Beginning , Section II
Jump to new as of May 14, 2003
Jump to new as of May 18, 2003
The clerk at Somerset House looked surprised – women didn´t usually venture there – but asked no questions and vanished to procure the requested document.
When he finally returned with Mr. George Darcy´s will Elizabeth took the surprisingly thick bundle of papers and settled on one of the tables provided for reading and copying. She skimmed the first pages quickly until she found the paragraphs about Georgiana´s guardianship. There it was! If Mr Darcy died before Georgiana´s twenty-first birthday a family lawyer was to join Col. Fitzwilliam in guardianship and the Colonel was to receive 20 000 pounds plus a living in Derbyshire in order to enable him to quit the military. At twenty-one Georgiana was to inherit Pemberley, should she fail to reach that age the whole estate was to go to Colonel Fitzwilliam. Elizabeth shuddered. Georgiana was in grave danger. Even if the Colonel didn´t plan to murder her as well because it would raise suspicion it didn´t seem unlikely that he might marry her. And eventually his true character would surface and then Georgiana would know or at least suspect that she had married her brother´s murderer.
Elizabeth copied down everything that seemed necessary and then perused the rest of the document. The amount of donations surprised her – from a bedridden old servant to several schools and orphanages - Mr George Darcy generously supported them all. Clearly more than a tenth of the estates worth per annum went to the poor.
As Lizzy had no reason to assume that the son would be less generous than the father this first filled her with shame for so easily believing Wickham´s tales about the Darcys but later she was proud of her beloved and his family and understood better just how much responsibility rested upon his shoulders.
A small paragraph detailed the bequest of the Kympton living to Mr Wickham. What Darcy had failed to tell her in his letter after Hunsford was that his father requested in his will that Wickham was to receive 1500 pounds in lieu should he chose not to enter the church. Wickham had received this sum doubled and still not refrained from blackening the reputation of his childhood companion.
After returning the papers to the clerk and making a short detour to the library Elizabeth slowly sauntered home to Gracechurch Street. She knew that she would need the Gardiners support in protecting Gerorgiana and possibly bringing Col. Fitzwilliam to justice – that she didn´t think to be possible but resolved on trying anyway.
Posted on Wednesday, 7 May 2003
Elizabeth´s hope that Darcy would return was vanished – nearly. Sometimes when her spirits hit rock bottom she allowed herself to indulge in fantasies of his returning, to picture herself on the pier and him embarking from a ship. But deep down in her heart she knew that it was vain, that she'd better accustom herself to the fact that her dreams were not meant to come true.
Elizabeth was aware of her aunt's and uncle's hesitation to address this topic with her and resolved on speaking to them as a first step towards gaining their help with protecting Georgiana.
One evening after dinner seemed to be the perfect moment. Elizabeth assured them of her no longer expecting Darcy´s return. She didn't try to con ceil her anguish over this but managed to convey to them that she was sure to cope somehow, eventually. The Gardiners showed their relief on this and again and again assured her of their unerring support – unspoken between them stood Lizzy´s conviction of never marrying.
„I am afraid I will worry you afresh now but I beg you to hear me out and take your time to consider whether there is any truth in what I plan to tell you.“
She then proceeded to take them along with her growing suspicions and then certainty of Col. Fitzwilliam´s guilt and the conclusive danger for Georgiana. Furthermore she didn´t omit this time Mr. Darcy´s desperate plea in the warehouse to look after his sister should he perish and made them understand of how she felt bound to the promise given then.
Mrs Gardiner looked indeed sorrowful but kept her counsel. Mr Gardiner however had leaned forward eagerly during Lizzy´s tale and now took his wife´s hand reassuringly.
„Lizzy, you must not feel uneasy in mentioning your suspicions, Maddy, don´t worry too much on Lizzy´s account. – Your narrative – as astounding and unbelievable it may sound – fits perfectly with some rumours I have heard in the city. I first discarded them as malicious gossip, but in light of your tale they may well be true. Mind you, no one indicated any foul play on Col. Fitzwilliams side, no. It was merely said that there are some disagreements regarding Mr Darcy´s will, that the appointed executioners of the will do not agree upon when to act. Appointed are apparently a Mr. Richardson, the family lawyer, and someone from the Fitzwilliam family, I am not sure as to whether Col. Fitzwilliam or his elder brother or his father. The lawyer wants to wait the period of time required by the law after someone goes missing at sea when no body is discovered which is six months. After this period the person can be declared dead and the will can be executed.“
„There you see!“ Lizzy interjected.
„Well, this alone proves nothing for apparently the Fitzwilliam family argued that some decision regarding Georgiana´s future should be made earlier than that for her sake. And there's truth in this, she will be able to come to terms easier if she knows where she will live and if she is not kept in false hope by awaiting the pass of the legally required period. Furthermore with the situation in France, it is also in Georgiana´s interest if her remaining guardian is able to resign immediately – he could be sent to war any moment. You see – it can be seen both ways, either that the Fitzwilliam family doesn´t want Georgiana´s future to be hindered by formalities and spare the girl as much uncertainty and anxiety as possible or that Col Fitzwilliam is in dire need of his 20 000 pounds.“
Here Mr Gardiner paused. Mrs Gardiner seemed to be lost in thoughts and Lizzy quickly scanned her conclusions for any flaws. There were non – yet her uncle was right; the Colonel could be entirely innocent, the attack a robbery and Mr Darcy´s drowning an accident.
