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Posted On: Wednesday, 28 August 2002, at 2:06 p.m.
I was just playing the piano, as my brother arrived home with his new wife. Miss Elisabeth Bennet is her name, or I should say was. For from now on of course, she was Mrs. Darcy.
As soon as I heard the carriage coming up the lane, I abandoned my music. I ran downstairs as fast as I could. When I was downstairs at the front door, my brother was just helping Elisabeth out of the carriage.
"Miss Darcy!" she cried as soon as she saw me. I almost ran towards her, and gave her a big hug.
"Hello Miss Ben..., I mean Mrs. Darcy. And please call me Georgiana. We are sisters now!"
"Indeed," she said with a smile. "So you have to call me Lizzy from now on!"
I gave her a pleased laugh, and then turned to my brother.
"William!" I cried, and gave him also a hug.
"Dear Georgiana," he said, "I'm so glad to see you again. Shall we go inside? It's so cold out here. I don't want you two to become sick!"
I took his right arm, and Lizzy his left. Together we went inside to the drawing room, and William sent for some tea.
"Well Elisabeth," he said, "Shall I take you for a tour of the house, after we have had some tea? You really should know your home, you know." He winked at her.
Elisabeth answered with the same playfulness. "But of course William, but do you not think it wise if Georgiana would show me around? I think that if you were to show me the house, I would not see much of, euh, what you are showing me."
My brother grinned widely at her. "Perhaps you're right, Elisabeth. Would you like to show her around then, Georgiana?"
I nodded at him just when the tea came in. We drank and talked some more. After some time William said:
"Okay, I think I should look after some business, for I haven't been at Pemberley for about a month!" He kissed Lizzy full on the mouth in front of me (which made me blush terribly and quickly I looked out of the window) and then left us. I hastily finished my cup of tea, and then Lizzy and I started the tour. I began with the bedrooms.
"Here is my drawing room, music room and bedroom. These rooms here are guest-quarters, but actually no one sleeps in them but Richard, whenever he comes to Pemberley. He says they are his permanent rooms." I smiled at the thought. "These are my brothers' rooms." With that I opened the door. Lizzy followed me in. I saw her checking the room, and gave her an expectant look.
"What a nice room!" she said, laughing at me encouragingly. "And where does that door leads to?" she asked me, pointing at a door on our left.
"That goes to his dressing room I believe," I said, walking over to the door, and opening it.
"Yes indeed, I was right. Come and have a look," I said, when I saw she kept some distance. "He's your husband you know. You may see where he dresses himself!"
I was surprised by Lizzy's carefulness. I had known her before as a woman who always knew what to do, and also did her own way. But this was new to her of course. I perhaps talked too easy about it, for I had already seen it a thousand times, though propriety actually forbade it.
Lizzy looked around for a few seconds, and then asked me where her room was. I pointed at the door in front of us.
"Your rooms are connected, as they should be," I said, with the air of an expert. I was surprised myself. Did I just say that? I looked at Lizzy for her reaction, but her thoughts seemed to be miles away.
I waited a few seconds, but when she didn't make the move towards her room, I leaded the way. She seemed to be back again, and followed me.
"Oooohh!," she said as she came in. "What a beautiful room! Such nice colours, and look at that furniture! How lovely!"
I smiled warmly at her, and she smiled back. I was glad she liked it, for I had been given the job to re-decorate this room, and I was really proud of what I had made of it. William had asked me to do it, for (as he said) he really knew nothing of what a lady's bedroom should be like.
"I decorated this room, you know." I said to Lizzy. "William had asked me to do it, for he said that he didn't know how women liked their room." I giggled at this. Soon Lizzy joined me.
"Really? I can well believe it. And I must say, you made a wonderful room. Truly! I'm very glad with it. And just between you and me," she said, bending over to me, reducing her voice to a whisper, "We together have to do some re-decorating to William's room too, you know. It looks like a real male-room." Again we giggled.
When we were through with giggling, I continued our tour. While I was just walking and talking with her, I came to the conclusion I really liked Lizzy. She is so funny and kind. I have really no doubts why William has chosen her. She's just a perfect sister!
I also find it very cheering, that against my expectations, Lizzy and William not at all ignore me. They go out on walks together in the morning, which I suppose is essential, but the rest of the day, they sit and talk with me. This makes me very happy indeed. I had thought they wouldn't at all acknowledge my presence, for a friend of mine, who also lives with her brother, had told me, that as soon her brother had become married, he had ignored her completely. He had had only had time for his wife! Now that's cruel. But I of course should have known William would never do such a thing, nor would Lizzy allow it! I giggled at the thought. Lizzy does seem to influence William a lot. I never saw a woman who managed that! It is quite diverting. Even I never managed it! But, I guess love does strange things to people. I therefore find it quite disturbing that I cannot just walk in a room anymore without knocking, for several times I came into a room, witnessing something I rather had not. Why can't they do that when I am in town, or do it in their bedroom? Each time I see it, I have to blush furiously! Well, actually I don't blush half as much as Lizzy and William when I catch them 'busy'. They both turn completely red! Like tomatoes! In fact that is extremely funny, though Lizzy and William think it is not.
When I woke this morning, I immediately popped out of bed. I dressed myself, and my maid did my hair. When I was fit to be seen, I went down for breakfast. William was there already.
"Good morning!" I said cheerfully, as I sat down.
"Good day, Georgiana," William replied, "I trust you have slept well? Isn't it a fine day? Perfect weather for us to travel to London. Have you packed your trunks already?"
"No, I haven't," I said, blushing a bit for not remembering that we were going to London today. "I shall do it directly after I have eaten!"
At that point Lizzy came in. "Good morning!"? she said to me. She looked just as cheerful as I felt I would look.
"Good morning Lizzy!" I replied to her.
"I have just finished packing my trunks," she said. "Or rather, I 'supervised' while Cathy did it. I should be ashamed of myself, for letting my maid do it. But if I do it, my gowns become all rumpled. And when Cathy does it, there is not a wrinkle in sight! It's really unbelievable. I don't know how she manages it. Anyway, I helped her, I don't want to put all that work on her!"
Lizzy really looked worried, for having given her maid some work. I'm sure it couldn't have been so much! I suppressed the urge to giggle.
When we were done eating, I went to my room and packed. When I was just busy, Lizzy came and helped me a bit. Not with folding up my gowns of course, but with helping to decide what I should take with me, and more of that sort of things. I think she also came to keep me company, for have you ever done a thing more boring than packing your trunks! As I told her so, she laughed at me, and nodded.
Some time after that we were at last ready. I found myself in our carriage on our way to London.
"Dear," Lizzy said to William as we joined him in the drawing room, "I have made sure your trunks were unpacked as well. It seemed to me you were far to busy to make it happen your self."
She received a loving look of William. "Thank you very much. I indeed don't see when I should have had the time for it." To show her his thankfulness (I guess), he moved closer and, well, kissed her. I immediately blushed again and looked away, but when after a few seconds they still had not departed, I blushed even more and left the room. When I was outside I blinked a few times. Had William, my brother William just done that? The brother I know would had never, ever kissed his love in front of me. Well, he had done it on the first day, when they had just arrived, but I had always supposed that that only was for one time! This was probably Lizzy's influence again. I wished she had left that part of William undamaged.
Then the next dilemma: where was I going now? I decided I would go to my piano. I had a great desire to play some songs.
The day after our arrival, a letter came from Mr. Bingley. It said that he and Jane were also in town for this season, and he invited us for dinner this evening at his townhouse. William and Lizzy were both extremely glad with this news, I think, for they had not seen his best friend and her sister in a month or so. I also was looking forward to go to them. Mr. Bingley had always been very kind to me. Lizzy's sister I had never met before, but a sister from Lizzy could never be disagreeable, I said to myself. So I impatiently waited until it was finally evening and William gave the order to send for the carriage.
