Beginning, Previous Section, Section IV
Jump to new as of October 19, 2007
At twelve, the end of the visiting hour, Anne took Frederick home in the car, while Edward went home by public transport. Frederick, armed with a bag of things James had bought that morning and a list of what to buy at home, let out of deep sigh. How on earth would he know what to look for in a cot? What he would really like to do was ask Anne for help, but when he was thinking this over he realised he could not. They were all taking too much from her and they were giving back very little. It was such a mess.
"Do you need help buying some of that?" she asked. She had seen him take out the note and stare at it with a helpless frown.
"No," he said emphatically, although he had no clue, no car and probably no cash either. "I mean it'd be much appreciated, but I cannot ask it of you."
"I don't mind."
"But when will someone do something back for you, do you think?" There was an edge to his voice.
Anne did not know when someone would do her a favour. She did not need them and she would have said so if he had not sounded so strange. Now she remained silent. He did not approve of her character.
"The company James works for has a job for me. In China." He kept a close eye on her.
"Oh," she said flatly. It had been a stressful weekend already. Why could Frederick not go to China on top of everything? She could take it.
"But I don't know --" He could not detect any traces of disappointment, which disappointed him a little. "I may take it."
"You should take it if it's a good opportunity." She was still speaking flatly.
"It pays well and it would be a good experience." He paused. Perhaps she was not as unaffected as she seemed to be. He could not tell. She would hardly beg him on her knees not to go; they were not involved. "On the other hand I've just come back from abroad and I don't want to go again, certainly not to China."
"I don't know anything about jobs. I don't want to be -- I shouldn't be the one to tell you whether to take it or not." She did not think she was objective. She wanted him to stay and for that reason she might tell him to go. It was better not to be given that chance at all.
"I'd be the perfect person to go, because it starts in less than a month and I have nothing to leave behind, no house, no family, but --" Frederick shrugged. It was not as easy as it seemed. He did not really have nothing to leave behind or pack up.
"You don't want to go." It was a simple observation and it might not have any consequences for her, but it made her rather happy. If he was not yet convinced she would tell him he should not go if he was not enthusiastic. The venture could only fail if he went. China. He could not come back for weekends if he was homesick.
"No." He felt relieved suddenly.
"Don't blame it on me later."
"Do people do that?" He was surprised, not only that they would, but that they felt unhappy with Anne's advice. She never gave bad advice, did she?
"Yes, they do."
"Yes," he realised, thinking of how he had blamed her. She must be referring to that. "They do. What about you? Would you have gone to China if someone had offered you a job?"
She did not even have to think about it. "No."
"Regardless of the type of job and the salary?"
"Regardless," she said with a nod.
"Why? It'd be a great opportunity for you as well." She would both get a job and the opportunity to move out of her mother's house. He was not yet sure she lived there willingly. Yet she sounded very decided. She would not go.
Anne tried to analyse her feelings. It was difficult to have to do it so quickly and equally difficult not to reveal too much. Fortunately she had been in similar situations before. There was a reason why she was living with her mother and still swimming. "I'd miss better opportunities by leaving."
He surprised her by nodding thoughtfully. He might also miss opportunities by leaving, but he had not been able to define it so concisely. "Now why couldn't I put it like that? It's how I feel as well."
Anne's cell phone rang, but she could not do anything with it at the moment. She wondered why she was driving. It would have been easier to let Frederick drive again, but it had not occurred to her. Something had changed. "I'm driving. Could you answer it?"
Frederick picked it up, eager to be of assistance, but then he frowned at the display. He was too much of a coward to be helpful. "No, it's your mother. I'd rather not."
"All right." She pulled the car over at the next opportunity and phoned her mother back. "I'm driving. I couldn't answer. But I don't know how the car kit works, because I never drive and I never phone! All right. Yes. Yes, I'm on my way. I'll tell you when I get home. Bye."
He waited a while to ask her a question. "Did she ask you what you were doing?"
"Yes. It's not like me to take the car. She thought it might have been stolen."
"So she's back then," he stated superfluously.
"Yes, you'll see her this afternoon at the pool if you have time to go." Anne thought it fair to warn him in advance, so that he might choose not to have time.
"The pool." Frederick had forgotten all about training. A weekend away always made one forget completely about the everyday things and it was only made worse by the added stress. He tried to remember what usually happened on Mondays. "I might have to, don't you think? Sophia and James won't be coming and your mother is doing your lanes."
"Hers. I was doing them for her."
Frederick wondered why the most perfect solution was always to ask Anne if she could help out. Again he refused, but he marvelled at her ability to be of use in just about any situation. He preferred a confrontation with Anne's mother over Anne's sacrificing herself another time. "I'll do James' and Sophia's lanes. Then you can stay home."
She smiled mischievously. "A good trainer doesn't tell his swimmers to stay home."
"So you'll be swimming. Good. As long as you're not working." He glanced at the list again. "Suppose James brings them home tomorrow…does the kid really need a bed? Can't she sleep on the floor?"
"You have no car, do you?" Anne suddenly realised and she took an earlier exit that would take them past a large baby warehouse. She remembered going there with Mary a few years ago. It would only cost her half an hour extra, but it would save Frederick much more time and trouble.
"This is not the way to Kellynch," he noted. "You should have taken the next exit."
"Yep."
"Thanks," Frederick murmured as he was deposited on his sister's doorstep with all his purchases. He had not been able to protest. He was weak.
