The Beginning, Next Section
Chapter 1 Posted on Wednesday, 27 November 2002
The carriage stopped with a sudden lurch, and I would have lost my balance but for my brother keeping me from tumbling to the floor. I gave him a grateful look and then put my bonnet back on from where it had fallen off of my head during my long sleep.
As soon as the door was opened, my brother climbed out and then helped me out. As I gazed up at the beautiful house called Pemberley, I blinked. It looked empty.
"Is no one here?" my brother asked, reading my mind.
I scrutinized Pemberley and tried to see if anyone was at home. Of course, being so big, I'm sure I wouldn't know what was happening in Pemberley anyway.
"I hope so, brother. Do you think William and Georgiana are home?"
"Darcy wrote to me saying that he and Georgiana had made it safely back home. They should be here."
My brother, Matthew Fitzwilliam, held his arm out for me to take. We walked the short distance to the door in silence.
Fitzwilliam Darcy and his sister Georgiana were very close to our family. We were first cousins since my late Aunt Anne had been my father's sister.
My brothers and I thought the world of our cousin Georgiana, a shy little creature when in public. I called my other cousin William and loved to tease him mercilessly about everything.
William would say my one deficiency in character is my outspoken nature. I tended to be emotional and not rational, however I had not met many women who were as rational as Fitzwilliam Darcy. My cousin loves to bury his emotions deep inside.
Our presence today was actually a surprise for the Darcys, and I wished we had written to them, but Matt was needed in London and had wanted me to go to our cousins immediately.
There were five of us Fitzwilliam children in all since Matt and I had two older brothers. Andrew was the eldest brother and Richard the second son. I wished I could see him more, but he served in the army and was gone a lot. He and Matt were too good to me. I think the reason they doted on me was because my mother made such a fuss when I was born. At the time, Andrew had been 12, Richard 10, and Matt 5. My parents finally had a daughter after three sons and named me Emily Anne Fitzwilliam after my maternal grandmother and my late Aunt Anne Darcy. I loved being the baby in the family!
When Matt knocked on the door, Mrs. Reynolds opened it. Her grave face barely lightened when she saw us.
"Mrs. Reynolds!" I exclaimed. "Whatever is the matter? Is everyone well?" I blushed at my outburst, but Matt squeezed my arm reassuringly.
"Master Matthew and Miss Emily! Master Fitzwilliam is worried about Miss Georgiana. She has been unwell since she came back from Ramsgate!" Mrs. Reynolds said as she let us in the door.
"Take me to Darcy," Matt told Mrs. Reynolds.
"Matt, I want to see William as well." I sighed as I took off my gloves and bonnet. Matt would probably speak with our cousin first, so I changed my request. "Mrs. Reynolds, may I see Georgiana?"
Mrs. Reynolds gave me a nod in reply. I followed her up the stairs to the second floor of Pemberley. When we turned down the hallway, Georgiana's room came into sight.
Mrs. Reynolds gently knocked and opened the door.
"Miss Emily is here, Miss Georgiana," Mrs. Reynolds told her. I could tell Mrs. Reynolds thought a lot about my cousin for she expressed sorrow in her face.
"Emily? Here?" Georgiana lay in bed as if she were ill, so I immediately flew to her side and took her hand.
"Georgie? What has happened to you? You are pale. I heard that William is worried about you. Tell me all!" I begged.
"I can't, Emily. It is too much," Georgiana said as she broke into a fresh torrent of tears.
"I am here, dear," I soothed.
"You and Fitzwilliam are too good to me, Emily," Georgiana finally got out through her tears. "Thank you."
"I would be happier to see you have a sister, Georgie," I said, trying to lighten Georgiana's misery. "When is that brother of yours going to marry?"
Georgiana wiped her tears and sniffled.
"Fitzwilliam doesn't mingle in society a lot, Emily, you know that. He is not comfortable at the London balls." She continued quietly, "I am yet to be out, so I cannot go."
"It is for the best, dear. You would not want fortune hunters after your money." Georgiana paled even more, if that could be possible, and bit her lip.
"Em, I have to tell you. I know I shouldn't ..." She looked on the verge of breaking down again.
"Tell me. I will not think bad of you," I assured her. Her eyes widened.
"How did you know? Oh, Emily, I've gotten myself into a scrape. I know Fitzwilliam is mad at me, but he will not say it. I ... fell in love, or I thought I was, with a man ... I agreed to elope with him." My mouth dropped open.
"My cousin, you didn't elope with the man, did you?" I was horrified and not thinking clearly that if she had eloped I doubted she would be here.
"No, Emily. Fitzwilliam knew he was after my money." Her hand started to shake and I held it more firmly.
I felt very much like a mother and sister rolled into one.
"What happened, dearest?"
"The day we were supposed to ... elope, Fitzwilliam stopped us. He told Mr. Wickham that he and Richard were my guardians, and Wickham had to leave. He wanted my £30,000. Oh, Emily, I was used!"
Oh my! Mr. Wickham was the son of my late Uncle George's steward. I had known George Wickham growing up, and he had seemed polite and nice, but I saw another side to the man that even my Uncle George hadn't seen. Poor Georgie! She told me about what happened with Mr. Wickham and his dealings with William.
"That man should be found out. He should be discharged from his position in the militia and put in jail," I said, my anger intense. How dare the man ruin my cousins' lives!
"Emily!" I heard a male voice exclaim. I turned around to see William and Matt standing in the doorway. I let go of Georgiana's hand and ran into William, his arms encircling me.
"How I've missed you and Georgie, William."
I wiped at a tear on my cheek and then noticed that William's face was haggard and he looked horrible. He hugged me and then let me go.
"I haven't seen you or Matt in a while," he admitted.
We stood in silence until I noticed that Georgiana had spent her energy. She was asleep. William and Matt left the room as I put Georgie's blanket up to her chin.
She needed a mother or someone who was able to be at Pemberley all the time to teach her and love her.
I quietly shut her door and then padded down to the library. The door was open, and as I entered, I saw that William had lit a fire.
He intrigued me for he had half a dozen books scattered haphazardly on his desk, one his ledger. That was very unlike my methodical cousin. George Wickham must have driven William crazy for a bit.
My thoughts soon settled down to more pleasant things, and I had to admit that the room was very cozy.
"Make yourself at home," William told me.
Instead of sitting, I walked over and stood near the fire, staring into it. I started thinking about Georgiana's need for a mother/sister figure and my cousin's need for a wife.
"Emily?" I heard. I glanced up and saw both men looking at me and smiling (It was probably the first time in ages that William had smiled).
"What is it, brother?" I asked him, puzzled.
"We were talking about finding you a suitable husband."
I blushed at my brother and cousin.
"Are you two going to play matchmaker with me? I hope not. The one to do that would have been Emma Woodhouse of Highbury, but she married and retired the position."
That caused a bigger smile to grace William's face.
"Miss Woodhouse married a Mr. Knightley. He's a fine man and acquaintance. However, we want to see you married," he told me.
"I shall marry in my own time," I said with a warning look to them before I quit the place near the fire and walked over to William's immense bookshelf.
I quickly scanned the bookshelf for a book to read, found the perfect novel, and flopped onto the couch in the most unladylike manner.
They continued on to a topic about Georgiana again. I noticed that whenever William talked about George Wickham, his face became hard and angry. The subject seemed to consume William. To lighten the mood, Matt changed the subject.
"Mr. Bingley invited you to his new home in Hertfordshire?" Matt asked William.
"Yes. Bingley will be there for a while I'd say." He blew out his breath.
"What is it, Darcy? What is troubling you?" Matt asked him.
William grumbled to himself before answering.
"I don't want to go to Hertfordshire. I prefer London of all places than to the country, especially with fortune-hunter mamas."
"I find the country a most pleasant place to be," Matt said. He shrugged but had an easy smile on his face.
Something he said made William chuckle. I hadn't seen him so relaxed for a long time. Matt and I exchanged looks. Our cousin had lost his mind.
"You and Bingley really should meet. You two would be perfect friends." Matt glanced at me.
"Would Bingley suit Emily?"
Was he serious? I was about to protest when I saw a tiny smile and a wink come from my brother. William didn't see this and really thought about what Matt was saying.