I indeed had been right. Jane Bingley was a very nice and kind woman. She was just so easily to converse with, and truly was very beautiful. Mr. Bingley was just as friendly and kind as always. When we, after having a delicious dinner, retired to the drawing room again, we talked some more, and waited for the men to join us. This took some time (William and Charles probably had a lot to catch up). When they returned we talked some more, until suddenly the footman came in, requesting Mr. Bingley to come with him. We heard some talking in the hall, and after a while, Mr. Bingley returned with a stranger.
"Let me all introduce you to an unexpected guest," he said cheerfully, "This is Lord James Cumnor. Mr. Cumnor, allow me to introduce to you, my wife, Mrs. Bingley. This is my good friend, Mr. Darcy. This is Mrs. Darcy. And this is Mr. Darcy's sister, Miss Darcy." With that he pointed me out. I curtsied at the stranger.
"Pleasure to meet all of you, I am sure!" Lord Cumnor said, equally cheerful.
I observed him closely. He has dark, curly hair, like my brother. He is not so very tall, something my size. I must admit he has a very nice figure, though young ladies actually are not supposed to dwell on this of course. He also looks very friendly.
When the greetings had been exchanged, he took a chair next to mine.
"I'm sorry if I am interrupting you all," he said. "But I was in front of this house, just when my horse decided he wouldn't go further anymore. As I saw there was light in here, and my destination is on the other side of London, I had to call for some help."
"You are not at all disturbing, I assure you, Mr. Cumnor" Jane said in a reassuring tone to him. "And your horse is taken good care off, Charles will make sure of that. Would you perhaps want to send a message to the ones you were going to? Would they like to know where you are?"
"Yes indeed, they probably would. You are to kind Mrs. Bingley."
"Not at all, it is no trouble. Charles, would you show Mr. Cumnor to your library, so he can write a note? And will you then make sure it is delivered by express?"
"But of course, My Dear. Follow me Mr. Cumnor." With this Mr. Bingley and Lord Cumnor disappeared for some time. A while later they returned. Mr. Cumnor resumed to his seat next to mine.
"Are you having a good evening, Miss Darcy" he asked friendly.
"Yes, indeed I am Sir. May I ask what your destination was in London?" I asked.
"Yes you may, I am on my way to my mother, who is now in London. She asked me if I could visit her, for she was feeling rather lonely. You see, my Dear Father passed away a few months ago. She misses him so much, and she feels so alone in the great house, so she goes to town."
"Oh, I'm truly sorry Mr. Cumnor. For you and your mother."
"Thank you, you are really very kind."
"And where stands that great house you spoke of?"
"The Cumnor Estate lies in the west of Staffordshire. And where is your estate, if I may dare to ask, Madame?" I realised the very unusual conversation we were having. Normally someone doesn't just ask where and what sort of house on another has! Though I must say I don't find it disturbing to talk about. Actually I don't care! So I just answered the man.
"Of course you may. I live at Pemberley with William, I mean Mr. Darcy and his wife. Pemberley is in Derbyshire, though I am afraid I do not know in which part, north, south, west or east."
"I do know, Miss Darcy. I believe Pemberley is in the west. I passed it once, on a trip. It truly is the most beautiful house I've ever seen!"
"I see you take my view, Mr. Cumnor" I replied, and he laughed warmly at me. I smiled back.
"And how long are you staying in town, Mr. Cumnor?" I asked him.
"Well, I must say that at first I wasn't planning to stay very long. But I have changed my mind. I think in town at the moment certain things are much more agreeable than in the country." He winked at me, and I felt my cheeks going red.
"Georgiana, Dear," Lizzy came towards me. "I am terribly sorry, but I am afraid we have to take our leave."
No, I don't want to, I wanted to scream. I wisely hold back. William would not be happy with such a display.
Soon after that we were sitting in our carriage. Nobody was talking, but I didn't mind. My mind was on Lord Cumnor. What a nice man! So easily to talk with! And so charming. Though I didn't got his last remark. Was he talking about me? Or just the society in general? Or the company of his mother? I didn't know. Then however Lizzy interrupted my thoughts, by asking me if I enjoyed myself this evening. She had no idea.
We didn't hear anything from Charles in two days. William read the note he by then received, out loud to us:
'I'm sorry for not sending earlier, but I first had to contact Mr. Cumnor. Would you be so kind to come and dine with us tomorrow-evening? Jane and I are looking forward to it.Yours etc. & CB
I could not feel very glad. Now I had to see him again, though he was engaged! Should he be bringing his fiancée with him? I thought of asking William this, but held my tongue. He would probably want to know why I am interested, and I really was in no mood for explaining myself.
The next day I was nervous the whole morning and afternoon. Lizzy gave me some questioning looks during the day, but I didn't take the trouble of explaining to her. Tonight I would see him! And her probably too! This was disastrous. I even considered the option of pretending I am ill, so I wouldn't have to come along, but I knew William and Lizzy would never believe me. So there was but one thing to do: Look gorgeous so Mr. Cumnor may regret he has been so nice, while he was engaged. He'll be sorry!
I held myself to my decision. I picked out my most beautiful dress, and asked my maid to do something fancy with my hair. The effect was exactly was startling: I believe I have never in my life looked so beautiful. So I was satisfied when I went downstairs. I pretended not to see the 'significant' looks William and Lizzy were giving me. I was determined not to let Lord Cumnor get the better of me. He would see what kind I was made of!
As soon as we were led into the drawing room and I saw Mr. Cumnor again, my good resolution was forgotten. As he sat there, next to an older woman who was probably his mother, I could not keep my eyes from him. He looks even more handsome then the first time! I thought.
Lord Cumnor, on the other hand, was completely breathless. Miss Darcy looks absolutely stunning! He thought. How beautiful, delicate... even more so than the first time I met her! That expression on her face, her shyness, her hair, dress, her manner of moving, her way of talking... He loved everything.
Charles then introduced us to the lady, who indeed was Mr. Cumnor's mother. She looked like a very friendly woman. Though she probably already had reached a considerable age, it wasn't really visible. Her radiation was that of a young woman, though some wrinkles in her face were visible. When we were seated, I found myself between mother and son.
"Miss Darcy," Lady Cumnor addressed me, "How are you enjoying your stay in town?"
"Very well Madam, I find it very agreeable here." I replied with easy politeness.
"I'm glad you are enjoying it. Do you stay with your brother and sister?"
"Yes ma'am. I used to live with my brother to before he married." I said back. "I beg your pardon, but how did you know he is my brother? He could be my cousin, father, brother-in-law, and all more of that sort of things."
Lady Cumnor seemed pleased that I asked her that, and smiled at me. "Mrs. Darcy seems a little young to be your mother, and since your brother is married to her... and besides, James had enlighten me already on this subject."
At this I looked at Mr. Cumnor. He looked a little guilty under my gaze.
"Oh really?" I said with made offence while I gave him a laughing look.
He looked relieved I thought it was funny that he had told everything to his mother, and smiled back. Then he gave his mother a look.
"Did you just have to tell that?" he asked her.
His mother laughed at him openly. "Oh boy, you should now see that look on your face! It's really diverting."
I had to giggle to myself. It was really funny how Mr. Cumnor and his mother talked to each other. They went on teasing one and another for some time, then Mrs. Cumnor turned to me again.
"Do you really want to sit between us dear? We can be really boring some times, you know." Her eyes laughed.
I, however, didn't at all think them boring. I told her so, and she thanked me. We talked some more, with Mr. Cumnor joining our talk regularly.
