Posted on Sunday, 26 August 2007

There once was a lady named Jane
Whose sharp tongue was everyone's bane.
She once wrote a book
And five more then, look!
And then she stopped, which was a shame.

She was of a parson the daughter
Tom Lefroy is said to have sought her.
But Miss Austen tarried
And never got married
And no man could ever have caught her.

They said her books are just romances
With young suitors and parties and dances.
But it is quite plain
That this can‘t explain
Of her stories the many nuances.

Her first novel was just a satire
The second praised reason. Admire
The third even more!
It showed how a bore
Like Collins won't get his desire.

The fourth showed how true patience can
Turn everything right for sweet Fran.
The fifth was a riddle
(For Frankie did fiddle).
The sixth showed a constant young man.

There are so many more that she wrote
‘A History …‘ I want to note.
Websters‘ Amelia
Is in ‘Juvenilia‘.
The famous works I will now quote.

She wrote of a lady named Susan
Whose letters were rather amusing.
She plotted a match
And made a bad catch
But beggars cannot be choosing.

She wrote of a horrible Abbey
From which Catherine was sent with a cabbie.
But Henry missed her
When she was not there
And proposed that they go to the Ordained Priest of the Church of England.

She wrote of three girls in distress
Whose finances were in a mess.
They met a young lad
But he was quite mad
And his love he did never profess.

Young Elinor's love was a smart one
But his fiancée from Hell came to Barton.
Her tales were quite juicy.
She was sordid, young Lucy
And a fortune she had set her card on.

In the end though it turned out quite well.
Edward lost his fiancée from Hell.
She married his brother.
Marianne found another
And Edward was happy with Nell.

She wrote of a lady called Lizzy
Who made ev'ry gentleman dizzy
When one lad of pride.
Was after her hide
She threw him a fit that was hissy.

He then wrote a letter to Lizzy
Which contents in turn made her dizzy.
He fought off his pride
And thus saved his hide
And in the end, he got his missy.

She wrote of a pretty poor maid
Whose family‘s bills were not paid.
Her sisters were terrors
But more of their errors
The authoress never has said.

She wrote of a shy lass named Frances
Who had very slim marriage chances,
Loved Edmund, not Harry
But Edmund loved Mary
And Fanny was left to learn dances.

But that Edmund whose heart beat for Mary
Had a sister who ran off with Harry.
'Thus Edmund is free!'
Thought Fanny with glee.
And in the end, him she did marry.

She wrote of a lady of means
Who had quite a handful of spleens.
Found a man for Miss Taylor
(And he was no sailor)
And that was just in her late teens.

Miss Taylor became Mrs Weston.
That fame Emma did not just rest on
She was told off by Knightley
(He told her off rightly).
His love he did later confess on.

She wrote of a Captain called Fred
Whose lady thought his love was dead.
He wrote her a letter
And thus taught her better
And after that, took her to
And in the end - yes, they got wed!

She last wrote a town at the sea
Where tourists would pay much for tea
She could not complete
This amazing -
which is sad, really, considering what a wonderful premise it is.

The End