Beginning, Previous Section, Section III

Jump to new as of March 10, 2001

Chapter 20: The Grinch Really Stole Christmas And More

This chapter is for all my lovely readers who have waited 19 long chapters for the introduction of one "special" character...we all know that character is Carina Bingley, right? ;) . I would like mention especially the following people who have helped me continue to write this story: Jennifer, Tanisha, Andréa, Kara, Crysty, Leah, Gabby, Tiki, Kimmie, and AL (yes, your name is really AL, the sea monkey). Thanks!

I awoke on Christmas morning to the loud, pleasant scream of my youngest sister Lydia as she ran through the halls: "IT'S CHRISTMAS!! WAKE UP! PRESENTS!!!!!!!"

I thought to myself, "Maybe we should have just stayed at the apartment this Christmas." What a wake up call. I wanted to stay under the warm covers of the bed, but Jane, already dressed, shook me awake.

"Lizzy! Get up! It's Christmas!" I struggled to open my eyes and moved into the warmth of the bed. "Lizzy! Come on!" Finally, after clobbering me with a pillow, I slowly got out of bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

"I'm up! I'm up! Merry Christmas, Jane!" I said as I whacked her with the pillow that had laid under my head.

"A peaceful start to the holidays, Lizzy?"

"Of course," I smiled as we shook a truce.

Somewhere in the halls I heard a strident voice singing: "HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS!! IT'S THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR!"

"Who or should I say what is that?" Jane peered out of the door.

"You don't know? My, my, my, Lizzy you must be tired. Okay, I will give you one guess," she snickered as I yawned. "A clue?"

"I DON'T KNOW IF THERE'LL BE SNOW BUT HAVE A CUP OF CHEER!"

I nodded wearily.

"HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS...DA DEE DUM DA DUM DEE DUM...SAY HELLO TO FRIENDS YOU KNOW AND EVERY ONE YOU MEET!"

"One of our most...overactive sisters! "

"OH, HO, THE MISTLETOE HUNG WHERE YOU CAN SEE...MAMA!!! WE DON'T HAVE MISTLETOE DO WE? I WANT MISTLETOE! WE HAVE TO HAVE MISTLETOE...."

"Lydia?"

"MAMA, WHY DON'T WE HAVE MISTELTOE?"

"Did you not recognize her voice?"

I smiled then said, "I am sure she would want mistletoe for certain purposes of her own, Jane. Did you know those Butler boys from next door are coming over today?"

"Lizzy!" She looked at me with an upbraiding face but her eyes told me she believed me.

"But, it is true!" I smirked when I knew she had no retort.

"Girls! Hurry down. Breakfast is waiting!" Mother seemed very happy today.

"GIRLS STOP DAWDLING! BREAKFAST IS GETTING COLD!"

We ran downstairs.

Thus started our first Christmas day without father.

Christmas without father seemed like a far away concept to me a few months ago. But it was reality that I found it hard to believe. Christmas has always been a family affair. Jane and I drove back to Baltimore to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with our family. We stayed up late on Christmas Eve, wrapping last minute gifts and reminiscing about past Christmases. I remember Christmas as the time when mother and father were most together. Everyone was always in a lovely mood. We actually enjoyed the time together.

No Grinch could destroy Christmas. Presents or no presents. I prayed that nothing could ruin today.

After breakfast, we gathered around the tree. Lydia was as giddy as a five year old as she reached out for a present and began to open it. Kitty eagerly awaited the rest of us but picked up a box and started to shake it. Mary sat quietly in the corner.

Mary. I was worried about her. As the middle child she never really got much attention. Jane and I had a special surprise for her this Christmas. Mary has always been quiet and subdued. She has never cared much for her looks and had always preferred a book over makeup. Jane and I saw the potential in Mary. Suddenly, Jane and I had begun to notice that she started wanting more than books. No one else noticed. Mother had given up on her a while ago. Lucky girl.

So along with The Complete Works of Shakespeare, Jane and I were going to give her a makeover for tonight's ball and a date.

The details of Project Mary:

Mary has a great smile and good-looking eyes. She just hides everything.

We had bought her contacts a while ago. We needed to cut her hair. We had bought a lot of clothes that she could try on. In the box she will open, there will be a gown for her for tonight.

She has never dated anyone. This will be a first. I thought she might like some company, because Kitty will have a date with the youngest Butler next door. His mother is a Gone With the Wind fanatic who named her son Rhett. Lydia surprisingly enough did not find anyone who could take her, but she is usually flirting.

The date-

Jeremy Mitchell: A quiet, friendly waiter at The Blue Spot. Has a great knowledge of books and is a good-looking freshman in college. Light brown hair and green eyes. Originally from New York. Has a nice accent. Talented in humorous and witty conversation. All-around nice guy. Equals: Perfect date for Mary.

When Mary opened her present she gave a sigh when she saw the book. She added it to the pile of books in the corner. When she opened the makeover suggestion, she smiled and nodded. She was content. She picked up the dark blue gown we had chosen for her and she nearly gasped. I still had to tell her about the date.

Lydia squealed as she opened her presents and then pouted when the open-back top that she had wanted was not there.

"MAMA!!! You said you would buy it!"

Mother of course had saved it until last and then Lydia jumped for, immediately tried it on.

Way too revealing.

"Can I wear this to the ball tonight?"

"No!" Jane and I jumped in.

"You had already picked out a dress that we agreed upon, Lydia."

"But..."

"No!"

"Not fair!"

She ran to her room.

We ignored her and went to work on Project Mary. Kitty decided to help us.

We made Mary put on her contacts after we had cut her hair to better suit her face. We applied a little makeup and were amazed with the change.

You could see her pretty eyes without those big frames in the way, and you could see her face without the long hair covering her. We brought her to a mirror.

"Is that really me?"

"Yes. Of course that is you silly!"

"I just didn't recognize myself."

"You look great! Jeremy will love it!"

"Jeremy?"

"Oh..."

"Well, we thought you might like some company tonight and we...um...set you up with someone."

"A date?"

"Yeah. If you don't want to go I can tell him."

"No. I mean...don't tell him I won't go. Please."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am! Lizzy, Jane, Kitty thank you! I have always wanted something like this. But, I confess now I am nervous!"

"Don't worry you will do fine! Go and see Mama!"

"Mary, darling! Where are you? I already checked the library and you were not in there."

"I am here," she said as we all went to Mama.

We approached my mother and she looked at us and said, "Well you three are here, but where is Mary? Who is this?"

"Don't you recognize me, Mama?"

"Mary! What happen to you?"

"Oh nothing happen to her Mama! Doesn't she look great?"

"Yes."

"Well, Mama we have to get going. Jane has to be back early and you have to get dressed. Mary your date will be coming a 6:00. Kitty you are driving Mama, your date, and Lydia tonight, right?

"Yes."

"We will see you later!"

"Bye!"

Jane and Charlie needed an extra singer for the show so I agreed to sing tonight. We had to get ready.

We showered and dressed.

Jane came out in her a stunning black dress. I helped her with her hair.

I came out and she said, "Wow! You look amazing. George will love it."

"I hope so."

Jane looked at her watch and had to leave. "See you there."

~Christmas Night

I glanced at the clock on the wall. 7:00.

This was it. The night of the ball. Jane had to leave early to make finishing touches onto the ballroom. The ball started at 7:30. George said he would come pick me up at 6:30. I had dressed up, got my hair done, and waited for George to come.