When diner was served however, I found out that I was seated at another end of the table then them both. This I didn't really liked, but now I was seated next to Jane, which was also nice for I had not yet talked with her much. She was an agreeable talking-partner throughout the dinner. Afterwards we ladies retired to the drawing room again. There I sat down talking with Lizzy, who told me something about some music Jane had told her about.
When the gentleman joined us, Mr. Cumnor took a seat next to me, just as he had done the previous time we had dined at the Bingleys. He joined us in our conversation about music, and turned out to be a real fan of it. Lizzy however excused herself rather quickly, and went over to William, who lightened-up completely as she sat down next to him.
I looked at them with a smile on my face. Mr. Cumnor next to me noticed it.
"Now that's real love, Miss Darcy." He said to me in a low whisper.
I blushed furiously, and quickly resumed out former conversation again.
"And Mr. Cumnor, do you play the pianoforte?" I asked him.
"Why yes, Miss Darcy, indeed I do. And with much pleasure, if I may say so. Do you play?"
"Yes, indeed I do, Mr. Cumnor. I really enjoy it, so I play a few times each day. When I play, all my sorrows are gone, and only a happy and innocent girl remains!" I then realised how much I had just told him, and looked a little ashamed at him.
But he did not seem to think my remark silly. He looked surprised.
"That is exactly what I feel if I play! You expressed it very beautifully ma'am."
I blushed and gave him a shy thanks.
"And do you sing Miss Darcy?"
"Yes, but I don't really like singing, that is, not in front of big crowds. I only sing for Lizzy and William occasionally. For so many people I am so afraid I will sing false! And then I can't play anymore." With this I became a little shy, but he gave me an encouraging look.
"Do you sing, Sir?" I asked him then.
"Yes, indeed I do. And other than you, I actually really enjoy singing. I sing for my mother very often you know, that is if she asks me to."
He had just finished his sentence, when Charles rose from his chair, and cried "Georgiana, would you want to oblige us with a song? I have a great need for some music!"
I became instantly very shy. Mr. Cumnor next to me felt it. "Go," he whispered. "We are all friends, nothing can happen and I am sure you will perform very beautifully."
With this I felt my courage rise, and I rose from my chair. "All right, Mr. Bingley."
I went over to the pianoforte, and looked at the sheets of music lying there. One was a beautiful song I knew, for I had been practicing it the last few days. It was a little complicated. Do I know it well enough? I asked myself. It was really a hard song, but also just so beautiful!
I looked up and saw some expectant faces. Mr. Cumnor however, I noticed, did not look expectant, but gave me encouraging looks. This was enough. I put away the other sheets, and started playing and singing. I felt no worries, and for the first time was not afraid I would go false. I flowed through the song. When I was ready, a warm applause was given to me. Mr. Cumnor came to me.
"That was very beautiful Miss Darcy. You sing like an angel!"
I became very shy by this remark, and gave him thanked him with red cheeks.
"Shall we now play something together, Miss Darcy?" Mr. Cumnor asked me. I gave him a surprised look.
"Why yes, I would like that very much indeed, Sir."
He sat down next to me, and took a music sheet. "Do you know this song?" he asked me. I gave an affirmative answer.
So we started playing. There is only one word to describe how it was: perfect. We felt one another so very beautifully. He noticed it when I became shy, or when I made a mistake, and then made sure it would not be heard by playing louder. As I did with him. Our voices matched perfectly.
It was a long song. As it was over, the room applauded loudly. I saw William looking proud at me, as was Mrs. Cumnor at her son, Lizzy and Jane looking exceedingly happy and proud at the same time and Mr. Bingley just very happy and admiring.
I looked at Mr. Cumnor, and he took my hand and bowed at the public; I curtsied. Then he led me back to my place, and resumed his place at the piano. He started another song.
I looked at him. His voice was enchanting. I was in a trance as I looked and listened. At some point Mr. Cumnor seemed to notice my stare, and gave me a quick look in a slow part of the song he was playing. By his eyes, I only got more away from he world. There seemed to be nothing more than he and I, though separated by half the rooms' distance. There were no others anymore... Then I got out of my trance. I remembered a most painful thought: he is engaged! He is engaged! I could not bare it. Tears came into my eyes. Why? Why must the only man be engaged? I felt one tear making his way down my cheek. But I didn't take the trouble of wiping it away.
The song ended, applause was made, and Mr. Cumnor made his way over to me again, as Lizzy took her place by the piano.
When he sunk in his chair next to me, he suddenly saw I was crying.
"Miss Darcy! What is the matter! Are you all right?" He sank on his knees before my chair, and looked at me worriedly.
Taking all my courage, I lifted my head, and looked in his eyes. He still looked at me. He then took my hands into his. "Are you sure you are all right?" he asked me in a soft voice.
"Y...yes. I... I'm quite fine, thank you." I stammered. He didn't look really convinced. I felt his fingers rubbing mine. Oh, if only he could be mine! I couldn't stop myself, and felt more tears streaming down my face.
He took his handkerchief out of his coat, and softly cleaned my face. When his fingers touched my face, I felt a shudder going through me.
Then he however abruptly got up his feet again. I felt the moment was gone. I looked around, wondering why no one had made a remark about us. Then I however saw they were much to busy listening to Lizzy, who was singing very beautifully. William looked very sheepish. Had the moment been different, I would have laughed at this. None of them had noticed what had just been going on.
I looked at Mr. Cumnor, who had regained his seat next to me. His thoughts seemed to be miles away. I was sorry he had got up to his feet. He then turned his head, and looked me I the eye. But now I realised what a beautiful colour of blue his had. Deep, ocean blue. I could drown in them. He gave me a weak smile, and then turned his head. This was the last time this evening I would see him in the eye.
Where is everybody? I went out of the room, and stumbled upon a maid, called Livy.
"Can you enlighten me where Mr. and Mr. Darcy are?" I asked her.
"Yes ma'am, they are still upstairs. Master said I should tell you they would be down in ten minutes. He also said you should not have to wait with breakfast, but just start." She then curtsied and moved on.
With a sigh I returned to the breakfast, and ate something. At least Lizzy and William came downstairs. As they opened the door, I knew there was something. They both completely shined with happiness.
"Georgiana! We have such wonderful news!" Lizzy cried while moving towards me.
"We have just been upstairs with the doctor. Now guess! You'll have a little nephew or niece!" As she said it, she burst into tears of happiness.
I immediately ran over to them, and gave them both a big hug, along with the most sincere congratulations. Nothing else then the upcoming baby and the joy that would give were talked of. I didn't mind. I would have a cousin! I'm only seventeen and I will already have a nephew or niece! There was no Mr. Cumnor or fiancée from Mr. Cumnor in my mind. Everything was happy then. It was only pity that feeling didn't last forever.
A half an hour after Lizzy's announcement, we got two unexpected visitors: Lady and Lord Cumnor. As they were led in the drawing room, where I was sewing, my hart skipped a beat. There he was again, in my own home.
Since I was the only one present (Lizzy and William had gone for a walk) I stood up and welcomed them as gracefully as I could. Lady Cumnor sat down at one side of me, and Lord Cumnor opposite to us.
"How do you do, Miss Darcy?" Mrs. Cumnor asked.
"I am very well, thank u. I am glad you called on us, it was so nice yesterday-evening, don't you think so to, Mr. Cumnor?"
He looked at me for a second, and then said: "Why yes indeed. The Bingleys are very nice people."
"Indeed they are. And you two lightened my evening to, you know, with your beautiful pianoforte play." Lady Cumnor added.
"And where are your brother and sister, Miss Darcy?" Mr. Cumnor asked me.
"They are taking a walk. I believe they went to ____ Park."
"It is very pleasant weather for a walk indeed." Lady Cumnor remarked.
"Yes it is, but that mostly doesn't really matters for William and Lizzy. They go for a walk every morning! Except when it rains, that is."
