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Posted on Sunday, 11 March 2007
"You don't have to hold a training camp in Mauritius," Anne Elliot suggested to her sister in a nearly exasperated voice. She knew that their father -- Walter Elliot, head coach and chairman of Kellynch Swimming Club -- had overspent, all for the sake of his daughter Elizabeth. Anne was not privy to all the financial details, but she had picked up enough hints about an impending bankruptcy. "It'd be cheaper to --"
Elizabeth did not want to know what would be cheaper. "But I want to go to Mauritius."
"But --"
"Anne, what do you know about it? You can barely hold your head above the water and you have no idea what a world class swimmer needs in terms of facilities. I need to go to Mauritius and that's that."
"Why not Lanzarote if you insist on an island?" It was still further than she would recommend, but she was willing to compromise somewhat.
"Lanzarote?" Elizabeth's voice sounded shrill from indignation. "Everyone goes to Lanzarote! Even masters go there! I refuse to share the pool with people who learnt to swim when they were sixty-five. I'm not going to mingle with the amateurs."
Anne rolled her eyes. "But you can't afford Mauritius." She refrained from saying that they could not even afford to rent an entire pool at home, let alone in some exotic place. One lane, that was all. There would be other people in the pool wherever Elizabeth went and she could not control who they were. The horrors! They might well be eighty.
"South Africa then."
Anne now wished to hit her head against something. She let out a sort of muted scream. Why did her sister think that one luxury resort was cheaper than another?
"Dad, Anne is jealous," Elizabeth complained. "She wants us to train in a crappy pool nearby. Among the public! You know I can't, Dad."
"Anne, you need to accept that Elizabeth and I have different requirements when it comes to training," Walter said pompously. "We can't just swim in any pool like you do. Conditions need to be perfect. That should be obvious."
"Isn't it obvious to them that they can't afford it?" Anne complained to her mother a little later. She did not count on receiving much support.
"No, not at all," Lindy Russell sighed. She was not divorced from the man for no reason, but being divorced she did not think it necessary to oppose him too much. What Walter and Elizabeth wanted to do was their own business. "I tried to suggest three weeks instead of four, but they wouldn't hear of it."
"Four weeks!" Anne was shocked, as much at the original plan as at her mother's inadequate attempt to influence it. "They're more often away than not. It's no wonder the club is going bankrupt."
"That, they say, is an exaggeration."
"You know it isn't."
"I don't know. I haven't been allowed to look at the figures," Lindy said evasively, but that was rather indifferent of an assistant coach.
"But it makes sense that with so many training camps abroad and so many fancy new swimsuits, and no renewed sponsor contract, they have been spending far too much and it's going to come out somehow. Whose money have they been spending?" Anne suspected that the entire budget of the swimming division had gone towards Elizabeth, when it ought to have been divided more equally. There were other swimmers too. They paid membership fees and ought to receive something in return. They were not sponsoring Elizabeth.
She would hate to see the club going bankrupt. What would she do and where would she go if it ceased to exist? It had been a large part of her life for such a long time that she could not imagine it, yet her father's malpractices were putting it all at risk now. Anne had very little else. It was not until it was in danger of disappearing that she realised how little it actually was.
Lindy appeared not to care about the same thing. "But you cannot deny that Elizabeth has been performing really well this season. Don't say it out loud, but she's too old to try another approach."
Elizabeth was twenty-nine, of course, and Anne knew that changing a successful formula might well be the end of her sister's career. She grimaced. At twenty-nine, was it not time for something else? Hardly anyone stuck it out that long. Alternating training and resting was rather mind-numbing and Anne knew that Elizabeth did nothing else. She did not even read books.
Anne tried a reply. "But isn't --" But as usual she would be alone in her opinions and it was no use trying to change anyone's mind. They rarely listened and were even less often convinced that someone else could be right. She had no option but to submit.
John Shepherd, the club's treasurer, eventually had no choice but to make Walter listen. It took him some time to discover which approach worked -- criticism, though veiled, did not, but insincere flattery worked like a charm. Walter and Elizabeth were not clever enough to see through it and too self-absorbed to see that their unreasonably high opinion of themselves could not be possibly be shared by everybody, especially not by those who had an interest in getting rid of them.
Mr Shepherd persuaded them that the facilities in Bath were superior, that his daughter Penelope, who was a physiotherapist there, would treat them as they deserved to be treated and that they would be vastly better off in Bath. Once all reasonable approaches were abandoned, it took him no time at all to get rid of the Elliots. In leaving for something better, they would not lose face and, as Walter believed, their departure would even be regretted.
Their departure had predictably not been rued at all, not by themselves and not by the ones they left behind at Kellynch. Their arrogance had not made the Elliot family very popular. While the youngest sister Mary was tolerated, Anne was the only true exception, although she was too quiet to become popular. She was mostly useful.
Mary, supposedly Kellynch's team manager, could do and arrange very little because she was always busy or ill, although no official gathering or party could take place without her. It was Anne who did most of her work without taking or receiving the credit for it.
Anne was a good girl. She could always be counted on to say yes if she was asked to do something, to fill in when someone was absent. Now that her mother was on holiday, she was even coaching. It was a well-known fact that Anne had nothing to do anyway. Anne, Mary would say, did not have a husband or a family.
Considering Lindy's active social life and multiple holidays, a replacement for Walter had to be found, even if Walter had not done much with swimmers other than Elizabeth. Still, he had nominally filled the role of chairman and someone was required to replace him in that function for certain.
It was always difficult to find a good coach, especially given Kellynch Swimming Club's depleted financial resources, but eventually a couple had been found who not only had the necessary qualifications, but also no objections to not being paid for their efforts. They had no children and seemingly did not mind spending hours in the pool, as long as they could both spend those hours there, and they also did not object to chairing.
Anne, who had not gone to Bath with her father and sister, but who had been wheedled into becoming a temporary coach, wistfully observed that the unpaid Crofts approached their new tasks with more enthusiasm and energy than their predecessors who had received money for them. They were not only energetic, but they also remembered the slower swimmers' names, something Walter Elliot had never cared to do.
All in all the change had been so much for the better that she felt quite ashamed to be related to the other Elliots.
Sophia Croft was very busy reorganising the club. She could not understand how it had been able to run at all, even if it had been badly. And she quickly realised that Mary, though full of her own importance, would be no help. No, Mary expected everyone to follow her orders because she had once been the chairman's and head coach's daughter and she still filled the position of team manager, although Sophia did not quite understand what she did or why such a small club needed one at all. The only one who had ever been allowed to go anywhere was Elizabeth and she was gone.
Only Anne seemed to be a sensible girl, if quiet. Sophia expected little from the absent coach Lindy Russell, who was by all accounts Walter Elliot's minion. She did not know what else Lindy was or had been of Walter's, but she was glad Anne was taking over the woman's role for the moment.
"We're expecting my brother soon," Sophia said to Anne. "And then you can go back to what you were previously doing with your evenings, because I can get my brother to coach in return for board and lodgings. I wonder if you ever heard of him, Frederick Wentworth?"
Anne had certainly heard of Frederick Wentworth. He had been to several big tournaments in the past five or six years and he was said to be retiring from the international arena to focus on a career outside swimming. She had read that somewhere yesterday, about six times.
But his swimming achievements and medals were not what came to Anne's mind first when she thought of Frederick. Eight years ago he had been her boyfriend.
Anne had usually been ignored by her father and sister at competitions. She had been good, but she had not been as talented as her elder sister. She came along because she enjoyed competing, but there was never much interest in her from her own team.
It was perfectly understandable that she would speak to other people instead, though not to many, and that some came to see she was not as obnoxious as the rest of her family. It was not incomprehensible that after being ignored another time, she had been driven straight into the arms of Frederick Wentworth, who was the only one of his club at that particular competition and thus not at all opposed to entertaining a sweet and pretty girl.