My good mood was deflated gradually.

7:00.

I nervously paced the room. My feet were getting tired from pacing in heels.

Where is he?

The phone rang, and an unwelcome suspicion entered my brain. I ran to the phone and picked it up.

"Hey, Lizzy!"

"Don't hey me, George! Where have you been? Where are you? You said you would be here thirty...THIRTY minutes ago!"

"Lizzy, babe..."

"Don't call me babe, George, if you are not showing up!"

"Lizzy, I am sorry. I am sick. I have got the flu. Have not been feeling well. I should have called you earlier but I took some medicine that knocked me out. It had some kind of alcohol in it. I just woke up just now. I swear!"

"I don't care what you...swear! George, you are telling me you can't make it? I can't believe you. I just can't..."

"I am sorry, Lizzy. I hope this doesn't spoil your Christmas."

"Whatever, you...you ...Grinch! Merry Christmas, my foot!"

I hung up on him.

~a minute later~

The phone rang again. I picked it up.

"Lizzy, I am so..."

"I don't want to talk to you."

I hung up on him again.

It rang again and again and again.

I hung up on him again and again and again.

Finally, fed up I said, "GO AWAY!"

"Lizzy?" I heard a soft feminine voice say before I once again hung up the phone. "It's me, Jane..."

"Jane! Oh, I am so sorry. I thought you were someone else."

"Are you okay? Where are you?"

"No, I am not okay."

"What is wrong?"

"I am not going to the ball, Jane."

The problem: My mother is going to be at the ball and I will be there without a date.

Panic!

"What!? You can't do that! You have to go, Lizzy! You are singing tonight and you don't want to deny this crowd the pleasure of your voice! You have to come! Why not?"

"Jane, I know, but George can't make it."

"Oh Lizzy, I am sorry."

"Yeah, well I am staying home and that is final."

"No it is not, if I can help it! Don't be ridiculous. Just because George can't come doesn't mean you can't either! Mother is coming here soon with all the kids and I will need help. Didn't you spend over $100 for that gown, and what am I going to do about the show without you? Please come! No, I demand you come Elizabeth Bennett, as your sister and a coordinator of this event!"

"But..." I heard someone talking to Jane, a rustle of a gown, and an opening and closing of a door.

"Hello?"

"Lizzy, this is Charlie. Hello. I heard about your predicament."

"Where is Jane?"

"She is taking a breather. Things are getting a little stressful down here."

"Is she okay?"

"Yes. She is just a little upset." I hope I did not hurt Jane's feelings. "I just told her to relax. What is this I hear, though? You can't make it?"

"Charlie, I just can't go."

"Listen, you have to come! It will be a ball...pun not intended. If you don't come over I will personally see to it that you get here, even if I have to drive there myself."

"Fine then, Charlie. See you soon."

"Great!"

"And Charlie..."

"Yes?"

"Please tell my sister I am sorry. I didn't mean to upset her."

"Will do. Don't worry I will take care of her."

"And Charlie..."

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being such a great person for Jane. For helping her through the last few months." I paused before I asked him, "You do care about her, don't you?"

He paused and in a quiet tender voice he said, "Yes, Lizzy, I do. Jane is an incredible woman. I would do anything to help her."

There was silence here. Both of us were engrossed in our own thoughts.

"Merry Christmas, Charlie."

"Merry Christmas, Lizzy. I better see you soon."

"You will. Go help Jane now, okay? Bye."

I hung up the phone with a smile on my face. At least one of us is happy.

I found my keys and drove to the hotel where the ball was being held.

Alone.

Again.

~the ball~

I got out of my car reluctantly. Despite the information I had learned from Charlie, my spirits were down and I was upset. Upset. That was an understatement. But it was Christmas and I was going to spend it with my family happily. Jane did need my help and I could not abandon her like George had abandoned me. I bottled up those feelings of hurt and disappointment, determined to enjoy myself or at least have the appearance that I was, and walked into the hotel - dressed my best with a smile.

I was guided into the ballroom, and my spirits were suddenly elevated when I saw the festive decorations. As I examined the room more closely, I could see Jane's elegant touch from the ceiling to the floor. Her personality was sprinkled throughout the room. I took pride in the fact that my sister had helped with the set up of this event. It was truly a wonderful job. I wanted to tell her personally what a spectacular sight it was, but was very unsuccessful in locating her among the throng of partiers.

As I moved through the multitude of people, I was shocked by the unpleasant view of a greasy man in a bright green tuxedo moving in my direction. Freddie Collins. What was he doing here? The last thing I need to raise my Christmas cheer is to be accosted by that obsequious imbecile. I thought I could hide in the crowd so I turned and moved quickly in the other direction, only to see my mother coming towards me from the other side in an attention-grabbing red frilled dress.

Good Lord.

I could not go anywhere else. In the back of me there was a large, tall wall (that of course I could not climb, though the thought occurred to me) and in the front of me there was a mass of people who crowded any possible way out. I suddenly wished that the ballroom was somehow larger or that someone would for some reason need me immediately. Alas, that was a fanciful wish.

I was cornered.

Surrounded.

Trapped.

No tactical maneuverings could help me escape from this unavoidable debacle.

I mustered up the best smile I could make in the situation and prepared for the inevitable and dreaded meetings.

Mother moved in, pretending that she did not see me. She continued to look around and then, at the sight of "my dear Fredrick" feigned a look of surprise. Surprise indeed. She moved over towards him then said a few words about me. "How wonderful it is for you to spend Christmas with us. Lizzy has been quite excited about this night. She bought a new dress..." If you could call it so, out of the blue, Mother turned in my direction, looked at threw her hands up in the air in a cheerful manner and loudly said, "Look who is here, Freddie!" Then, she waved at me, grabbed a hold of his hand, and pushed through the crowd stopping in front of me. I believe nothing, save a hurricane or, better yet, a bus full of handsome, rich, interested and available men, could have deterred my mother from bringing him to me.

Talk about strategies: Select an unsuspecting, gullible male, persuade him to believe what cannot be true about his character, allow him to believe that your daughter has taken a fancy towards him, take him to a dance that your daughter-victim happens to be at, then, at the right moment, corner your daughter - giving her no choice but to see him.

"Strategy, girls! Strategy is the key"

How many times has Mother said that? It makes her seem so superficial. So unromantic. The concept in itself, the use of flirtation, strategy, and planning, to obtain security, other wise known to the world as a husband seems so absurd to me, a true dreamer and fairy tale believer. What I do know is that Mother once and still may believe in marriage with love. I know she loved father. She fell in love with father, but somehow along the way, I suspect she grew I insecure with the concept of love. Insecure with my father's love? Possibly. I remember the Mother of my childhood. She used to tell us fairy tales. She spoke of them like a true romantic; she glittered them with happily-ever-after endings and elaborated upon the hopes of young love in the face of dragons and dangers. I know she once believed in them. But, that belief, once so brilliant, has apparently dulled. Now, when Mother talks about marriage she rarely talks of love; she hopes for love but she does not expect love. When she talks of our future husbands, she speaks of the game that is involved in the pursuit of a man. A pursuit for the perfect man. The perfect man does not have to be handsome, I suppose, for she did pick Freddie...The perfect man, in her opinion, has to be able to support her girls. He should be rich. The picking and choosing...sounds more like a hunt to me. It is a game to her. A game to get her daughters married before it is "too late." This is no ordinary, fun game; it is a complex, serious game filled with strategy and premeditated thought. Strategy is exactly what she needs to win this game. Ever since we hit puberty she has been playing this game of matchmaker like a game of chess. We are her pawns. She waits to strike. She has been fishing for a man that would one day be her ideal future son-in-law. Looking for the perfect, but elusive "Mr. Right." Deliberate planning. I know she is thinking of the moves towards checkmate. If she wins, her prize will include: the chance to give her daughter an extravagant wedding, the feeling of security, and the hope that she will one day have grandchildren. This game is more fun for her then it is for us, the daughters.

