In Hertfordshire

Posted on Saturday, 8 March 2008

A rich young man who needs a wife:
a story told across the land.
How can a man with such a life
survive in London where it's rife
with women firm in their demand,
where eager maids and mothers stand?

When such a man decides to lease
a house in faroff county lands,
solicitations never cease
and he can never rest in peace.
The neighbours hope he understands
that he must choose their daughter's hand.

In Hertfordshire there is a street,
near Meryton where parents wait,
where you can find a lofty seat
called Netherfield, a fine retreat.
A place to find a lifelong mate;
by all accounts a nice estate.

To take this house there comes a man,
with happy face and sparkling eye,
who ever since his trip began
is anxious to pursue a plan:
while Netherfield is quite a buy
he hopes to find a wife nearby.

His sisters, though, are not so sure.
They think he's made a big mistake
with wealth their father did procure
to make their life much more secure.
They feel that for their brother's sake,
he should consider what's at stake.

And Bingley brings to his estate
his good friend Darcy, stiff and stern.
A man with wealth of heavy weight,
who tends to be a bit sedate.
He principles were sorely learned
where needy women are concerned.

The Bennets live near Netherfield
with five young girls and still no son.
Their small estate has little yield
which means their circumstance is sealed,
entailed off to an uncle's son
who'll throw them out before he's done.

The Bennet girls are quite a crew;
they seem to have such little scope.
Each one has made her big debut
but finds her options very few.
Their mother finds it hard to cope
and has no realistic hope.

Jane Bennet is unlike the rest:
no finer girl in all these parts.
Her lovely eyes and heaving chest
have left some suitors quite impressed.
Accomplished in so many arts,
her looks have broken many hearts.

But sister Lizzy has no chance
to land a suitor anymore.
She loves to read and tease and dance
but still she wants sincere romance.
In doubt of what life has in store
this stubborn girl insists on more.

Our complement is now deployed;
in fine assembly rooms they'll strut.
This evening will be much enjoyed,
but Lizzy has become annoyed
by Darcy's rude and ill-timed cut.
She wishes that his mouth stayed shut.

Now Mrs. Bennet needs a fan
for her poor heart is all a-flutter.
Sweet Jane may just have found her man
and Mrs. B will start to plan.
And as for words that Darcy uttered,
she'd like to kick him in the gutter.

The Bingley girls are not amused
to be with humankind so plain.
They feel that they have been abused
and find that they are quite confused
by what their brother sees in Jane.
To marry her would reap no gain.

At Lucas Lodge the people meet
to pass some time till Michaelmas.
There never is an empty seat
when Lizzy gives a music treat.
And Mr. Darcy shows some class:
he finds our girl a bonnie lass.

Now Bingley's sisters hatch a scheme
to show they really are polite.
To Jane it sounds like quite a dream
to be held high in such esteem.
But Mrs. Bennet fixed it right:
our Jane takes ill and stays the night.

But how can Lizzy sit and sweat
when Jane has caused them such a fright?
So even though the storm is wet
she walks three miles with no regret.
And once she's there, her hem's a sight,
so they insist she stay the night.

To be with Darcy close at hand
is difficult to say the least.
He seems a most pretensious man,
so Lizzy hides behind her fan
avoiding glowers from the beast
and anxious to be soon released.

Soon Mrs. Bennet comes to spy
and check the state of Jane's ill health.
She takes a look in Bingley's eye
to judge the zeal his stares imply.
She glances 'round with practiced stealth;
she's still impressed with Bingley's wealth.

But Bingley's sister is aghast:
her brother has just made a splash.
They caught him in a trap so vast,
he twists and squirms; the die is cast.
So he and sister soon will clash;
he promised them he'd throw a bash.

The Bingley girls: a thankful lot,
when Jane at length can leave her room.
But Darcy finds he's in a spot:
his fancy pants are in a knot.
With Lizzy gone it's like a tomb;
he's thrown off by his sense of gloom

How far it is your thoughts can range
with words on which you can rely.
Miss Lizzy was a healthy change;
the empty house will feel so strange.
Engaging talk will soon run dry
for wit is now in short supply.

Is Lizzy really much ahead?
Does she bemoan their quick retreat?
At home she sits upon her bed
and thinks of something he had said.
His conversation so discreet;
she hadn't thought he'd be so sweet.

His manner often too uncouth,
this time he held his razor tongue.
His sister doesn't tell the truth;
she seems to be a stubborn youth.
Their parents died when she was young;
his caring deeds have gone unsung.