"Bingley would not be right for Cousin Emily. She would want someone who sparred with her. Bingley would not put up a fight. He needs a wife who is as meek as he is."
"You are the one who needs a spirited partner in a wife," I said to him with raised eyebrows.
I was teasing him, but again William took it the wrong way.
"Emily, I've ..."
"No, William. I didn't mean it that way. I'm about as fit for you as Cousin Anne is. And, if I remember, you are 'engaged' to her." I laughed even as he cringed.
"I am not engaged to Anne. Aunt Catherine can say all she wants to about family loyalty, but I am my own man and can make up my mind to wed whomever I so choose."
I thought I heard him mutter, "Within reason," but my brother's words drowned him out.
"Fitzwilliam Darcy has spoken," Matt teased.
Anne was a sore subject with William.
We reminisced about our childhood the rest of the night. When it grew a little later in the evening, Matt stood and yawned. He was soon ready to retire since he had to leave very early in the morning for London. Before he was to leave, however, William asked him if I could go to Netherfield (Mr. Bingley's new home) with him instead of going home.
"I would be pleased to have you with me," William said, almost desperately. "Miss Bingley will be there in her orange garb. She wants to be the next Mrs. Darcy, but I will go to the Americas before I marry that woman."
"I will love to help fend her off of you, Cousin. It is even better because you know I do not wish to become Mrs. Darcy."
"Indeed, Emily, you are like a sister to me. I love you for that," he sighed.
After spending a lovely fortnight at Pemberley, William and I hugged a much improved Georgiana (though not enough for my comfort) and we were off to Netherfield.
Chapter 2 Posted on Wednesday, 27 November 2002
When we arrived, Mr. Bingley met us with enthusiasm. One of the first things I learned about him was that he was always smiling. I think I would get tired smiling so much and admired his stamina.
His sisters were the opposite of their brother. Caroline Bingley and her sister, Louisa Hurst, stood with sour expressions on their faces as we greeted them.
Introductions were had, though Miss Bingley looked less than impressed to meet me. I could also tell she nor her sister enjoyed the country life.
I was a bit puzzled to learn that Mr. Hurst, Louisa's husband, was mentioned but nowhere to be found ... that was until we saw him inebriated on the couch, snoring. I tried not to give William a look of shock. The Bingleys must have been used to it as they ignored him, and I finally did the same.
"How do you do?" Miss Bingley asked coldly, finally talking as we entered into a grand hall.
"Fine, thank you. How do you do?" I asked politely.
I thought my ears had deceived me, but came to realize that I had heard a distinct snort come from that woman. I turned to look at her but became distracted when Mr. Bingley interrupted.
"Miss Fitzwilliam, surely you and your cousin are tired after a long journey. In a minute you and Darcy can go upstairs to refresh yourselves. Make yourselves at home!" he finished with a big smile.
I thanked him heartily and continued walking slowly. As we walked farther into the house, I found myself beside Miss Bingley again. It occurred to me in the back of my mind that she was up to something, but I dismissed the thought as quickly as it came.
My thoughts soon strayed as I absorbed all the details of the decorations and furniture at Netherfield.
Suddenly, Miss Bingley's dress caught my attention. I tried to remember what the new fashions were in town, but I was almost positive that what she wore was a fashion faux pas. I thought she wore a solid color of orange, but when I looked closer, I saw that it was plaid. Her dress was plaid orange. I mean, a bright orange. It really did nothing for her complexion.
As she watched my cousin with a strange expression on her face (I would almost say possessiveness), I said the first thing that popped into my mind.
"Miss Bingley, what an ug... interesting dress," I said, my face flaming.
I had been a second from saying the word 'ugly' and then stopped myself. Fortunately my brain trumped over my heart. Emily Anne, I scolded myself. My mother always chided me for speaking too forthrightly.
"Thank you," she said with an insincere smile, not catching my correction. "It's from London."
I almost asked where in London but refrained. She continued on to another topic. "How are your parents, Lord and Lady Matlock? I've heard so much about them from Mr. Darcy."
"They are fine at present. And how is your family?"
"They would be better if we didn't have the fathers of country maidens coming here. Every mother in the county wants their daughter wed to my brother."
Her tone suddenly became clear. She was speaking to me.
"I see," I said softly. Her eyes narrowed.
"And don't think your arts will catch him either." She seemed rather sharp when she added, "Are you and Mr. Darcy intended for each other?"
My eyes grew wide at her forwardness and distinct attitude problem.
"I can assure you, Miss Bingley," I said angrily, "that I have no intention of taking your brother. Furthermore, it is none of your concern what happens between my cousin and me."
I quickly walked over to William and Mr. Bingley who were standing near the library door ahead of us. William gave me a look of concern. In return, I gave him a slight shake of my head and managed to give him a slight smile.
It didn't look as if he had heard our exchange. I sighed heavily. I knew I would never like that woman and would never understand how William tolerated her. I also had no idea how I would endure being in the same house with her for the duration of our stay.
Chapter 3 Posted on Monday, 2 December 2002
I was tired from the long journey and decided to rest a bit that night and so was fortunate enough to avoid Miss Bingley. I confess that the woman puzzled me greatly. Did she always insult guests when first meeting them or was I the exception?
The reason might have been right under my nose, however.
It didn't take me long to figure out that Miss Bingley was infatuated with my cousin.
I smiled as I thought she actually gave it away with that question to me. Were my cousin and I intended for one another?
Why didn't she ask him if they were so close?
William had mentioned that she seemed rather obsessed with his every move, but I had thought he was exaggerating.
I knew that many women wanted to leach on to him for his money (not to mention his handsome face and physique...), but this woman was very obvious.
After a few hours, I felt suffocated in my room. I wanted to explore and hoped I wouldn't run into Miss Bingley.
Her sister was nice enough, but I knew they were of the same mind and so I would limit my contact with her. It was most unfortunate since Mr. Bingley was very sweet.
I opened my door quietly and then shut it with a click. My eyes darted back and forth, making sure that no one saw me leave.
I felt my cheeks flush for acting so silly, but I felt like a sleuth in a novel. I'm always ready for an adventure.
It was very dark and I had forgotten to bring a light with me, so I made due with what I had and felt my way down the hall.
Suddenly a light burned bright at the end of the hall and I held my breath, but it must have been a servant for the light soon faded away.
I squinted in the darkness and continued down the hall until I felt the railing of the staircase. I tried to stay quiet as I walked down the wooden stairs, but my shoes sounded horribly loud in my ears.
It was better lit downstairs, and I paused and looked into different doors to see what lay behind them (a little difficult as there was no light in any of them).
As I walked down the downstairs hall, I heard voices in the distance. My mother told me it wasn't nice to eavesdrop, but when I recognized the voices I couldn't help but listen.
I ignored the warning that my conscience was giving to me and slowly made my way near the door.
The voices came from inside the music room.
I crept the rest of the way to the door and peeked inside, seeing Miss Bingley and her sister. My eyes lit with the chance to hear their inner thoughts.
Miss Bingley wore a look of pure disgust, and I knew I was probably the object of her emotions. My suspicion was confirmed a moment later when Mrs. Hurst gave her sister a puzzled look.
"Why would you say such a thing to Miss Fitzwilliam, Caroline? She is Mr. Darcy's cousin of all people. Do you want him angry with you?"
"Louisa, I knew I disliked that girl from the moment I met her. I am not usually so outspoken, but when I saw the way Mr. Darcy looked at her, I became very angry!" She paused and then said, "I wasn't thinking straight. All I could think of was that young girl was going to steal away my man." I tried not to laugh out loud at her statement and had to muffle my mouth with my hand. Her man?
"She is his family. I asked Charles about it, and he says that Mr. Darcy has never talked of her as more than a cousin. They are very close because they grew up that way."
"Many cousins are close and marry," Caroline returned.
"Yes, but you've heard Mr. Darcy. Has he ever given you reason to believe him in love with Miss Fitzwilliam?"
"Would he tell us, Louisa?" Caroline muttered. She continued, "We've got to find a way for Mr. Darcy to fall in love with me. That little vixen cannot have him!"