Mrs Gardiner spoke up, „I cannot be convinced of the Colonel´s guilt but the possibility must not be discarded. Trying to befriend Miss Darcy can´t do any harm, can it?“
Mr Gardiner nodded his consent, „Yes, I think the wisest course of action would be that I will keep my ears open in the city and that you two try to establish an acquaintance with Miss Darcy. This would have been quite impossible to accomplish before but when the Bingleys return from their honeymoon they can be helpful in this.“
Lizzy agreed eagerly, Mrs Gardiner however had the last word, „Edward, Lizzy, we must not forget that we have to be very careful – if our suspicions prove not to be true – which I still do hope – and anyone hears of them, our families and the Bingleys will be ruined. If they are true we must keep in mind that even if we can deliver proof for Col. Fitzwilliam´s guilt, the Earl of Matlock might want to protect his son and the family name. We must be very careful, not just for Georgiana´s sake but also for our sake and that of our children.“
As it was nearing mid July the Bingleys were expected back at home any day now. Mr Gardiner didn´t find out anything conclusive but a lot of his acquaintances in business and law where in the country at this time of year. Mrs Gardiner had found out that Miss Darcy indeed was in London, staying at the Matlock townhouse, deep in mourning of course. That meant she didn´t attend any social events and both Lizzy and Mrs Gardiner felt a visit without an invitation or to attend the church Miss Darcy was likely to visit was out of the question.
They had to wait for the Bingleys. Lizzy longed for Jane´s return in particular. The gentleness and goodness of her sister always had a soothing effect on her. Until the desired event Lizzy strove not to wallow in despair but to be of use to her aunt and uncle. During the day she sometimes managed not to think of him. It would have been against her very character – to do things she did not with all her heart. When playing with her cousins she was the kind and funny Aunt Lizzy as always, she only chose not to read any stories with dark-haired princes in them. In the evenings Elizabeth allowed her mind to wander freely – she talked to Darcy about anything, she imagined how their life would have been, she tried to envision him.
A happy coincidence helped Mrs Gardiner and Elizabeth. They were visiting an orphanage managed by Mrs Burton, an old friend of Mrs Gardiner from Lambton. The orphanage was not in need of any charity from them, it was very well run compared to others. Nevertheless visited Mrs Gardiner her friend quite often for a chat, sometimes bringing books and toys, sometimes teaching the elder girls fine needlepoint and once she even had had a pupil on the piano there, a very gifted girl. Mrs Gardiner never thought to mention it and Lizzy never asked, therefore she was unaware that the institute had been founded by Anne Darcy and was still financed by that family. And she couldn´t know that Darcy and his sister visited there too, that the very swing she watched the children playing with had been brought by Mr Darcy when he last visited in April.
After greeting Mrs Burton Lizzy had excused herself to go and play with the children as was her wont when visiting. She passed the courtyard with the new swing and went to the schoolroom from where she heard the piano.
An unexpected sight greeted her: A young woman, scarcely more than a girl, in a charcoal dress set at the piano, a small child on her lap, and was teaching her young charge a children's song, much to the delight of the other children assembled ´round the piano. Lizzy stood in the door when one of the older girls named Anne noticed her.
„Miss Lizzy, do come in!“
The young woman stood up startled and dropped to an awkward curtsey, the child still in her arms. Lizzy did likewise. Anne stepped forward „Miss Georgiana, may I introduce Miss Lizzy. Miss Lizzy, this is Miss Georgiana.“
Both had to smile at this. Lizzy spoke first, „I am delighted to make your acquaintance, my name is Elizabeth Bennet. Please accept my apologies for my untimely interruption. – Anne, you are quite a young lady already, thank you for the introduction.“
The girl blushed and the other children giggled. The young woman looked at her curiously and addressed Lizzy, „Yes, Anne is, isn´t she? You didn't interrupt. My name is Georgiana Darcy, I am pleased to make your acquaintance as well.“
It seemed to Lizzy that she was about to say more but couldn´t bring herself to it. Lizzy saw all the ease Miss Darcy had shown when alone with the children vanish and her shyness settle in again. Unsure of how to proceed – to offer condolences might cost them both their composure – Elizabeth smiled at her and chose to try to set Miss Darcy at ease again by asking, „ Do you teach the children here regularly?“
„I do not visit here often enough for that but I try to encourage them whenever I am here. Usually I spend half of the year in the country, at home at P ...“
Her voice began to falter and Lizzy quickly turned to the still assembled children.
„Will you excuse us, please? Anne, take the little ones into the courtyard, please.“
Miss Darcy was weighted down with grief and had such a forlorn air about her that Lizzy´s heart went out to her. When the last child had scampered off she stepped closer and took Miss Darcy´s elbow.
„Dear Miss Darcy,“ Georgiana looked up with tear-filled eyes, „Won't you sit down? Shall I get you a glass of water?“
The girl declined the water but sat down on the piano bench. Her hands were cold and trembling and Lizzy gently rubbed some warmth into them. There were no appropriate words to console her, Lizzy could only try to help her keeping her composure – losing it in front of a stranger would only rattle Miss Darcy further.
With a deep sigh Miss Darcy summoned her strength – grieve stricken as she was, she was still a Darcy. Lizzy let go of her hands with an apologetic smile and asked her „Shall we play?“
Miss Darcy was surprised by that request but quickly selected music for four hands. After some confusion as to their seating arrangements they started.
Playing the piano seemed to have the same effect as children on Miss Darcy because after they had finished an easy sonatine with a flourish she had regained enough confidence to enquire,
„Are you from Hertfordshire, Miss Bennet?“
„Indeed I am, I live in Longbourne, near Meryton. Mr Bingley´s estate Netherfield is but three miles from my home.“
„My brother mentioned making your acquaintance when visiting Mr Bingley last autumn.“
The mention of her brother seemed to overwhelm Miss Darcy anew. Wringing her hands in her lap she looked like trying to make up her mind. Then she turned round to face Elizabeth and addressed her,
„Is it really terrible wrong of me that I cannot stop expecting Fitzwilliam to come through the door any moment? My family is very kind but still – I can sense them thinking that I should move on.“
Now Elizabeth´s composure was at risk for this very question figured heavily in her life as well.