But this gave Lizzy quite a thought:
his sister might not be a brat.
To be strong-willed is not a blot;
the girl just might be overwrought.
She ought to have a little chat
with someone who's been through all that.

She comes back to the Bennet nest
and finds news from a diff'rent sphere.
A pastor soon will be their guest;
they'll see the style with which he's blessed.
His rationale for coming here
(with many words) will soon be clear.

The Rector Collins, here today,
inherits when their father's dead.
His Lady hates his feet of clay
and wants him married right away.
And anxious that he soon be wed
he aims his eye at Lizzy's head.

Now Collins wants to have a chat
and has a mind to walk to town.
Elizabeth wants none of that;
she knows enough to smell a rat.
His firm pursuit brings on a frown;
to her he's nothing but a clown.

In town they find a nice surprise:
a new acquaintance comes to light.
With curly hair and flashing eyes
this gentleman is quite a prize.
He fills our Lizzy with delight.
It's Mr. Wickham: quite a sight!

And who should ride up then and there
but Darcy looking quite serene.
He looks at Wickham's friendly air
and seems as if he wants to swear.
What can this awful business mean?
Our Mr. Darcy caused a scene.

So Lizzy soon takes Wickham's side
in matters she can only guess.
It seems there's nothing left to hide;
about his past he opens wide.
Now Darcy's causing more distress
for now she likes him even less.

At Netherfield the day's arrived;
the promised ball is here at last.
The merriment and joy will thrive;
the servants number ninety-five.
The drink and dance and lush repast
will make the evening quite a blast.

This ball is what the people want;
they're all decked out in fancy clothes.
For farmers it is quite a jaunt;
they have their Sunday best to flaunt.
The Bingley girls, with turned-up nose,
will never dance with one of those.

The Bennets come in fine full force;
when fun's involved they're quite devout.
And Jane and Lizzy come of course,
the Bennet name to reinforce.
They're all prepared to sing and shout,
and even Mr. B turns out.

Liz hoped to have a grand affair
but dear, oh dear, it's such a shame.
She can't find Wickham anywhere;
of him there is no hide nor hair.
She's sure that Darcy is to blame;
his low regard is still the same.

So Lizzy tries to shirk the man;
she won't give him a second glance.
And ever since the night began,
avoiding him has been her plan.
Though Darcy doesn't like to dance
he certainly will want a chance.

He catches her as she runs by
to benefit from their rapport.
She's trying hard to say goodbye;
she wants to leave him high and dry.
She's barely out the parlour door
when she consents to take the floor.

To see him dance is very rare;
his tone has not improved one bit.
His silence now is hard to bear
and Lizzy wishes she weren't there.
His conversation has no wit
and she is anxious now to quit.

But she starts in with some detail
and tries to talk of this or that.
She makes a ref'rence very veiled
to Wickham's sad and sorry tale.
But Darcy will have none of that;
their lively talk has fallen flat.

Now everyone is quite worn out;
they're ready for a fond farewell.
The Bingley girls are glad it's done
and Mrs. Bennet thinks she's won.
But Lizzy doesn't feel too well;
her Darcy clash had not gone well.

Now Collins' ardour will not fade;
he has our girl in hot pursuit.
His overtures she can't evade;
her mother sure provides no aid.
To flee him she can find no route;
our Lizzy can't escape the brute.

But Collins she cannot deter;
for her the man has no appeal.
His rationale for asking her?
It's what his patroness prefers.
His un-romantic claim of zeal
is not unlike a business deal.

He claims to want her at his side
but Lizzy doesn't feel the same.
In asking her to be his bride,
he's unaware he wounds her pride.
The silly man will feel no shame:
persistence is his middle name.

It comes as no surprise at all
that Mrs. Bennet takes a fit.
When wedding bells now come to call
her Lizzy always wants to stall.
She doesn't like her tone one bit
and thinks that Lizzy should submit.

Her anger Liz won't soon forget
but father thinks it's no mistake.
Her mother makes an idle threat
to show the trouble she'll beget.
So Lizzy has a choice to make:
which parent's offer will she take?

Bad luck comes at a rapid pace;
from Bingley's sister comes a note.
It says that they have quit the place;
they've disappeared without a trace.
The Bennets hate the words she wrote;
they'd like to squeeze her by the throat.

Now matters go from bad to worse:
the rector's search is at an end.
Poor Mrs. Bennet knows she's cursed
and pretty soon she'll need a nurse.
A choice they cannot comprehend:
it's Charlotte Lucas, Lizzy's friend.

...to be continued in Kent...