I think she has too much fun.

"Lizzy, my darling, you finally showed up!"

"Hello, Mother."

"So where is that handsome, young man of yours, Lizzy?"

"Who? George?"

"Of course. That George."

"Oh...um...he couldn't make it tonight." Oh boy, here it comes.

"Could not make it? He stood you up Lizzy, didn't he! Oh, to be stood up on Christmas Day of all days...and my poor darling was so excited!"

"Mama! He is ill with the flu."

"Ill! The flu you say? Of course, darling...Hmph, so that is what they call it now!"

"Mama..."

"Now, now dear, I am sure he did not mean to leave you by yourself. Let us think no more of it. It is Christmas after all." I looked down embarrassed, but my mother interpreted my action as a sign of disappointment and sadness.

"Dear, dear, don't be so glum. Look what Santa brought along for you!" She turned in the direction of Freddie Collins. He waved at me and I wanted to stick my head in the floor.

Oh joy.

"Freddie, I didn't expect to see you here..."

"Lizzy," my mother commented, "I had managed to get an extra ticket and I thought it might be wonderful for you and Freddie to be here together on such a happy holiday."

She looked at Freddie with such an approving glare I thought I was going to be sick. "Look at that, you two match!" She squealed as she pointed to my red dress and his green tux. "Christmas colors! Did you two plan this?"

Why does she still insist on Freddie when I am together with George? I gave her a look and she whispered to me, "It is always good to have a backup!" I rolled my eyes; then, to my absolute horror, Freddie moved closer to me...too close.

"Lizzy, how fabulous to see you here. Please let me say, as a privileged man to know you so closely," with that comment he looked at my mother, "that you look absolutely delicious tonight."

Good God, did he just say delicious?

He smiled at me in a way that could not be misinterpreted.

Help!

His moronic brain finally realized the presence of my mother and the level of impropriety his words were in front of my mother. Embarrassed, I suppose, in front of my mother (he was not at all regretful in saying those words to me), he stuttered, "I mean...how delightful to see you here...er...yes...you look breathtaking..."

Did he have to be speaking about me?

Oh God. I could not stand it anymore. Could not fake a smile any longer. I had to find a way out. There was a maze of people around us, but I was determined to leave. Need an excuse...any excuse...think, Lizzy. Think!

"Excuse me, please, I have to use the restroom." They mumbled a reply that I did not wait for. I do not think I would be able to understand them anyway because my head was spinning. I was in such a foul mood. I was not paying attention as I made my way finally away from the crowd, and bumped into someone causing their glass of champagne to spill. The clear drink was on the floor, on my dress, and on the tuxedo of the man in front of me whose glass held the wet substance that had split.

Damn. Why me?

"Hey! Watch where you are going, miss," an English accent spoke.

"I am terribly sorry, sir."

He began to dry the front of his tuxedo with his handkerchief.

"Do you normally start conversations with people by douching them with champagne or am I the only one privileged enough to receive the honor," he said as he handed me the cloth to dry the champagne that had spilled onto my red dress.

"It was an accident. I was rushing and I did not see you."

"Apparently. If you are not aware, it is customary for people to look where they are walking."

Insufferable, arrogant man!

"Do you always start conversations by irritating people..."

"Feisty, aren't we, little one?" He chuckled. I was annoyed.

Teasing was the last thing I needed.

Finally, I looked up to see his face.

My mouth nearly detached from my face and fell to the floor. He was nothing less than gorgeous. He had a fine, tall figure, black curly hair, and deep, chocolate brown eyes. I took a deep breath and glared at him communicating my frustration at his presumptuous comments. I turned my back to him and I began to walk away, but the floor was slippery and I slipped backwards towards the ground.

Suddenly, I felt warm arms around me, helping me regain my balance. I looked behind me, and grew uncomfortable when I saw the handsome eyes of the infuriating man I had tried to leave.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes. I am fine." I tried to compose myself.

"Are you sure?" He sounded concerned.

Bothersome man!

"Yes!"

He laughed once again.

"What is so funny?" I look angrily at him.

"Nothing." He smiled. "Why are you going so quickly?"

"Running from some unwelcome company..." I mumbled. Did I just say that to him?

"And who might you be running from?"

"What makes you think I want it as your business?"

"Maybe I could help."

"Help! How, pray tell me, can an irritating person, like you, ever help me? And what makes you think I would want you to? You aren't exactly what I pictured a knight in shining armor to look like."

He opened his mouth preparing to send a retort to my comment, but I turned my attention away from him as I heard my name being called.

"Lizzy!" It was Jane.

I saw her and tried to move but blushed when I realized that he had not released me from his arms.

"Excuse me, sir."

"Ah... sorry," he said as he released me from his hold. Yeah, sure you are. The ballroom was suddenly very cold.

A beeper beeped. It was his. He looked in my direction.

I looked at him and left.

Good Riddance.

"Jane!"

"Lizzy! You came! I have been looking all over for you. Oh, I knew you would come! Mama told me that she saw you."

"Jane, why is Freddie here?"

"I don't know Lizzy. I have no clue how Mama managed to get a hold of an extra ticket."

"At least you don't have to deal with him Jane since Mama approves of your Charles so much." She blushed.

"He is not my Charles, Lizzy."

"I think he soon will be." Jane only smiled prettily as Charlie came from behind her and kissed her cheek.

"Charles!"

"Hello, Lizzy. You made it! Thank goodness...I was prepared to get my car ready!"

"How are you, Charlie?"

"I am wonderful, thank you. And you?"

"Okay."

He whispered something to Jane and she excused herself to attend to some detail for the show. Charlie looked at me and said, "Merry Christmas, Lizzy. So are you ready for the show tonight?"

"Of course, Charlie! I do not mean to disappoint!"

"Great! We will need you on the stage soon."

"I will head up there now."

"I know you will do just great, Lizzy!"

"Thanks!"

"Tonight we have a special guest here to share her talents. Let me present Miss Elizabeth Bennett."

I stepped out on stage and looked out.

Applause. Silence ensued as I picked up the microphone.

"Merry Christmas, everyone! Thank you for coming out tonight."

The band started a familiar melody.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like Eskimos

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all a glow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is going to try
To see if reindeer really know how to fly

And so we are offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety two
Although it has been said many times many ways
Merry Christmas to you

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
Next year all our troubles will be miles away
Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Will be near to us once more
Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow

Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow.
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

"Lizzy! Wonderful job!"

"Yes, darling that was lovely."

"Thank you, Jane. Mother."

"No, thank you for doing that for me," Jane said.

"No problem."

"Charlie wants to introduce us to his family and his friends over from England. Come on!"