„No, I don´t think you are wrong. You alone are to determine when you hopes cease to be what they are and turn into dreams or fond memories.“
Elizabeth tried very hard not to give herself away but on closer introspection thought it quite likely that Miss Darcy at least must have an inkling as to how her brother regarded Elizabeth because otherwise she wouldn´t have spoken as she had. To talk openly about this was out of the question, both women felt it too early in their acquaintance for such revelations and in mutual understanding they rose to join Mrs Burton and Mrs Gardiner at tea.
A third lady was introduced as Mrs Annesley, Miss Darcy´s companion, who had been in the nursery when Lizzy and her aunt had arrived. Miss Darcy and Lizzy had both much to think on and therefore the elder ladies carried the conversation. When saying their goodbyes Mrs Gardiner issued an invitation for the next day to Miss Darcy which was gladly taken up.
On their way home Mrs Gardiner and Lizzy discussed their meeting with Georgiana. Mrs Gardiner thought her to have lost weight since her last visit and Elizabeth remarked upon the quite unexpected swings between extreme shyness and quite bold speech.
Mrs Gardiner thought this – the boldness – a combination of Georgiana´s knowledge of her brother´s relationship with Lizzy and the possible effect of grief – to gain strength for overcoming her shyness. Both women however sensed that the past weeks had put a terrible strain on Georgiana and even if she might show some desperate bravery around Elizabeth they would have to treat her very carefully. Hearing of her other guardian's terrible betrayal – murdering her beloved brother – would be enough to put her over the edge. If they ever were to bring Col. Fitzwilliam – still not proven guilty – to justice, it would have to be done without Georgiana´s knowledge.
At home a pleasant surprise awaited them. A note from the Bingleys had arrived, stating them to be all well but exhausted – they had only arrived in London this afternoon – and announcing a visit for the morrow.
Though Lizzy was overjoyed with the prospect of seeing Jane again soon this evening it proved to be very difficult for her to find sleep. Miss Darcy didn´t resemble her brother greatly but enough to give Lizzy a heavy heart. She had meant every word of advice she had given Georgiana. Had any body asked her before, she would have affirmed that her hopes long had turned into dreams and that she knew the difference between the two.
Yet hope is a strange thing. One is sure to have relinquished it and then if resurfaces all of a sudden. And so Lizzy cried herself to sleep over the image of Fitzwilliam Darcy coming through the door – just as Miss Darcy.
Posted on Sunday, 11 May 2003
The morning brought a joyful reunion of the two sisters. Jane radiated happiness and Mr Bingley – Charles now to them – was in his usual high spirits. The children were delighted with their gifts as well as the adults.
When Miss Darcy together with Mrs Annesley called a spell was cast over all as especially Charles and Georgiana were affected by their knowledge of who was missing in this setting. But Jane and Mrs Gardiner managed to bridge the awkwardness with comparing their views of various sights in the Lake District – where the Bingleys had spent their honeymoon – and managed to draw Miss Darcy into the conversation who had visited the area as well as a child with her father.
Even if during this visit Lizzy and Georgiana had no opportunity for a private exchange they grew more at ease with each other and agreed upon visiting each other regularly.
The Gardiners together with Lizzy thought it too soon to acquaint the Bingleys with their suspicions and fears for Georgiana´s safety and postponed their revelation to the following Friday when a family dinner was planned.
The said Friday, when all dishes were cleared, Mr Gardiner and Charles withdrew to the study. This afforded Jane with the opportunity to speak privately with Elizabeth as Mrs Gardiner was occupied upstairs with the children. Jane had seen the underlying sadness in Elizabeth´s demeanor but still was shocked to hear from her sister the whole extent of her sorrow. As Jane was visibly shaken Elizabeth began to fear that all this would be too much for her gentle sister. But after regaining her composure Jane showed that underneath her serenity a quiet strength was to be found. As much as Jane was inclined to think the best of everybody she met she was also fiercely loyal to her family and her compassionate and generous heart made her want to protect young Georgiana in any case.
When Mrs Gardiner was down again the women joined the gentlemen in the study as there was less likelihood of being overheard there. Charles was looking very grave and sad. He felt the betrayal of his friend acutely and – after stating that Col Fitzwilliam could be innocent – agreed with the others that the possible danger for Georgiana outweighed any concern of falsely accusing the Colonel.
Charles had to add another piece of information: The thought of Col. Fitzwilliam possibly wanting to marry Miss Darcy in the future had entered his mind a few months ago upon the Colonel´s remarking in how much grown up Georgiana was – a remark that had rang in Bingley´s ears not entirely as that of a proud guardian only.
It was agreed that the Bingleys would alter their plans. They were to stay in London instead of retiring to Netherfield thus giving inconspicious means of seeing Georgiana regularly. Bingley sometimes had called on the Matlocks together with Darcy or the Colonel, it would not be frowned upon if he continued to do so.
Elizabeth could be included in this visits and she longed to go because she wanted to see with her own eyes where Georgiana lived, whether she was been looked after by kind people. But she was also afraid of betraying anything should she encounter Col Fitzwilliam during such a call. They thought it wise that Bingley would call alone at first, trying to find out the Colonel´s schedule. Legal questions were also pondered upon: there wouldn´t be any evidence and a confession was highly unlikely. If they could convince the Earl of Matlock of his younger son´s guilt it would depend on him. Mr Gardiner, from his brief acquaintance, thought the Earl to be an honest and just man but pointed out that one couldn´t predict his actions in a matter that would destroy his son and possibly tarnish his family´s name forever.