"No problem. I don't want your niece to sleep on the floor simply because you're too proud to ask for help."
"That's not it. It's -- well, thanks again. I'll see you this afternoon. I'd better go and clear the spare room really quickly so I can put up the cot this evening." He stood a little undecidedly, wondering if he should ask her in, kiss her, or simply let her go.
"I'll see you later." Anne hurried back to the car. They had spent too long shopping and she could only be home for a short while before she had to leave for the pool again. Frederick had so much to do; she should not stay to talk to him. That, though necessary, should be done another time.
"Where were you?" Lindy Russell asked when her daughter came home. She was sorting through her mail at the dining table. "From the mess in the bathroom I deduced you'd already returned from a swim meet somewhere."
"I had to go to Bath."
"Did you go to see your father?" It would surprise Lindy. Usually Anne needed some prompting before she went, because she knew she hardly ever received a warm welcome. Lindy could not remember Anne going of her own volition, not even when Walter and Elizabeth had still lived in this town.
"No. Sophia had a baby. She's in a hospital in Bath."
"Who's Sophia?"
"Sophia Croft?" Anne thought her mother had heard the name. The arrangements for Kellynch SC had been made just before she left on her business trip, although the Crofts themselves had not yet arrived then. As the one remaining coach, her mother ought to have memorised the name.
"Oh. I only spoke to her on the phone. I have yet to meet her. I didn't know she was pregnant, but of course you can't see that over the phone."
"She didn't know it either."
"Really…" Lindy raised her eyebrows. "I was pregnant three times and --"
"Yes, yes," Anne said a little irritably. "Everyone is going to say that to her. It gets boring and it doesn't change the fact that she had a baby and that she now needs things for it. I had to take her brother shopping for baby stuff for her."
"Right. And I heard from Mary that Louisa Musgrove had an accident."
"Yes. What else did Mary say?" Anne was afraid the Musgroves would blame Frederick. That Louisa had drunk would simply not be believed and then, when they had no choice, they would say it was someone else's fault.
They tended to blame others until well after their innocence had been proved. They had known for certain that Mary had seduced poor innocent Charles, because he was not the sort to sleep with girls. Anne knew differently, since he had tried her first and she had certainly not encouraged him. Mary had been more responsive, but Anne doubted that she had taken the initiative. With a Charles who announced his wishes outright that was hardly possible.
"She was a little put out that you had been away from all the commotion when it happened, but as I said to her, she always wants to be the team manager. By the way, she mentioned that you were with Louisa's boyfriend when it happened." Lindy gave Anne a curious look.
"He's not Louisa's boyfriend and I wasn't with him. Well, not alone. We were not staying at the hotel. We were staying with Tom Harville."
"Why that?"
"It's cheaper than a hotel," Anne shrugged, but she could not stick to a lie. "Not to mention that if Charles shared with Mary, Charles and Michael Hayter shared, Louisa and Henrietta, where would that have left us?"
"Right," Lindy said dubiously. "And Mary didn't know about this?"
"You know that if Mary isn't part of the exclusive group, she'll feel offended, but she didn't know Tom and Fiona. Mum, it's so unimportant, except to explain why I wasn't there when Louisa tumbled down the stairs. How was your trip?"
"That's Frederick. He's Sophia's brother," Anne rattled off to her mother. "He'll be doing the lanes they've been doing, which were the lanes Dad was supposed to be doing."
"Frederick. I'm Lindy." She shook his hand coolly.
He quickly looked at Anne, but her expression made him none the wiser. He could not tell if her mother remembered him. She might be naturally cool. She looked a lot like Anne, though, and he hoped the resemblance was not just in appearance.
"Help me with the kickboards, Anne," Lindy requested. She walked away. "Well, well, isn't that the boy you wanted to marry when you were eighteen?"
"When I was nineteen," Anne corrected. Her cheeks grew hot.
"Aren't you glad you didn't?"
"Mum! Don't be like that!"
"You might have ended up like Mary." Although it was her daughter as well, Lindy had her reservations about Mary's life. Marrying young was one thing she did not recommend, but they really should have waited with having those children.
Anne said nothing. Although she did not think she would have ended up like Mary, there was always a chance that she might be wrong. She got a pile of kickboards and dropped it by Lindy's lanes. She returned to where Frederick had seated himself on a block. "What's the warm-up?"
"I'm improvising today. Whatever you like." He watched her pull on her swim cap and adjust her goggles. "What did she say?"
"It's not important." She dove in before he could ask more.
She did not have a pleasant swim, though. She kept wondering whether she would really have ended up like Mary and whether Mary was unhappy. Mary loved to have something to complain about, of course. It did not mean much. She might actually prefer having something or someone to vex her.
Anne climbed out when she felt that three days of racing hard events had taken their toll. She sat on the side and dangled her legs in the water. For some reason she was loath to get up to dress and leave without saying anything to Frederick. She waited until he had sent off the swimmers in the adjoining lane on a 4x400. Then she got up and collected her things, taking longer than she normally would. "Could we make an appointment to talk?" she asked when she was about to pass him.
"A date?"
Anne stared at Frederick. She was fairly sure she had heard him say date, but she did not know if she could call it that. It was a loaded term and they had never been on a date before. They had always met in swimming pools and the hotels they were staying in. They had never actually left either place to go somewhere else. She did not know what he had in mind now. "I had thought maybe tomorrow morning after training, but if you prefer another time…"
"No, that's fine," he hastened to say. He did not want her to back out and he would go along with whatever she suggested.