My sisters, my mother, and I followed him.

"Lizzy, great job!"

"Thanks, Charlie."

"Let me introduce my family and friends." He led us towards them.

The party was in a corner waiting for Charlie. It was made up of three men and two women. They were dressed fashionably. As we approached them, I heard my mother and Lydia in the background whisper, "Oh my! What a lovely dress!", "Isn't he cute!", "I wonder how old he is? Or if he is single." I prayed that they could not hear.

"This is my eldest sister Lana and her husband Mr. Herbert Hurst." He turned to the short, older woman dressed in an elegantly patterned gown. Her beauty, which was still visible, was fading. Her husband was a tall, portly man with a beard. He was very distracted, by what, I do not know, and spoke very little. In fact throughout the entire introduction, he did not look anyone straight in the eye.

Charlie pointed to a slender, tall, beautiful woman who was wearing very tall heels that made her tower over her brother like a giant. Her dress was made of an interesting fiery orange material that I later learned was the newest trend in France. The dress was tight, risqué. The material hung seductively at the waist, the neckline was too low, and the slits on the sides were too high. She forced a smile and nodded her head acknowledging us. "This is my younger sister, Carina." She observed me, stuck her nose up in the air, and turned away. She then attached herself onto a man in the corner that paid no notice of her smiles and allurements.

Charlie ignored his sister, and smiled as he approached two men.

"This is my good friend William Darcy." I looked up and was surprised to see the face that belonged to the puzzling man who teased me earlier. He looked at me with astonishment and proceeded to stare at me silently. Again I found myself unable to look away. He seemed so familiar.

"Well, hello." He was mute. I looked at his face again. Where have I seen him before?

"I wonder why he does not say anything, Lizzy. Quite rude I think!" My mother whispered loudly.

"Mother, he might hear you."

"I don't care if he does!"

"This is Will's cousin, navy man Lieutenant Commander Richard Fitzwilliam." Richard Fitzwilliam was dressed in his naval uniform and was breathtaking. He looked like his cousin. Tall, dark, and handsome. He flashed us a stunning, friendly smile. He was warm, unlike his taciturn cousin. "Hello, ladies. Please call me, Rich. It is a pleasure to meet you." He bowed. Lydia giggled. "I hope your Christmas has been merry!"

"Thank you, sir. Yes. Very merry indeed," my mother said with an approving look.

He looked vaguely familiar as well. As he came to shake my hand, he, like his cousin looked at me longer than what is necessary for an introduction.

"Hello, Rich."

Rich. The mall. Is that where I recognize him? I looked at him again. Yes. Rich and Will. I decided not to mention their confrontation with George.

I looked at them again. I had a feeling that we had met before, even before the mall. A silly notion came into my head. Ben? I started to inspect their hands. Nothing. Silly. Childish. It is foolish to hold on to such a hope. Plain silly. Move on. Move on. Move on.

Suddenly while my mother was speaking, Mr. Darcy who was apparently very preoccupied even before my mother spoke, turned and walked away.

"Oh," Rich said quickly, "I believe he had a call. Busy man, my cousin." He smiled.

"Rude I tell you, Lizzy! Rude!"

Rich frowned and shifted uncomfortably.

"What does your cousin do, Rich?" I tried to change the subject.

"He has his own business," he muttered as my mother exclaimed in the excitement of meeting such important people, "Please to meet you all. Where are you from...How are you enjoying your stay..." My mother continued on so that none of the party could get a word in edgewise. It went on like this for about ten minutes. When my mother decided to stop and take a breath, Lana, her husband, and Carina had fled. Only Charlie and Rich remained and eventually they took their leave with a polite "Excuse us" and headed to get a cocktail (or something stronger) at the bar.

"Oh what a nice gentleman, Lizzy! Oh, but that odious Mr. Darcy!"

"Mama, he was probably busy."

"Hmph."

All this talk gave me a sudden headache. I was embarrassed and needed some refreshing air. The previous conversation and meeting made the ballroom a bit stifling so I went out to the balcony.

Peace and quiet at last. I walked for a little while and then it started to snow. I looked up at the sky as the white crystals came floating down.

A White Christmas.

I laughed. Just what I wanted. At least one thing went right tonight. I twirled around with my tongue open catching the falling flakes. I forgot about the people inside and the problems of my life. It was uplifting.

Suddenly, I was interrupted from my peaceful reverie by a deep, unrecognizable voice uttering my name uncertainly.

"Elizabeth? Did I get your name right?"

"Yes?" I turned around and saw Rich. I had stopped my twirling abruptly.

"Oh excuse me. Did I interrupt something?"

"No," I composed myself, "I was just..." Think!

"Just having fun." He smiled. "It is snowing! Isn't great?" He twirled around. I smiled. How sweet! "A White Christmas."

"Listen, why are you out here anyway? Why aren't you inside having fun?"

"I wasn't feeling too well."

"Yeah, I noticed. How are you? Are you okay? You did look rather pale in there."

"Yes. I am fine. Thank you."

I looked up and found myself gazing into his eyes.

"Have we met?"

"I don't know, Rich...you look so familiar."

"I feel like I have meet you before too."

"Listen, why don't you come in and dance with me? Come on! It can't hurt. And, I promise not to step on your feet!"

"Okay." He grabbed my hand and we headed into the ballroom.

When we got to the dance floor, someone had told the band that it was snowing, so they decided to play " White Christmas." The perfect song. He held me at a comfortable, yet close distance. I felt like I knew him so well. Strange.

I'm dreaming of a White Christmas.
Just like the ones I used to know.

I blushed and said, "Thank you. You are not bad yourself."

"Now that is a compliment." He must be kidding me! He was dancing as if he had known ballroom from the time he could walk.

"Are you from England too? You don't have an accent."

Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow.

"Oh."

I'm dreaming of a White Christmas
With every Christmas card I write

May your days be merry and bright.

"No problem."

And may all your Christmases be white!

"Promise me another dance before you go, Miss Bennett," he said.

"Of course, Lieutenant Commander, sir!"

"Very good, Lizzy. Thank you."

He was so pleasant. So open and friendly. He helped me forget about my problems. He left me to go to his cousin. I went to find Mary. Unable to find Mary and her date, I gave up and sat in a seat that was in a corner close to them. I was at hearing distance.

"Come on, Will! You have to enjoy yourself. Dance!"

"I cannot."

"Why not?"

"Rich, I got a page..." He mumbled. "...How can enjoy when I know that you-know-who..."

"Will, please calm yourself. It is Christmas. You can think of better ways to occupy your time then thinking of...shhh...here comes Bingley."

I glanced over at the two men wondering if they noticed my presence. Mr. Darcy's face grimaced. Downcast. Depressing. He was not enjoying himself. As he saw Charlie come forward I saw him manage a smile.

"Ah, Will and Rich! Are you having a good time?"

"Yes, we are!" Rich replied. "Aren't we Will?"

"Of course. Thank you for inviting us, Charlie. It has been wonderfully done."

"Yes, it has."

"Thank you! But come now...you, Darcy, I know, are not having a good time."

Mr. Darcy moved uncomfortably. "Well...there is a lack of ladies."

"Lack of ladies!" Charlie sighed. "I don't think there could be a lack of ladies here, Darcy!"

"Of course you would not, Charlie." Rich replied. "You have been quite occupied with one lady in particular, I see." Charlie blushed. "You have danced with the beautiful Jane all night."