"Yes, when it rains is being outside not agreeable at all, I say. Then I just rather stay at home, to read or play with my grandchildren." Mrs. Cumnor said.
I gave Lord Cumnor a fast look. Does he have children already?
"Miss Darcy, the grandchildren my mother refers to are not mine, you know. They are from my older sister. She is married and has already three of them." Mr. Cumnor hastily remarked.
"Ooohh... then I understand. How are the children called?"
Lady Cumnor's face lightened up as I asked this. "She has five-year-old Maria, then three-year-old James and the youngest is George who had just become one year."
"How nice! I do really like small children. They are so sweet." I cooed.
Mr. Cumnor gave me a surprised look. "Really Miss Darcy?"
"Why yes, though I have not seen much of them. The ones I did saw were just so sweet!"
"Yes, most little children are very sweet, and Felicia's children are no exception." Lady Cumnor said with a well-pleased smile.
"That are just tales of a proud grandmother. I really don't like them always, especially when they are storming around the house again." Mr. Cumnor said with a grumpy face.
Both Mrs. Cumnor and I laughed at his face. It was just so funny how he was complaining about some children! I was sure they could not be so bad!
At that moment then, Lizzy and William bumped into the room.
"Lord and Lady Cumnor! What a pleasant surprise! How do you do?" Said Lizzy as she saw her visitors. They greeted one another politely, and then William and Lizzy seated themselves next to each other on a sofa.
Mr Cumnor and William launched in a conversation, man to man, and Lizzy and Mrs. Cumnor talked to. Because I had no pleasure in the male-conversation, I listened to women.
Lizzy en Lady Cumnor spoke a while of the previous night, how nice the Bingleys were, if Lizzy saw her sister often, how well the food had been, and how well everybody behind the piano had played. I joined them occasionally. We talked like this for a while, when tea was served. I took the job of refilling the glasses over from Lizzy; glad I would have something to do.
Some time later, I saw William had joined Lizzy and Mrs. Cumnor and was talking with them. Mr. Cumnor was silently drinking tea. Then he came to me for another glass.
"Will you join me, Miss Darcy? I think the others can ask Mrs. Darcy to pour tea for them."
I nodded while I poured tea in his cup, and then walked back with him. We sat down on two chairs, at the back of the room.
"I really have to say to you I thought you played very beautifully yesterday-night, Miss Darcy. And your singing was very beautiful also, not at all false." Said Mr. Cumnor to me, as we had seated ourselves.
"Thank u Sir. I think you played and singed very nice to." I said.
"Thank u."
Then we fell silent. I felt a little awkward, so I sipped at my tea. Mr. Cumnor did the same. I then saw Lizzy was observing us. I gave her a questioning look. She made a gesture at me, but I didn't understand her. She stood up, and came towards me.
"Georgiana, since you and Mr. Cumnor are both so fond of music, why don't you two enjoy yourself in the music room? I'm sure William and Mrs. Cumnor have no objection of us all moving there." She smiled at me, and then turned around to call William and Mrs. Cumnor.
We stood up, and I was grateful to Lizzy, she always knew exactly what to do! Mr. Cumnor offered me his arm, and I took it. We walked towards the other room, and there I showed him some songs I had just been practising. He made remarks, and showed me his favourite ones. We were busy for about an hour with the music, both of us very well pleased with the other.
But then, Mr. and Mrs. Cumnor had to take their leave. I was really sorry he had to go, even though he was engaged. Mrs. Cumnor however invited us to come and dine with them the day after tomorrow. Lizzy gracefully accepted the invitation, and then he was gone.
I could not keep myself from going back to the music room. I sat down on the chair where he had sat all the time, next to the pianoforte. I sniffed. He is so nice! So handsome, so agreeable, so kind. And he is engaged! But why has he never spoke of his fiancée before? Now I came to think about it, he has never mentioned the happy girl. I don't even know her name! And his mother hasn't said anything either... strange! But nobody has asked after her neither, so maybe that's the reason she hasn't been the subject of our conversation yet. I sniffed again. I just wasn't fair. My whole life I have never met any man who has been kinder to me, except William and Richard of course. And then he is engaged! He's just engaged! I thought back of the past hours. He has been really kind to me. He talked and played with me, so handsomely... I felt a tear rolling down my cheek. Slowly I wiped it away.
Then Lizzy entered the room. For a second she stood still, just looking at me. Then she ran over.
"Georgiana! What is the matter?" She asked while looking really concerned into my eyes.
That was the moment I could not handle all these sorrows anymore. I knew I could trust Lizzy. I knew she would not laugh at me. And I knew she would not tell anyone if I would ask her.
"He... he is engaged, but... but I love him so much!" I stuttered.
"Who do you mean Dear?"
"Lord Cum... Cumnor."
If she was surprised at all, she hid it perfectly well.
"But why do you say he is engaged?"
I looked up. "What?"
"As far as I know, Lord Cumnor is not engaged to anyone! Why do you think he is?"
"Well... when Ch... Charles and Jane were di... dining with us, William and Ch... Charles talked of a man who w... was engaged. They said th... that right after we were dis... discussing Mr. Cumnor. So I th... thought they were tal... talking of Mr. Cum... Cumnor."
Lizzy looked at me, surprise in her eyes.
"Georgiana," she said then carefully. "That gentleman they were talking about wasn't Lord Cumnor at all! They were talking of a man they both know from some sort of club! Mr. Cumnor is as much bounded to anyone as you are!"
With that I began to cry very loudly, and fell around Lizzy neck. I didn't noticed William came in, which Lizzy sent away with a small gesture of her hand, and a loving smile. I cried and cried, I know not for how long. But then I suddenly contained myself. For, what I had just come to know wasn't at all bad news! I suddenly realised this was the best news I had ever had in my whole life. I looked at Lizzy, and then burst out laughing. She looked at me with big surprise. I realised that going from crying to laughing within ten seconds was strange, but it didn't matter. As soon as Lizzy came over her surprise, she joined me in my laughter. She now knew I loved Lord Cumnor very badly, and knew how bad I have felt because I thought him engaged. But I wanted to say to her, I didn't want anybody to know.
"Lizzy," I managed to get out. "Please don't tell..."
She interrupted my words.
"Don't worry," she whispered. "I won't tell anybody."
She gave me a kiss on my forehead, and pulled me up, for we had slide of the sofa on to the ground.
"Lizzy?" I asked.
"Yes Dear?"
"Do you think William would ever approve of any man I love?"
"Don't worry, I am absolutely sure William has nothing again Lord Cumnor. And if he has, he shall have to come and answer to me." She said, with a sparkle in her eyes and a smile on her face.
I smiled back at her. I realised how happy I was, having Lizzy for a sister. I realised how happy William must be. I realised how most passionately I also wished for that happiness. I realised I would only get that with one person.
The remaining of that day, I could think of nothing else but Mr. Cumnor. I was really distracted, and both Lizzy and William shot me some looks throughout the day. Those from William were asking and enquiring, those from Lizzy laughing and mocking. I didn't cared. All I could think of was James Cumnor. I floated trough this day... through the next... until the day of the dinner. I would see him again today!
William had stopped his enquiring looks. I suspected Lizzy had told him what was going on, but I couldn't blame her. I spent the whole day upstairs in my room, only coming down for breakfast. When it was still an hour before the time everybody would get chanced, I was already peeking between my gowns. Which one should I put on? The loveliest, I had already had on when we had dined at the Bingleys. I then decided to call in Lizzy's help.
Lizzy was in the music room playing the piano, with William on the sofa.
I waited till her song was over. Then I walked towards her, and whispered in her ear: "Will you please help me to pick out a dress? I'm quite desperate!"
She smiled at me and said to William she would just have to help me for some minutes. He nodded, and grinned at me with a significant look. Then we left for my room.