It had not taken many more competitions to convince Frederick and Anne that they would spend the rest of their lives together. They would have moved in together, but neither had any money nor, at nineteen, any qualifications. Frederick had offered to get a job to support them, but Anne had not allowed him. She had insisted that he finish his education first. She would wait.
He, however, had not been so patient. Anne's hesitation had felt already like a lack of trust and love, but the final blow had come when Anne had revealed that her parents disapproved of their relationship, as parents and coaches. She should concentrate on her sport and not waste time on untalented boys who were merely there to fill up lanes and who came to competitions only to seduce girls. It spoke of a lack of commitment and seriousness and whatnot. Anne, at nineteen, had not been able to oppose them.
That Anne was swayed by other people was more than Frederick had been able to bear, especially since they solely judged him based on his swimming. He had accepted a scholarship from an American university and he had not contacted her again. As far as she knew he had barely been in the country since then. His parents were dead and his sister had been living abroad. He had had nobody to come back to here, except the odd national championships for which Anne no longer qualified, being too unhappy to swim well.
She had of course followed his swimming career. Going abroad had done him good. He had improved quickly and during the first half of his twenties he had been a regular fixture on the national team. Perhaps he had not been so untalented after all. Now it seemed he had enough of that life, travelling from training camp to international tournament.
That Frederick Wentworth was Sophia Croft's brother was something she had not realised. She had known he had a sister, even that she was called Sophia, but they had never met and she had never been told the husband's last name either. Things added up indeed now she knew.
She wanted to reply something to Sophia that would not be too revealing, but two young swimmers who had been listening had beaten her to speaking before she could open her mouth.
"Oh!" the girls, two sisters, squealed in unison. "Frederick Wentworth is your brother? He is, like, totally yummy! When is he coming?"
Sophia laughed at their enthusiasm. "Soon."
Anne's disconcerted expression went unnoticed in the general squealing that went on beside her. She took solace in the fact that she might well be suspected of thinking little of squealing, rather than being thrown completely off balance by the imminent arrival of Frederick Wentworth.
"Kellynch?"
Sophia could almost see her brother curl up his lips in contempt, even if she was on the phone with him. His tone was very revealing. "Oh, really! It's not that bad." It was, but he would never come if she said so.
"Isn't Kellynch the Elliot bulwark?" Frederick asked after a moment of hesitation.
"Not anymore. Walter -- Sir Walter, as he'd probably like to call himself -- thought he'd be better off training in Bath with Elizabeth. It's a public secret that their sponsoring didn't quite cover the costs he's been making for the past few years, but he claims he's got access to a better team of advisors in Bath. Whatever. We all know why he really left. Too many fancy training camps."
"So they're all gone?" He sounded relieved.
"Yes. No, wait. I never think of Anne -- do you know Anne? -- as an Elliot. She looks nothing like them, you see, but she's still here."
His voice was very steady. "But she's not an Elliot because she married out of the family?"
"No, that was Mary. She's still around too, by the way."
"Sophia, you're confusing me." He wanted to hear more.
"Sorry. There were three Elliot girls. Elizabeth went to Bath with her father, Mary is now called Musgrove and Anne will be our team manager. I know, the information sheet online says it's Mary, but Mary has the title and Anne does the work."
He would never have accepted to live with Sophia if he had known. He knew he could not stay out of a pool in spite of his retirement and he was bound to run into Anne. He told himself he was mildly curious to see what had become of her, but nothing more.
Posted on Friday, 16 March 2007
As she cooked her solitary dinner Anne mused that she was practically living alone. She was supposed to live with her mother, Elizabeth with her father and Mary had, for lack of a third parent, got married. Lindy was off on a business holiday again, so Anne could either eat alone or eat at Mary's house. Today she had little enthusiasm for such a noisy dinner. In addition to her own loudness, Mary had two rowdy toddlers with whose feeding she would be asked to help and there would be little opportunity for reflection.
After what she had heard today she had been craving quiet moments. Naturally she came to think of Frederick and her solitude made her remember what her mother had said at the time. It could have been different now if she had not listened; she could have had company.
"When I was nineteen, nobody told me to break it off and I got stuck with your father," her mother had said. "Nobody is wise enough to make these choices at nineteen."
Anne should not have compared Frederick to her father, although that had been solely his interpretation. He did not like the man and he was grievously offended. He had been certain they would not end up like Anne's parents. She had also been certain of that, but that she had only brought up her mother's warning to explain their point of view was something he had not wanted to hear.
Her mother's words had made an impression on Anne, though, because her parents had already been divorced at the time. Considering that fact, Lindy would probably have been better off had she met someone at a later age, although Anne could still not tell to which degree they were actually separated. They certainly were not enemies.
Anne supposed they were both far too self-centred to thrive in circumstances other than the present. She hoped she had not inherited any of that self-centredness. It would be odd if she had not, given that Elizabeth and Mary had not escaped a good dose of the trait.
But back to Frederick, she told herself. Whether they would have lasted was now a moot point, although she believed they would have. He was a swimmer. He would very likely set foot in the pool at least once and she spent rather a lot of time there at the moment. Until the confrontation happened she would fret, so life had better be kind and make it quick and painless.
Life was not often kind, she knew, and she steeled herself against the inevitable meeting. She at least had the advantage of knowing they must meet at some point, which might not apply to him. He might only be thinking he was going to stay with his sister. What would he think? Would he know he might meet her? And what would he say if he did? It would be very embarrassing, that was certain, and she did not think they could go back to what they once were. He would not want to.
After dinner she made the workouts for the next few days. She always made them if her mother could not and it was no great effort. Even if the Crofts were now making them for their own lanes, Anne had to make something for Lindy's group. It took her longer than usual today; she kept worrying about meeting Frederick.
It was late when she had finally emailed them all out and handled all the email correspondence about swimming matters that came in on a daily basis. She was due at the pool at six in the morning and there was not much more time in the evening than for eating and emailing a little.
When was soon? Sophia had said soon. Anne wondered about it as she tried to decide on an outfit to wear by the poolside the next morning. Then she decided she was silly and tired, and that she had no time for this. She simply threw the top tracksuit into her bag.
Anne tried to decide whether the notice board was a good place to hang a poster. Would enough people pass here to see it? It was a notice board, intended for notices, but oddly it hung very much out of the way. Louisa Musgrove's voice droned on, but she was not really listening.
Hanging up posters was Mary's job, but Mary's knee would not allow her to climb the stands. Or so she said. Anne had caught her saying something about Frederick Wentworth being expected, so that was probably more interesting. Louisa must not have caught that, or she would never be here. She had called him totally yummy the day before.
Anne's sensibilities could not fail to be affected by the posters she was hanging up. Mary would never realise that it was their family's fault that posters for a fundraising were needed, but it mortified Anne and save for checking whether she did not hang them backwards or at a wrong angle, she tried not to look at them.
"…and Charles Hayter. You know Henrietta is dating him, right?" Louisa paused only a split second, not long enough for Anne to give a reply. "Well, according to Henrietta he wants her to sleep over, but she isn't sure. She asked me, but what could I say? Are you a virgin, Anne?"
Anne first focused on taping the poster to the notice board, wondering which kind of answer was least likely to draw an interested reaction from Louisa. Yes? No? The conversation was not about her and it should not become about her either. It was a pity that she had not really heard what had preceded that last question. Why could Louisa be interested? "I'm sorry. What did you say?"
"I asked if you were a virgin, but I take it you are then, if you don't want to answer," Louisa said shrewdly. "I've never seen you with a boyfriend."
"Louisa," Anne said with an exasperated chuckle. She had to point this out. "You are nineteen and I am twenty-seven. When I was nineteen, you were eleven. For how long do you think you've been interested in my love life? Theoretically speaking I could have entered the boyfriend stage long before you joined this club."