Unbeknownst to Anne, however, Lindy had arranged for a trip to Bath that same evening. "But you don't have to go tomorrow morning," Lindy said when Anne brought up the morning training as a reason to stay home. "Sleep in if you like. I'll coach."
"No. I don't want to go to Bath at all." She did not want to get home late, because she really could not miss next morning's swim.
"All right." Lindy was mystified. "I thought you wouldn't have seen your father at all while I was away."
"No, I haven't, but I'm twenty-seven, so I really don't need to see him very regularly." Anne wondered what such reasoning meant for her relationship with her mother. Maybe she also did not need to see her mother very often. Maybe she needed to move out, but without money that was difficult to do.
Lindy had gone alone and Anne had been left to spend the evening at home all by herself. Because she had been away, there was much to catch up on. She spent most of her time emailing and, so she would not have been lying about needing her sleep, she went to bed early.
Her appointment or date with Frederick kept her awake for longer than she liked. She might have told him they needed to talk, but she had no idea where to begin. Every time she imagined the conversation, they spoke of something else. After she told herself to stop fantasising, she imagined two more possibilities and then she fell asleep.
The next morning her mother was up as if she had not arrived home late. Anne had not even heard her come back. It turned out she had missed a lot by not going.
"Mrs Croft was sorry you hadn't come along," said Lindy.
Anne felt a little vexed. She might have considered the trip if she had known. "You didn't tell me you were going to see her."
"Oh no, I wasn't. I thought of that later when I remembered she was also in Bath."
"I hope you told her I did not deliberately stay home to avoid her."
"I might have," Lindy said vaguely. "But you would have come along to see her, when you wouldn't come to see your father?"
"Yes," Anne supposed.
Lindy drew the wrong conclusion. "Her doctor was sorry about it too. He's a swimmer. Didn't you always want a swimmer? He's very interested in you and did you know, he swims on your father's team. I thought he was really nice. He asked me for your number, but Sophia didn't have it and I'd left my phone in the car."
"You would have given it?" Anne preferred Sophia's saying she did not have it, when she most certainly did. Yes, she was grateful to Sophia for lying.
"Why not? It couldn't hurt."
Very likely it could not, but she was still not keen on the idea. She had always got along very well with her mother and she hoped that the frustration she felt was temporary. They were now sounding more like her mother and Elizabeth or Mary. There was always plenty of frustration and vexation in their conversations. She had always been spared herself, because she -- with a few exceptions -- thought like her mother. Perhaps this was another one of those exceptions. "He could start stalking me."
"You've read too much. Besides, doctors have no time to stalk girls."
Anne did not know if they did and she did not want to know. Although she had not managed to decide what precisely she would say to Frederick, one thing had become absolutely clear: she loved him. He could behave in any manner he liked, good or bad, but in the end it mattered very little. She had not forgotten his good traits and she happened to be a loyal sort of person. William was nothing to her, doctor or not.
"I'll take my bike to the pool," Anne said when she realised she was expected to drive with her mother. That would not work if she wanted to talk to Frederick after swimming. "I have somewhere to go afterwards."
Lindy did not ask any questions. "Oh good, so do I."
Yesterday the news of Louisa's fall had not spread yet, but apparently the Musgroves had been phoning around at night and when it was time for the morning training session, though it was not even six o'clock, everybody was talking about it. Frederick stood a little to the side as they waited for the pool to be opened. He was tired of having to say he had not been there. They did not believe him and thought he was saying so on purpose for some reason.
He yawned. Putting up a crib and a book case and clearing the spare room had cost him longer than he had expected, but he hoped Sophia would be pleased with the result. He longed for his bed, but he had swimmers to coach and Anne to talk to. On the one hand he hoped she would postpone the talk, but on the other hand they had postponed it long enough.
"Sophia will come home today," he said to Anne in passing. It was a nicely neutral subject.
She looked startled and seemed to be thinking about something. Then she spoke. "So you'll be needed at home?"
"Not instantly. I stayed up really late to finish the room." Frederick yawned again. "They can move in when they like. I don't have to be there."
She stepped aside to let the swimmers pass. "You're tired."
He had not yawned on purpose and so he was wary of her reaction. "Yes."
"And you won't be getting any sleep when Sophia brings the baby home."
He had not considered that and he looked a little fearful. "Won't I?"
"I don't know. Mary --" She saw his look and bit back whatever she had wanted to say about Mary. She had come to the door of the changing room anyway. "Okay. But my mum's out after training. You can have a nap at my house."
Frederick was left to wonder what a nap at Anne's house implied. She had always been a straightforward girl and therefore a nap at her house while her mother was out was probably no more than that. Still, in light of her recent revelation that she had needs, he doubted. She had gone into the changing room now and with so many teenagers around he would not dare to ask for clarification.
He was forced to spend the entire training session wondering. Anne swam and her mother stood guard by her lane, or so it felt to him. He did not dare approach her.
After swimming Lindy collected her things and waited for Anne to climb out. "Anne, I'm going. I have to drop off a report at work and then I have some stuff to take care of."
"What stuff? When will you be home?" Anne hoped she would not say nine. That was much too soon.
"I don't think I'll be home until after this afternoon's training."
That was a relief, although she did not think she had anything in mind that could not be disturbed. "Where will you be?"
"I offered to help Sophia."
Anne stared. "You?"
"I've had babies," her mother reminded her. "Had you wanted to help?"