The days passed. Charles had called on Georgiana at the Matlock´s townhouse, first alone and then to introduce his wife. The Bingleys hadn´t seen the Colonel on either visit, only Lady Matlock and Miss Darcy an her companion had been present. Jane reported Lady Matlock to have been reserved at first – apparently too many gossip mongers of the ton had tried to invade the family´s mourning which had made her suspicious of any new callers – but them all amiability towards them. The countess was a warm, motherly kind of woman and Georgiana´s well-being was clearly uppermost on her mind. Jane´s perceptiveness and kindness when trying to prevent Miss Darcy from shrinking back into gloomy thoughts had earned her Lady Matlock´s respect and so Georgiana was encouraged to visit the Bingleys and even to help Jane to select fabrics and furniture for necessary remodeling of the Bingleys´ townhouse. There had even been talk of a possible visit to Netherfield for the city did not agree with Georgiana very well but in visiting Matlock, Rosings or Pemberley memories would intrude.
Elizabeth was relieved to know Miss Darcy in good hands. Her well-being had been a constant sorrow for her but with the acquaintance between the Bingleys and the Matlocks now firmly established they were in a good position to bring Georgiana out of danger should things get nasty. This lifted from her mind and heart Elizabeth was at leisure to direct her attention to herself. She had kept herself occupied with planning and scheming and worrying about Georgiana.
Lizzy was despondent. Her present and future looked utterly bleak to her. She had led a quiet life, had had no high expectations and still had been cheerful. But after having had a glimpse of what could have been, of the joy and fulfillment finding one´s soulmate can bring – she couldn´t go back to her old life. Lizzy tried to focus on what to do with her life, how to fill the void Mr Darcy´s death had created, a void which dimensions she only began to see now.
When thinking about her future she never got far, her resurfaced hope intruding, gauging her imagination with pictures of Darcy in a London bound ship, at her uncle´s doorstep, on the lawn in front of Pemberley, across her while dancing.
On some level Lizzy knew that she was only torturing herself yet she couldn´t stop. What made her predicament even less bearable was that she felt the impossibility of burdening her relatives with her sorrow, of worrying them anew.
Would they still live under the same roof Lizzy would surely be found out by Jane but as they were seeing each other frequently but nearly never alone Lizzy managed to conceal her state from her sister. Mrs Gardiner was an astute observer as well but quite affected by morning sickness and fatigue as she was expecting her fifth child.
Drawing consolation from her faith was for now out of reach for Elizabeth. She had always been thankful to the Lord for his splendid creations, she had prayed and sung in service with joy, she had tried to obey the ten commandments but nothing had prepared her for this. At first she had prayed for Darcy´s return, futile as it had seemed, then for his soul, for a swift, painless death and for Georgiana. Beyond this she didn´t dare to venture – yet. She couldn´t gain any relief from believing Darcy´s death to be part of the Almighty´s plan, Lizzy sensed that she would get very angry at fate and maybe even at God should she let her thoughts wander there.
One hot and humid day Elizabeth accompanied her uncle and the two eldest children to the warehouse – for the first time since she had last seen Mr Darcy there. In passing through the packaging room and then the place where the attack had occurred she felt again tears prick at her eyes. She kept her composure for the sake of the children and in time could breath more freely. Her cousins were all excitement, jumping up and down the crates waiting for shipment, trying to guess the destination of the ships anchoring and asking the workers numerous questions. Lizzy let her eyes wander over the sea to the horizon, wanting to shout her anger at the waves that had taken him. When the children raised her from her reverie she squared her shoulders and went back to the warehouse with them.
After returning home to Gracechurch Street the Gardiners prepared for an outing. They were to visit a friend´s house on the outskirts of London where the air was fresher and cooler. Mrs Gardiner looked forward to the visit and the children were eager to meet their friends there. Lizzy felt a headache coming on from the mornings exertions and begged to stay at home. Mrs Gardiner was concerned but Lizzy assured her of her wellbeing after a lie down and a quiet afternoon and wished them a pleasant outing.
She went upstairs for a rest but the heat in her room on the second floor was opressive. After cooling her face and wrists at the wash stand she went down again. Lizzy prepared a jug of lemonade in the kitchen – as no dinner was to be cooked most of the staff had been given the afternoon off – and retired into her uncle´s study, the shadiest and coolest room of the house. She picked up a book but put it down again, feeling restless. Finally she fell into a light slumber in the leather chair by the hearth.
Elizabeth was roused by a scullery maid timidly knocking.
„Enter!“
„Miss Lizzy, there´s a stranger at the back entrance, ´e´s for the master on business we think, can´t say for sure though ´cause´e´s speaking french, mebby, and, Miss, ´e´s a monk!“
Lizzy followed the girl down to the kitchen. Back lighted against the glaring sun in the courtyard she saw a hooded figure standing in the kitchen entrance. She couldn´t discern his features because of the light but it was a monk to be sure, with a beard, a cowl and sandaled feet. He greeted her with a bow. Lizzy curtseyed and told him in French
„Good day to you, Brother. Unfortunately my uncle Mr Gardiner is out until the evening but you are welcome to stay and wait.“ The monk must have been really exhausted by traveling in this heat because his „Merci.“ was nearly inaudible.