"I agree with you Rich, Jane Bennett is a beautiful woman."

Charlie grinned and said, "Yes, she is an angel!"

"Nonetheless, despite the fact that I am enjoying myself, my guest must too. I insist! Darcy, I cannot see what you are talking about when you say lack of ladies. I mean look over there - there is Jane's sister. Isn't she also quite pretty, Darcy?"

Rich spoke up and said, "I think so. Will, I have just danced with her. She is a great dancer and a beauty."

I blushed and turned away. I hope they don't know that I am listening.

"She is average."

Average!

"Average? I would think she was more than average, Will! Isn't she a rather tempting woman? I believe she can lure you to the dance floor."

"Lure me? I don't think so!"

"Not beautiful enough, Darcy?"

Charlie was called away and Mr. Darcy said, "Richard, she is not beautiful enough to tempt me towards the dance floor tonight - no woman is capable of doing that tonight, even if it is Christmas. Listen, if you think she is so great, why don't you go and dance with her. I am going to call. Unlike you, I am worried. You have fun." He marched off.

How arrogant! I am sorry he had to descend from his high horse to look at me! How ridiculous! I laughed in spite of his comment, for it meant nothing to me. He brushed past me as he headed for the phone tense.

Rich walked over towards me.

"What is wrong with your cousin?"

"Will? Oh...well he is not feeling too well."

"A little anti-social?"

"Well, he is not in the best of moods. He is livelier when he is feeling better."

"I see."

"Shall we dance another, Madam." I giggled then reminded myself that I was not in high school anymore, composed myself, and with a smile, replied, "Why, of course sir!"

I was having such a good time without George. It startled me.

I looked at the dance floor and saw Kitty dancing with Rhett, Jane with Charlie, and Mary heading out to the balcony with Jeremy. Lydia was nowhere to be seen, but as the dance ended I heard a loud snort that could only be produced from Lydia's mouth.

"Oh no."

Where is she? I left Rich to find Lydia. Jane heard the laugh as well and we moved together towards the stage where the noise was coming from. The sight was petrifying and overwhelming. Oh my God.

Lydia was on stage in her short black tube dress talking to the band. She tripped as she walked towards the microphone. There she was on the stage. My sister was on the stage, stumbling. Laughing.

Obviously drunk.

The band laughed at her and began to pick up their instruments. Lydia winked at the drummer.

This cannot be good.

Lydia claimed the microphone and her high voice was heard throughout the entire hall.

Good grief. Jane looked at me. I felt helpless.

What should we do? What should we do?

Hyperventilating.

My sister just had to be one of those happy, hyper drunks, didn't she?

"I would like to dedicate this song I am about to sing for all you ladies out there who have ever had like the worst guy problems in the world. I hear you, girrrrrrlllllllssss!" Her valley girl voice was piercing.

This is not happening, right? God. It was.

The band started.

No. I wanted to run up there and snatch that microphone from her hands but I was frozen in my spot.

She began to sing.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong and I grew strong
And I learned how to get along

And so you're back, from outta space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face.
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me

Go now go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Think I'd crumble?
Think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I, I will survive

Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive. Hey, hey.

What was she doing now? Prancing? There was hooting and whistles in the background as she strutted around on-stage.

Oh my God. Can someone just rocket me off the face of this earth right now?

I was unmoving, numb in my place.

She didn't stop, but continued with the second verse.

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept tryin' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me, somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you.
And so you feel like droppin' in
And just expect me to be free
Now I'm saving all my money for someone who's loving me

And it was not over yet.

Go now go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Think I'd crumble?
Think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive. Hey, Hey.

Utter humiliation as the applause and "accolades" for my tipsy sister continued.

"Encore," someone yelled.

"No!" She tripped as Jane, Kitty, Rhett, and I made our way towards the stage.

Mr. Darcy who had come back from his urgent phone calls had seen the entire episode in amusement. I saw his eyes upon me as I yanked Lydia up from the ground. Was he laughing?

Just great!

"Whose daughter is that?" I heard in the crowd. Mother, hearing it too, responds, "Mine! Isn't she dazzling?"

Shoot me now.

Rhett, Kitty, Jane and I dragged her away from the crowd.

Let us see if she survives this. The reprimand and the punishment.

"Lydia! What do you think you are doing?"

"Iuno..."

"You are so drunk."

"Iuno..."

ARGH!

"Kitty, where is Mary?"

"I could not find Mary and Jeremy anywhere. I don't think they were here to see...that," she put tactfully.

"I suppose they should enjoy themselves."

Kitty was apologizing to Rhett.

"Why don't you two go and get some coffee. Be back later," Jane said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Kitty, go ahead." Rhett looked at her, smiled, and said, "Let's go."

When they had left the room, Jane and I looked down on Lydia who was slumped over in a chair.

"Where did you ever get alcohol Lydia?"

"No wheres...hee hee! Hey! Look at the pretty wall paper!"

"My God, Lydia, just tell us?"

"Okie dokie...Well you see my friend said that I could get a fake ID and I said sure...It was like so great for me when the guy who I asked if I could have a drink said to show him some ID..." She held up the fake ID. "Look at the pretty picture of my face on it!"

"Lydia, do you know how stupid... "

"Those are illegal! It is illegal to drink alcohol. It is illegal to have a fake ID to get alcohol."

"Oops?"

"Oops! Oops!!!!! You know what," I said in a frustrated sigh, "I think it is time to go for you and mom to go home!"

"But Lizzy..."

"No! I am taking you home now!" I paused. No use ruining everyone else's evening. "Jane I will take them home. Kitty has a car. You have your car. I am sure you three will want to enjoy with your dates."

"Lizzy maybe I should come with you."

"No, it is okay, Jane. I am sure Charlie is looking for you anyway."

"Fine then," she said, resigned.

"I will see you at the apartment."

"Bye. And Jane you might need these." I handed her a bottle of Tylenol that I had just taken a few pills from.

I grabbed Lydia who could not even walk without any support and began to head for the door.

Oh what a night.

To make things even better, Freddie Collins hindered us from leaving.

"Lizzy! I saw what your sister has done! Such a display is not welcome to your good name..."

"Thank you, Freddie. Goodnight!" I pushed through him and headed for the car.

I drove them home. I will not divulge into the gruesome details of the horrendous journey.

I dropped them off and then headed back to the apartment. Tired. Frustrated. Mortified. Took out a tub of ice cream and ate until it was gone. Sickened, I washed up, hung up my dress, changed into pajamas, and headed for bed.

I said earlier that nothing could upset my Christmas mood. Well, I learned otherwise tonight. The one or two occurrences I believed might ruin it did not even come close to the magnitude and the impact of this event.

The genius Dr. Seuss created the character the Grinch that was unsuccessful in stealing the joy of Christmas from Whosville. Well, the Grinch must have come here and stolen Christmas from me.

This was certainly a Christmas to remember.

songs:
Have A Holly Jolly Christmas (Johnny Marks)
The Christmas Song (R. Wells/Mel Torme)
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas (Martin/Blaine)
White Christmas (Irving Berlin)
I Will Survive (Gloria Glaynor)

Chapter 16: A Sisterly Chat

Restless. I stared at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep, but images of my youngest sister making a complete fool of herself haunted me. Every time I closed my eyes all I could hear was that bloody song. I had no one to talk to. It was late, but Jane was not home yet. I could not take it any longer. So, I got up, made myself a cup of tea, and sat outside on the balcony. It was a clear night; I relaxed in the stillness, gazing at the stars. The quiet atmosphere was almost romantic. The wintry wind touched my face, and a tune got into my head.