"Theoretically, yes. So you are. I didn't think it was something you would be interested in, but I thought I could never hurt to try. You at least won't tell anybody I asked. It won't be all over the pool if I tell you."
Anne shrugged. She wondered if she should point out that Louisa would probably do a fairly good job of spreading it all over the pool herself if she continued to look for someone to confide in.
"But if you have no experience you cannot advise me about Henrietta and tell me what Charles Hayter has in mind," Louisa went on.
"If Henrietta wants to be advised, shouldn't she be the one to ask me?" Anne could not imagine Elizabeth or Mary confiding in her to this extent, nor herself confiding in either of them. They were not sisters who shared much. And now she wished Louisa would not share this much with her either. "Why don't you ask Mary? At least with her you can be sure she's experienced. She's got two children."
"Mary." Louisa, despite being Mary's sister-in-law, did not sound very complimentary. "She'd tell us all about herself again. You must know the story about her and Charles."
"Thankfully I don't."
"Yowza!" Louisa exclaimed when her eyes fell on some people coming onto the pool deck below. "If that is Frederick Wentworth, he's even hotter than I thought. Do you think you can finish hanging up these posters all by yourself?"
Anne felt the roll of tape being pressed into her hands. She did not get the chance to say she had already been hanging up these posters all by herself, because Louisa had not exactly been any help. She sighed and willed herself not to stare at the hot Frederick Wentworth. There were more important things to do.
Louisa treated him like a film star, when he was merely a swimmer. She wondered how he would suffer the adoration. Eight years ago he had mocked such stars and their admirers, but he had not yet been a star himself at that time. Stardom corrupted.
Her eye fell on the poster and she winced. Everything combined made her drop both the pile of posters and the roll of tape, which of course had to roll and bounce down the stands to land somewhere on the pool deck. She could not continue without it, but she had little enthusiasm for going down to retrieve it. She collected the posters ever so slowly and then walked to the stairs. Sophia was just coming up. She held out the roll of tape. "Thanks," Anne murmured. "I was just on my way to get it."
"You don't look happy," Sophia observed. "Is it very hot up there? I haven't been there yet."
The heat would not explain all of the colour in her cheeks, but enough of it, she hoped. "It's…a bit warm."
"I'll help you. It'll give me a chance to have a look up there. I thought Mary was going to do this."
"She passed it on to me." Anne felt a bit weak for having to admit that.
"I'm sorry we have to have a fundraiser."
"I'm not taking it personally," Anne smiled quietly. The remark surprised her. "Though it is…er…and it's kind of you to realise that I'm related to the people who were the reason for needing it." Although everyone would tell her she was the exception, she could not forget the family connection.
"Why didn't you go with them?" Sophia wondered as they walked towards the next notice board. "Not that I want you gone. Just curious."
"I live with my mother, not with my father. And I'm not fast enough to be of interest these days." She said it without resentment. She would not have wanted to leave with them anyway.
Sophia looked surprised. "Do you still swim then?" She had not seen Anne swim with the group so far and she had assumed that Anne did not swim.
"Yes, but if I have to fill in for my mother I swim earlier. Just for myself because I enjoy it."
"Your mother? She's your mother? Lindy Russell, right? I didn't realise that was your mother. And you live with her?"
"Yes, I'm twenty-seven," Anne said wryly. "I know. But it's cheap. And she's never there anyway, so I really have a house to myself."
An hour later Anne could not escape Frederick. She had assumed he had left, but suddenly they were upon her just when she was coaching. Startled, she caught a glimpse of him before she looked down, away, everywhere but at him. Louisa had not been exaggerating. Anne, with a less excitable eye and constitution, primarily judged him against his appearance eight years ago. Compared to then he was certainly stronger and more tanned. His face, though, was the same, but the shocking conclusion was that he was nevertheless better looking than eight years ago. She had to look away when he did the same, but even in that brief glimpse Anne had seen he was indeed what someone of Louisa's calibre would call hot.
"And that's my sister Anne. She's my assistant team manager." Mary, at four years Anne's junior, was obviously pleased to say that.
"I heard," Frederick responded in a cool voice. Although he shook Anne's hand because it was expected of him, he no more tried to meet her eyes than she did. He only felt a quick, firm clasp and then she turned again to address a swimmer who had stopped.
He had not heard that Anne was coaching. There would be no escaping her, especially if Sophia he insisted that he coach as well. Why had he said yes? He knew why. He had nothing to do and he could not mention he wanted to avoid Anne. They would ask questions if he mentioned her and he was not ready to answer any, not even after eight years.
"I thought all the Elliots swam," Frederick said to one of the girls by his side as they walked away. He had not thought Anne would ever give up. She had loved it. He was surprised to find her roped into coaching now.
"Oh no, Anne gave up swimming years ago. She had a really bad year and never recovered."
It must have been after he left. She had not had any really bad years before that time. None that he knew of, at least. There had been bad competitions, but not bad years.
"And you can tell by how fat she's become."
Frederick frowned. "I've only seen her in a tracksuit so far, but she didn't strike me as fat." Her figure had struck him nevertheless. One of the reasons why he was convinced that he would no longer fancy Anne was that he was no longer attracted to thin and almost boyish figures and here was Anne, quite obviously no longer boyishly thin. Yet he could not be untruthful and allow someone to think her fat.
"Well, chubby then," said Henrietta. "But since she's nearing thirty, she should probably start thinking of having babies with someone. I don't know who, though."
"I don't think you two would really have met in the past," Louisa said confidently after she realised Frederick might also be nearing thirty. "Because you were really good and she was not."
Once that had been reversed, Frederick thought, but he did not correct her. "I probably wouldn't recognise people I may have met when I was nineteen. People change when they grow up."
"We asked if he remembered you from competitions in the past, but he said he did not recognise you." There was some relief in Henrietta's voice. She was glad that Frederick would not want to catch up with an old friend. "Isn't he totally dreamy?"
Although she felt a stab of pain at hearing Frederick said he did not recognise her, because she had seen that he had even if he had looked away instantly, Anne wondered what had happened to Charles Hayter. A day ago he was still dating Henrietta, or so Louisa had said. Somehow she suspected Charles had never been considered totally dreamy, the poor boy.
Louisa sighed. "Man! Now Frederick Wentworth is what I call a man. And he's totally not arrogant, you know. He's really nice."
He was so nice he did not recognise her. She knew what that meant. He wanted nothing to do with her.
But he had charmed everyone else. Everyone she passed seemed to be talking about him, from swimmers to parents. He was so charming and nice. She could not disagree, but it made the fact that he was so cold to her instead so very painful.
Posted on Tuesday, 20 March 2007
In return for meals and a bed in his sister's house, Frederick had to be present at the early morning training sessions. Sophia could do it because she did not have a job, but James started work early and she preferred to go only when he could, she said. That left Frederick to do it, although he had always thought she had given up her job for a better reason.
After years of swimming at that hour himself, Frederick did it without complaining. Soon he found out that the fastest lanes had been left to fend for themselves under Walter Elliot. They had received a workout, but no personal attention. This explained how the man could be gone and yet not be missed.
For a moment he wondered why it could not continue in the same manner so he could discover the apparent joys of sleeping in, but Sophia had been adamant and she had a point. The children deserved to be coached properly. Contrary to what he had feared, they were not at all opposed to having a trainer.
That Anne was taking care of the slower lanes was something he must learn to deal with, but apart from saying hello when he arrived no other conversation was required. They could each be engrossed in their training group and his pupils certainly would not object.
The Musgrove girls were extremely eager to learn and work hard. They were almost exemplary students, although Frederick suspected this zeal was completely new and wholly related to him. But he gave them the benefit of the doubt and he gave them as much attention as he could. It was certainly more gratifying to work with them and the Hayter girls than it was with some of the boys in his group.