I blinked at her statement and leaned forward to listen to her sister's reply.
"Emily?" I jumped a mile and turned around, my eyes wide.
William stood in front of me with an amused smile on his face.
I grabbed his arm and dragged him away from the door and out of earshot from the sisters.
"Was it my imagination or were you listening to something in the music room?"
"Don't scold, William. I was exploring Netherfield and happened upon Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst."
"Aunt Matlock would be proud," he said with a grin, knowing that the opposite was in fact true. "Did you hear enough gossip for one night?"
I put my hands on my hips.
"All I know is that Miss Bingley dislikes me. She wants you for herself."
William's smile vanished and he sighed. He resumed that emotionless state that I saw in him sometimes where you couldn't tell what he was thinking and his eyes were blank.
"Well, I may not like her, but she is Charles's sister. You could find worse in a woman."
I pursed my lips at his statement and my heart revolted. He didn't think that, did he?
"It seems, dear, that she is the exact type of woman that you detest. She loves money and wants a powerful position in marriage. She will stop at nothing to attain it. If you want that type of woman for your bride, then I gave you more credit than you deserved."
William stiffened before me.
"You've become more open since we last met. I had not thought it possible, Cousin."
My eyes flashed at him.
"I hope you don't expect me to befriend that woman while we are here. Do you know that she had the gall to warn me away from Mr. Bingley?"
William played with his cuff a moment and fidgeted. Then he straightened and gave me a look that was authoritative and cold.
"While we are here, I want you on your best behavior. I don't want you sneaking around the house, eavesdropping on unsuspecting people. You are a lady and will act like one."
His words made me see red and I seethed at him. He could be so stuck up and prideful when he wanted to. Didn't he care that his friend's sister was a pompous oaf?
Apparently he thought that the conversation was finished. A moment later, his manner returned to one that was more congenial before me.
All he cared about was looking good before Miss Bingley. I would have said something about this to him (since I had no qualms about doing so) but we heard Miss Bingley and her sister emerge from the music room down the hall.
Since I didn't want to be anywhere near them, I curtsied to my cousin (maybe out of spite) and left.
He wore a scowl on his face. He no doubt thought he was my baby-sitter and I the unruly child. Humph! I would teach him a lesson.
Chapter 4 Posted on Monday, 2 December 2002
There was a ball given that week in town, and I was happy to go. I so longed for a ball. Mind you, I wasn't a flighty girl, but I loved society.
Netherfield would have been unbearable but for Mr. Bingley. His sisters gave me the cold shoulder and my cousin and I hadn't been on speaking terms for a day.
Still, I apologized to him for my behavior however wrong I thought he was and he and I went back to our old friendship.
As much as I longed for this ball, my cousin looked most unhappy to go. He was a bear in public, that much I had seen through the years.
A few hours before the ball, I went over to him and ruffled his hair as he sat on the sofa reading.
William gave me a playful warning look, and I just shrugged innocently.
Caroline Bingley gave me a glare of hatred, and I rolled my eyes. She was surely deprived if she had no one to tease.
"Thank you, Em, for messing up my hair before the ball," William said with a smile.
"You're welcome," I said impishly. Then I chastised him when I heard his heavy sigh. "William, you have to relax. How is society to know your true character if you do not show them?"
"I do not want society to know me. I am uneasy there." His statement worried me. If I didn't watch out for him, I knew there was going to be trouble.
After thinking about his answer, I sat down next to him and watched in amazement as Miss Bingley played with a book in her hand. I'm not sure if she even read one page in it, but she took a great interest in our conversation.
"Miss Fitzwilliam, your cousin knows this society is most savage. How could he ever be comfortable among them?" Miss Bingley interjected as she put the book on a nearby table.
"Maybe, Miss Bingley, you are the savage," I said with a glare back. Open mouth, insert foot.
I regretted my choice of words after I said them. If I didn't watch out, William was going to send me back to Matlock. I didn't want that because I was amusing myself with Caroline Bingley too much.
Sure enough, William gave me that brotherly look again.
"Emily, no," he murmured. I was thankful that is all he said.
I nodded reluctantly and sighed. I told Miss Bingley that I was sorry and hastily retreated from the room as she continued to glare at me.
As I was leaving, I didn't look where I was going and almost ran into her brother. I apologized to Mr. Bingley and went up to my room to dress. However, I soon forgot about Miss Bingley and thought about how many dances I would get at the ball.
Chapter 5 Posted on Monday, 2 December 2002
The atmosphere in the carriage was definitely chilly as we rode to the ball. I didn't even look in Miss Bingley's direction.
When we arrived, William tensed even more than he already was, and he immediately put on a haughty façade.
My stomach tightened into tiny knots and suddenly I had a bad feeling about tonight.
When my cousin had helped me down, I turned to thank him. I turned back around and saw Mr. Bingley anxiously look up at the building.
At the same time, Mr. Hurst kept muttering to himself about the waste of the evening and Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst exchanged looks of revulsion at being anywhere near this social event.
I tightened my cloak around me. Were Mr. Bingley and I going to apologize all evening for our party?
Quickly coming to William's side, I took his arm, to his relief, which left Miss Bingley for her brother's arm.
When we arrived inside, the whole assembly seemed to stop and turn to look at us since we were fashionably late (due to Miss Bingley of course).
I felt my face heat from all the attention in the room. Fortunately, a middle-aged man came over to us and soon everyone was talking amongst themselves again. Probably about us.
The man before us turned out to be Sir Lucas. He met us with an anxious but friendly expression on his face.
"Mr. Bingley! How nice to see you again! I hope you enjoy this ball!"
"Sir Lucas! How nice to see you. This is my friend, Mr. Darcy, and his cousin, Miss Fitzwilliam."
His sisters and brother-in-law had already met Sir Lucas, much to their distaste it seemed. I liked him. He seemed a friendly gentleman, though a little strange.
"How nice to meet you, Sir Lucas," I said with a smile. "I have heard so much about Hertfordshire."
"Thank you, Miss Fitzwilliam," he said with pride.
The ball continued and I immediately saw that Mr. Bingley had met his mate. I came to that conclusion after I followed Mr. Bingley to meet a mother and her daughters. The eldest was a beauty and very sweet. She would be a great match for Mr. Bingley.
It was then that I noticed that William walked closely behind me, and I realized that I would have to make up for his manners. Sir Lucas spoke.
"May I introduce Mrs. Bennet. This is Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth Bennet and Miss Mary Bennet." Mrs. Bennet also had two daughters dancing at present. Miss Catherine Bennet and Miss Lydia Bennet seemed to be out already. I was a little surprised but not totally shocked to learn of that.
Miss Bennet blushed as Mr. Bingley gazed at her. Her classic beauty was remarkable. Having always been good at reading emotions, I felt that there was a chemistry between Mr. Bingley and Miss Bennet. They seemed destined for each other.
"This is Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy, and his cousin, Miss Fitzwilliam."
"How do you do, Mrs. Bennet?" Mr. Bingley asked as he bowed to her.
She was all in flutters. No doubt she had heard about his four or five thousand a year. And my own cousin's ten thousand a year made him ready for the 'fortune hunter mamas' as William so eloquently put it a few weeks ago.
"Fine, thank you, Sir. And you, Mr. Darcy and Miss Fitzwilliam."
A small conversation ensued between Mr. Bingley and Mrs. Bennet.
When Mrs. Bennet turned her attention to William, she made a comment about dancing to which my cousin turned up his nose and responded that he rarely danced.
The look on her face was priceless. She felt snubbed, no doubt, and when William bowed and backed away rudely, my cheeks flamed.
I wanted to give my cousin a kick in the shin. I turned to Mrs. Bennet in desperation.
"We are pleased to meet you, Mrs. Bennet. Mr. Darcy and I love our stay so far in this pleasant county."
Her mouth quickly turned up into a smile, though I knew she hadn't forgotten my cousin's snub.
I caught William making a face at me and ignored him.
"Thank you, Miss Fitzwilliam. I hope you enjoy the country."
I smiled weakly and then noticed that Miss Elizabeth Bennet was giving my cousin a rather unpleasant look. Oh, no. This wasn't a good first impression.