"But you just met her last night." And, she wanted to say, it was Frederick's sister.
"What does that matter? I have this week off because I worked so hard abroad, blah blah." She waved dismissively. Either she had not worked very hard at all or she did not need an entire week to recuperate. "Anne, tell me you didn't really think that I'd be so petty as to dislike her because of her brother?"
"No, but I thought -- well, he lives with them." After his nap he would presumably go there, because where else could he go? She did not know what would happen then.
"Doesn't he work?"
"Not yet. He just came back to the country," Anne added, because on no account did she want her mother to think of Frederick as a hopeless good for nothing. He did not have a job then and he did not have one now. He had a degree now, though, and job offers.
Lindy had not reckoned with Frederick's living there, but she shrugged. "Well, we'll have to keep out of each other's way then. My skills in ignoring men in the house are pretty good."
Sometimes Anne felt as if she really did not understand people. Usually she let it pass, but now she was compelled to ask the question. "Why did you go to see Dad then?"
"He's all right if you don't live with him."
"I'll never get it," she sighed.
"I know. You don't understand, but I happen to have a certain degree of loyalty," Lindy explained patiently. "Besides, Elizabeth is my daughter too."
"I almost forgot she is," Anne said with a little sarcasm. "I do understand loyalty, but you divorced him!"
"Yes, but…" Lindy looked a little taken aback at her daughter's unusual reaction. "Would you have wanted us to stay together?"
"I don't see how you could marry him, then divorce him and then visit him as often as you like. You don't love him. I don't call that loyalty. It's selfishness. You only think of each other when it suits you. The rest of the time you're nothing to each other." It was a little comparable to not being talked to and then being kissed out of the blue, she reflected, and her lip trembled.
"Anne…"
"I am sick of selfish people." She turned to pick up the kickboards, but Frederick was already collecting them. She turned back. "Don't call that loyalty, because it isn't. I can't even feel sorry for him, because he's exactly the same -- or worse! You don't love him and he doesn't love you. What in heaven's name are you up to together?" She sounded more sad than angry. In fact she doubted that she could ever become truly angry. It was no wonder that people rarely listened to her if she could never speak with force.
"Anne, this is neither the time nor the place to talk about it," said Lindy, seeing Frederick come dangerously near with the kickboards. It was none of his business.
"I just don't think you should be doing anything with someone you don't love, not even someone you used to love. I'd forgive you for allowing it if you loved him, but you don't."
"Who says he's doing anything with me?"
"Men. And why break a habit?" Anne shrugged. "You said yourself that he's all right if you don't live with him. Why give up all the all right things after you have him move out?"
"Anne! I always thought you were idealistic rather than cynical."
"Idealism sucks."
Lindy was as shocked at the language as at the idea it expressed. "Sucks?" She was not entirely sure what that meant. It sounded terribly vulgar.
"I share the changing rooms with our younger swimmers, remember? It means that idealism and eternal love will get me nowhere and, succinctly, that sucks, because I can't let go of it." She glanced around and saw that most swimmers had headed for the showers, except Frederick, who had dropped the pile of kickboards. Men. They would never consider walking twice, but they wanted to carry too many in one go. She sighed. "Well, have fun today, Mum. I'll see you this afternoon."
Anne walked towards her bag. She dropped her cap, goggles and gear onto it and carried it to the shower area. Frederick would not need to shower -- he had not swum -- but he would pass by on his way to get dressed and he might tell or ask her where they would go next. She hoped he had not forgotten.
Around her the children splashed each other with cold water, but she hardly noticed. She was wondering what her mother was thinking now, but she had felt so frustrated and uncomprehending that she simply had to speak. It had built up. Today's conversation had not been much of a trigger.
Frederick passed without looking and she hurried into the changing room as soon as he was out of sight. Despite all her efforts, he had been quicker and he was waiting for her in the hall.
"It's raining," he said, pointing outside. "But you're in white and I want my nap."
"But I'm in white?" She frowned. Was that a good reason to brave the rain? While picking out her clothes the night before she had never reckoned with rain. It was stupid to be vain.
"Men. Insatiable," he said solemnly. "I'd understand if you wanted to stay here until it's dry, though."
"No. Let's go," Anne said hurriedly so she would not stand here stupidly gaping at him while she analysed what he could have meant.
Anne had got wet as they cycled to her house. She felt comforted by the knowledge that whatever Frederick thought, there really was not much to see through her white dress. Unobtrusively she studied herself in the window when she parked her bike. No, it was fine. "It's not transparent."
"No, but it does cling," Frederick replied instantly.
She blushed and fumbled with the key and the lock. Why was a clinging dress better than a Fastskin? She preferred the latter because they streamlined everything. Her dress did not. "Come in. The bathroom is upstairs. The dryer is in the bathroom. My room is across from it. You can take the blue bed. I'll…be here."
"Won't you need to change?" He looked at the wet dress that could not possibly be comfortable if it stayed on, not that he was trying to talk her out of it.
"I'll be here after I've changed." There was a couch. What a nice reversal of situations. He could take the bed and she would take the couch this time.
She had of course given the situation some thought -- too much thought -- but she had decided that if he did not first take his nap, he might never have time to take it. Either their talk would end unhappily, in his leaving the house, or happily, when they would have too many other things to do for him to nap. Try as she might, she had not been able to predict which of the two endings was most likely, but it was definitely wisest to have him nap first.
Frederick tried to joke. She was as always too serious, but in this particular case he wished she would not take a separation so seriously. "You must be the only person who dates in separate rooms."