Often he went into the water himself after the practice to give them a visual example, because although everyone nodded intelligently when explained something, the intelligent technical terms he was using were hardly ever understood.
After such a demonstration he naturally needed a shower. He had always showered quickly to run to classes, but now that he was no longer in a hurry he did not mind hanging around in the common shower area talking to the swimmers. The hot water gave everyone a reason to stay and to check out the swimwear-clad opposite sex in more comfortable surroundings than during a hard swimming set and it was the perfect place to flirt and chat.
That the swimmers were impressed by every little thing he did, from casually leaning against the wall to picking up his bag, was something he did not really notice. He thought them amusing and a better way to spend his time than being bored at his sister's house.
Her brother's attitude had been a source of irritation to Sophia from the start, however. On the occasions that she had had the chance to observe him, she had increasingly come to notice one thing. "You simply exude availability."
"I do?" He had no idea what she meant, but her tone was dangerous.
"As if you don't know you're driving all those girls wild the way you strut around tying the cords of your swimming trunks, messing up your hair and showing your abs in the shower." She had come to the pool one morning to pick him up and she had had to order him out of the shower after having waited half an hour for him outside. He had of course been surrounded by adoring girls who giggled at everything he said.
"I'd really drive them wild if I didn't tie my cords and lost my trunks diving in," Frederick said sarcastically. He had not been pleased by his sister catching him striking poses and he tried his hardest not to look embarrassed.
"But is it your intention to make yourself available to any girl who's in for it?" Frankly, Sophia could not think of any who were not. They all gaped when Frederick walked by. He only had to beckon them and they would come. They were lucky not to have separate shower cubicles in the pool. If they had, one of Frederick's admirers would have dragged him into one already.
He gave her a challenging look. "Maybe it is."
"Surely your powers of discrimination have not been entirely washed away by the chlorine?" She was not looking forward to getting one of those teenagers for a sister-in-law.
"Anyone between fifteen and thirty may have me. I want a girlfriend. All those years of complete commitment to my sport have made me more eager than picky," he said with a shrug. He told himself he would be susceptible to anyone except Anne Elliot. Definitely not Anne.
"Right," his sister said doubtfully. She suspected he only came up with that to rile her, because it sounded like a rehearsed speech, but it was nevertheless a risky attitude.
"James, what if we get one of those silly girls as a sister-in-law?" Sophia complained to her husband. "He wants a girlfriend, he says. If he takes one of those girls, I'm not having any of their inane giggling in my house. I'm going to kick Frederick out instantly."
"It's no use talking to him," said James. "He's flattered out of his skull by that gaggle of girls drooling over him, but he'd be rather stupid to get involved with any of them."
"He wouldn't be the first stupid man in history. I really think he has no idea what he's getting himself into."
"He's twenty-seven."
"Exactly. None of these girls are over twenty."
"You weren't either," he pointed out. "But I agree with you, although I don't see what we could do about it. Someone who hasn't had time for girlfriends is bound to start with the ones who are least likely to put up resistance when he finally has the time. He won't have waited all that time to chase after a more selective girl for another year."
"James." Sophia looked disconcerted. "That is…"
"True?"
"No. I mean, do you think like that? When I was nineteen you seemed…" She had always thought he was selective. To hear him so easily explain an unselective man was a bit of a shock.
"I never met with resistance, so I suppose so."
"Oh, that is vile. I was never easy. How do we know he hasn't had time for girlfriends? He never told us about any, but he could have had some."
"I'm guessing he didn't have much time because he hasn't yet figured out where to look. Either that or, and you won't like this one, he knows all too well where to look for an easy score."
Anne thought she was the only one who saw the flattering attentions the girls paid to Frederick for what they were. Their parents were too flattered and impressed to think anything at all of their daughters' behaviour. She did not blame Frederick for being susceptible. Who would be able to withstand it? But terms such as the anaerobic threshold were completely wasted on his admirers and she believed they were predominantly interesting because they liked him, not because he liked them.
Frederick was certainly more talkative to the swimmers than to her, she discovered when she found him talking to a few children from her lane after she had stepped away for a few moments. "Sorry, this is your lane, of course," he said coldly and immediately retreated.
She must have looked a little hurt, because one of the little girls tried to console her. "I guess he'd be afraid you'd be angry," the girl whispered. "Because he's new."
While that could make her laugh, Frederick's coldness could not. There was no hope for improvement there. When he could ignore her, he did. When he could not, he was coldly polite. It was clear he wanted to leave the past behind him, reminding her it was gone, and it was equally clear they could never be friends again.
The realisation that she had waited eight years to discover that was a bitter one. She could have moved on. She could have got a job that kept her so busy she had no time for swimming pools. She could have met some man in the outside world and she would never have had to think of Frederick Wentworth again.
But now she had seen him again she knew why none of that had happened.
In the evening there was a small meeting of the swimming committee to discuss their finances and strategies. Anne had been asked to attend to act as a replacement for her mother, although she had at first not wanted to come -- the meeting was being held at the Crofts'.
She had spent the first part of the meeting absentmindedly listening and studying their living room. It was better than looking at Frederick. He happened to be seated beside her -- so he would not have to look at her, she assumed -- but she might look aside by accident.
"Mary, given that you are the team manager I thought you could put some ideas onto paper as to what we could do at a fundraiser other than the inevitable sponsor swimming," James said to Mary. He had looked around the table, but her function in the club had seemed most unclear to him. Mrs Musgrove came a good second, but he liked her better than Mary. The other women present, Sophia and Anne, already did too much to be given this task, whereas Frederick did not yet know the club.
"I have to organise it?" Mary said reluctantly.
"Well, if we leave it to me I'm going to auction Frederick off to the highest bidder. He won't mind, but I doubt his admirers have much money. We need to do something more substantial."
Frederick said nothing.
"My girls would love it, though," said Mrs Musgrove, who looked as if she would give her daughters some of her own savings for the purpose. "What would they get to do with Frederick?"
Anne had been scribbling some ideas on her notepad. She pushed the notebook towards James. The whole auction thing annoyed her slightly, if only because there were so many candidates willing to bid and he did not speak up in protest. Maybe they had already discussed this privately and there was nothing more to say?
She could not refrain from looking at Frederick to see what he thought of Mrs Musgrove, but he was looking studiously polite. He had to -- his sister was also studying him very closely.
"Oh, are you writing down ideas for dates with Frederick?" Mrs Musgrove cried excitedly.
"Yes." It was not the case, which James would see if he read her suggestions. She supposed Frederick could have read her notes if he had tried, but she had not checked if he was trying.
"Nothing too wild, if you please," Mrs Musgrove begged. "My girls were brought up well."
"Don't worry. Anne knows nothing about dates," Mary commented.
"Thank you, Anne," James snickered at what they must be thinking. "These are very helpful."
"Would you miss me if I went home? I have to get up at five," she said quietly.
They would. Not for the first time he thought they would be better off holding meetings without the two Musgrove women. He was glad they had persuaded Anne to come, although she had been very quiet so far. "Oh, of course. Do go."
"I'll see you out." Sophia got up with her. They walked into the hall together where Anne picked up her coat. "Thanks for coming."
"Sorry I have to go."
"That's all right. You have to get up early. We don't get up until six." Sophia waited a few seconds. "I'm sure you passed some good suggestions on to James that had nothing to do with auctions. Would you like to organise it all?"
"No," Anne said quickly. "I am not a good organiser. I can think it up, but I doubt I could carry it out. I cannot make people listen to me."
"Fair enough," said Sophia amiably, although she was not at all sure people would not listen to Anne. "When do you finish swimming tomorrow?"
"At half past four." That gave her half an hour to get dressed and eat something before coaching.
