a whole summer without her, missing her dreadfully). The second use for the line came now, when she inevitably refused to play for the team.
"You're a senior. Your last chance, Lottie!" Richard said, kissing her hand again ardently. "You must allow me to tell you how ardently I want you to play!"
Charlotte sighed. "You know it is not my choice. I signed the contract with the cosmetics company long ago. I cannot put myself in position to injury. I will do my usual. I will coach with you."
Colonel sighed. It'd have to do.
As he sighed wistfully, Karl came in. "Karl, you look like you need some physical activity."
"Charles, I'm not in the mood for one of your-oh, hello Colonel."
Colonel laughed. "Not a woman. A game. D-league hockey. You want in?"
Karl laughed. "If I remember correctly the games start at near midnight. Do you know what I'm usually doing at midnight?"
"Yelling at Louisa?"
"No, I'm back in my lab, anticipating the yelling at Louisa. I'm sorry, I'd love to join...I'm never around to talk to anyone ...but I really can't. You'll have to find someone else. In fact, I know that Caroline's been wanting to "whack something" lately (she does that when she gets stressed out, you know) and I'm sure that Louisa can take out her propensity to whack me out on the puck. You should recruit them."
"I already got Caroline this morning. As for Louisa, I haven't seen her..."
"Wait, what time is it?"
"Twenty to..."
"Oh dear, Louisa!" he went running down the hall to wake her up.
10:34 a.m.
"How did you ever get around this morning without running into me?"
George jumped. "I just woke up...I missed class. Oh well. Knew it would happen. Now I'll have to go study and make up for it," he almost whined.
"What happened last night?"
"Got caught up in the calc textbook, quite by accident. I knew that I was in trouble once I started liking Laplace..."
Colonel laughed.
"You look like you're rather pleased with yourself. Why are you lurking in our bathroom this morning? Don't you have anything to do?"
"I probably do, but it's of no importance. As for why I'm lurking, well, it's that time of year again..."
George smiled excitedly. "D-league? Count me in! Who else have you gotten?"
"Well, lots of people, but I have to say, the ones worth noting: Liz and William."
"You did what?"
Colonel laughed. "Timing, my dear friend."
"So you did something near impossible. Try getting Georgie on the team. She was pretty good at field hockey back in her school."
"Can she skate?"
"Like a dream," George kissed his fingers, and proceeded to start his morning preparations.
"Indeed, she must be an asset. But no, I don't think I'll pursue her..."
"And why ever not? She'd be awfully insulted if you didn't," he said through his befoamed toothpasted mouth.
"I don't have to con her into it anymore, I sunk her in this morning."
"How did you manage to do that?"
"Simple. I told her that William had joined."
"So?" He spit out the toothpaste.
"Come on, George, we all know that William has never been on the ice. He's always said that any moron could do it..."
"And you caught him in it...and now she's just joining to laugh at her older brother? How...sad."
"But indeed very fun. Besides, you know that frosh are easier to recruit, because they're all about the 'new experience'. Lydia was all for it, and Annie, well she was raised in a large family, six of them being boys. We may stand a chance this year..."
"We lost every game last year...and the year before..." He foamed his face.
"Quiet, you!" Colonel couldn't help smiling. "We had fun anyway."
"Sure, that's what losers say," George nodded intelligently and wisely, as Bill came in.
"You're on this team of losers, so ha!" Colonel beamed, proudly.
George laughed as he rinsed his face, and toweled it dry. "Sure. I have to find a way to make up for missing my classes...I'll see you around. I can't wait until our first game."
Colonel turned to Bill. "Want to join the floor hockey team?"
"I'm sorry, but though I do not have a contract protecting my body like Charlotte does, I still have to watch myself. Get a purple spot on these beautiful legs and I'm history..."
Colonel nodded understandingly. "I am sure you're right, Bill. Without your legs, what would you be?"
As Bill started his morning procedure of admiring himself, Colonel decided that he could stand for a break.
(During this break, a large number of people, the largest number ever recorded in the Analects of Austen House, visited the bathroom and got their morning preparations done.)
5:43 p.m.
"You coming or not, Jane?"
"Wait a sec, Karl!" Jane laughed as she finished washing her hands. "Of course I'm coming. You're hardly ever home for dinner."
"I think Caroline and Louisa are joining us. And I think Caroline nabbed Georgie, so we should have a nice little table."
"I think George said that he'd be home around this time. I'll run down to his room and get him."
"Should we get other froshlings?" Jane asked. "I'll try getting Annie and Lydia."
And fortuitously, as Karl left, the subjects of her thoughts entered the bathroom with a pot that looked like something had seriously gone wrong in it.
"How was I to know that it'd blow up?" Lydia asked. "I don't always cook in my household. Ma never let me hear the kitchen...always afraid of what would happen..."
"With good reason..." Annie said, letting a rush of water fall into the pot. "There goes the cooking dinner idea. What now?"
"Cue commercial music!" Jane smiled. "Join us!"
Lydia and Annie simply stared. "What?"
"A little group of us are going downstairs to the dining hall in a few moments. Want in?"
"Um..." Lydia looked to Annie. Annie nodded her head enthusiastically as she started to scrub at the pot. "Sure!" Lydia finished.
"Maybe you should take that to the kitchen sink in the lounge. It looks like it needs a garbage disposal, and you might clog the sink up here..." Jane said. "We'll be waiting by the stairs. Oh, and be forewarned, Lydia, George will be there...prepare yourself!" she winked.
Lydia's mouth fell open.
Annie laughed.
"Annie, I'm becoming the biggest joke! Does everyone know that I'm afraid of him?"