"It's not a date." It was barely eight o'clock in the morning. She had never heard of anyone dating at such an early hour.
"All right." He felt put in his place.
He was of course aware of Anne stuffing her dress into the dryer, but he let her disappear without calling her back. She went downstairs and he went to her room. Evidently she had nothing to hide, although he did not think she was the type. It was slightly disappointing that there was no Frederick shrine in a corner, but he was too sane to look for it anywhere else.
The blue bed looked comfortable enough, although there were clothes on it. He wondered why Anne had two beds. Maybe it was Elizabeth's. He would not get into Elizabeth's bed even if she was not in it, so he decided to be bold and take Anne's.
After Anne had eaten a little, she tried to doze off on the couch, but she was not sure if she had succeeded. Usually she could tell by the strange turns her thoughts had taken, but this time they seemed fairly normal. She woke when the phone rang. It was her mother. Having their argument of that morning still on her mind, her tone was wary as she answered.
"I have great news," Lindy said. "I was offered a job in Bath."
"Congratulations." Anne was glad that the argument seemed to be forgotten, for the time being at least. It might still surface later on. She told herself to be pleased for her mother. "I take it it's a good job?"
"Yes, yes. Now here's the catch. It's in Bath."
That was a catch indeed. She became wary again. "Yes, you said."
"I don't want to commute."
"So you're selling the house?" Anne felt her spirits sink. She did not want to go to Bath. Here she at least had things to do. In Bath she would have nothing. Nothing. A numbness took hold of her. She was resigned; the house would be sold, whatever she might want. It was always like that.
"Sell the house? That would be madness in times like these. No, you can live in it, I thought. Unless you want to come to Bath with me and pursue that doctor?"
"I don't care for the doctor!" Anne said with a raised voice.
"You didn't give me the impression that you did, no," Lindy agreed. "So you will want to stay in Kellynch."
She would love to stay in Kellynch, but there were things to consider if her mother left. Depending on what house her mother would have in Bath, she might not be able to afford two. "I can't afford the house. You know that."
"Well, I heard you'll be getting a job offer soon anyway."
"Job offer? Me?" Anne was astonished. "From where? From whom?"
"You will see," Lindy said mysteriously. "But the deal is that you accept the offer, or else I cannot let you live in the house."
"Mum! What if it's an offer to scrub floors?"
"Who'd make you such an offer?" Her mother sounded genuinely surprised. "You have a double degree. Certainly someone who has something to offer would take that into account."
"But who has a job for me and why would they tell you before they told me?" It could not be anybody at her mother's workplace; that was in a completely different field.
"You'll hear that soon. If you like the job, will you want to pay me rent?"
"Yes," she said quickly, whatever might happen. It might be a lousy job, but in that case she would have to use it as a stepping stone. Frederick had no job. If she got one first, she might be able to persuade him to adapt himself to her situation. "I'd love to stay here."
"Right then," Lindy said cheerfully.
"But life can't be that easy." Anne did not know whether she could allow herself to look forward to a resolution of all her troubles.
"Sometimes it is. Are you still on that eternal love thing?"
"Maybe it sounded corny, but yes. I still believe in it. I don't love to give it up a year later." She would not even give it up eight years later. Even if it would now turn out to be hopeless, she would not be able to stop herself. If she had married him then, she would still love him now as well, would she not?
And he had willingly come here, so not all hope was lost.
"So does that mean you still love that guy?" Lindy sounded resigned.
Anne blushed even if there was no one who could see her. She kept her voice serious, if a little indignant. "Of course I do."
"Does he love you?"
Her voice faltered a little. "I don't know."
"Anne, you're too good to waste your feelings on someone who doesn't return them. Find out soon and forget about him if he doesn't."
"And you think he doesn't." Her mother did not sound very enthusiastic or encouraging, but she had to remind herself that her mother was sometimes wrong. Mothers were not infallible.
"Men aren't as loyal or faithful as we are."
"I won't accept that that holds true for all men. You cannot dismiss them all like that." Certainly in this case Anne refused to think that way. Even if he did not love her anymore, it was not because he was a man. That had nothing to do with it. "I don't think they're all disloyal or unfaithful."
"You're still idealistic," Lindy observed.
"When it comes to that, I am indeed. Time will tell which one of us is right." She did not want to talk about it anymore to her mother.
Anne hung up and was left to ponder her future. She might have a job that her mother seemed to trust would satisfy her. She would be able to stay in this house. The only uncertain factor was Frederick. He might want to go to China or he might not want her, which would amount to the same thing. In either case she ought to give up thinking of him and move on. She could pine forever, but it would be useless to wait for him any longer. If he could no longer love her after eight years, he would certainly not do so after sixteen years.
But first she had to have that talk with him. She felt a little more confident about her position now. She had an alternative of sorts and she had the uplifting fact that he had come here with her.
Frederick was woken by the phone. There was an extension upstairs in another room, but he heard no one answer it and yet the ringing stopped very quickly. When he decided it was time to get up anyway, he heard Anne speak downstairs. She rather loudly said she did not care for the doctor. He could not help himself. He stayed where he was and listened for more.
Her bed had been slept in and there was a note on her pillow. Fully expecting it to contain Frederick's reasons for not having slept in the blue bed, she shook her head as she picked up the note. Bathroom. It surprised her so much that she sat down on the bed to read it again.