"Is it really that bad, Georgie?" she asked me with a smile when we were mounting the stairs.
I gave her an innocent look. "Not at all. I just could not pick out my dress, so I decided to ask you!"
She looked at me for a second, and then entered my room.
"Well, let's begin the war then! Show me your uniforms!" she cried at me, and both laughed.
Then she looked trough my gowns, and pointed out the ones she liked best. She then asked me which ones of those I liked best. In that manner we went on, until one dress remained. I held it before me and stood before my mirror. I liked the result. I gave Lizzy a big hug, and she left then, saying she had to go, or else William would get so lonely. I laughed at this. She and William was just such a funny pair!
It took me a really long time until I was finally ready. I was really sorry for my maid, who had done at least ten different things with my hair before I had thought it good enough. Then I went down to Lizzy and William. They were waiting for me, so we left immediately.
I looked expectantly out of the carriage window. We drove in a street, which I saw, was a very respectable one. This was one of the best parts of London. We stopped in front of a beautiful house. So this was is! Lady Cumnor's townhouse! It was very large and made of a nice colour bricks. As we were getting out, Lord and Lady Cumnor came outside to greet us. She looked very nice, and just as pleasing as she had the first time. When I saw him, I felt my cheeks going red. I hated myself for that! Why do I have to blush every time I see him! It's not like he is the king or something! Well... maybe I have to reconsider that. After all, he is the king for me...
Lizzy and William both gave me amused looks, and I just smiled back at them. Lord Cumnor looked at me with shattering eyes, and Lady Cumnor just smiled at me.
When we were led into the drawing room, there was a young woman sitting on a chair. She rose immediately as we came in. Lady Cumnor introduced her to us as her daughter, Mrs. Felicia Lockshire. I indeed saw many resemblances between her and her mother. She greeted us very kindly, and because I was curious after Lord Cumnor's sister, I sat down beside her.
As we talked a little, I found her a pleasant-spirited woman, and a good talker. Her character reminded me somewhat of Lizzy, and of how we had talked the first time we met.
"So, Miss Darcy, how are you enjoying your stay in London?" she asked me.
"Very well, thank u. It is a very nice town, do you think not also?" I asked her back.
"Why yes. Though I must say," said she, reducing her voice to a whisper, "that when I first arrived here this season, I really longed back to the country! Everything and everyone is always busy here! In the country it is peaceful, here it sometimes seems like war to me!"
I had to giggle at this statement. "What a... striking resemblance, Mrs. Lockshire." I said to her.
"Why, thank u, Miss Darcy," said she to me. I smiled at her, and she smiled back.
Until diner was served, I talked to no other than Mrs. Lockshire. At the dinner table I was seated between Lizzy and William. However, directly opposite to me, sat... Mr. Cumnor. I could not have wished for better seating, for Lizzy and William both knew enough to let us talk (Lizzy has confessed she has told William everything. She was extremely afraid I would be mad at her, but I assured her that was not the case.) So, throughout the meal, I got a chance to talk very formal to Mr. Cumnor, for there was a whole table between us.
So I was a little vexed when we had to depart: I had had no chance to speak freely with him, and now he and William were to go to his study, and Lady Cumnor took us to the drawing room. I was now seated next to her, and Lizzy sat with Lady Lockshire. What I had suspected was true. They indeed could get along very nicely, and Lizzy seemed to bloom up completely, now talking to woman who understood her completely.
I had a very nice talk with Mrs. Cumnor, who told me about Felicia and James, when they had been little. James had been a real self-willed child, and she laughed as she recalled how hard he had been. Felicia however, had been a very sweet girl, always going to bed as her mama or papa told her so, and always listening to them in every possible way. I realised this was probably a little exaggerated, but that didn't really mattered. Then I asked how her grandchildren were doing. That was the best subject I could have possibly thought of. She immediately told enthusiastic stories of the little ones. From the other side of the room, Mrs. Lockshire sometimes looked at her with smile at her face.
Finally, after what seemed like ages, William and Lord Cumnor joined us again. William seated himself next to his wife, who gave him a loving glance, but Mr. Cumnor came over to us, and seated himself next to me.
"Mr. Darcy told just told me a very nice story, Miss Darcy." he said. " Is it true that you, when you were just a little girl, climbed into a tree to hide his pencil there, because you wanted him pay some attention to you, and stop writing all the time?"
I glanced at William, who gave me a wide grin.
"Why yes, Sir. You should know, that when William writs to someone, it usually takes him an hour to finish the letter. That day, he had about seven letters to write, and I was alone the whole day, until I could not stand it anymore and steeled his pencil and hid it in a tree." I smiled as I thought back at it. How mad he had been then! I didn't really achieve my goal then, for he had been so mad he didn't talked to me at least for two days!
Next to me, Lady Cumnor burst out laughing at what I said. "Really!" she said. "Now those sort of story's remind me of the old days, in which my brother and I were to tease each other very often indeed. And then with you, James, and Felicia, you were always teasing on another to. It is really very funny, seeing how those sorts of things repeat themselves each generation! Don't you think so to, Miss Darcy?"
I nodded, and then said to Lord Cumnor: "Sir, I have been practicing that song you recommended to me, last time I saw you. I agree with you it is a very beautiful song. I think it is my new favourite!"
"Why Miss Darcy, you have no idea how glad I am to hear you like it to. For it is such a beautiful song; just as you say." He answered and smiled at me.
"Then, children, would you not do us the honour of playing it for us? Is it a duet?"
We both gave her an affirmative nod.
"Well then, please play it for us!"
I saw Lizzy, William and Mrs. Lockshire leaving their conversation and turning towards the pianoforte. Lord Cumnor gave me an encouraging look. I walked full of confident towards the piano, and felt Lord Cumnor coming up behind me.
I sat down, as he sorted out the right music sheets. When he sat down next to me, he touched my fingers for a moment. I looked up, surprised, but he had already turned his head towards the sheets in front of us. So I also concentrated. We played just as the first time. I felt our singing and playing was made for each other. I felt the magic going through me, when accidentally our hands met on the piano. I felt like flying, like I was free, and only he and I existed. I felt I never wanted to stop, never wanted to lose him. But then there were no music-notes anymore on the paper. Just as the former time he took my hand, and bowed at our public, while I curtsied. He gave me a happy smile, and asked if I wanted to play something alone now. I said yes before I knew it.
I sat down again as he left me and played the song. It was going really well, and was ready before I knew it. Then I received applause, and left the piano, resuming my seat next to Lord Cumnor.
"That was enchanting, Miss Darcy." He said to me with a warm smile.
I felt I blushed, and gave him a shy smile back.
"Thank u Sir." I almost whispered.
"It's my pleasure."
We fell silent. None of us knew what to say. I looked at him a few times, but he didn't seemed to notice. Then he suddenly rose and placed himself in front of a window, staring into the darkness. This reminded me of William, when he had not been married yet. Back then, he had always been staring out of windows when he was embarrassed or didn't want to talk to anyone.
"Georgiana" William called me. "We should be taking our leave, are you coming?"
I felt disappointment going trough me. Did we have to go already? But Lizzy and William were obviously in a hurry, and I understood why, when I shot a look at the clock.
I took a warm goodbye of Mrs. Lockshire and Lady Cumnor, and then turned towards Lord Cumnor. He looked at me with a look I could not wholly place, but a pleasant look it was. I felt that the little awkwardness that had just been present was vanished completely. He gave me another warm smile, and I gave him my best smile back. At that moment I wished I could fly into his arms. I wished I should not have to leave him behind, but just be with him forever. Then he however bowed at me, and I curtsied back. I followed William and Lizzy outside. Stepping in the carriage, I looked back once. Lord Cumnor was at the front door, looking at us. I gazed at him for a moment, but then stepped in, with the coachman closing the carriage door behind me.