I had liked Miss Elizabeth the moment we met. She looked reasonable and intelligent.
I noticed a moment later when my cousin walked back over to Miss Bingley and her sister. The sisters were whispering, probably criticizing the people here.
I saw that Mr. Bingley asked Miss Bennet to dance with him, and as they set up for the dance, I headed over to Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Along the way, I was stopped by a couple gentlemen who applied for my hand to dance. I agreed to dance later and then was on my way again over to Miss Bennet.
"Miss Bennet, I see that you have many sisters. I've three elder brothers and I miss female companionship." Miss Bennet smiled.
"Please call me Lizzy, Miss Fitzwilliam."
"Then I shall be Emily to you." We talked for a while about our families (not mentioning William, however) and some interesting topics.
She was very funny and likeable. I knew that if William got to know her, he would like her, and I knew that Miss Bennet and I would be good friends.
We were in a lull in our conversation for a moment, just watching the dancers, when we overheard Mr. Bingley trying to persuade my cousin to dance.
We were within earshot of them and I wanted to die after I heard my cousin.
"Come, Darcy, I must have you dance," Mr. Bingley said with an exasperated look to his friend.
I hadn't been paying attention, but William had been standing the whole time, looking as if he were bored and above everyone except maybe Miss Bingley I thought with disgust.
"I certainly will not. I only dance with a partner who I am acquainted with. Your sisters are engaged and my cousin will dance two with me later tonight. There is not another woman in the room with whom it would not be a punishment to stand up with."
"I would not be as fastidious as you for a kingdom! Upon my honor, I never met with so many pleasant girls in my life as I have this evening, and there are several of them who are uncommonly pretty."
"You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room, save my cousin," William said, clearly looking at Miss Elizabeth's elder sister, Jane.
I wanted to hide at my cousin's display, but Elizabeth Bennet stood with an interested air about her as she eavesdropped on their conversation. It made me squirm.
"Oh! she is the most beautiful creature I have ever beheld! But there is one of her sisters sitting down just behind you with your cousin, who is very pretty, and I dare say, agreeable. Don't you agree?" When my cousin saw us sitting together, he grimaced. I knew his grimace was not meant for me.
I could not handle listening to this, so when he began to speak again, I spoke to Elizabeth.
"Isn't tonight just lovely?" Elizabeth shot me an angry look (though I think it was more playful than angry) for interrupting her eavesdropping. She was about to reply when we heard a voice rise in agitation.
"She's tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me. Look, Bingley, I am in no humor to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. Return to your dance partner and enjoy her pretty smiles. You are wasting your time with me."
Mr. Bingley shook his head and left for Miss Jane Bennet.
I dared to glance at Elizabeth. My face was flaming, and I wished I could have said something before William had made that stupid statement!
"I'm so sorry, Lizzy," I said with suppressed anger at my cousin.
"It's all right. You are very sweet, but your cousin's disposition must be the opposite." I tried to interrupt to correct her assumption, but she held up her hand and continued. "It is of no consequence what he thinks of me, now is it?"
She acted like it didn't hurt her, but I knew then that her heart was hardened for him. How was I supposed to get them together (for I had decided right away that these two were meant for each other) if my cousin did stupid things like this?
"Lizzy, I must tell you that my cousin acts in a different manner when in familiar company. He is not a sociable person when with strangers." I prayed that she understood but had not expected her reply.
"He must not take the time to practice then." Her face revealed her disgust in an unguarded moment.
All of a sudden, a smile graced her face and she took my hand and dragged me (a little) over to a young woman who looked in her mid to late 20's and was a little plain. She had a warm disposition, however, and I knew I would like her right away.
I was still reeling from the conversation we had overheard but Elizabeth was introducing me to her friend. I wish I knew what she was thinking.
I was thinking that I was going to talk my cousin when we returned to Netherfield. His manners were deplorable.
My mind returned to the ball and I saw that Elizabeth was talking to her friend.
"Charlotte, this is Miss Emily Fitzwilliam. Emily, this is my good friend, Charlotte Lucas." Charlotte was very sweet.
As I put my cousin to the back of my mind for now, I thought about how well Charlotte's disposition would compliment my brother Matt's. Ack!
I was matchmaking again. Once my mind was made up, I knew that somehow not only would Charlotte and Matt be good together, but in the end I knew that Elizabeth had to be the new Mistress of Pemberley if my cousin got his act together.
A thought came to my mind. Not knowing if Mr. Bingley was planning to be at Netherfield for the new year, I turned to my new friends.
"I know this is early, but would you both come to Matlock and be a guest of mine in the new year? My cousins will be there, and I know my family wouldn't mind. Please say yes. My only companionship is my cousin, Georgiana, Mr. Darcy's sister. She's been of an ill disposition lately, and I know she would like cheering up some." I gave them a pleading look. "You two will become my new friends."
"What about Miss Bingley?" teased Elizabeth. I laughed.
"I could care less about Miss Bingley. Poor Mr. Bingley to put up with such a sister!" I choked.
Elizabeth and Charlotte laughed at my candor.
"If you insist!" Elizabeth finally agreed. "I will have to ask my father, but I'm sure he would agree with it."
"I will go too. I feel I am bored in Hertfordshire," Charlotte admitted.
I told Elizabeth to bring Jane as well. "Mr. Bingley might be there too," I added.
I noticed William watching us out of the corner of my eye and sighed. He was watching us a lot. At first I thought he was watching out for me, but I began to suspect he wasn't when I caught him glancing at Elizabeth a couple times when I wasn't standing near her.
However, I ignored my cousin for the rest of the night and became acquainted with my new friends. I danced with many gentlemen (the few that were there actually) and enjoyed myself immensely. I would talk with my cousin later.
Chapter 6 Posted on Monday, 2 December 2002
When the ball was over, Mr. Bingley couldn't say enough about Miss Jane Bennet.
I had talked with her some, and she was a darling. Yet, there was a problem: I loved Mr. Bingley as a friend, however, if I heard the word 'angel' one more time, I was going to throw a book at him. After a slight pause in the conversation, Miss Bingley started her attack on my new friends.
"You seemed to enjoy the Miss Bennets, Mr. Darcy," Miss Bingley told my cousin.
I saw William staring at the fire, his face contemplating the evening.
"I've heard them called local beauties, though I think it was exaggerated," Miss Bingley continued.
I controlled my temper for once and didn't say anything.
"Though Jane Bennet is a sweet girl," Mrs. Hurst added. Mr. Bingley's face lit at the mention of Jane again.
"I think ..." His sister cut him off, and I gave Mr. Bingley a sympathetic smile even though I'm sure he was about to use the word 'angel' again.
"What did you think of Miss Eliza Bennet?" Miss Bingley asked William again. "Tell me if you think her a beauty."
"If she's a beauty, I would rather remain a bachelor," he retorted much to the Bingley sisters' delight. I frowned.
"Fitzwilliam Darcy! Elizabeth and her sister are my friends now. They are coming to Matlock for Christmas, so you must be nice."
William paled, but Bingley's face lit up.
"Miss Bennet too?" I nodded at his question.
"Will you be able to come?" I asked of his party. He paused.
"I would love to come, Miss Fitzwilliam, but I am unsure of my plans. I will be able to tell you before you leave."
I thanked him and then thought back to that comment William made just now and then became angry all over again for the comment he made at the ball.
I should have shut my mouth, but I was still angry over William's display tonight.
"Miss Elizabeth already thinks ill of you after that stupid comment you made, Fitzwilliam," I told him, letting the cat out of the bag. His face turned an interesting shade of gray.
"She knows what I said?"
"Obviously you didn't care to see in what proximity you stood from us while divulging this information."
"Great, Darce," Bingley said with a sigh.
"What should Mr. Darcy think of Eliza Bennet?" Miss Bingley put in.
I was tired of her snobby attitude and loved telling her off.
"Miss Bingley, when I want your opinion, I will ask for it." Then I added, "And my cousin is not your relation, so don't presume to speak for him."
I couldn't count the number of glares I had given her over my short stay at Netherfield.
She answered back with a sneer of her own ... and she growled (at least that's what it sounded like).