When her common sense returned she deduced he must be in the bathroom for some reason. She indeed found him there, sitting on the edge of the bath watching the dryer. There were ten minutes left.
"I thought of writing you a letter, but in the end I'd rather talk it out," he said. "You got dressed."
"Well, yes," she answered. She sat down beside him. "I have my clothes here and what if someone called at the door?"
"I called at the door once and you didn't think of getting dressed then," he remembered.
"I knew it was you. I wouldn't do it for the postman."
"What does that mean?" His eyes bored into hers.
Anne tried to look away. "You may have been ignoring that we have a history, but I couldn't pretend that you hadn't seen me like that before."
"True, though your figure is very different now. And I have not been ignoring our history."
"You never told anyone. You never spoke to me. You pretended you'd never seen me before, figure or not." She tried not to sound too pathetic. "Isn't that ignoring?"
"I thought of it."
"But you didn't want to."
Frederick looked at the dryer. Eight minutes. "At first I didn't want to. I tried very hard not to."
"And then you went straight to making passes at me because you're ready to burst." She hoped he would contradict that, preferably angrily.
"Making passes at you? Ready to burst?" He did not understand. "I'm not sure what you mean by that."
"Sophia thinks you're ready to burst, because you allowed everyone to flirt with you. She thought you just wanted to sleep with someone."
"I do want to sleep with someone, yes, but not with everyone!" Frederick began to suspect some serious miscommunication. What had she been thinking? And he was really not pleased about being manoeuvred into such an admission.
Anne turned away. "The first who offers."
"Actually I turned down the first who offered!" he shot back. "Remember?"
"I'm not really sure I offered," she said cringingly, although she was glad she seemed to have been that first girl.
"Then you should be really glad I turned you down."
"But you don't want to sleep with me then?" Anne kept her voice steady and disinterested. He must have been speaking of someone else.
"I thought it was best to send you away. I might have misunderstood you and then you'd be disgusted. And even if I hadn't misunderstood you, there were things to consider such as protection. Because I know as little about your intervening years as you do about mine. I wanted to send you away because I didn't want to hear you'd had other boyfriends. I didn't want to say I didn't have any condoms only to see you casually pull one from your pocket. I fully confess to being jealous, petty, unfair, stupid, afraid…whatever you'd call it."
She blinked. "That was it?" There was nothing about not loving her, but perhaps that was still to come.
"Yes. I have one now, though. I took it from James' bedside drawer." He took something from his pocket and placed it in her hand. He looked very earnest and a little proud of himself. "But I think you should keep it, so you can make offers without being turned down."
Anne looked as if the package was something very dirty. She held it by a corner. "I'm sorry. It's very sweet of you, but it won't do."
"Why not?" Frederick inquired instantly.
"The expiry date on this is 2003," Anne said gravely. "People who have been trying to get pregnant for a few years are not the most reliable source of contraceptives."
"Do they have expiry dates?" He snatched it back from her. "I never looked. What does that mean? It will disintegrate?"
"I don't know. This is as close as I've ever come to one." He did not have to be worried that she had her own supply of them. It was good that apparently he did not either, or he would not have had to go looking through James' drawers.
"They make great balloons. That's all I know from training camps with the national team." He rested his face in his hands and laughed wryly. "I wonder what that reveals about my maturity. Your sister thinks I have none."
"I already knew something about your maturity when you positioned the playmobil men in the shower," Anne assured him. She could see Elizabeth not finding any fun in balloons, especially not these. "You did not think of these things eight years ago," she observed, pointing at the package. He must have become a little wiser since then and that was a good thing, especially since the subject had never occurred to her at all.
"No. Did you?"
"No, but --" She bit her lip and looked at the floor. It was difficult to say this, painful to acknowledge their former feelings and embarrassing to reveal her lack of thought on the subject. "I did not think we would split up. I did not think any of that was necessary."
He had not thought that either, but he should have. They might have got into trouble. "We could have had a child. Aren't you glad we didn't?"
"You sound like my mother." It would all have been different if they had had a child, but she had to admit to herself that they would have been far too young for it. At the time, though, she would have welcomed it.
He shuddered. "Urgh. I don't want to sound like your mother, but she happens to be right if she said the same. They were right in warning you. I was wrong. You have no idea how much I regret it."
Anne gave him sideways glances. She did not know what to say next and she should let him finish what he wanted to say. What did he regret?
"I heard some things you said to your mother. You don't give up on the ones you love. You're so much better than I am. I went away. Still…" He fell silent.
"Still?" she probed gently. He had indeed gone away, but it had been an excellent opportunity for him. It had turned him into a top class swimmer and he should be proud of his achievements, regardless of the fact that he had not kept in contact with her.
"I wish I'd realised everything sooner. It would have spared you the pain that I undoubtedly gave you by behaving as I did. I knew it was wrong, but I was still hurt. Maybe it was wrong of me to feel hurt, but I felt it and I couldn't help it."
"I know."
Frederick opened the dryer. He felt foolish sitting on the edge of the bath in his underwear speaking of having felt hurt and he began to dress. "So," he said after a while. "We're not done yet, but I'm hungry."
Anne jumped up. "I'm so sorry! I completely forgot you might be hungry. Come! I'll fix you something."
He continued speaking in the kitchen. "So, what did you think when you first saw me in the pool?"
She was looking through the fridge and took her time before she answered. "In the beginning? They told me you were coming, so I wasn't surprised to see you. I thought I'd see how you'd behave, but you behaved as if you didn't know me."