"We'll talk about it then, all right? We could do it, but we don't want people to think we're taking over everything."
Posted on Saturday, 24 March 2007
Anne was curious for how long the meeting had gone on the preceding evening, but at six in the morning she could not ask anybody except Frederick. She told herself she was not curious enough to venture a question.
He was late, so people did not see his suit and tie until he was combing his hair in front of the mirrors near the exit after the training. Anne might not have been alerted to it, but the girls squealed so loudly that it drew her attention. Usually they showered for very long, but they were in a hurry today because, as she had already guessed, Frederick was not showering for long today either.
When she left the changing room, willing herself not to speed up, she saw what had caused the squeals. Not surprisingly, he looked as good in a suit as he did in swimwear. It might have looked foolish eight years ago as she had known him then, but not anymore. He had grown into it.
She was suddenly conscious of her jeans and sporty coat. She did not look at all if she had matured. He must have somewhere important to go, whereas she was merely going home. She liked going home, but at moments like these she wished she had progressed somewhat as well and that she looked as if she had a life and an interesting place to go.
Anne brushed past the squealing mass who were questioning Frederick as to where he was going in such an outfit.
"Job interview," he said.
She did not hear what else he had to say. It figured he could have a job interview a few days after coming back to the country. He would be like that. It would cost him no effort and they would all be pleased to hire him. Anne exhaled to get rid of that slightly bitter feeling. He was not to blame for the differences in their situations. She wished the girls would move aside to let her pass, but something else had caught their attention.
Although he looked good in a suit, Frederick had no clue about ties. This did not strike the girls as ironic as it did Anne and they were dying to help. Anne could not help watching. They knew no more than Frederick and their attempts were even worse than his. She could not bear to see it and in a gesture that was quite unlike herself, she pulled the tie out of someone's hands and knotted it properly. She gave it to him and walked away.
Frederick had received a phone call from a friend who asked him to come over if he had the time. He had said yes and he looked forward to catching up with his old friend after his job interview. Tom Harville had once been his roomie on training camps, but a persistent injury had put an end to his swimming career a few years ago. He had since then concentrated on other things, such as a wife and two children. Frederick was a little in awe of such a grown-up thing.
As he drove there in James' car, he thought about last night's meeting. They had insisted on Anne's attendance. He had wondered why until he had actually sat through the meeting. Mary and Mrs Musgrove needed to be part of things, but they were not useful. Everything would be arranged around them, but they would not see it. Every now and then, he believed, James would hold these useless meetings and then speak with a select group the day after. Mary and Mrs Musgrove would think Anne was some sort of honorary member, attending as a favour, but in reality it was of course the exact opposite.
Frederick wondered what would happen to Anne's attendance at the meetings when her mother returned. Anne's mother was one woman he did not wish to meet. It was a miracle she did not take her daughter with her on these business trips to prevent her from meeting anybody. As far as he could see Lindy Russell's interference had not brought Anne much good.
Although she knew about ties. She had walked away before he could thank her, but she had knotted it perfectly, making all the girls very jealous. He wondered where she had learnt.
"So where are you now?" Tom asked. "Kellynch, you said, but I don't know much about it. What is it like?"
Frederick did not really know what could be said. As with any club, it had its good and its bad points, but one thing was its most prominent feature. "It's the club of my ex."
"Sweetie!" Tom immediately called to the kitchen where his wife was getting some drinks for them. "Come quickly! It's Fred's mythical ex!"
"Oh, goody!" Fiona came running. "Where?"
"In conversation. Sorry. Not here."
"What do you mean, Fred's mythical ex?" Frederick inquired testily. His ex was not mythical. He simply did not like to mention her often. It should not be turned into a joke, because it was not funny.
After such a reaction it was easy to tease Frederick a little more. "Well, we've never seen him or her."
"What do you mean, him or her?" His voice rose in disbelief. "Do you think my ex is a bloke?"
"Well, you've never specified, so we've been keeping an open mind about it," Tom said with an easy smile.
"Right," said Fiona soothingly. "It wouldn't matter to us as long as you were happy. Er. Before you split, of course. But er, from your violent reaction I deduce it's not a bloke?"
"I can't believe you'd seriously consider the possibility!" Frederick was still incredulous. He had so many girls after him that he could not possibly be thought gay. He also never wore orange, yellow, or pink swimming trunks.
"All right, all right. Sorry. Your ex is a girl. Not mythical. At Kellynch," Tom said with a contrite look. "And her name is?"
He regretted that he had mentioned her. They were far too curious now. "That's not important. It's just the fact that she's there, you know. That complicates life."
Tom was serious and thoughtful now. "How long have I known you?"
Frederick suspected he was about to be told something sensible. It made him wary. "I don't know."
"Is this the same ex from the beginning of our acquaintance?" Frederick had moped about some ex back then, as if nobody else could have an ex and as if teenage exes were serious matters, although he had never wanted to give any details.
Frederick nodded.
"I got Fiona and two children in the meantime, so it must have been a while ago. And this ex still complicates your life? What does she do? Is she nasty?" Tom had never heard what had caused the separation.
"No. She doesn't do anything. She's just there."
"That's all?" Tom and Fiona shared a look.
Yes, that was indeed all, but it was much more complicated than if she were talking to him. She seemed to avoid him and he had no idea what was on her mind. "Don't make light of it."
"Oh, I won't. It's quite serious if you've lost your sense of humour over it. But Kellynch, hmm? No wonder you're the Elliots' favourite persona non grata. Tell me it wasn't Elizabeth." He shuddered. "You have better taste than that, I hope."
"No! Not Elizabeth. What do you mean, persona non grata?"
"Wally never struck me as your greatest fan."
"Wally?" He had always thought the man's nickname was Sir Walter, which described him better than Wally, although the latter perfectly conveyed Tom's respect for the man.
"I like him quite as much as you do. So, not Elizabeth, but another Elliot?" Tom inquired shrewdly. "Your ex being at Kellynch has to be connected to Wally's love for you. And it cannot be another girl at Kellynch, because he doesn't know there are any. He might only just realise he has another daughter."
"All right then, another daughter," Frederick said in a self-conscious mumble.
"I've never had enough interest in them to find out how many daughters they had. What happened? You had a short fling with an Elliot girl and you did something to make Wally dislike you."
"Yes, the -- it was not a fling. I wasn't fast enough for an Elliot girl."
Tom laughed heartily. "You're serious?"
"More or less. But I'd rather talk about something else."
Anne thought she would meet Sophia at half past four, but instead she saw her at three. They swam together and then sat down to have a drink. Anne had enjoyed swimming with someone closer to her own age, even if Sophia was slower. If they swam together more often, though, she did not doubt that Sophia would regain some speed.
"Last night you said you couldn't make people listen to you," Sophia began. "And that's why you didn't want to organise anything."
"Oh, don't tell me you want me to do it regardless," Anne said a little anxiously. She was a little suspicious of Sophia's cheerful and overly energetic mood. "Because it's really true."
"Is that the only reason? Or are you busy? You don't have a job if you can swim at this hour, do you?"
"Well, for whatever reason…I don't know…I've been really busy since I graduated. It's been keeping me here, but I don't know how much of it was actually my own doing, in that I was either unwilling to look elsewhere or unable to. I'm not proud of it, but…" Anne shrugged.
"Anne, it's my ideal life!"
"But you've had a job. Did you give it up so you could hang around pools doing things for other people?" Anne could not believe it and her tone was sceptic.
"More or less." She saw Anne's face and she laughed. "Well, obviously I didn't give up my job to watch soaps all day. I did mean to spend my time constructively and what would be better than some volunteering?"
"But you didn't just wake up one day and --" Anne gestured helplessly.
"I meant to give up my job after I had a baby, but then I didn't get pregnant, so actually I did wake up one day and decided to quit. I wanted to see what would happen if I did nothing."