Mr. Bingley noticed the escalation of tension and knew a catfight would ensue if he didn't step in and take charge.
"I would dearly like to hear someone play the pianoforte."
I looked away from William since he was giving me that big brother look again.
When I turned away, Miss Bingley volunteered to play first. She probably thought she was going to show off in front of my cousin.
As I waited my turn, my cousin turned to me in private. In a low voice he said, "Maybe you shouldn't have come with me, Emily."
"And why is that?" I snapped. "Someone should knock some of that snobbiness out of you, Cousin."
He flinched.
"Georgiana and I wish you would settle down soon, but with your attitude, you chase away all the sensible women."
"Miss Bennet, do you mean?"
"You were staring at her all night," I accused him. "You slighted her and I had to apologize for you. I don't even think she forgave you."
"Mind your own business, Emily Anne Fitzwilliam," he said with a cool look to me.
"Fitzwilliam George Darcy, I am your only sensible female cousin," I answered back. I remained silent, surrendering for the moment. This wasn't the end. I was going to consult my elder brother, Richard, so he could talk some sense into William.
"As my only sensible female cousin, I would like you to respect me," William said pointedly.
"I would respect you if you respected others," I shot back.
I was in no mood for his berating, especially when he needed berating himself.
After our little talk, his disposition became unreadable. The rest of the night he retreated back into that shell of his.
He truly needed some woman to reform him ... or knock some sense into him. And somehow I knew that Elizabeth Bennet would have to be the one to do it.
Chapter 7 Posted on Monday, 9 December 2002
The ladies of Longbourn came to Netherfield for a day, and the visit was returned in due form.
During our time together, not only did I become good friends with Jane and Elizabeth, but I could tell that Jane made an impression on the superior sisters. They were very nice to her, and I could even say that Miss Bingley was nicer to Jane than she was to me.
We were all together again next at a gathering at Lucas Lodge.
Mr. Bingley continued his conversations with Jane, and I saw from looking at her that she was very much becoming in love with him, though it was carefully hidden to the general public.
And of him, I was sure that he was the same. Knowing Mr. Bingley only a few weeks, I wasn't positive that he was serious in his pursuit of Jane, however my cousin had told me that he thought it was serious (and he also looked worried about it, but I think he was waiting to see if this was just another infatuation).
My cousin knows Mr. Bingley well and he should know when Mr. Bingley is seriously pursuing a woman. As such, I began to rejoice that Mr. Bingley might choose Jane for a bride (maybe a little premature here, I know).
In fact, Elizabeth, Charlotte, and I talked about the match with fervor. Elizabeth began by talking of Jane's veiled affection towards Mr. Bingley and Charlotte answered back.
"It is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. There are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement. In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels. Bingley likes your sister undoubtedly; but he may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on."
I thought of what she talked made sense, but I was not sure I would want to show more affection to a man than I felt. Elizabeth interrupted my thoughts.
"But she does help him on, as much as her nature will allow. If I can perceive her regard for him, he must be a simpleton indeed not to discover it too," Elizabeth said to her.
"Remember, Eliza, that he does not know Jane's disposition as you do."
"But if a woman is partial to a man, and does not endeavor to conceal it, he must find it out," Elizabeth said with certainty.
"It depends upon the situation," I said, interjecting the sentence into their conversation. Charlotte shook her head, as if not hearing what I said.
"Perhaps he must, if he sees her enough of her. But though Bingley and Jane meet often enough, it is never for many hours together; and as they always see each other in large mixed parties, it is impossible that every moment should be employed in conversing together. Jane should therefore make the most of every half hour in which she can command his attention. When she is secure of him, there will be leisure for falling in love as much as she chooses."
I quit listening for a moment and began forming ideas of getting Jane, Elizabeth, and Charlotte to Netherfield at the same time that Mr. Bingley, William, and Matt happened to be there. I knew that they might all come together at Matlock, but I wasn't sure yet if they all would come; and besides, I was impatient since I was determined that these couples would all be married within a year and I would help them along.
Elizabeth broke into my thoughts again.
"Your plan is a good one," she replied. I was glad she agreed. However, she continued, "where nothing is in question but the desire of being well married; and if I were determined to get a rich husband, or any husband, I dare say I should adopt it. But these are not Jane's feelings; she is not acting by design. As yet, she cannot even be certain of the degree of her own regard, nor of its reasonableness. She has known him only a fortnight. She danced four dances with him at Meryton; she saw him one morning at his own house, and has since dined in company with him four times. This is not quite enough to make her understand his character."
Seeing the camaraderie that Elizabeth and Charlotte showed between each other, I wished to be their friend even more. I thought their conversation amusing.
"Not as you represent it. Had she merely dined with him, she might only have discovered whether he had a good appetite; but you must remember that four evenings have also been spent together--and four evenings may do a great deal."
I thought I could fall in love with a man in four days, and so thought Charlotte correct.
"I think they have learned a great deal about one another," I inserted again. Elizabeth did not look convinced.
"Well," Charlotte continued, "I wish Jane success with all my heart, and if she were married to him tomorrow, I should think she had as good a chance of happiness as if she were to be studying his character for a twelve-month. Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance." At these words, I started.
"Charlotte!" I exclaimed. Elizabeth also looked skeptical at her friend's words.
"Emily, please hear me out. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other, or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation, and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life." I shook my head forcefully and even Elizabeth felt the opposite.
"You make me laugh, Charlotte; but it is not sound. You know it is not sound, and that you would never act in this way yourself." Charlotte's eyebrows rose.
"Not everyone is the same, Eliza."
Elizabeth and I exchanged looks. At the moment I looked at her, I saw from over her shoulder that my cousin stood staring at us. I looked intently at him, and he turned slightly away.
He had been uttering comments about Elizabeth since he met her (though he had started to comment out of my hearing so as not to make me angry) and from everything he had said, I would never suspect that he liked Elizabeth. I had tried to conceive of ways for him to like her, but it looked as if he were beginning to like her on his own. My plan was coming along perfectly.
Our former conversation over, Charlotte entreated Elizabeth to play the pianoforte, and then I took a turn. Elizabeth's sister, Mary, took over after me, though I am afraid that she was badly off tune sometimes.
I do not consider myself a master of the instrument (though my family tells me otherwise), but I do at least have some talent when playing.
I chastised myself at such a thought but it was the truth. As Mary played the pianoforte, I did manage to dance once. After I left my partner, I noticed how William stood in the corner watching Elizabeth again.
It had been a while since our talk, and so I turned and spied Charlotte and happily went over to her, wanting someone to talk to regarding William and Elizabeth. It was difficult to talk about them with Elizabeth in hearing.
"Do you not think they would do well together?" I asked her excitedly. Charlotte puzzled over it.
"Emily, I do not think that Elizabeth is too fond of Mr. Darcy at present," Charlotte admitted as we saw her talking with some officers.
"I know that he has said many foolish things," I told her with a frown. "But he can overcome them. I think they would make a sweet couple."
"I agree, Emily. She is spirited and he is calm. They compliment one another." Charlotte and I saw as her father approached my cousin and started talking. My cousin showed a cold demeanor to Sir William and I thought I heard the word 'dancing'. I turned to Charlotte again.
"Have I told you about my brother, Charlotte? You would love to meet him." Charlotte looked interested and so I continued. "He is a little older than I am, and he loves the country." She smiled at that.
"I am glad to hear that."
"He is very sweet to me. I cannot wait for you two to meet."
Charlotte noticed my enthusiasm and shot one eyebrow up.
"Are you not a little bit too enthusiastic? Am I involved in some sort of plot as well?" I blushed and looked away.
"I..."
"I am not a romantic you know," she said calmly.
"I think that after you meet my brother, you will change your mind, my friend." Charlotte shook her head in a disbelieving manner.
"I will not get my hopes up, Emily. If I met a man who was dull and stupid in mind but provided a simple life and adequate living, then I would marry him."
"You deserve much more than that, Charlotte," I disagreed.
We both turned silent and l looked back over to Sir William and my cousin. Charlotte and I watched as Elizabeth made her way towards us, but was stopped by Charlotte's father. I saw Sir William ask Elizabeth something and then William said something to her. She shook her head and then left him. When she had made it to us, she told us what happened.