He felt bad about that. "I didn't know what to do, but you didn't exactly throw your arms around me yourself either."
She looked at him in disbelief. "How pathetic would that have been?" She did not want to name girls who might have done so, but she could think of a few.
"Very," he agreed. In retrospect he did not see how she could have behaved any differently, considering his behaviour.
"Besides, you were good now and one of my parents' criticisms was that you couldn't swim," she said unhappily. "I'd have feared your thinking I was a hypocrite if I now…"
"I know you aren't like that. I might have fooled myself into thinking that you were, but I would have found out I was wrong. But you must have noticed I was changing my mind after a while."
She had noticed a little change, but not to what he was changing. She gave him a yoghurt container and sat down to eat one herself. "I thought you were trying to be friends, given some of your odd actions, such as when you asked Sophia to drive me home, but you didn't actually talk to me and I don't know what you intended to accomplish with some of your other actions, such as in Lyme."
"Hey!" he protested good-naturedly. "I actually had a clue in Lyme."
"What did you have a clue about? Because you still haven't told me that." She could guess, but she could not be completely certain. Nevertheless, she was confident enough about their newfound friendship to venture the question.
"I wonder why I thought talking was better than writing a letter," he complained. "I wanted you back, of course, but I could hardly walk up to you and say so, given my behaviour. I had to be more subtle."
"Subtle!" Anne chuckled. She was not sure many of his actions qualified as subtle and wondered if she should reiterate them to him.
He smiled. "Restrained, then. Not like when we first met, when it all seemed to go automatically. So, I wanted you back. Of course for years I'd been telling myself I was too busy to like anyone, when it wasn't that I was busy, but that I was simply uninterested in anyone but you. I tried to deny it when I first saw you, but I couldn't keep that up. I had to try and elicit some reaction from you. I was very happy when you kissed me, but after a while I started thinking."
"After a while!" Her smile grew wider. She had begun to smile a while ago and she did not think she would stop soon.
"Nobody wants to hear he's been replaced and we were heading towards a point where I might have to ask you that. So I asked you to leave. But you did not go!"
Anne blushed. "No. But your brother arrived and both of you fell apart."
"We needed you and we are very glad you stayed with us. Will you take me back?" he asked, suddenly humble.
She smiled at him over her yoghurt. "Of course I'll take you back. I would even have taken you back when you came into the pool looking hot…and being cold." She dwelt on those two opposing qualities for a moment. He was not really cold, which had made the impression only worse.
"I look hot?" Frederick was pleased.
She did not want to flatter him instantly, but she could not deny it. "As if you don't know all the girls considered you hot-looking. They probably told you to your face, too."
"Actually they didn't. It means more to me if you think I look hot."
"I do."
He grinned. "You're pretty hot yourself."
"Me?" Anne was genuinely surprised.
"Mmm. In a Fastskin -- halfway in it or all the way in it," he teased. "So…we don't need to go dating now, do we? I already know what I'm getting. We can go straight to…what?"
"Living together?" She would not have thought of that so quickly in other circumstances, but her conversation with her mother made it the logical conclusion. She crossed her fingers and hoped there was really going to be an offer. "Someone is apparently going to make me a job offer and my mum says I can have the house. You can move in with me. If she was right about the job offer -- and if you don't go to China."
"Do I get to sleep in the blue bed? Whose is it?"
"Elizabeth's, if she comes over to stay. Is that why you slept in mine?" Suddenly that made more sense.
He nodded. "I'm sorry, but I can't stand her. Obnoxious sprinter."
Anne giggled. She was sure there was more he found objectionable about Elizabeth than the mere fact that she was a sprinter who was aware that she excelled in the events that garnered the most attention. "I really like you like this," she told him.
"How?" he asked with a smile. It was not the cocky grin he had used for being hot, but a quieter, more sincere delight.
"Laughing at yourself, making me laugh…" Just like eight years ago. Her eyes filled with tears. It was so easy to get it back. Why had it taken so long?
"Anne…" He held out his hand and pulled her into his lap. After a quick kiss on her cheek, he spoke. "What was this about a job and the house? I asked James if he had one for you so you could move out…"
"You asked James?" That would explain how her mother had come to hear of it last night. She would have seen him at the hospital.
"He seemed to handing them out," Frederick said airily. "And you seemed in need of a change. Away from your mother."
"My mum is actually rather nice, you know," Anne defended her. "She's now helping your sister."
"Is she?" It might reconcile him to the woman a little. Anyone who helped his sister must be a little nice at least. "Why? Did you ask her to?"
"No, she probably offered. She's had babies and it's clear that Sophia never had one. And she doesn't have a mother either."
"It never occurred to me that Sophia might need parents," he mused. "But all right. It's nice of your mother."
They had sat in the kitchen for another while, eating more. "So," Frederick said very casually. "When do I move in and what will your mother say?" If she approved, he would even consider moving in while the woman was still there.
Anne realised she had not yet told him the best part because he appeared not to know about it. "She has a new job in Bath, so she will move there."
His face lit up. "So it will just be you and me?"
"Yes," Anne smiled.
"In this house? That would be perfect." He took a few moments to savour that goodness. "Tell me why I deserve that."
When the opportunity for rational conversation returned, he had a comment. "I assume you don't want to get pregnant right into a new job."
"Well," Anne said reflectively. "That doesn't seem like a very good plan if you don't have a job yet. Could you wait until I've seen my doctor?"
"Sure. I've waited eight years."