Lizzy addressed the maid,
„Eleanor, please provide our guest with food and drink and show him where he can get rid of the dust of the road.“
„Certainly, Miss“
Mr Gardiner often had visitors from the Continent or even from overseas, his business interests ranging wide. There were quite a few monasteries renowned for their wine production in France. – Though, business with France was impossible at the moment because of the political situation. Maybe the monk was from Belgium.
Belgium!
Elizabeth began to pace the study, her mind reeling. It would not do, to invite the monk into the study and question him about the Belgian coast and its tide, even with a monk, propriety forbade her to be alone with a man.
She couldn´t question him in the kitchen as she didn´t want to display her inner turmoil in front of the maids there. Even to her the whole venture seemed like a crazy thing to do, the good Brother would fear for her sanity and quite rightly so. And didn´t she owe it to her relatives and to herself, not to endanger the comparatively stableness of her state of mind with yet another wild goose chase?
Alas, her heart spoke differently. Couldn´t this be a wink of fate? Couldn´t it be that this monk would give her answers which might enable her to come to terms with her grief?
Elizabeth rang the bell.
„Yes, Miss Lizzy?“
„Eleanor, please bring our guest to Mr Gardiner´s study when he is ready.“
„Certainly, Miss.“
Posted on Wednesday, 14 May 2003
Elizabeth was already regretting her impulsive action and paced up and down in front of the window wringing her hands. When she heard the door open and close again she turned around but couldn´t bring herself to look up into the monk´s face, she didn´t want to read his dissaproval – or maybe pity for her – in his eyes.
Fastening her eyes on the simple wooden cross suspended from his neck she spoke hurriedly,
„Forgive me, Brother, for summoning you thus, I , ah, I was wondering whether, that is I think you might be able to answer ...“
„Elizabeth.“
The monk had stepped closer, taking both her hands into his. Elizabeth looked up into his face – pale, drawn, with a short, greystreaked beard, but the face of her mourned beloved nonetheless, the face of Fitzwilliam Darcy.
„Oh. Fitzwilliam ...“ Tears of joy rose in her eyes.
Upon hearing her saying his name he smiled and gently pressed her fingers.
Lizzy feared all this to be a dream. Reaching up she gently touched his cheeks. Unable to hold back her tears any longer Lizzy threw her arms aroung his chest, holding on to him for dear life and sobbing into the rough cloth of his cowl. His arms went around her, pressing her until it almost hurt.
After her tears had subsided a little bit she listened to the rapid beat of his heart, to his heavy breathing. When she finally stirred he lessened his hold but didn´t relinquish it. Elizabeth wouldn´t have had it any other way – fearing that if she couldn´t touch him he would vanish again. She studied him closely – he was much thinner and looked haggard, his eyes shining with tears too.
„I didn´t dare to hope that you would be here but how I wished you to be!“
„I couldn´t stand being at Longbourne. Here I am not forced to hide my feelings.“
„Have you seen Georgiana? How does she fare?“
„I´ve seen her, yes, she is as well as can be expected. She is staying in your uncle´s townhouse.“
Darcy´s relief was palpable but a sadness seemed to envelope him. Suddenly Lizzy understood – how hard it must have been for him, the betrayal of a cousin on whom he looked like a brother, the anguish over his beloved sister´s fate. But she couldn´t be sure yet, even if his coming to the Gardiners´ house rather than to Lord Matlock´s spoke volumes.
„You were pushed, weren´t you?“
He nodded sadly.
„Colonel Fitzwilliam?“
„Yes, it was him. How do you know?“
„I felt terrible for first suspecting him because of a bad dream but when thinking it through little pieces of information fell into place. And when I , ah, looked up your father´s will at Somerset House I was fairly certain ...“
Lizzy cast down her eyes with embarrassement when revealing this last bit. Darcy didn´t hide his astonishment first but then broke into a wide smile and pulled her closer again.
„Just the thing I would expect you to do.“
Then, getting very serious and overcome with emotion he continued
„It was the very thought of you, spirited and full of life, not to be intimidated by anybody or anything that kept me going, that made me fight when I was so weary, so tired, so tempted to let go.“
After some moments Darcy proceeded with an astonishing tale.
Witnessing Col. Fitzwilliam´s zeal in playing cards during their first Channel crossing had made him uneasy but not suspicious yet. The colonel´s nervousness during their trip in Flanders he had attributed to the unpleasant reason for their mission – helping the future earl, the colonel´s elder brother, out of a situation he got himself in without giving away its real nature to Lady and Lord Matlock.
When taking some fresh air on deck Darcy didn´t hear the colonel approaching but by chance turned around to see his face. Being unable to prevent a fall when his cousin shoved him over the railing he managed to stay afloat and to shout for help. But the wind and the fog swallowed his cries.
It was getting dark already when he felt his strength weaken. Unable to determine how far he was from the coast and to find out which direction to swim to he was nearly resigned to a wet grave when he encountered a plank. With its help he managed to stay afloat until the wind abated. In the small hours of the morning he was being rescued by fishermen. The ship hadn´t been that far away from the shore, it had trailed along the coastline before heading out onto the Channel because they had to avoid French territory on the Channel – a fact which either must have been unknown to Col Fitzwilliam or he was already desperate enough to try anyway.
Overcome with exhaustion and fever Darcy lost consciousness and regained it two weeks later in a monastery.
The fishermen had first tried to nurse him at their village. When his condition didn´t improve and they feared for his life they sent for a priest for last rites. The priest turned out to be a monk from the nearby monastery who arranged for Darcy to be brought to monastery. Later he was told that he had had pneumonia and that a few times he had nearly died. When finally regaining consciousness again he was terribly week and the old wound at his shoulder caused problems as well.