"Your father asked if Mr. Darcy would dance with me, and then Mr. Darcy asked me himself. What could he have been thinking?" Elizabeth asked with a glance to him. He happened to be staring over at us.
"So you turned him down?" I asked the obvious.
"Of course. I cannot dance with that man, Emily, however related to you he is." That woman had turned down a dance with the Fitzwilliam Darcy of Derbyshire. (Not that I blamed her since my cousin was being a bit creepy tonight with all his staring at her.)
As Elizabeth continued on with another conversation, I saw as Miss Bingley stood behind William and spoke something in his ear. I shuddered at the thought of that woman near him but almost laughed out loud at the expression on Miss Bingley's face when my cousin responded to her. So stunned was she that she wore a color on her face that matched her dress.
"Emily?" I heard.
I looked back over to Elizabeth. She seemed irritated at something, and I had a guess it had something to do with William.
"Yes, Lizzy?"
"Your cousin seems to have been staring at her all evening," Charlotte said before Elizabeth could talk. I smiled despite myself.
"Yes, so it would seem." Elizabeth grimaced.
"I hope I do not offend you, but I have no regard for your cousin at all." I shook my head and shrugged, trying to act nonchalant.
"You will not think good of him whatever I say, so I will not comment."
Elizabeth was not in a good mood towards William but I was still scheming, trying to find a way for him to gain esteem in her eyes. We talked a little more and then my party left.
William was almost in ill humor, but his expression warmed when Elizabeth was mentioned.
I began to observe him carefully after that (I also threw around a few hints here and there regarding Elizabeth).
Chapter 8 Posted on Monday, 9 December 2002
Before I knew it, Miss Bingley invited Jane Bennet to Netherfield.
I was about to ask Mr. Bingley if Jane and Elizabeth could visit again when Miss Bingley sent out the letter to Jane. After I heard, I tried to figure out Miss Bingley's scheme. Maybe I wasn't giving enough credit to Miss Bingley, but she seemed very insincere to the Bennets.
I did not send out an extra invitation to Elizabeth, but I did write to her to say that she could meet Jane in a few days.
The reason for this was that I had asked Miss Bingley (very civilly I thought) if Elizabeth could be added to the party, and she had crossed her eyes at the suggestion. So, I was going to wait a few days and then have Miss Bingley invite Elizabeth when in a better mood.
When Jane finally arrived, we found that she had come on horseback three miles in the rain and was soaked through. Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst exchanged horrified glances, and I rolled my eyes at them (it can become quite habit forming). I myself was known to ride in the rain when I felt like it. If only they knew that.
After Miss Bingley stared at Jane for what seemed like forever, I said, "You must go to your chamber at once and put on dry clothes." She smiled at me.
"Thank you, Lady Fitzwilliam." I saw her up to her chamber myself and showed her where everything was. Truth be told, I was glad to get away from Miss Bingley and her sister for a while.
I had a scare when at dinner Jane fell quite ill. Not only did Jane write a note to Elizabeth, but I did too. I insisted that Elizabeth come no matter how well Jane said she was.
I took care of Jane for a while and then left her chamber to see when Elizabeth was to arrive.
It was fortunate timing because as I entered the dining room, I saw Elizabeth enter from the other door, William behind her.
Her petticoat was caked with mud, and her cheeks were flushed with exercise. Knowing my cousin, he wasn't displeased, however. The look on his face showed his intrigue (though I noticed he tried to mask it).
"Lizzy!" I said as I went over to hug her. She took my hand with worry, caring nothing for her appearance, but only for seeing her sister.
"How is she?"
"She's not been well at all, Lizzy. She didn't sleep well and was feverish, but I hope she will be much better since you have come. I have been watching her carefully." Elizabeth gave me a strained smile.
"Thank you, Emily." When she left the room to go to her sister, the Bingley sisters communicated their disgust through their eyes.
I turned away, a most evil thought entering my mind concerning them.
After eating dinner, when Elizabeth was again with her sister, Miss Bingley started insulting her again saying something about Elizabeth's pride and how she had no beauty.
"She has nothing, in short, to recommend her, but being an excellent walker. I shall never forget her appearance this morning. She really looked almost wild," Mrs. Hurst added.
"She did, indeed, Louisa. I could hardly keep my countenance. Why did she come at all!" I did not tell Miss Bingley that I had summoned for Elizabeth even after Jane had written a note to her. "And why must she be scampering about the country because her sister has a cold? Her hair is so untidy!"
"Yes, and her petticoat; I hope you saw her petticoat, six inches deep in mud, I am absolutely certain."
My conscience pricked at me again. I was scolding myself for not defending my friend, but I had already been in so many confrontations with Miss Bingley that I felt William was to the point of sending me home. Though he had said nothing of the sort, I did not want to push my cousin to the edge.
It was at that moment that Mr. Bingley stepped in to save the day.
"Your picture may be very exact, Louisa," Mr. Bingley said to her. "But this was all lost upon me. I thought Miss Elizabeth Bennet looked remarkably well when she came into the room this morning. Her dirty petticoat quite escaped my notice. Do you not agree, Lady Fitzwilliam?" Mr. Bingley asked me. I smiled to him, showing him my gratitude.
"Though I did observe it, I thought nothing of it," I admitted. Miss Bingley smirked.
"You observed it, Mr. Darcy, I am sure." Her eyes challenged me. "I am inclined to think that you would not wish to see your sister... or your cousin to make such an exhibition," she purred. She turned an eye toward me, daring me to say anything. I shook my head thinking that Miss Bingley would be very lucky to ever set foot in my home.
"Certainly not," William replied in an easy voice.
I almost exploded at William. He would forbid me to walk as Elizabeth had done? Unfortunately, Miss Bingley prevented me from blasting my cousin.
"To walk three miles, or four miles, or five miles, or whatever it is, above her ankles in dirt, and quite alone! What could she mean by it? It seems to me to show an abominable sort of conceited independence, a most country town indifference to decorum," Miss Bingley continued in a haughty voice. I unconsciously picked up my napkin from the table and clutched it in my hand with a vice grip.
"It shows an affection for her sister that is very pleasing," Mr. Bingley said with sincerity.
"Thank you, Mr. Bingley. You are most kind to my friend," I told him. Mr. Bingley thanked me for that. Miss Bingley ignored me and talked to my cousin instead.
"I am afraid, Mr. Darcy, that this adventure has rather affected your admiration of her fine eyes."
Even though Miss Bingley said this in a whisper, we all heard. What did she mean? Did he say she had fine eyes?
My cousin looked out the window and replied, "Not at all. They were brightened by the exercise."
Miss Bingley's face fell again at his words. I loved it when my cousin rebuffed her. After she made the comment about the fine eyes, I made a mental note to ask William about that later.
Mrs. Hurst continued the conversation.
"I have an excessive regard for Jane Bennet, she is a really sweet girl, and I wish with all my heart she were well settled. But with such a father and mother, and such low connections (here I bristled a little), I am afraid there is no chance of it."
"I think I have heard you say that their uncle is an attorney in Meryton."
"Yes; and they have another, who lives somewhere near Cheapside," Mrs. Hurst said.
"Her aunt and uncle are Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner," I added. "Miss Elizabeth says they are the best aunt and uncle you can find."
I did not add that they had to be better than my Aunt Catherine. I could not think of a worse woman for an aunt. Miss Bingley and her sister both laughed heartily at my words, and it was Mr. Bingley who came to my rescue again.
"If they had uncles enough to fill all Cheapside, it would not make them one jot less agreeable."
"But it must very materially lessen their chance of marrying men of any consideration in the world," my cousin managed to reply.
I knew these attitudes were very realistic in the upper classes, but I did not want my family to look down upon those who did not have as much as we did. I had hoped Uncle George had taught him more than that but apparently not.
I was very determined to teach William common courtesy and etiquette, stubborn as he was, but he was frustrating me.
Thus, I gave him a cold look, threw down my napkin in disgust, and left the room to go to Jane and Elizabeth.