The evening breeze
Caressed the trees tenderly
The trembling trees embraced the breeze tenderly
Then you and I
Came wondering by
And lost in a sigh were we...

I stopped.

Suddenly, I felt so alone. I was alone. George stood me up; and, at the ball, all I seemed to attract was unwanted attention from either the obsequious or the egotistical. Then, I thought of him. Loneliness filled my heart.

...The shore was kissed by sea and mist tenderly
I can't forget
How two hearts met breathlessly
You're arms open wide
And closed me inside
You took my lips
You took my love so tenderly

Tonight, something made me remember, remember him. I was young, but I know I loved him; of course, he disappeared from my life and probably has forgotten me...

When will I learn never to sing love songs?

A cold chill crawled onto my neck. I shivered and decided to go inside. As I turned to go into the apartment, the front door opened and Jane walked in smiling, floating on cloud nine.

"Hello, Lizzy!" She was practically singing.

"Hi, Jane. You look quite euphoric." A rosy glow crept onto her face.

"Oh, Lizzy, I am indescribably happy...I don't deserve this; I don't deserve him!"

"You must be kidding me. What do you mean don't deserve him, Jane?"

"He is just so wonderful, so understanding and considerate, especially after Lydia's..."

I lost her as she drifted to another world, eyes shinning. I grinned.

"Yes, Jane, Charlie's rather nice."

"He is better than just nice, Lizzy. That is not enough to describe him! He has so many great qualities. He is a great conversationalist," she paused then touched her lips, "...and he is an awfully great kisser." She looked me in the eye and winked. I fell to giggles as I witnessed my sister in this giddy state. She was twinkling.

"He looks good too. I suppose that is a definite asset."

"He is so handsome. He has such a pleasant smile, and I love his eyes...He is perfect, Lizzy!"

The look on her face was almost hilarious. If only I was that happy.

If only.

"Jane?"

"Hmmm..."

"Jane?" Oh boy. Could she get that smile off of her face? "Jane?"

"Oh...yeah?"

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

She did not say anything, but I knew the answer by the smile on her face.

I turned to go to my room realizing that conversation with her may be virtually impossible, but her voice called me back.

"What about you, Lizzy?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't believe I do."

She just shook her head and said, "I hope you enjoyed at least a little tonight...You did catch the attention of at least one good looking gentleman and must admit you did enjoy yourself for little while."

"I did?"

"Weren't you dancing with Richard Fitzwilliam."

"Yes, but..." I thought of Rich. I smiled at the memory of dancing in his arms, memories of smiles and laughter. I don't know why, but he seemed so familiar. He made me felt comfortable.

"See, you had some fun. I think the evening had potential."

"Had, being the key word, Jane."

"Well, you might see him around."

"Jane, I know what you are thinking. No. Absolutely not, Rich was just being nice. I mean, I like him as a person but that is it! And, did you totally forget George?"

"You did not see him after you left, poor guy, and as much as you like George have you already forgotten that he stood you up tonight?"

"No..."

"See! And you guys aren't that serious..."

"Yeah, but..."

"I like Rich. He is a good guy."

"I am happy with George!"

"Don't convince yourself you are something you are not."

I was silent. She looked at me apologetically.

"Jane, did you have too many glasses of champagne? I hate to tell you this but you are turning into mom."

"Oh no. Heck, it was bound to happen some day," she winked.

She was not drunk, no she obliviously happy and in love.

"So stop while you're ahead."

"I will stop after I make my suggestion."

"Uh huh. A 'suggestion' ...which is?"

"Think about Rich."

"Whatever."

"I mean it. Anyway, what do you think of Charles' friends?"

"Most of them were civil."

"What do you mean by most?"

"Rich may have been sweet, Jane, but his cousin definitely was not."

"Who? Will? Will Darcy?"

"Yes, that would be the very one." I laughed and she looked at me, bewildered. I explained everything to her.

"I can't believe that."

"Jane it is no matter to me if he insists that I am 'not handsome enough to tempt' him! My pride has fully recovered! Though, it does surprise me that Charlie is such a good friend with such a man."

"Charles has know both Will and Rich for a long time. Charlie was born here, but his father's business called for them to move to England when he was eleven. The Darcys and the Fitzwilliams were his neighbors in London. They went to school together at Eton and have been friends since then."

"What kinds of business are the Bingleys in?"

"Charles mentioned something about a clothing..."

"Wait! His family is the owner of Bingley Design? Don't they also own a publishing company?"

"I guess so."

These people were richer than we would ever be.

"Why is Charlie here, as a doctor?"

"Carina said that her brother wanted to move away from the family business, at least for the time being, and pursue his dream of becoming a doctor. He wanted to be in a profession where he felt he would be helping those that needed help. Isn't that great? He will inherit the company, but he still loves medicine."

"Yes, but what does Carina and his family think of it? I am sure she is not happy that her brother is over in America."

"She did not seem to approve."

Surprise. Surprise.

"I don't like her that much. She thinks to much of herself."

"Actually, Lizzy, I like Carina. She doesn't seem as proud as you think she is, if you talk to her. In fact, she invited me over to their house for lunch on Saturday. But, I will need a ride. Can you take me?"

"Sure, I can drop you off before I meet the Brenneans. We are also going to the Phillips to spend the night...remember?"

"Oh! I completely forgot."

The Phillips were my cousins. It was a family tradition that on the weekend after Christmas all of us get together. Since we were kids, we would usually come over for dinner, but Mother and Aunt Sally would talk (gossip) for so long that it would be well into the evening before we left. So, instead of leaving, we would all sleep over. It is probably the only time in the year the whole family is together. Well, besides special and occasions when the family must come together. Like Weddings & Funerals. Funerals.

We saw the family a few more times this year.

"Jane, just bring stuff when you go to Charlie's and we can go directly to the Phillips right after I pick you up."

"Okay. Thanks, Lizzy!"

"No problem."

It was no problem at all. As long as Jane is happy.

As long as one of us is happy.

Chapter 17: Ice

I pulled my feet from the warm comforts of my bed and tiredly touched the floor. The contact sent a chill throughout my body. It was a bitterly cold Saturday morning and all I wanted to do was stay in bed. To remain under the covers was a tempting idea, but I remembered that Jane wanted to visit the Bingleys and I had a meeting with the Brenneans. So, I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed.

I went to the kitchen and found it empty. It was almost nine o' clock, but Jane's door was still closed. Both of us were early risers and I found it quite unusual for Jane to still be in bed, especially if she was eager to see Charlie. I knocked on the door and received no reply. I opened the door to find Jane's room extraordinarily dark. The curtains were still drawn closed and it seemed that life had flown out of the room. It was almost eerie.

"Jane?" I stepped tentatively.

Again, my sister made no reply. I was worried so I quickly went to her bed and searched for her under a mountain of blankets. Finally, I found her, shivering and asleep. I shook her, but she would not budge. This rarely occurred. Jane was a very light sleeper.

"Jane? Honey, it is almost ten. We'll be late!" I took my hand and pressed it against her forehead. It was a little too warm. "Jane?"