"Are you just afraid? I could have sworn you liked him..." Annie mused. "Alas, Jane's right. We should bring this to the kitchen sink in the lounge and get this soaking at least. Maybe when we get back it'll be all nice mush we can wash off easily..."
They exited as William came in, rinsing his plate, off of which he had eaten a leftover turkey sandwich from lunch.
Liz came in, putting in an earring, finishing off her stunning evening ensemble.
They looked archly at each other. They moved towards the door at the same time. "After you..." she said.
"No, after you..." he gestured.
They stood. Who would crack first?
Finally Liz checked her watch (one of the reasons why the ensemble was one of her favorites was the fact that it matched a watch). She would be late if she didn't leave. "Oh fine," she reached for the door when it suddenly came forward. She jumped back and straight into William's arms.
"My my, have I interrupted something?" Charlotte asked.
Liz sneered and exited William's arms and brushed off imaginary lint. "Not at all. Have a good evening, Charlotte," she smiled. "Darcy," she grimaced.
He watched her exit, and met eyes with Charlotte. "What?" he barked.
Charlotte laughed. "Silly man...just ask her out!"
William glared at Charlotte. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"That may be just as well...well then, I'll play to your games. Who needs that Bennet bird anyhow? She's only stunning and smart and witty and full of verve, and you've only never been so challenged and flustered with a woman in your life!"
William glared at her. "I've been charmed by plenty of women..."
Charlotte laughed again, "You really are funnier than many people think..."
11:45 p.m.
Lydia and George entered, laughing. So dinner went on longer than expected. So dinner never ended for either of them.
So they enjoyed each other's company. They'd sat in the lounge, being yelled at by various people for enjoying a weekday evening, and finished it up with a nice hot cocoa. They now rinsed off their cups.
She wanted to kill Annie for just leaving her alone with him, but it wasn't so bad.
George made sure not to make any sudden movements. She scared easily. That was for sure.
"So..." he said.
"So..." she sighed.
"Hm."
"Yeah, guess so!" Lydia smiled. "I have to get going...you're a bad influence on me. I needed to study for the physics test!"
"Annie said you had it down solid before going to dinner. You need to know when to stop, Lydia. Don't worry about it. You'll do fine. Be a good little girl and go and review your notes one more time, then go to sleep, all right?" he smiled, as she finished rinsing off her cup. He took her hand, and kissed it softly. "Take care, Lydia."
"Um...you too!" she blushed, as she tried to calm herself into walking elegantly out of the bathroom. It didn't quite work, but the action was endearing. He kissed my hand!
12:36 a.m.
Bill Collins admired his stride in the mirror as Liz came in, rolled her eyes, and went to check her makeup for signs of boredom. What a long evening. That was the last time she'd ever agree to being fixed up...even if it was with someone rich.
She'd catch her own, thank you very much.
There was a benefit to the evening, though, she yawned. She'd fall asleep easily tonight.
The sleepiness and tire fell out of her, however, the minute William walked in the room, and started brushing his teeth.
"Another late night for you, huh, Darcy?"
"Don't start on me...I'm not in the mood..."
"You never are..." she leaned against the wall.
He glared at her.
All the exhaust she'd accumulated in her system vanished, to be replaced by that same punch of insomnia she'd had for weeks now. She wanted to cry.
Liz Bennet never cried, though. And certainly not in front of people like William Darcy. No, he'd enjoy it too much.
"That's the way, Bennet." He hated seeing women cry.
Liz halted in her motions. "The way to what?" she looked at him.
Georgie, who had in this time been absorbed in watching Bill's actions, trying to ferret a reason for why he spent so much time on himself in such a matter, echoed Liz's question. "The way to what?"
Bill answered for all of them. "Why, use pickle juice of course!"
Bill could see his advice was not being appreciated. Miffed, and feeling very unappreciated, he left.
Louisa and Karl entered. Louisa was whining, as she filled a cup with water, and was about to drink it, when Karl took it and emptied its contents to his Britta pitcher, and filled it up the rest of the way. "I still don't get it, Karl. You're wasting your time on me. Go back to your lab. I appreciate what you're doing, I really do. But torque really stinks and it will always stink."
"I know it does, but we can get you to understand it...you'll do all right on your test tomorrow...trust me...you know a lot of stuff..." he guided her out by the arm.
William and Liz remained in the position they had locked themselves for the past five minutes. As if they were about to do battle. Georgie decided now would be a good time to get that help that she needed from Liz before the physics test tomorrow. "Liz, I've been waiting all night for you to get home. If it isn't too much trouble, I need you to help me through a problem..."
Liz nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact with William.
No, he'd have to do that first.
So he knew she was going to cry...so what? Just went to show that he could be observant of other people too.
But until she stopped looking at him, he couldn't move.
The door opened. "Liz! There you are! I need help with some physics," Caroline implored.
There were times when she didn't like being a physics T.A. She had to untangle herself from William's stare. Some. How. She. Had. To. To. To...
To.
To what?
Disgust was the cure that brought her out. "Let's take a look. I need to get up pretty early tomorrow..."
William watched her leave. "What?" he asked, exasperated, knowing his sister's gaze fell on him, though he could not see her.
She could make him horribly uncomfortable with a clever remark, or she could try to be a good sister. She decided to go with compromise: disturbing remark that would leave annoying implications. "You still have toothpaste in your mouth, and you look like you're going to swallow it. Do something about it!" Georgie said.
Do something about it. William glared at his sister.
Her goal accomplished, she decided to turn herself in.
And he, after spitting out his toothpaste, went to bed.
No one was going to do a thing about anything.
Which is sad, because the bathroom was getting bored with all the tension.