The same way I had dozed of, I woke up again. My first thought was Lord Cumnor. How marvelous he had been yesterday night! And so handsome! He had looked at me with such pleasant looks, I felt like dreaming! I suddenly realised though, that I was being silly. Don't think about him every second of your time! Stop this nonsense! I said to myself. You cannot keep dreaming all day long like this! Dress yourself, and then talk some to Lizzy and William! You have not said more than three words to them in two days! That's really bad you know! So I rang for a maid.
This morning, however, sat full of surprises. As I was playing my piano while William and Lizzy were taking a walk, the footman entered, announcing Lord Cumnor. I immediately stopped playing, and quickly stood up to greet him.
"Lord Cumnor! What a pleasant surprise! How do you do?"
"Very well, thank you Miss Darcy." He replied with a warm smile.
"Do sit down" I said, and he took the seat next to the piano.
"What were you playing, Miss Darcy? It sounded very beautiful indeed!"
I blushed at this, but then remembered I was being silly, for he had only said that the song was beautiful, not I or my playing!
I quickly showed him the music, and he scanned the sheets.
"I haven't seen this song ever! But it looks nice though, very nice indeed!" he praised.
We fell silent for some moments. Lord Cumnor was shifting uncomfortably in his chair, looking rather nervous. I gave him a questioning look.
He regarded me for a moment, and then spoke up.
"I am sorry, Miss Darcy, for I believe I have not told you yet about my reason for this visit." He took a deep breath, then said, "I decided to come here, to tell you my mother and I are to leave town the day after tomorrow."
I could only look at him. "I... I beg your pardon?" I stuttered.
"I am sorry, but I have urgent business calling myself back to Cumnor House." he said, looking expectantly at me, probably wanting to see how I reacted to this news.
The way I felt was like someone had hit me in my stomach. This was too much. He could not be really leaving! No! Impossible! Don't go! Stay! I felt I wanted to scream.
Lord Cumnor was indeed studying my face. He saw my panic rising.
"Miss Darcy," he hastily said, "The other reason I came her, is to invite you and your brother and his wife to the Cumnor House at Easter. I really hope you all can come and oblige us."
He smiled at me, and my brains did their best to handle this new piece of news, but in vain; all I could manage to do, was smile a weak smile back at him.
"Re... really?" I knew this was probably a very stupid thing to say, when one is just being invited, but I just couldn't help it.
"Yes!" his smile got bigger, it now seemed like a grin. He was meaning it! I was really being invited to his home! Sit in his parlour, sleep in one of his rooms, eat in his dining room! Finally I shall see my fairytale-castle! My mind was back, I could think clearly again. So I made a wide grin back at him. He seemed pleased I did. I then realised I had not given an answer yet to his invitation, so I broke the silence hastily.
"Lord Cumnor, I do not know if Lizzy and William already made arrangements for Easter, but I think we should be happy to visit you and your mother."
He looked a little sheepish at me, then probably realised that he was being rude, so hastily stood up. He however could not say what he had wanted, for William bumped into the room.
"Georgiana, why are you not play..." then he saw Lord Cumnor. "Mr. Cumnor, what a pleasant surprise! I did not know your were planning to call upon us!"
"Well, I just did, Mr. Darcy." Mr. Cumnor answered with a wink at me.
All three of us had to laugh a bit. William broke the silence that after that had aroused.
"I think I should just get Elisabeth. She will be happy to see you, Lord Cumnor!"
He left the room. Only a few moments later he came back with Lizzy. Mr. Cumnor and she greeted each other warmly, and talked some more. I was waiting for when he was going to tell them about the invitation. Luckily my waiting wasn't that long. He repeated to them that he and his mother were quitting town, and then also repeated the invitation he had also told me about. I was very glad that both Lizzy and William seemed very pleased with the invitation, and informed Lord Cumnor that they would be happy to come.
Yes! YES YES YES! I wanted to jump up and dance, I wanted to scream, sing and play, I wanted to let the whole world know I was going to visit Lord Cumnor, I wanted everybody to feel the joy, I wanted everybody to share this feeling. Then my world suddenly broke in pieces. William shocked everybody in the room with a sudden: "Wait a second!"
Then my world suddenly broke in pieces. William shocked everybody in the room with a sudden: "Wait a second!"
Everybody had his gaze focused on William. What was this all about?
"I... ehm... well, I just realized... uhm... aren't you by that time about five months pregnant already, Dear? Should you then not be... uhm... staying home, or resting?" He looked a little uncomfortable, and looked inquiring at Lizzy.
I watched this scene in horror. This could surely not be happening? No, not now! This was the first time ever, that I wished I would not be having a little cousin. Lizzy broke my reverie.
"Well.... I suppose you are right William, but..." she hesitated. "With four months to go, it should be quite all right, wouldn't it?" William looked at her in horror.
"Elisabeth!" he cried. "Something might happen to you! How could I ever forgive myself if you would get hurt? I just cannot risk anything to happen to you! No, we can better just stay at Pemberley for Easter. I am sorry Lord Cumnor," with this moved his gaze away from a protesting Elisabeth to Mr. Cumnor, "but I am afraid we have to decline your very friendly invitation. I am sure you understand that I cannot risk anything to happen to Mrs. Darcy."
Lord Cumnor nodded at him. "Yes, yes, I understand indeed." I heard the sad tone in his voice.
"I got an excellent idea!" Lizzy cried, after Mr. Cumnor had just finished his sentence. "If we cannot come to Cumnor House, why don't you and your mother then come to Pemberley?"
I looked up, completely astonished. What had Lizzy just said? Had it been what I thought it had been? Was it what I had so desperately hoped for? Was it true?
Lord Cumnor looked just as surprised as I imagined I would have looked at that moment. He could not form any words for some moments. Then he recollected himself.
"I think, Mrs. Darcy, that is an excellent idea indeed! I think my mother shall be quite delighted when she hears of this! We shall be honoured to come!"
I looked around the room, seeing Mr. Cumnor extremely happy (and very handsome indeed), Lizzy very satisfied with himself, and William giving his wife loving glances. As she got wind of that, she shot loving glances back. I had to giggle at this. Surely they would rather be alone in a room right now.
Lord Cumnor left not long after this, saying he had to put his mind to some business. What he did not tell, was that he already had been spending three days trying to complete that case, but failing miserably again and again because his mind was too much occupied with the image of a beautiful, young, fair girl.
As I look back at it, I have no idea how I exactly came trough the time after that meeting. I remember myself being hart-broken after having left for Pemberley, but also being cheered up considerably by the idea of him visiting us at Easter. So I had some great mood swings, some noticed, and some unnoticed by William or Lizzy. I think they both knew what was going on in my head, and Lizzy talked to me often enough, saying something like: 'You know, there are only few other persons capable of having the great luck in marriage, as great as William and I have...' She never ended her sentence, or explained her meaning, but it was clear to me what she meant. In this case, subtlety was something Lizzy did not know.
William on the other hand, never said something like this to me in so many words. He often whispered something to me that sounded like 'wait for Easter' or 'he'll come, you know', but never really spoke with me about it. Actually I was kind of glad about that. I am already having a hard time surviving the time between our arrival at Pemberley and Easter, without him reminding me of Lord Cumnor constantly.
Now you should not think I would rather have him come and propose to me right now, for actually I am kind of glad that we had a pause. Because I really need some time to sort out everything. I mean, I have just met the man I love the most in the world (even more than William, now that means something, am I right or not?). In this respect I am a little bit like William, for when he was rejected at Hunsford by Lizzy he had come back at Pemberley, staring out of windows, taking century-long hors rides and going to his fencing-club almost every day, except for when he had some business. Shortly said, he had gone away from her and thought over everything. Now I must confess that there circumstances were a 'little' bit different from mines, but that doesn't really matters from my point of view.