Still he wanted to get back to England as quickly as possible – anguished because of the grief the news of his death would cause Georgiana, enraged at his cousin´s betrayal and longing to see Elizabeth. During long talks the abbot, a kind and wise man, managed to convince him to take matters slowly. Sending a letter now – after nearly three weeks had passed – would achieve nothing because, as Darcy was still too week to write himself, the Earl of Matlock would question the authenticity of the letter, probably thinking it a ruse to extract money from the family. And even if Lord Matlock would believe the letter – as much as Darcy wanted to think that his uncle would do the right thing – one couldn´t predict the outcome when a man is forced to choose between his nephew and his son. Therefore the abbot wrote to a brother in faith in London for information, Darcy thus learning of the disagreement over the execution of his own will between the Matlock family and Richardson, the family lawyer. This gave Darcy confidence that he would at least be able to trust Richardson upon returning to London and confronting his family with his terrible tale.
The abbot however pointed out that Richardson could just as well be very fastidious – not an unusual trait in a lawyer – without suspecting foul play and cautioned Darcy to search for an ally elsewhere. So after a slow recovery he traveled back to London in the guise of a monk with the address of a London monastery in his pocket as a last resort and a plan to call on Mr Gardiner and enlist his help. And with the secret hope of seeing his beloved there. This he didn´t discussed with Brother Abbot but suspected the elder man knew anyhow, having heard Darcy calling out for Elizabeth in his fever many times.
During Darcy´s narrative they had moved into the drawing room. There they were now on the settee, huddled together, Darcy´s arm around Lizzy´s shoulders, his other hand firmly enclosed in her hands. When he was finished they sat in silence, both felt words unnecessary. There was nothing to be gained in talking through the terrible deed of Col Fitzwilliam, the anguish it had caused family and friends and Elizabeth. Elizabeth looked at Darcy and marveled at the wonder of being able to look at him, talk to him. She sent a heartfelt prayer of thanks heavenwards.
Darcy seemed to read her thoughts for he said „I cannot be thankful enough for being able to see you again, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth.“
He leaned closer and Lizzy tilted her head upwards, smiling in the happy anticipation of their first kiss.
But then he reconsidered and withdrew, standing up. Because - for all his new found awareness of what was really important in life - he was still Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley, Derbyshire. He wouldn´t kiss a woman he wasn´t bethrothed to. Darcy started to pace, searching for the right words. Elizabeth was surprised first by his sudden change of mind but put it down to his not wanting to drag her further in danger, as the outcome of his confrontation with Lord Matlock and the colonel was not sure. She stood up too and stopped his pacing by taking his hand.
„Fitzwilliam, dearest, I want you to know that I love you dearly. I cannot imagine to be without you, please do not consider trying to protect me by keeping your distance, I could not stand it, not now, after I found you again.“
His heartfelt delight at such a declaration overspread his features when he answered
„That is not what I´ve been thinking of, ah, or I have been thinking of it but ... I, ahem, Elizabeth, will you marry me?“
„Yes, Fitzwilliam, I will and I shall and I will be the happiest of women because of it.“
This time nothing stopped them and therefore the returning Gardiners were greeted by the astonishing sight of Lizzy kissing a monk in their drawing room.
Posted on Saturday, 17 May 2003
Mr Gardiner cleared his throat. Nothing happened. He tried again, still to no avail.
Emily´s „He´s no monk for sure, he must be a prince,“ alerted the couple to the fact that they were not alone. They broke their kiss and blushed profoundly but kept holding hands.
„Aunt, may I present ...“ Mr Gardiner interrupted Lizzy there
„I am sure your aunt knows the gentleman. Sir, may I present my wife, Madeline Gardiner and my children Emily, Edward, Madeline and Samuel.“
Mr Darcy bowed and the others greeted him likewise. Mrs Gardiner took the children upstairs and Mr Gardiner ushered Lizzy and Darcy into his study.
„I am sorry for interrupting you, Lizzy, but as seeing Mr Darcy in disguise I thought secrecy in order. You can´t make sure that the little ones won´t talk to the servants and then ...“
Lizzy broke in „I am glad for your quick thinking, Uncle, ah, and for ...“ there she glanced at Darcy who took over
„Apologies for the , ahem, situation you found us in but be assured, nothing untoward has occured, I am happy to announce that El.., ah, Miss Bennet, accepted my hand in marriage.“
„Congratulations to you both! Rest assured that I am neither so unkind nor so fastidious as to find fault in your behaviour after witnessing Lizzy´s anguish for so long. Let me add that I am very happy to see you here and that you have my support in whatever your plans are because seeing you here in such disguise gives me reason to fear that our suspicions were true.“
„I am afraid to say so, yes, Mr Gardiner. Thank you for your kind offer.“
Mr Gardiner enquired if Lizzy knew the Bingleys to be at home and not entertaining guests. Lizzy could affirm this and Sam the footman was sent over there to fetch Charles, sworn not to breath a word of all this to anyone. Mr Darcy added a note to Bingley to bring over a change of clothes he had always kept at Bingley´s townhouse for when they were heading to their club after riding out in the morning.
When Mrs Gardiner came down again she shook hands with Darcy, expressing her heartfelt joy at seeing him whole and sound, not trying to hide her tears.
Mr Darcy told an abbreviated version of his trials and was just about to tell them of how he thought best to proceed when Bingley bounded into the room.
„I couldn´t believe my eyes upon receiving your note, Darcy, I can´t tell you how happy I am,“ he cried, hugging Darcy fiercely.