"You're hardly doing nothing now," Anne had to point out. Sophia had spent rather a lot of time reorganising. If she called this nothing it was no wonder her body had not been cooperating. Perhaps she should do a little less.
"Compared to before, this really is nothing."
"Did it work?" Anne supposed it had not, or she would have been told.
"I don't know that yet. I should probably give myself a few months to adjust and I've done too many tests to want to do them at every little sign. Meanwhile, I still have plenty of time to organise things here, but my concern was that people might view us as intruders who suddenly come to upset everything."
"They wouldn't." Anne thought they would be glad that an active person had come along for a change.
"It's in people's natures to resent changes that are suddenly forced onto them. You haven't had any intruders or newcomers here for a long time, have you?" Not only the reception of Frederick had given her that idea.
"No, but this place is the definition of inertia. I'm not sure they're resistant to change, merely resistant to tackling it themselves. Or, I don't know, unable to. And they'd be incapable of listening to me, because they never have." She looked a little helpless. "You will have to tell them what to do."
Tom had asked Frederick to swim an upcoming competition in Lyme and although he was retired, he was not as retired as that. He could still swim races as long as they were not international championships.
Having a swim meet planned required some training, though, and instead of coaching a lane in the afternoon, he swam in it himself. It was not as pleasant as he would like. He was spoilt, of course. Instead of the boys, he got all the girls in his lane until he ordered them out. There was nothing wrong with girls, but they were too slow, yet they seemed to think he must be thrilled to have them there.
"Didn't you see they were in my way?" he asked James in irritation. His brother-in-law had probably not interfered on purpose. He would very likely have thought it amusing.
"I thought it wouldn't do you any harm. They said they were long distancers."
"They'd say whatever I'd say! Haven't you ever timed their laps? They collapse during anything longer than a hundred."
"Time their laps!" James chuckled. "I must not be such a dedicated coach as you are. What happened to swimmers timing their own laps? Didn't anybody ever explain how fast they swam if they left on the 50 and came in on the 17?"
Frederick went under and pushed off the wall. He had tried, but they had claimed confusion and forgetfulness. Seemingly they could not remember that they had left on the 30 if they came in on the 55 and they were always confused as to when they should start again if they had to start every minute and a half.
That James let them fend for themselves might mean they were not as forgetful and confused if he was coaching, which made Frederick feel rather foolish.
"Could you instruct the kids on proper behaviour one of these days?" James asked after dinner. He had just come off the phone with somebody, after which he had held a brief conversation with Sophia. "The swimmers, that is."
Frederick gave him a wry chuckle. Although he could not help himself, he was aware that his behaviour to Anne was not exemplary. He was hardly the right person to instruct others on how to behave. And lying on the couch as he was now was also not exemplary. "Me? Why?"
"Because we have somewhere to go and they'll take it better from you anyway."
"The other why. Why do they need it at all?" He thought of Louisa and Henrietta. They were no longer kids. Some of the boys were their age as well.
"This is a small country club. The only one who ever went anywhere was Elizabeth Elliot and I doubt she was a role model. They might not know some things we take for granted and Sophia and I have just decided some of them may swim in Lyme if they like. You're going to swim there, aren't you?"
"Yes, the Harvilles asked specifically."
"Well, it leaked out and the Musgroves asked us if we could enter the girls as well, because obviously they'd be thrilled to swim any competition you swam."
"And you don't want to travel with swimmers who won't behave." He almost groaned at having been the source of the information himself. They had asked him why he was training again and he had told them, not suspecting to what it might lead.
"Actually we thought you could supervise them there, given how well you get along with them. But Sophia thinks Henrietta might be up to something with Charles Hayter if she's away from parental supervision and she thinks that a warning wouldn't have much effect if it came from an adult."
"But from me, not being an adult…" Frederick said sarcastically. He was twenty-seven, for heaven's sake.
"Exactly."
"I'm twenty-seven."
"Oh, really? I never would have guessed. But seriously, you will know the exact arguments in favour of abstinence, I'm sure. Sophia and I don't. We'd feel hypocritical if we said anything about it, because we are married. But that does not apply to you."
"Henrietta is twenty." Frederick saw no reason to warn her against anything -- and if there was, it was not his job.
"I agree that is old enough to make up her own mind, but a swimming trip is for swimming and not to give sheltered girls a taste of adult life. Frederick, you know they'd believe you if you said it helped them to stand on their heads before a race. You have an influence on them that we don't have. They've never been to overnight meets, you see. They were never allowed to swim on Sundays. Their parents now think they'll go crazy."
Frederick was surprised it had been that bad around here. He would expect everyone to have gone to overnight meets by the time they were ten. "Their parents may be right, but the girls are not underage. Still, you want me to take the crap?" He did not want to be held responsible for any behaviour that would result from their upbringing.
"Yes, we have to go somewhere that weekend. We're convinced you can keep them in line, though."
"Because it suits you to think so," he muttered.
"If any of us spend time, effort and money to let these girls compete elsewhere, they should be motivated to swim well, not to run after boys because they don't have such opportunities at home," James lectured.
Frederick felt a little annoyed by being turned into a babysitter for girls who did not need one. "Why don't the Musgroves go there themselves to keep an eye on girls who aren't even underage?"
James smiled wryly. "They have ten children."
"I'll look out for swimmers under eighteen," Frederick said in determination. "Anyone over eighteen is responsible for his or her own life."
His own parents had died in an accident when he was eighteen and he had done pretty well for himself afterwards. Eighteen was old enough. Only Anne had known about some of his uncertainties. Only Anne. He did not want to think of her.
Still, girls of nineteen and twenty -- and boys -- were old enough to look after themselves. They did not need anybody to hold their hands. They should not allow such interference in their lives.
Posted on Wednesday, 28 March 2007
Someone rang the bell just when Anne was trying to nap. She did not often indulge herself and when the bell rang she felt guilty for having given in to her fatigue. She checked who was at the door and then opened it.
"Do you always open the door like that?" blurted out Frederick, who took in her oversized shirt and bare legs.
"No." She looked at his suit and the tie in his hand. He gave it to her without speaking and she knotted it.
"Thank you."
He was gone very quickly and she closed the door, wondering if the little scene had truly happened.
Frederick pondered that it was not entirely fair and honest of him to override his principles, to seek out Anne when he had been avoiding her all this while, simply because he had not known anyone else in town who might be able to help with his tie. He could have told her that, but instead he had come up with his ridiculous question. Did she always open the door looking like that?
He wondered why he had asked. It was quite obviously Anne's decision to open her door dressed like that and it was not his place to ask, yet perhaps it would have pleased him to hear she would only do it if he was at the door, but her answer had not gone that far. She had simply said no.
She might think it was unnecessary to dress up for him. He had known her once. In fact, he still knew her. From that point of view it was indeed nonsense to dress up. She must have seen it was him. He reasoned like that for a while longer and then wondered why he was doing so.
Why did he care? Sleepy, undressed Anne was rather attractive, but he should not think of that. He should focus on her very curt answer, which had not invited conversation. And focus on her taking naps in the middle of the morning. Did she not have anything useful to do?
Frederick suspected he would be nagged to hold his lecture until he did, so he had best do it the next time he was in the pool. He had thought about it, but James might have a point. Almost everybody here was rather ignorant of the most basic of basics, something he blamed on Walter Elliot's complete disregard for anyone other than his daughter Elizabeth. He could not expect teenagers to educate themselves by reading books about coaching. A coach would be their sole source of information.
He gathered the older swimmers together before their early morning training session and explained that an upcoming competition was the reason for his speech. The girls -- the instigators, he suspected -- giggled in excitement. They would, of course, become fast by associating with him and swimming at the same swim meet.