Chapter 9 Posted on Wednesday, 18 December 2002
The night wore on as Elizabeth and I took turns taking care of Jane. I watched as Elizabeth put a damp rag to Jane's forehead, wishing I could get some fresh air. I held off only because Elizabeth had been in the room a lot longer than I had today.
"I am so glad you are here, Lizzy. I would be very bored without you. Of course, I do not wish this illness on Jane at all," I added.
"Of course not." Elizabeth sighed for the fifth time in at most 10 minutes. She sat watching Jane every few minutes, and I noticed that she seemed pale herself. She had spent too long cooped up with her sister.
"Lizzy, please go and get some fresh air before you wear yourself out. We wouldn't want you becoming ill yourself."
Elizabeth scoffed.
"Yes, I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome." I frowned at her words.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
When Elizabeth didn't answer, I decided to nudge her a bit. "Lizzy, my cousin looks at you a great deal. I am sure that he will be sad to see you gone." This time Elizabeth let out a loud laugh.
"Mr. Darcy? You have sampled some of Mr. Hurst's port, Emily," Elizabeth said dryly. "Your cousin cannot wait to see me gone, and I cannot help but feel the same towards him." I grumbled to myself.
"You are too hard on Fitzwilliam."
"And you are biased since you are his cousin. I have a view that is not prejudiced towards him."
I looked towards my friend incredulously. Not prejudiced? Now who is sampling the wine?
"Elizabeth, I beg to differ. You have disliked him since the moment you met."
"You mean since the moment he insulted me? Should I not feel a little anger at a man who insulted a woman he had never met? It was practically to my face even if he didn't know it."
"You can't keep a grudge forever. He has shown his remorse," I insisted.
"It is of no matter anyway, Emily. We are destined to hate one another."
I was almost positive that my cousin didn't hate Elizabeth, but I couldn't reason with her. She was as stubborn as William when she felt like it.
Suddenly, Jane mumbled in her sleep and Elizabeth quickly watched for any strange behavior from her sister.
"Jane?"
"Lizzy?" Jane whispered. "I feel very strange."
I immediately went to Mr. Bingley and told him to summon his doctor. He did so with haste, and when the doctor came he pronounced that Jane was at least a bit better.
I was tired and ready for bed after spending many hours with Jane that night and Elizabeth also looked worn out. We were in a bind until Mrs. Hurst surprised us by saying she would watch Jane for a while, and so both Elizabeth and I got a much-needed reprieve.
With Mrs. Hurst at Jane's side, I decided to go to bed. Yet, I had not gone one foot from the doorway when I ran into someone who was much taller than I am.
"Oof!" I said, my nose starting to throb. I looked up and saw my cousin. "William! Ouch."
"I'm sorry, Emily," he said softly. "How is she?" I wanted to ask him which he meant, but he anticipated me. "Both Misses Bennet."
"Miss Bennet is doing a little better and Miss Elizabeth is asleep. She has taken care of her sister a long time. Why should you care?" I asked, crossing my arms.
The expression on William's face was very strange. It looked as if he cared for Elizabeth a lot but was trying to stifle his feelings.
"I am just wondering when they are to leave," he finally said. I huffed.
"Yes, since they are so beneath us, they are worth nothing."
"You take my words out of context," he said with a dark look on his face.
We walked a little farther down the hallway and stopped in front of my door.
"Fitzwilliam, sometimes you puzzle me exceedingly and then I do not understand you at all," I murmured.
He said nothing and was about to leave when I suddenly remembered Miss Bingley's words from earlier. "William, what did Miss Bingley mean when she said something about, oh, 'fine eyes'?"
William's eyes narrowed and he muttered something that I didn't recognize.
"It is none of your business," he finally said.
"Hmmm. Right." I stared at him until he became quite uncomfortable. "I think I know. Maybe it was at Lucas Lodge. Did you tell Miss Bingley that Miss Elizabeth had 'fine eyes'?" When William flinched a little, I knew I had him cornered. "Admit it, Cousin! You like Miss Elizabeth Bennet!"
"She is beneath me, Emily. I could not have her even if I was attracted to her."
"Matt nor Richard would be as petty as you are. They would not care for the status of their brides." Maybe Andrew, but I didn't say that. William snorted.
"Your brothers are the second and third sons of an Earl. If they do not marry women with money, they will not have much in wealth."
"I know that Matthew and Richard would rather marry for love than wealth. Maybe you should take some lessons from them."
"You have much to learn, Emily Anne. You are still young in the ways of the world."
"I may be young, but I am not naïve. I think that you are the one with much to learn, Mr. Darcy," I said coolly.
"Good night," he returned curtly and walked away towards the stairs.
I shook my head and then went to wash up before going to sleep. As I brushed out my hair in rough strokes, I was thinking how hard it was to get two people together. It seemed so simple at first, and I even welcomed a challenge, but now I wasn't so sure. I looked into the mirror, the candle casting shadows around me, and critically examined myself.
"Maybe I should give it up," I whispered to myself.
I could see the frown on my face from my reflection. I sighed and rose to pull back my sheets on the bed, climbed in, and snuggled down into the bed for warmth, only then noticing that I had not blown out the blasted candle.
"Not good Emily Anne," I muttered. I made myself exert energy to climb out of bed again and hastily blew out the candle.
After I was settled again, I spent the next hour thinking about all that had transpired in my short visit to Netherfield.
"I should call on Emma. She would tell me how to go about this," I said with a giggle.
As I had said before, Emma Knightley was a good friend of my family and was also renowned for her bad matchmaking. Even her own husband had mistakenly been part of a plot, causing them both great heartache for a while. I decided I would visit her whenever I got the chance.
As I began to think about Emma's happiness, however, I thought about my own happiness. If only there was such a man for me. Most of the men I had met at balls were very shallow and had no depth. I wanted a man who loved me for my personality, not just my outward appearance or my position in life. Evidently, these men were very rare, as my cousin showed daily proof. I managed to drift off to sleep after tossing and turning, the events of the day finally put to the back of my mind.
Chapter 10 Posted on Wednesday, 18 December 2002
The next day I awoke with the turmoil from the day before quickly returning to my mind. I had a little time to myself in the afternoon, and I seriously felt like riding a horse.
I was still helping Elizabeth look after Jane, and so I would have to content myself to Netherfield for the present. However, as soon as I could, I would go riding.
I visited with both Elizabeth and Jane and laughed with them (well Jane laughed weakly). Jane looked to be getting better, and even though she was weak, she looked radiant. Her great admirer, Mr. Bingley, was updated on her condition every half hour, much to the annoyance of his sisters.
That night Elizabeth and I left Jane to sleep and visited with the others in the drawing-room. Elizabeth decided to read, William was writing a letter to Georgiana, the Hurst sisters watching both men idly, and Mr. Bingley and Mr. Hurst were playing cards. I confess that I had a book as well, though I could hardly concentrate on it tonight.
One reason being that I was preoccupied with how many arguments Fitzwilliam and I had had lately. It was so unlike us to quarrel so much, but ever since coming to Netherfield, we had one row after another. Miss Bingley was such a bad influence on him.
Still thinking of our last conversation, William looked a little sullen towards me.
However, his mind wasn't on me long as I noticed he was more preoccupied with looking at Elizabeth out of the corner of his eye. He would sneak glances to her when her head was turned or when she was engrossed in her book.
When he wasn't glancing at her, Elizabeth and I had exchanged a look a couple times and we had almost laughed. Miss Bingley was interrupting my cousin's writing with little praises here and there about how lovely he writes and how well his lines are and so on.
The woman was tiresome and stupid (sorry, but she is) if she thought my cousin was charmed by her.
The conversation continued about mending pens and how well my cousin wrote and a quite spirited conversation ensued where Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy, and Elizabeth added to it.
I was enjoying listening to it, especially when they started talking of Mr. Bingley's pleasant temperament and my cousin's nature. Elizabeth and William battled each other until Elizabeth mentioned my cousin's letter. He promptly began finishing it, and I wanted to add my own words of love as well.
"William, tell Georgie that I long to see her. It has been many weeks since we've been together, and I miss my cousin dearly." William turned to me. There had been a note of sadness in my voice, and he heard. He gave me a loving look.