Darcy then told them that he planned to see his uncle in the morning but feared for Georgiana´s and the other´s safety. Bingley was of help there. He and Jane had an appointment to take Georgiana for a ride for the next day and furthermore he knew Col Fitzwilliam to be on a tour in the South to inspect troops. Of the Earl´s plans he knew nothing but that he was in London.
Mr Gardiner took over from there, „I think I left a favourable impression with Lord Matlock, I am quite sure that he would come if I sent him a message to meet me in the warehouse on the pretense that something came up on the attack on Mr Darcy – which wouldn´t even be a lie.“
Mr Darcy could confirm that Lord Matlock thought as highly of Mr Gardiner as could be expected from their short acquaintance and that he would heed the invitation.
Mr Gardiner then proceeded „A friend of mine is in New York for a year, his house is closed up but our housekeeper goes there once a week for airing the rooms and making sure that everything is all right. Just to be on the safe side I suggest that my whole household moves there and that Jane and Charles bring Georgiana when they collect her for the appointed ride. As it is a very fashionable, recently remodeled house Jane should tell Georgiana that she wants her opinion on some of the designs, whether they fit for their townhouse.“
Everybody agreed with this plan. Mr Darcy and Mr Gardiner were quite sure that the earl would do the right thing but didn´t want to take chances. Bingley left to tell Jane the good news and Mr Gardiner opted for retiring early because he noticed how exhausted Mr Darcy was. Lizzy went upstairs with her aunt. Mrs Gardiner stopped before Lizzy´s room saying
„Lizzy, I can´t tell you how happy I am for you. Do not worry, everything will be all right tomorrow, Edward won´t let any harm come to your young man.“
Lizzy bade her aunt good night but lingered in front of her room as she heard Darcy make his way upstairs. She felt embarrassed for waiting on a darkened landing but overcame such feelings quickly when she saw how Darcy´s face lit up on beholding her there. He put his candle on the windowsill and took her hands
„I would have been very sorry to miss saying good night to you, Elizabeth.“
„It would be insupportable.“ With that she rose on her toes expectantly. Darcy hesitated, notions of propriety ingrained for generations enabled him to withstand this temptation. When he already began to berate himself for his stupidity – Mr Gardiner wouldn´t shoot him for a kiss on the staircase with his bethrothed – his behaviour – call it stupid or proper – was rewarded. Lizzy rose further to reach his lips for the tenderest of kisses. It made his lips tingle and his knees go weak although it was light as the touch of a feather. Their first kiss down in the drawing room had been something like the first drink of water after crossing the desert, a reassurance that – after both had spent the past weeks in a state of haze – they indeed were alive. This kiss made Darcy remember when he first admired her – when he had watched her laughing in Netherfield, her cheeks rosy and eyes sparkling, when every apple blossom in Kent had made him thinking of her teint and lips. Now it gave him hope that there was something to look forward to after all the danger and ugliness he had encountered, that indeed there would be times when his only sorrow would be which beauty of Pemberley he was to show her first, whether to plant a kiss on the tip of her nose or on the corner of her mouth or whether it was too early for their children to ride a pony or not. With a small content sigh Lizzy broke their kiss, Darcy´s thoughts mirrored in her eyes.
„I feel certain that everything will be allright. Sleep well, Fitzwilliam.“
„Sleep well, Dearest.“
Elizabeth was down for breakfast early. Although she´d only slept a few hours she felt more refreshed from it than in weeks. Mr Gardiner was already in his study writing to Lord Matlock. Darcy made his appearance in the dining room, clean shaven and in his clothes from Bingley – thus accentuating how much weight he´d lost. Lizzy quelched the urge to pity him for neither would he wish to be pitied nor did his smile ask for such a sentiment.
Though Darcy couldn´t forget that he was soon to give Lord and Lady Matlock pain he felt more confident than in a long time. This stemmed mainly from being able to take his fate in his own hands again but also from the backing he was sure to have in the Gardiner family. To be welcomed into the family without reserve gladdened his heart, it made him remember fondly his parents and made him realise how much he had missed the warm if not fashionable comfort one could gain from one´s family.
„Do you think the Gardiners would like to visit us in Pemberley at Christmas?“
„Good morning to you too, Fitzwilliam. I see you spent your time as agreeably as I spent mine, thinking of our future?“ Elizabeth gently teased.
Darcy blushed but was not deterred from his good mood.
„Good morning, most distracting of all females. I realise I was wrong in imagining quiet evenings in a snowladen Pemberley. Pray tell what you have in mind for our future?“
It was Lizzy´s turn to blush because she hadn´t thought of visits of relatives or even of Pemberley but fallen asleep with the memory of their kiss on the staircase on her lips and had tried to recall its feel upon waking up. Darcy was fascinated by his fiancées sudden swings between teasing and a – in his eyes most becoming – shyness. Gently he stroked her cheek.
Mr Gardiner´s entrance broke the spell and his quest – that Darcy should read the note for Lord Matlock before it was sent – served as a reminder of what lay before them. They broke their fast and when the Gardiners went to apprise their staff of the temporary removal to their friends house Darcy rose from the table and came over to Lizzy´s side. Lizzy stood up, her heart heavy. Although she didn´t really fear any bodily harm for Darcy as the outcome of his interview with his uncle she knew how much pain it gave him to have to relate to Lord Matlock all that had happened. She pressed his hand in reassurance and then he was gone. Lizzy and Mrs Gardiner watched the men drive off and then went to collect children and servants for the removal.
Elizabeth was all apprehension because of seeing Georgiana soon. She didn´t feel very confident in being able to hide her knowledge from the girl but Fitzwilliam thought it to be a necessary precaution should anything happen to him – Georgiana must not be told that her brother was alive and well only to loose him for good a few hours later.