Now I don't know if Mr. Cumnor thinks the same about our being away from each other for some time being a good thing, because I don't really understand him completely (Lizzy, Jane and I agreed, when Charles and she were visiting, that men are total mysteries in some aspects) I mean, I love him, I really do with all my hart, but have you ever met a man whom you understand totally? I must confess, I don't even understand William totally! For an example, I really don't understand why he proposed to Lizzy the first time, while slighting her terribly with remarks about her low connections and her family having no decorum at all. (You may wonder how I know this al, so I will enlighten you. Lizzy and William were talking about it in the library, just as I wanted to get a book. So I 'accidentally' stood there for ten minutes, getting all the details *grin*) Anyway, I just wanted to point out he's a mystery, and I have no idea what he is thinking right now...
Down here, is a piece from my diary today. I thought it actually expressed it quite well, compared to all those other nonsense pieces I have written down in it.
Dear Diary,
I have been spending my day, hard trying NOT to think of Lord Cumnor.
I tried not to think of him while I was out in the garden,
where I plucked three daisies*
I really wonder why we even keep daisies in the garden, for they really are boring flowers.
Then I tried not to think of him, when I played a song at the piano.
Only afterwards Lizzy commented that it had been Lord Cumnor's favourite
song I had just been playing...
So... I just flatter myself that at least I have tried not to think of him.*From 'Emma' the movie with Gwyneth Paltrow.
"Georgie!" I heard Lizzy cry.
"Hmm...?"
"Ah... here you are," she said as she walked into the parlour where I was reading a book. "Come quick, William and I have seen the carriage approaching."
I looked up at her, and then threw my book aside. Who cares for reading? It is boring anyway. So I just stood up and ran along with Lizzy to the front doors to receive our guests. William was there already, and he laughed at our flushed faces from running. Lizzy and I just had enough time to arrange our hair again, and then the carriage drove in. I looked with great tense how the carriage door opened... and there he was. He looked just as he had in town, with a great smile on his face he let his mother out to. Though he looked a little tired perhaps, there was no further difference from the man a few months ago.
"Lord and Lady Cumnor! How do you do?" William greeted then.
"Mr., Mrs. and Miss Darcy! Thank you, we are very well." Mr. Cumnor answered. He gave us all a smile, so I smiled back.
"Please come in to have some tea first. I am sure you must be tired from your journey!?" Lizzy said with a small gesture towards the house.
"Thank you, though I must say the distance from Cumnor House to Pemberley is not that great. I was surprised how close the houses actually are! It is a shame we did not make your acquaintance any earlier!" Lady Cumnor said to Lizzy.
Lizzy smiled back at her, and then led us all towards the house. When we were all seated with some refreshments, Lizzy and Lady Cumnor talked about the upcoming baby. The two men were both complaining about something that had to do with politics. All I understood was that they both didn't agreed with whatever it was they were speaking of. So I just listened to Lizzy and Lady Cumnor.
"How did you pick names for your children, Mrs. Cumnor? Because that is what seems the hardest to me... how am I ever to pick out a name when there are at least a thousand which I like?"
Lady Cumnor laughed softly. "You really don't need to worry about that. When you have the child in your arms, and just look deep into the eyes, you can see which name you should pick. There is always a name that matches the child." She looked a little dreamy. "When I was holding James, I just knew that it had to be his name... James. And I still think it suits him perfectly well."
The three of us gazed across the room where William and Mr. Cumnor were sitting. He felt our gaze upon himself, and shot me some questioning looks. I just smiled at him, and turned my head back to Lizzy and Mrs. Cumnor.
We talked for some time, the subject changing from babies to the nature around Pemberley. Time passed quickly, so when William suddenly stood up, I was surprised.
"It is time we all should go and change for dinner. Lord Cumnor, may I show you to your room? Elisabeth, could you show Mrs. Cumnor?" Lizzy nodded at him, so we all stood up.
"Tell me, Miss Darcy, how have you been?" Lord Cumnor took a seat next to me. We had all just finished dinner, and the men had just returned from William's study.
"Good, Lord Cumnor. Really good." I assured him. "And yourself?"
"Why, I've been fine Miss Darcy. At least I think so..." he added. I laughed at him.
"You think so? I shall take that as a 'yes', but next time you should answer me better!"
"Miss Darcy, you are mocking me! This shall not to be borne!" he said laughing, reminding me greatly of Lady Catherine the Bourgh.
"Why not? You deserved it!" The moment I spoke these words aloud, I regretted I had said them. What must he be thinking of me right now? This probably must have sounded very unmannered of me! Saying to a Lord that he deserved to be mocked! Thank God William didn't heard that!
He didn't seem slighted. "All right, all right, you have won Miss Darcy. Point taken." With that, he winked at me. He winked at me!!! How I wanted the whole world to just pass away, with just us remaining! I was so glad! I wanted to scream and dance at the same time. He had winked at me!
"And tell me, Miss Darcy, how are you faring at the piano? Is everything going all right?" he asked me next.
I felt myself bloom up at this subject. With much enthusiasm I answered: "Yes, that is going very well indeed! I have practised many songs lately, with so many worth listening among them! All those songs... I don't know which to play anymore!"
He smiled at me.
We talked some more of music for a time. I felt like I had in London: happy, content and very much in love indeed. With the same feeling I went to bed that night.
On the next morning, I awoke with a big smile on my face. He was here! Under this roof, sleeping, eating, living! It was true! I had been thinking of this for a long time already, wondering if he loved me, if he cared for me. Now this was the time to find out. Now I just had to go and investigate...
Shortly after lunch was the first time Lord Cumnor and I got a chance for some private conversation.
"Miss Darcy," he addressed me. "Would you care to take a walk trough the park with me?"
I looked up from my book, and replied, "Yes, I would be happy to". So I just went to fetch my bonnet.
When we were outside, I could not think of anything to talk about. My mind kept drifting away. Did he love me? Or not? I knew that this was my chance to find out... but how? I could not just ask him 'Well, Lord Cumnor, are you by any chance in love with me?' That was to ridiculous for words, and I knew that. But how then? He was not talking either. Was that a good or bad sign? If it was a bad one, then why did he asked me to have a walk with him in the first place? Lord... I really don't understand a thing of all this... What I wanted to know was quite simple: does he loves me or not? But how simple that question may be, retrieving the answer in a ladylike way was almost impossible.
At last, I could not bare the uncomfortable silence anymore, so just said the first thing that came into my mind.
"Excuse me, but is you sister in good health?"
He looked up at me, with a look that implied that he had forgotten I was next to him. "Yes...yes, when I left she was in the best of health."
"Good"
Then we fell silent again. Oh, how I hated that! But I just stayed silent. I had just tried to make a conversation, now it was his turn. At one point he seemed to realize that, because he broke his gaze at the path, and looked at me for a second. I looked expectantly back at him.
"Euh... well, how have you REALLY been these last months?"
I had to think about that a little. He was asking how my time had REALLY been, therefore implying he didn't believed a little bit of al those 'how are you' and 'very well's that had been exchanged at their first arrival. Not that I ever believed someone when they said they had been really good, while their looks and expressions implied something totally else. I wondered if maybe that had been the case with me to, but soon realized he was waiting for an answer. So this had anyway not been one of those polite inquires, but a serious one.
"Well... actually quite good... I missed some people with whom I had spent time with in London..." here I gave him a look, " but if you consider everything, I have been quite good."
He looked at me for a second, probably trying to figure out what I had meant with that look. Then he recollected himself, and smiled at me.
"I am happy to hear that, Miss Darcy" So I just smiled back.
"Sir... you may think me impertinent, but how have YOU really been? I believe we are such good friends, that we can be completely honest with each other?" I looked at him expectantly, trying to see if he was affronted. It however seemed he was not.