"You should always focus on your swimming. So, before a swim meet, no alcohol, no drugs, no sex…" Frederick spoke slowly, drawling the words out for the effect it had on his captivated audience. He was delighted to see their faces and to hear their squeals. The girls, of course. The boys were less impressed. Or rather, they were impressed with him as a fast swimmer, not as a person.
He did not feel too bad about himself for teasing them a little. If they ever wanted to be any good, there were certain things they had best not show any interest in. His manner might differ from that of other coaches, he reasoned, but his message did not. But it was good that James and Sophia were never there in the morning and that Anne was busy with her own lanes. They might say something otherwise.
"Is that all bad?" Henrietta asked breathlessly.
He had always thought that everyone knew it was, even if not all were strong enough to live by it. She was twenty; she ought to know. "Yes, it's all bad."
"Have you tried it out yourself?" inquired Louisa. She clearly hoped for naughty revelations.
That was a question he had not expected. "Not all."
"Which ones?"
He feigned incomprehension. "Which ones what?"
"Oh, which ones did you try?" she cried impatiently.
He laughed. "Why don't you guess? Now, let's move on to behaviour at the swim meet. Do I need to explain what you need to bring?"
"I saw you on television with a parka," said one of the boys. "But we don't have one."
"You don't need a parka," Frederick said patiently. They really did not need to wear everything he had worn on occasion. "However, if they give you one you might as well wear it. If it's cold somewhere there'd be more reason for it."
As he could have foreseen, but he had not, the girls would not let the matter of the forbidden activities rest. Louisa had always been the more impertinent one and she was the first to bring it up again. Even if Henrietta was less likely to want to do anything with Charles Hayter at the moment, Louisa was still thinking about the matter. She told Frederick about it as they hung around in the showers after training. "My parents wouldn't approve, you know, especially if he had such a thing in mind. They're very old-fashioned."
"Really?" Frederick said politely.
"I'd never let my parents influence my choice of boyfriend, though."
That was something on which he had an opinion, even if Henrietta and Charles left him rather cold. "Quite right. You shouldn't," he said empathically. Parents had nothing to do with somebody's choice of boyfriend. "You are old enough to make your own decisions."
Louisa felt strengthened by his agreement. "My parents really approve of Charles, maybe more so than Henrietta does, because his parents go to the same church."
Frederick was a bit mystified by that, because Charles might well be an axe murderer regardless. "But they don't approve of him enough to condone sleeping over?"
"No, of course not and Henrietta wouldn't tell them about it. If you invited a girl over, what would you have in mind?" She leant against the wall, all interest and encouragement.
"That would depend on the girl. Do you want to know what Charles has in mind?" From her curious look he was not exactly sure she wanted to know about Charles or him. He was not eager to commit himself to a precise answer.
"Yes."
"It would still depend on the girl."
"The girl is Henrietta. Mary went along with everything, but Anne didn't, so I don't know what Henrietta would do. Something between the two extremes?"
"That Charles," Frederick quipped, but he was a little shocked at the mention of Anne. He wished Louisa were better at telling a story. Obviously some crucial details were being left out. What had Anne done with Charles? He was about twenty. That was much too young for her. "He gets around."
"Um, it was Charles my brother who fancied Anne," Louisa corrected. "Not Charles Hayter. Anyway, my brother then went after Mary, who was much easier, but when my parents found out she got pregnant, they forced them to get married. I told you they were old-fashioned."
"And Anne was not as easy," he said with a cough. Something was stuck in his throat.
"Oh, Anne will die a virgin," Louisa said dismissively. "She told me so herself. But about Charles? What do you think?"
Frederick was not instantly capable of answering. "I don't know," he said eventually.
"So," Louisa continued when she pushed the shower button for another run. "Which of the three bad things did you do before a competition?"
"My coach would never have allowed me to do any of them." As he spoke, he realised that he had resented Anne for listening to her coach. If he had met Anne while he was swimming under his last coach, he would have been told to break it off as well. It was not a pleasant realisation. Would he have listened? Had his ambitions come before or after Anne?
"If he'd known!" she cried eagerly.
"If he'd known," he agreed, although he did not agree with Louisa's instant assumption that he would also keep these matters a secret to avoid trouble. He did not like secrecy and neither did he understand the need for it.
"So you were lying?"
"Winding you up, certainly." He received the impression that her little introduction had not been about Henrietta at all. She might have wanted to know about him all along. Why?
"So sleeping with a girl wasn't bad for your swimming at all," she stated in a low voice.
He wondered how she could draw that conclusion based on what he had said. "We didn't establish that I've ever slept with a girl."
"Oh, you must have. How many?"
"I've never had a girlfriend," he said for the benefit of the passing Anne. She gave him a strange, piercing look. It was quite unlike Anne and he felt that the satisfaction he had been aiming for was not something to be proud of.
"But still you could have slept with some," Louisa pressed.
"Oh, like that. Well, I won't tell you how many."
"Why not?"
"You'd tell my sister and she'd feed me a Brussels sprout for each girl." He smiled mysteriously at her and picked his bag off the floor to get dressed.
Henrietta's question was more serious. She approached him rather shyly and cleared her throat a few times. "Is it really bad? You know, like, you know…the night before a race?"
"Try it out. You should be old enough to make up your own mind and not let a coach decide for you. You'll find out soon enough if you feel it the next day." Frederick now thought his warnings had been solely to draw an interesting reaction, although he had not realised it at the time. He found he did not care for swimmers who listened to their coaches too much.
"Really?" She gave him an incredulous and uncertain look.
Her look made him think that as a coach he should stick to what he had said earlier, or else he would be considered very odd. "No. You should focus on your swimming. You shouldn't be focusing on your boyfriend, or worse, on getting one. That is the problem, not the actual…you know. I think."
He realised again that he was probably saying exactly what someone had been saying to Anne eight years ago. He hated himself for having to say it and the conclusions he must draw. Anne might not have been wrong to listen. He might have been wrong himself.
Henrietta looked a little afraid of the anger he could not quite conceal.
"I'm sorry. What do I know? Don't ask me," Frederick said curtly and he walked away.
Someone had told Anne not to fool around with a boyfriend at swim meets and she had listened. He had always only imagined himself in the role of boyfriend, but now that he had to imagine himself in the role of coach, the whole situation looked so different -- and he was not even imagining himself in Anne's place yet. How could he not have seen the bigger picture eight years ago?
There might have been ways around the prohibitions of Anne's coaches and parents. There would have been, but he had never allowed Anne to try. His pride had been hurt and he had run. Instantly.
What if her parents would not have objected to him seeing Anne on weekdays? He had only ever seen her at swim meets. How could he have been so stupid? Yes, she had listened, but he had definitely not tried very hard to argue with her. He had always thought her weak, but he had been weak as well.
For a while such thoughts plagued him and then he came to wonder about the current situation. He could not very well walk up to her and offer his apologies. What did she think of him now? Probably not very well, given how he had been behaving towards her. Perhaps he should first try to behave a little better and then see how she behaved in return.
He did not love her anymore, but he could at least be civil.
Posted on Monday, 2 April 2007
Frederick had spent most of the day online because he saw very little of his sister, yet he was not engrossed enough in his MSN windows -- Henrietta and Louisa, one of whom was skipping class -- not to notice that Sophia left the house early. "Where are you going?"
"Swimming with Anne," she called over her shoulder. She was practically out of the house already.
"Wait! Swimming? With Anne?" He ran into the hall because he had too many questions. "Why?"
"Er…why?" She stared at him. "Why not?"
He gave her a stupid answer. "I…didn't know she could swim."
"Of course she can swim. I can't keep up with her."
Yes, of course she could swim. Even he knew that, but that was not what he had meant. "But why now?" That was not exactly what he meant either, but it slowly came closer although he never quite got there where questions involving Anne were concerned.