The servants knew that something was wrong but were loyal to a fault to the Gardiners. Mrs Gardiner had found out that they had concocted a rather romantic story about Darcy being a French refugee and thought it wise to let them believe this for the time being.
The house they soon reached was pleasant enough and the next two hours were spent with exploring and setting up the kitchen for they expected to stay at least until tea time.
Midmorning the Bingelys and Georgiana arrived. Miss Darcy was not to be fooled easily, Lizzy sensed that she thought it odd – viewing a house whose proprietors were absent but was too polite to remark on it.
After lunch Lizzy and Georgiana took a stroll in the garden. At the far end on a secluded bench Georgiana turned to face Lizzy and said
„I feel that I should go to Pemberley soon. Mr Douglas, the stewart, wrote to me about how sad but also how worried the tenants are. They fear for their future. I know but little about the actual estate business but I will have help from my family and Mr Douglas and Mrs Reynolds and I will learn quickly. Hopefully the people of Pemberley will fell better when I am there and overlook mistakes I am likely to make kindly. – Miss Bennet, I would dearly like to have a friend with me and furthermore I am sure that my brother would have wanted you to see Pemberley. Will you accompany me to Derbyshire?“
Lizzy sat in stunned silence, full of admiration for the young woman´s sentiments and courage. When she realised that her long silence had made Georgiana unsure about her reception she forced herself to speak.
„Miss Darcy, Georgiana, your brother will be proud of you. Do know that I admire your resolve and courage and strength. Of course I will accompany you to the north.“
After puzzlement at Elizabeth´s supposed slip of using present tense for her brother relief washed over Georgiana´s face and Lizzy felt terrible for not being able to tell her that her brother lived.
In Mr Gardiner´s warehouse Darcy stood at the window on the lookout for his uncle´s carriage. He was surprised to see Richardson, the family lawyer, disembark too but then realised it to be an understandable act of caution on Lord Matlock´s side to bring the lawyer along. As he heard the men being led up the stairs he squared his shoulders and with a wry smile to each other he and Mr Gardiner stood to face the door.
Lord Matlock´s face showed disbelief in seeing Darcy, a joyous disbelief. He embraced his nephew tightly under exclamations of wonder and happiness. Richardson came forward to greet Darcy in a less effusive manner and Darcy read in his eyes that he had at least a suspicion as to why the meeting took place here.
As the earl was no stupid man soon the oddity of this meeting registered with him. When he saw the looks in the faces of the other men he took a deep breath and turned to look out the window. Mr Gardiner poured the brandy and ushered the men to sit. Darcy remained standing until his uncle was able to face them again.
„Richard?“
Darcy nodded sadly, noticing the looks passing between Richardson and the earl. Later he learned that the two had interfered on Col Fitzwilliams behalf a few times before, always because of gaming debts, but had held up hopes of him outgrowing the vice.
„What do you want me to do?“
„I want to spare my aunt and Georgiana the knowledge of this. With your influence and help I think we could accomplish him to be sent to America without returning to London from his troop inspection tour. The ladies will be told that he is on a special assignment, a top secret one.“
„That is generous of you, Fitzwilliam.“
„No, Uncle, it is not. The man who pushed me over the railing was not the Richard we know, it was as if something evil had taken possession of him. If it is anything, it is selfish, not generous – I want to remember him as the companion of my youth and cannot do that if I send him to the gallows. While I don´t want him near my loved ones and myself I sincerely hope that he uses this chance of redeeming himself in America.“
Mr Gardiner sent a note to his wife that everything was well so far and that they could expect Darcy in about two hours. While he stayed in his warehouse the other men set off to see Col Fitzwilliams commanding officer. The general´s reaction was bit similar to Richardson´s earlier – not as shocked as one would expect. He agreed to Lord Matlock´s proposed course of action and set off with an escort and the earl to Col Fitzwilliam´s quarters in the South.
Lizzy had strained her ears for Fitzwilliam´s carriage when the estimated time drew near. Whe she heard it stop she quickly ushered a puzzled Georgiana into the study. Darcy´s questioning look upon entering the hall she answered with „Georgiana is in the study, I will show you the way.“ She left him on the doorstep.
Col Fitzwilliam knew his case to be lost when his father and the general called on him in the Shepherd´s Inn in ________, Kent. After handing his sword and pistols over to the general he addressed his father
„Please spare Mamá this.“
The earl nodded and was about to tentatively embrace his son for the last time when the general`s escort whisked him away to Southhampton where he was to be detained until a suitable ship was found.
Georgiana would only release her brother to hug her new sister, after Darcy told her of their engagement.
Col Fitzwilliam wrote to his mother a few times from his „secret assignment“ and – after she´d waited several months in vain for the next letter – was declared missing by the military authorities.
Georgiana blossomed into a remarkable woman who - after a whirlwind courtship - married a politician who never forgot to thank his wife first after winning an election. Fifteen years after her marriage, when reading her youngest a tale of adventurers she put together the mystery of her missing cousin.
Lord Matlock was a broken man after the sad affair. His wife sensed that he hid something from her but believed it to have been the illness that soon afterwards took him.
Darcy and Elizabeth were married six weeks after Darcy´s reappearance. They did have their share of quarrels but every fight was tempered by their knowledge that fate indeed had shown them mercy for allowing them to be together.
Darcy soon found out even his anticipated small worries to be groundless – he never had to decide whether to kiss the tip of his wife´s nose first or the – now nearly constantly upturned - corner of her mouth because he found the little spot below her ear to be most tempting and they didn´t have to quarrel with each other whether their children were old enough to ride or not because all five of them wanted to start riding before both of their parents thought them to be quite ready for such an endeavour.