"That is not an impertinent question at all, Miss Darcy. I totally agree with you that friends like you and me can be perfectly honest with one another. Remember, you can always ask me anything! Anything at all!" here he hesitated. "And as for your question... I must say that those last few months... I to have missed some people..." he hesitated again. I could not possibly have known, that at this very moment his mind was trying to make a decision if to propose or wait. I also could not have known that he had almost did it, had he not at the last moment pulled back, determined to give me some more time.
"But further, I have been quite all right!" he suddenly concluded with a happy smile. Had I been standing away further from him, I might have been fooled, but here I was next to him, so the sad look in his eyes was not so easy to dismiss. I however decided not to push that. I hoped that indeed that sad look implied that he had missed me.
Our walk was not long after that broken up. We went back to the house, from there going our own separate ways. But none of us was satisfied with the way things had turned out.
At dinner that evening, nothing of consequence happened. I just chatted with Lizzy and Lady Cumnor, while William and Mr. Cumnor were talking of their clubs and friends, trying to find out if maybe they had some shared acquaintance.
Not long after dinner, I got a pretty big headache coming up, so I went to bed early.
When I woke up, it only felt like it had become a million times worse. Every move I made pained me beyond words, and I was really warm.
It was not long before a maid, who then summoned Lizzy, who in her turn summoned another maid to summon the doctor, discovered my illness.
He stated that I had a pretty heavy disease, and that at least one weak bed-rest was required. I tried to reason him by telling I was strong and therefore five days would do, but he would not have it. So I was pretty mad, because I now had to miss Lord Cumnor's company for a whole week (how was I ever going to find out if he loved me if I was in my bed!?), but Lizzy soon came to rise my spirit. She talked to me for a while, and I was really glad with her company, but after half an hour, she left, saying that I had to sleep for else the doctor would be mad at her for keeping me awake.
The next week was VERY boring. I just had to stay in my bed the whole day long, trying to sleep but never managed. The only nice parts were when Lizzy came to me, but she could never stay the whole day long, because we had guests of course. She did keep me informed of everything going on in the house; everything said and done was reported to me. William visited me often to of course, and those conversations were very appreciated indeed. He always helps me to clear out my mind. Also something pleasant was, that I had a new maid, a girl of my age whom I find really very nice. During my illness Molly, that's her name, sat by my bed often, whenever Lizzy or William were not there and she had nothing better to do. We talked of many things, and I found out that Molly lives in Lambton, and that her father is William's valet, one of her sisters' works at the Inn and that her eldest brother is a gardener in the park here. I then told her that once I had met her sister, Hannah, at the Inn and that I had liked her very much. That way we have become very good friends. And though her, William's and Lizzy's visits lightened up my illness (as far as they could, with me being terribly tired and a head that felt like it would split in pieces), I still counted the days till I could get out a that d*mn*d bed (oh no, if William just heard my language! I take it back!) .
After a week, I could finally get out again. Molly, whom I had informed of the 'Case Lord Cumnor', did my hair extra nice the day I went down for breakfast again, and helped me pick out a nice dress.
I still felt a little dizzy, so when I walked from my room and reached the stairs, I stopped there hesitantly. Should I risk going down them by myself? I'd better go and get Molly.
As I wanted to turn around, a gentle voice called me from down the stairs.
"Miss Darcy!"
I looked down and saw Lord Cumnor, staring up at me from below.
"How are you, are you better?" he asked with a concerned voice.
"Yes, I am much better already, it is only... I don't think I can go downstairs by my self just yet... I am still al little bit dizzy." I said.
He rushed up the stairs immediately.
"Then let's take no risk," he said to me as he offered his arm. Gratefully I took it. The feelings that went through me as I leaned on him while going down the stairs are indescribable. No poet would be able to write down what I felt. I felt how very hard I needed him, how I had missed him this week. If only I had not been ill, I could have spoken with him for a hundred times already!
"Miss Darcy!" cried a voice behind me.
It was Lady Cumnor, who also just came down for breakfast.
"How are you my dear girl? Do you feel better already?"
Her calling me 'dear girl' touched me. That was just such a nice name to call me by!
"Yes, I am a lot better already, thank u. Your son only had to help me with the stairs" I said, gesturing towards Lord Cumnor. He smiled at me, and then we resumed descending the stairs again. At the bottom, we waited for Lady Cumnor to join us. Together we went to the breakfast room, finding Lizzy and William already there.
It also only became clearer to me how much I adored him. His laugh caused my stomach to flutter, his smile made me laugh even harder, his humour would cheer me up even when I was in one of my darkest moods. Every day I eagerly and expectantly looked out for my morning walk. I wanted him to give some signs; I wanted to know how he felt. But that was an honor only a few could receive. Lord Cumnor was much like William; he rarely showed his feeling and affections, so it was hard to know what he was thinking. On one morning walk however, nine days after my recover from my illness, I got a great clue.
"What a splendid day it is, is it not Miss Darcy?"
"Why yes indeed. The sun is nicely shining today."
"Actually, for me the sun is always shining. Whenever I am with y..." he stopped in the middle of his sentence, realizing what he had almost said. I held my breath in great tension. Did he just say what I think he did? "I mean... when I am walking outside. Then you always feel the sun on your skin." He abruptly added.
I tried to get eye contact, to see what he was thinking, but he turned his head away. I was disappointed, but decided not to say anything about this. His meaning had been clear, though I didn't allow myself to hope to much. What if he had stopped his sentence, because he realized he was going to say something that was not true? That he did not wanted to give me false hope? Deep in my hart I knew this was not very likely, but who says that people in love think rational?
"Miss Darcy?"
I looked up. It was Lord Cumnor. "Yes, Sir?"
He looked somehow ... strange. He was looking everywhere except at me and his foot was making circles in the carpet. Was he ... nervous or something?
"Would you like to take a tour around the lake?" he suddenly blurted out. I was surprised but his outburst, but my answer was out before I knew it.
"Yes of course!" I said with a happy smile. Lizzy, who sat at the other side of the room and was reading, raised her eyebrow at me in a playful manner.
I gave a quick smile at her before I leaved the room to fetch my bonnet.
Once outside, I felt happy. Whatever it had been inside that had bugged Lord Cumnor was gone now. We chatted amiably, and I noticed we did not even come close to the lake, but entered the forest. Not that it mattered. I did not care where we were, as long as he was by my side.
"What a beautiful day it is, it is not Miss Darcy?"
"Yes indeed. A nice temperature for a walk."
"Yes, you are right."
"Look at that beautiful flower over there!" I said with enthusiasm, pointing at a flower on my right. Lord Cumnor, who walked on my left, turned his head, but did not eyed the flower, but me.
"Yes, very beautiful indeed."
I felt my cheeks going totally red. "Y... yes, I believe I have never seen such a flower." I said, strongly doubting we were talking about the same thing.
"Yes..." he said sheepishly, still staring at me.
"Miss Darcy?" he asked after a few moments of silence.
"Yes?"
"I ... I want to tell you something ... well..." he had started pacing. I held my breath. Was this what I was waiting for?
"Yes...?"
"Well ... I..." Still he was pacing, right in front of me. "I ... I love you" he suddenly blurted out. "I love you so much!"
I was first totally surprised. This was it! He had said it!!! YES!!! I grinned widely at him, and I could no longer contain my feelings, so I just flied into his arms. I hugged him so tightly, like I was afraid I would die if I let go. At first it had seemed like he was surprised, but later he relaxed.
"Georgiana..." he whispered. "Marry me"
I looked up at him. No words could be formed; all I could do was smile, my happiest smile. But that was enough for him. His arms grabbed me tighter, and as my voice came back, I whispered:
"I love you too..."