"Or…" She grinned when she did not really trust his answer. "There's a shopping street around the corner."
Frederick considered that possibility. "Maybe I'd rather wait until your mother has moved out. Shall we go over to Sophia's to ask when?"
It turned out that Lindy could leave very soon, because she was moving in with Walter for the time being. Anne was appalled, but since it was not in her own interest to be appalled, she swallowed her feelings of dismay. Frederick, who could not care less with whom Lindy moved in, was equally silent.
Lindy seemed to accept their relationship, though, if not as enthusiastically as Sophia and James. Nevertheless she did not withdraw the offer of the house.
Anne was almost perfectly happy -- she had Frederick and a house. The only thing that was still lacking was a source of income for one or both of them and she did not dare ask James about it. First she had to admire the baby, which was no hardship, and look at the baby's room.
Frederick had more opportunities to talk to his brother-in-law and, leaving all the cooing and caring to the women, they sat down downstairs. Although Frederick could not accept jobs on her behalf, he could say that any decent offer would be most welcome. When Anne joined them it was all settled.
The job he had for her actually sounded rather nice, even if she had no idea what it entailed precisely and if she was qualified for it at all. Frederick seemed to understand better what he was going to do and that he would run into Anne at work was something he did not seem to find problematic at all. Anne was impressed with James' ability to give out jobs, but he assured her it was purely a coincidence that they were expanding, had no more brothers to step in, no more Sophia to step in either and that his mother was thinking of retiring. She would only have to sit here until three o'clock, because that was when his parents would visit their grandchild.
Such a quick transition to a new life was almost impossible, but it was nevertheless real. James' parents, who had apparently counted on Sophia, were all too relieved they could hire someone who was almost related.
A week later she was marvelling at how quickly it had all gone. Her mother was still in the house, but Anne had been to work and she had been surprised at how very much like her volunteering work for the swimming club it actually was. That, she supposed, was why James had thought of her.
James had hired a new coach, what with everyone having new jobs or new babies. Anne was relieved, because she might otherwise have felt the obligation to be present at all sessions. Now, Frederick and she swam in the morning, but they had their evenings off.
The new coach was already almost as popular as Frederick and he would definitely surpass him when everybody caught on that Frederick had a girlfriend and Anne a boyfriend, something they had not done so far. They were not demonstrative; they did not kiss in the showers or hold hands. They saved that for at home -- when Lindy was not there, of course.
The year 2017
"Are you sure Grandma and Grandpa will be here to watch me?"
"Yes, I'm sure," Anne answered patiently. She had said so about five times already and with every time the question was put to her, she grew a little more worried. Suppose her parents were not coming at all? There would be no consoling Claire.
"But they're late."
"No, they're not late." She looked at her daughter's face, which was nearly obscured by her goggles and cap, donned far too early in case her event was advanced by an hour for mysterious reasons.
"They'll be here in time to see me do butterfly, won't they? Because I can do a great butterfly, right Mummy?"
"You do an amazing butterfly for your age. Take off your goggles. You have an hour to go and you'll get a headache if you keep them on. Go back to the team. You don't want your coach to be angry with you."
"My coach won't, because she's my aunt," Claire said confidently.
"Right, as if your parents never get angry with you, young lady," Frederick cut in. "Even though they're your parents."
She opened her eyes wide. "But I behave at the club."
"She behaves at the club," he said incredulously when his daughter was gone. "And not at home? Would you believe that impertinent answer?"
Anne chuckled. "Yes, actually. Elizabeth is not easy."
Elizabeth, who had neglected to educate herself during her swimming career, had been forced to seek employment in the only field she was a little qualified in after she divorced her former team mate Dr William Walter. After a long and trying year during which she repeatedly cried she hated children, she finally grew used to them and her coaching produced some fine talents. She was, however, not easy to work with.
"Hey Auntie Anne!" said a girl. "Why aren't you swimming? Then Mum, me, you and Claire could do a family relay now that Claire is finally old enough to swim races. Now Mum and me have to do it with other people and it's not a family relay."
"Well, your mum is crazy and I am not," Anne smiled. "Besides, your mum only had two children and I had four." It was a little more difficult to keep track of four of them if you also had to swim.
"But only one of them can swim, so you have to go with us." She received protests from three sides, because no matter if they were two, four or six years old, all Wentworth youngsters were full of confidence about their own swimming skills.
"Sophia, stop making her nag at me," Anne said good-humouredly to her sister-in-law when she came to check on her youngest, who was sitting with Anne.
"I'd never nag. Who'd watch the children if you swam? Frederick, your relay is up in a minute. Don't upset the referee now."
"He won't be upset. He's my brother-in-law."
Anne had to laugh. "And you wonder where Claire gets it from?"
Elizabeth approached them, looking dissatisfied. "I really wonder why you two still want to compete against children and I'm not sure why I allow you. I told the team to stay together and not to run to their parents, or in your case, their children. Set a good example and go back."
Frederick made disrespectful grimaces behind her back, but he left nevertheless.
Anne breathed a sigh of relief when her parents arrived. Claire's debut could take place as planned. Everyone was there except Uncle Edward, but even Claire knew he lived too far away. He would see the photos.
"I hope Charles won't disqualify her," said Mary. "That would be so…"
"Charles, if he's on her lane at all, will see her swim perfectly," said the proud mother.
"Yes, my boys gave her some advice about the butterfly."
Anne let that pass. One should not argue with family, but she thought it more plausible that Claire had inherited her father's talent.