"I am sure she misses you too, Em." Miss Bingley, always putting her two cents into my cousin's conversations, decided that she was going to talk about Georgiana as well.
"Oh, dear Georgiana!" she broke in with a raise of her eyebrows. "How I long to see her, too. Has she grown much since I last saw her? Has she grown as tall as me?" My cousin had met Miss Bingley? Now she would be tainted for life.
"She is about--Miss Elizabeth Bennet's height, maybe a little taller," my cousin said slyly. "Now, my dear cousin is shorter than Miss Elizabeth, are you not?" he asked me.
I nodded and covered a smile with my hand. Miss Bingley managed a semi-grimace. I could tell that Elizabeth didn't know what to make of my cousin, and I gave her a nod, as if prodding her on to say something. Elizabeth shook her head at me very slightly.
Miss Bingley and her sister both tired of our bantering (and our talk of Elizabeth no doubt) and promptly played on the pianoforte. They played some Italian songs and then a Scotch air.
To my amazement, William asked Elizabeth to dance a reel. Elizabeth was so surprised that my cousin repeated his offer. I saw as Elizabeth refused him in a playful manner, and as he left her, I saw admiration in his eyes.
"I will dance a reel with you, Cousin," I teased him. "Though, I warn you, I dance very ill." Elizabeth even laughed at my words, and my cousin, probably bored, decided to take me up on my offer.
I danced the wrong steps on purpose, being silly, and made my cousin laugh too much to dance.
"Emily, did not anyone teach you this dance?" he teased.
"Yes. Mother made Richard teach me, much to his horror. I made his toes black and blue." I saw my cousin's rare smile as we finally called it a dance.
As I sat near Elizabeth, I whispered, "Look what you have missed!" Elizabeth looked unconvinced, though I think she enjoyed our display.
Miss Bingley was another issue. She was jealous over the attention my cousin gave not only to me but his unintentional praise of Elizabeth. She asked many times if Jane was better, and I knew that she just wanted Elizabeth and Jane out of her home. I, however, loved to talk of anything with Elizabeth and even Jane when she felt a little better.
Chapter 11 Posted on Wednesday, 18 December 2002
Miss Bingley's voice began to grate on my nerves the next day. I had heard her shrill, unlikable voice for what seemed like years, and both William and I wanted to get away for a while.
So, early that morning, William asked me if I wanted to stroll around Netherfield, and I told him yes. Elizabeth was with Jane and the others were elsewhere. I took William's arm, and we began our ramble around Netherfield, enjoying each other's presence (neither of us brought up our last conversation).
"William, do you remember when I was little and you and Georgie came to Matlock for Christmas? It was the time when Aunt Catherine showed up with Anne and extolled her daughter to no end while pushing you two together." I stopped. "I'm sorry, when has she not done that?" William chuckled and I continued. "It was the Christmas when my father had fallen off his horse when he and Andrew had an argument. Father was miserable with his broken leg, and Aunt Catherine made it worse. I only see my father drink so much when she is around," I joked. However, I don't know if William heard the last thing I said since he looked lost in thought.
"I remember," he murmured. "Anne was very sickly, more than usual, I think. All I wanted to do is have a pleasant conversation with your brothers, and Aunt Catherine made Anne come with us every time we were together."
"Georgie was having a hard time after Aunt Anne's death," I said softly. I felt William stiffen a bit, but then he sighed.
"It has been hard to be a father and brother at the same time. I only wish she had a mother." The timing was perfect.
"That is what I think precisely. She will not be out for a few more years, and I think she needs a woman to talk with. She and I cannot talk as much as I would like, and so your wife would do perfectly." William stopped walking abruptly, his face not amused.
"And who is the woman that you think should be my wife?"
"I think..." I began, about to tell him of Elizabeth's wonderful qualities, when we heard a bleating goat. Or, rather, Miss Bingley.
"Mr. Darcy! Lady Fitzwilliam!" she managed to shout in a rather high-pitched voice. I cringed and my arm tightened around my cousin's arm. William himself grimaced.
"Oh, great. Here comes the orange blob," I mumbled to myself. William blinked and almost laughed had not Miss Bingley scurried along and been upon us quickly. I made a face as I saw her catch up to us.
"Be good," he hissed in my ear.
"Me?" I love to make mischief, I admit it.
"Miss Bingley, how did you find us?" William asked, his question a double meaning. Miss Bingley either didn't understand the sarcasm in his voice or chose to ignore it.
"I saw you walking from the window, and I wanted to walk with you," she pouted. "May I join you, Mr. Darcy?"
William's mouth tightened, though he couldn't turn down his friend's sister. I let go of William's arm to walk ahead of them. My cousin could handle the woman on his own, and I didn't want to talk with her.
I walked just ahead of them to hear their conversation but to seem like I wasn't listening. In a venomous voice, Miss Bingley took no time in mentioning Elizabeth again.
"When your desirable event takes place, Mr. Darcy, I hope you will give your mother-in-law a few hints about how she can hold her tongue, and I hope you can cure your sisters-in-law of running after the officers. As for your lady with the fine eyes--she is a little too impertinent and conceited." I balled up my fists and counted to 10. Miss Bingley had some conceit issues of her own.
"Do you have anything else to propose for my domestic happiness?" my cousin asked dryly.
"Oh, yes! You can hang your Aunt and Uncle Phillips' pictures in the gallery at Pemberley next to your great uncle, the judge. They are in the same profession you know; only in different lines. As for your Elizabeth's picture, you must not attempt to have it taken, for what painter could do justice to those fine eyes?" I turned around and saw my cousin smile slightly.
"It would not be easy to catch their expression. Perhaps their color and shape and eyelashes, so fine, might be copied." I laughed to myself and turned back around.
Miss Bingley scowled and was silent for a moment. I heard a voice and turned around again to see Elizabeth and Mrs. Hurst just beyond my cousin and Miss Bingley. I changed directions and walked towards them, giving Elizabeth a smile.
"Lizzy, how is Jane?"
"She is doing much better, thank you, Emily."
Miss Bingley's face turned pale, thinking that Elizabeth might have overheard her, but I couldn't tell from Elizabeth's expression whether or not she had.
The path narrowed up ahead and suddenly Miss Bingley leached herself onto my cousin's arm. This was the woman who called ME the vixen? My cousin suggested we walk to the avenue since the path admitted only 3 people at once, but Elizabeth said she would rather walk elsewhere, and so I agreed to join her.
William gave me a desperate look pleading not to be left alone with Miss Bingley and her sister, but I shrugged and smiled to him to continue. He deserved what he got with them.
"So, Emily, what was Miss Bingley so jovial about before Mrs. Hurst and I came upon them?" When I gave her a questioning look, she said, "Of course I saw you were listening."
"Well, she said some derogatory remarks against you, Lizzy. I would not want to expound any further on them. My cousin praised you, however."
"Mr. Darcy praised me? He must be out of his mind, or I think he is teasing Miss Bingley."
"I think he likes you."
"I think you want me to be in your family. You have been trying to get us together from the beginning, but I am resolved that he is not the one for me." I wanted to think over the subject carefully before continuing and so changed the subject.
"I wish you could meet my brothers. I do not know when Matt is going to see me. You would not only like him, but my brother Richard."
"Is this the Colonel Fitzwilliam that I've heard so much about?" Elizabeth asked. I nodded.
"Richard is in the army and travels a lot. He's been to far off places ... I miss him."
"He sounds like the ideal elder brother."
"He is like my Cousin William." Elizabeth shook her head in disbelief at my statement. She looked back to where he had gone with the sisters.
"If he is like your cousin, then I do not wish to meet him."
"Lizzy, give him a chance. You do not see how he is loving with me? He acts the same way with dear Georgiana." I paused on her name with sorrow in my voice. Elizabeth saw my distress.
"Whatever is wrong, Emily?" Not feeling that it was my information to give out, I told Elizabeth that it was nothing and we walked the rest of the way back to the house in silence. I would bring up William again to her later. At the moment, I didn't want to talk. Just the reminder of Georgiana had brought back bad memories of George Wickham, and I didn't even want to hear his filthy name in my presence. I was glad that I wouldn't see him again.