"Why now? Well, because she has to coach later. I had promised her she could stop coaching because you were going to do it, but now you have to swim yourself, so…" Sophia shrugged. "But I think she prefers to go alone or with me anyway."
"I'd prefer that too, I think." He thought of the girls crowding his lane and staring at him under water. Going alone might indeed be preferable.
"Come, then."
That was too much. He would need a little preparation before he could start swimming with Anne. Maybe he would never manage. "Another time."
Anne had dwelt too long on that one line she had heard. He had never had a girlfriend. For hours she had only thought of how he must be wanting to forget her, to the point of denying that he had once had serious plans with her. And he had wanted her to hear him. He had looked straight at her when he had spoken the words and he had not missed his mark. He would be satisfied if he heard that she had wanted to cry. But, as she had told herself sternly after a few hours, she had suffered worse and come through. After this she had fared a little better.
Still, there was more to his words than the mere denial of their relationship. He had never had a girlfriend? Although she knew his statement was far from true, could it be half true?
If he had spoken with the intention to hurt her, he could easily have owned up to two dozen girlfriends after her, reducing her significance to nil. But he had not spoken of two dozen. He had spoken of never having had one. She did not know whether she could believe that, but he had said it. Even if he wanted to forget about one girlfriend, there was no need to forget about all of them.
Anne could not see any advantages in lying about this matter to Louisa, who would not be impressed by his not having had any girlfriends. What impressed Louisa, she hoped, was clear to everybody including Frederick. He certainly seemed to be successful at charming her so far. Why, if he was busy impressing Louisa, would he undo his efforts by a barb directed at Anne?
Louisa would not have let such a comment pass. She would have questioned him, disbelieving, because how could such a hot man not have had any girlfriends? Anne could imagine it vividly. It was really not difficult to get into Louisa's mind.
At long last Anne told herself to give up these thoughts. She would never know what he had wanted to convey and what he had wanted to conceal.
Sophia sighed when she and Anne were changing into their swimwear. "Why does Frederick think you cannot swim? He was surprised I was going with you. I didn't know she could swim, he said."
"Because he hasn't seen me swim so far? I don't know." He knew she could swim once and it was a skill one never lost. He had probably meant that he did not know she was still doing it.
By the time Frederick arrived at the pool, he could no longer see Anne swim, although he caught a good glimpse of her coming out of the water. Of course she could still swim. There was nothing wrong with her.
He looked away when she passed him, but she looked away too and he could not start being civil. He had not really known how to start, but he had wanted to let that depend on her behaviour. If she walked past without looking, he could not call out and say hi. He had done that once and she had looked back then, but that was long ago. Things had changed.
When Frederick finally exited the changing rooms after training, it was raining heavily and the swimmers who had come on their bicycles were huddled together near the front door. Only the lucky ones who were picked up by car ventured out to make a dash for it.
Anne, in a white cotton dress, was shivering on the edge of the group. She would not usually wait for the weather to clear up because it never did, but her white dress made her hesitant now. She saw Frederick approach and she saw Louisa walk towards him instantly, but she looked away as if the rain was more interesting. If he had come by car, he would be driving Louisa home. Only she had not paid enough attention to know if he ever came by car. He always spent so much time in the showers that she must be home by the time he left the pool.
A car pulled up in front. Sophia made her way towards the door. "Is there anyone who'd like a lift in our direction? We have one spot."
There were plenty of people who might like a ride, but not all by themselves and consequently nobody stepped forward. Louisa and Henrietta looked more interested in Frederick and Charles Hayter, respectively.
Frederick was determined to put his new resolutions into practice. He pulled his sister's arm and spoke to her softly. "You might want to take Anne before she causes a traffic accident."
She turned and observed Anne's white dress. Traffic accident indeed. "Anne! You need a lift. Come along."
Anne looked startled and she was given no immediate opportunity to recover, because Frederick dragged her along towards the Crofts' car, holding something over her head so she did not get too wet. Before she knew it, she was in the car and they were driving off while Frederick ran back inside.
She needed some time to recover from all these sensations and to analyse the situation properly. It was Frederick who had arranged this for her, Frederick who had seen her dress -- or so she assumed -- and who had wanted to spare her the discomfort of cycling around in transparent clothes, Frederick who had accompanied her to the car so she did not get wet, Frederick who had pushed her in.
That he had not spoken was trivial. He might not have used words, but he had used actions. She leant back and let the kindness of his actions warm her. It might be nothing. He might hardly have thought about it, but she felt it deeply.
Only slowly she began to be aware of the conversation in the car, even though Sophia was in the backseat beside her because of a large package in the front seat.
"Did he have something better to do that he didn't want a lift from us?" James asked.
"He didn't say."
"It's the girls. Has he made his move yet? What is taking him so long? Either you know or you don't. I knew. It never took me that much time."
"That might be because a few days ago you called me easy," Sophia said dryly.
He gave her a good-natured grin through the rear view mirror. "Your words, not mine. How long was it until you moved into my room?"
"Long enough to know what I was dealing with. Anne would think us irresponsible if we told her the number of days. But you know, Anne, we've been together for fifteen years now, so it sounds worse than it was." She laughed.
"Fifteen?" Anne repeated with some surprise. Although she knew they had already been together eight years ago -- at least, Sophia had been with someone -- they could not have been very old then. "How old -- I mean, young -- were you?"
"Nineteen. And when I was nineteen, James was -- would you mind if I told her, darling?" She laughed again.
"I was a few days away from turning nineteen," he replied. "And when we got married she was twenty-four and I was a few days away from turning twenty-four. I married an older woman."
"I get teased whenever I hit the next decade and he doesn't," Sophia complained good-humouredly. "But of course I didn't know that when I moved in with him."
Anne listened with a wistful smile. If she had been strong when she was nineteen, she could have been saying similar things right now. She would not have to hear Frederick say he had never had a girlfriend, but they might have these good-natured exchanges instead.
"Tell me again why we needed to take Anne," said James when they had dropped her off at home. There had been no Frederick to guide her to the door this time, but she was home and would be able to change her wet clothes immediately.
"I never told you. Why do you think there is anything to tell?"
"What did Frederick have to do with it?" He was curious about Frederick's moves at the pool, considering that he had expected Sophia's brother to come home with them. He could easily have left the bike at the pool.
"He thought Anne might be causing traffic accidents, presumably if she rode her bike in a wet, white and thus transparent dress," Sophia said solemnly.
"Seriously?" He suppressed a snicker.
"I think so. Well, that was his reasoning, so I assume his fear was serious."
He tried imagine Anne in such a situation. "Hmm. Would Frederick himself feel prone to causing traffic accidents if he saw her in that dress? Frederick and Anne. Hmm. Well, she would be better looking than the other girls in a transparent dress."
"Seriously?"
"You would be the most stunning and breathtaking woman who ever rode a bike in a wet dress, but Anne might be second -- at a very large distance from you, naturally," he said with another grin in the rear view mirror.
"Thank you. Your loyalty is touching. So why is he running after the young girls if he'd like the older one better?"
"Anne is not exactly a flirt," James mused. "It might take rather long to find out if she liked you." Especially if there were a few who did not hide their preferences at all. A more sensible girl would take a step back, he supposed, although if he thought about it, he had never even seem them interact at all. Very odd.
"It did not take you very long to find out I liked you," Sophia protested indignantly. She was not exactly a flirt either.
"Your moving into my room gave me some clues."
Anne threw herself onto the couch when she got home. She was incapable of action, although her hair was wet, her stomach growled and she ought to be making dinner. At long last she heaved herself off the couch. If she needed this long to recover from a simple act of kindness, how would she react to him saying he loved her? He would not do that, but given her emotional instability it was all too good that he would not.
How could she possibly have mocked Louisa and Henrietta in her mind? She was years older and just as bad. She was disproportionately hurt or overjoyed by anything he did or said.