"Lizzy?" She was groggy and dazed. Jane had mentioned that there was a bad strain of the flu going around at the hospital. She began to cough quite violently.

"Jane, are you okay? Maybe you should stay home today?"

She looked at me and somehow pulled herself up in between coughs. "No, Lizzy, I am perfectly fine. I should go to the Bingleys today. Plus we have that invitation to the Philips. I cannot miss that tradition..."

"That cough doesn't seem good to me, Jane. You know Charlie won't mind if you can't make it because you are sick. He wouldn't want you to get any worst..."

"No...I don't want to miss talking to Carina." I thought something definitely must be wrong if she wanted to risk her health just to talk to her. "Plus, I am sure this will is one of those quick bugs that will be gone in a few hours. Lizzy, hand me the tissues please."

"Jane, don't be stubborn. It is definitely too cold outside and it can only make you worst. You need your rest. Why don't you call Carina and tell her you will possibly meet her later today?"

"No, I will be fine. I just need to eat something. Help me up."

I just looked at her.

"Well, come on."

She was relentless. With a determination people rarely see in Jane, she insisted on going despite my pleas otherwise. She got dressed and I made breakfast. Jane ate, had a drink of water, took a couple cough drops, and looked at me.

"Shall we go?" Against all my intuition and instinct, I mumbled an "okay" and got the keys. I think Jane managed a self-satisfied smile, much to my irritation.

We drove to the Bingleys' home in Potomac in silence. I believe Jane was too tired to say anything and I quickly regretted my decision. I was ready to turn the car around but Jane's voice said, "We're here. Turn there, Lizzy, onto Netherfield Drive." The drive way was long. I thought we would never get there, but then again I must remember that this was Potomac. Finally a large mansion, note I do not say house, came into view. "Are you sure this is it?"

"Well...that is the number."

"It's...wow."

"Yes, it is...quite...big." Big was an understatement. It was grand. The house was gorgeous. Its brick front was decorated with simple red ribbons and wreaths. Smoke came from chimney, promising a warm fire. I parked the car. As soon as Jane and I opened the car door the freezing temperatures enveloped us. I looked a Jane, her nose was red and she was coughing. I hurried her past the icy sidewalks towards the door; she needed to get inside. We rang the doorbell, and Carina came to the door. She saw my sister bundled up like an Eskimo, and quickly let her in.

"Jane, darling, welcome! Come in! Come in! It must be freezing." As I followed Jane in, the door was shut in my face. I loved the amount of Christmas Spirit Carina Bingley possessed. As I turned around to go to my car, fingers and ears stiff from the frigid wind, the door opened once again. I saw pale Jane's face calling out to me. Carina was behind her.

"Oh God, Eliza, silly me! I am sorry! I didn't see you there..." Her glare meant quite the opposite. "Please come in."

"Carina, it is no problem at all," I said through my teeth, "But actually I have to be going. I have an appointment. Goodbye Carina. Jane, take care of yourself."

"Lizzy, I'll be fine...I'll call you when I'm ready to go, all right?" She sent me a sympathetic glance, "I hope the meeting goes well." Jane was white as a sheet and coughing; I didn't want to leave her, but Carina pushed her into the house and I didn't have the time to reason with her. As I backed out of the driveway, it started to snow. Great. Just what I needed, a rough ride on the belt-way. Before I came to the exit, my cell began to ring. I picked up and an agitated masculine voice greeted me.

"Lizzy! Hi... um, it's Charlie."

"Hello! How are you?"

"I'm fine...but Jane's not feeling too good."

Oh God...Oh God.

"What's wrong? What happened? Is she all right?"

"Don't worry, Lizzy. I think she's got the stomach flu. She passed out just as I got home. We got her to rest, but she hasn't woken up yet. I am sure she would want you here."

"Yes, of course. I am sorry, Charlie. I told her she should have stayed home."

"Don't worry. I'll take care of her. You can trust me on that."

"I don't doubt it."

As I drove back, snowfall was picking up and driving conditions worsened. I slowly made it to Netherfield Drive. I parked and rushed out of the car. In my hurry, I slipped on a patch of ice. I felt myself lose balance; my hands struggled to steady myself ineffectively. Yet as I fell backwards, strong arms caught me by the waist. I looked up. Suddenly, I was mesmerized by deep brown eyes. I could not tear myself away from that look, a look that reminded me so much of him. I gasped and thought, "Ben?" No, I shook my head, it couldn't be. I was too distracted by the warm, heavy breathing against my neck and the electricity that ran through my body as a result to remove myself from his hold. Finally, I regained my senses and nearly jumped when I found that I was again in the arms of William Darcy.

""Little on-" I shot him a look. "Excuse me, I meant Miss Bennett, are you all right? That was nearly quite a fall."

"I am fine, thank you. And I do believe you can let go of me now."

"Oh...yes." I got up, out of his arms, slightly embarrassed, but alive.

"It is icy."

"Yes, It is rather slippery."

"Really? I had not noticed."

After an awkward pause he said, "It is rather cold out here." The wind was blowing bitter cold around our faces. I had to agree. "Shall we go inside?"

"Yes, I believe I would like that, Mr. Darcy. I know how tempting the warmth of a house is during such frigid weather." He took a double take on my words.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, it was nothing of importance. But, I would like to ask you, for inquiring minds would like to know, do you like dancing, Mr. Darcy?" The look on his face was priceless.

"I..."

"Come now, never mind it, but I do believe I can't feel my feet anymore. Will you please show me inside?"

He led the way taking long strides, silently.

"Mr. Darcy, do you know if my sister is all right?"

"Your sister is here? Oh, no, I am sorry, I don't. I just got back when I saw you pull up. "

"Oh." We got to the door and Charlie ushered me in with anxiousness and urgency written clear across his face. Mr. Darcy disappeared.

"I don't really know what happened, Lizzy. Carina told me she passed out after eating some stuffing. Is she allergic to stuffing? Herbs in stuffing? Bread? I don't know. I hope she is okay...It was just a few minutes after they sat down for lunch. But, she has been out since then, but I know she will be all right, I think she will be all right. Oh God, I hope she is all right. Has she been ill long?"

"She was not feeling well this morning, though she still insisted on coming. I thought she was a little feverish. Had quite a cough as well. She didn't really eat anything. She mentioned something about a slight stomachache."

"She probably has the flu. It has to be the flu. Is fainting one of the symptoms? Well...lots of the patients have gotten it, but what if it isn't the flu. What if it is something worst? Lizzy, we should call a doctor!"

"Ah, Charlie, you are a doctor."

"Oh...um...yeah." He ran his hand through his tousled hair. I chuckled at his exclamations. He was concerned about her. From his great worry, Charlie looked like he needed medical attention as well. "I guess she will be okay...Well, I put her in this room. I thought it is where she would be most comfortable."

We entered an elegant bedroom. Jane lay sleeping on a large, carved canopy. She looked quite peaceful. I thought it would be best to let her sleep. I was already late for my meeting with the Brenneans, but I could probably reschedule under the circumstances.

"Charlie, can Jane sleep a little while longer? She looks exhausted. I'll wake her up in a while and we'll go home. I need to cancel a meeting, I'll be back." I took my cell phone out and tried to catch a signal. I wasn't looking were I was going and I backed into someone.

"Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry." I looked up and saw a gorgeous smile looking down on me.

"Lizzy, what a surprise! Are you okay?"

"Rich! Hello, I'm okay, thanks, but I really am sorry. I should look where I am going!"

"It's no problem at all. You see, beautiful women rarely run into me, so I believe it's a pleasure," he grinned.

"Do you have to be such a charmer, Rich? And, as to my beauty I know you are lying."

"Oh really? A charmer, she calls me! I should be flattered. As to your beauty, how would you know what I think?" He moved closer to me and I raised an eyebrow. I saw the teasing gleam in his eyes and nearly fell down laughing.

"You're cute."

"Of course, I am!"

"And modest as well."

"Well, yeah."

He smiled. I recalled Jane's words: Think about Rich. If I didn't think about George I decided that couldn't be a bad idea. What am I getting myself into? I turned my head and saw Mr. Darcy in the hall, looking at his cousin with an inquiring glance. How long had he been standing there? He acknowledged his presence after I glared at him.

"Hello, Miss Bennett. If you would excuse us; Rich, I need to talk to you."

"Of course, Mr. Darcy."

"Hope Jane feels better soon, Lizzy. Maybe we'll bump into one another soon?" Rich winked at me. Mr. Darcy rolled his eyes.

"Thanks."

They entered the sitting room where Carina and Charlie were, chose a corner away from the siblings and were talking intently. Carina was reading a book intently and Charlie was pacing.

I finally got a signal right outside of the room.

"Hello. Is this James Brennean?" Carina Bingley looked up from her book.

"Yes, this is he."

"Hello James, this is Lizzy Bennett. How're you? How was your holiday?"

"It was good and I am fine, thanks. You?"

"I'm wonderful. Unfortunately, I cannot come to our meeting today. Jane is not feeling well."

"I am sorry, I hope she feels better. Of course, I understand. We will have to reschedule a meeting, then."

"Thank you. My apologies to you and your father again."

"No problem."

"Bye."

"Goodbye." Carina followed me with her eyes like a hawk.

I ignored her and climbed the stairs towards Jane's room. I nearly got lost on my way. Finally, I opened the right door and Jane began to wake up.

"Lizzy? Where am I?"

"Jane, I am so glad you are awake! Don't you remember? You're at Charlie's house. You passed out earlier..."

"I passed out?"

"You don't remember?"

"No...How did you know?"

"Charlie called my cell, and I came as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Lizzy. Help me up; I think we should go home now. This has been disastrous. I have made a total fool out of myself by not listening to you this morning. I'm sorry." She got out of bed, but stumbled and frantically grabbed my hand.

"I should have stayed in bed." She looked at me with glassy eyes and shifted her weight unsteadily and whispered, "Lizzy, I don't feel to well."

"Jane? Jane?" She wasn't responding. She shouldn't have stood up. I screamed, "Charlie! Charlie! Come help me! It's Jane! Help!" Charlie, Rich, and Mr. Darcy came running into the room. Charlie was breathless.

"What happened? What is wrong?" He looked over at my sister's pale and icy face and ran to her. He pulled her into his arms and yelled, "Jane! Jane, look at me!" Her eyes fluttered as she tried to look into his eyes. "Hello, Charles..."

"Hello Jane..."

"Charles, I don't feel..." She began to lean backwards; he rushed to make sure she did not hit the floor.

"Jane!"

She was out cold.

"Will she be all right?"

"I think so. I think she is just tired. Let her rest." Charlie looked distressed.

"We were suppose to go to a relatives tonight. I should just probably take her home." Charlie practically leapt out at me in disagreement.

"No! I mean, no, why doesn't she just stay here?" I looked at her.

"Fine. I guess that is for the best. I will go then, I don't want to impose on you any more. I'll pick her up tomorrow. Thanks, Charlie."

"Lizzy, you can't go home, either! I am sure you will want to stay with Jane and I am sure she would like your company..."

"Plus," I heard Rich say, "It's snowing like crazy outside. We wouldn't want you to get into an accident in this weather."

I looked out of the window. The snow had not stopped; in fact, it had started snowing heavier. Snow. Snow. Snow. No. No. No. I looked at Charlie, Rich, and Mr. Darcy. Charlie was tending my sister. Rich looked like he wanted me to stay. Mr. Darcy was just aloof and silent. What to do? I can't stay here? Can I? But, I don't want to get stuck in the snow either...The Phillips were suppose to meet us tonight and mother is waiting for us. If I did stay here, Jane would be under my care and Charlie's. I would not risk getting stuck in the snow, but I would be stuck with the detestable Mr. Darcy and the lovely Carina... Jane would be better off here. I should not risk driving in the blizzard. I hate being cornered, but I guess it couldn't hurt...

"Thank you, Charlie! You are too kind!"

"Great! You can have the room next to your sister and Carina can lend you something to wear."

"Actually Charlie, we were going to a family event out of town tonight so we do have some things with us. Listen, I have to call my mother and tell her we will not be going tonight."

"Of course. Why don't you use the phone in that room." I picked up the phone and called my mother.

"Lizzy! Where are you darling?" I explained the whole situation to her, and she was delighted. I turned red as a beet when my mother's loud voice projected, "Of course, you must stay!"

I had to stay and deal with it.

I did not know when the snow would let up. The whole group gathered in front of the television to hear the latest weather report. The news was not good. Possibly three whole days of snow. Three. I sat down in resignation and felt like screaming.

Chapter 18: Observations

As the sun descended from the sky, white flakes continued to fall and accumulate into a gigantic mountain of ice on the ground, barring me in, hindering any idea of escape. My eyes longingly looked out of the window, and I pressed my forehead against the cold glass, cooling my warm skin. Jane slept undisturbed under a mountain of blankets in the room next to mine. Sometimes, I would get up and check on her, but I found that I really did not need to worry.

Charlie remained in the room, silently watching over my sister. He never left her side, and when I would enter, he hardly knew I was in the room. My sister captured his attention no matter how she looked or felt.

I, on the other hand, with that self-pitying loveless feeling crawling in at this adorable sight, rarely left my room after the weather report decided my fate for the next few days. I tried to relax and sleep, but failed in my attempt. So, I decided to join the others. Though I would prefer to avoid Mr. Darcy or Carina, I thought of Rich and continued down the stairs, hoping I would find some pleasant company. I climbed down, uncertain of where I was headed. But, the sound of Carina's voice begging Mr. Darcy to pay attention to her led me to them.

I almost feel sorry for the man. Almost.

They were in the library. Carina was lounging on the sofa reading a book and Mr. Darcy looked outside with ennui written clearly on his features. Rich was not among them.

"Look who has decided to join us, Mr. Darcy!"

"Good evening, Miss Bennett."

"Hello Mr. Darcy, Carina. How are both of you doing?" Both mumbled a reply and returned to their previous occupations. The silence was disturbing.

"Carina, I would just like to thank you for your hospitality."

"It is no problem at all, Eliza." She abruptly turned away and focused on her book. I observed her a little more and looked at the book she was engrossed in. I did not think of her as the type to read Paradise Lost.... upside down.

"'The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.' Milton is an excellent writer, don't you think so, Carina?" Carina looked up from her book, and Mr. Darcy left his window towards our direction, intrigued.

"What are you talking about?"

"The book you are reading."

"Uh...yes. She is ...excellent." Mr. Darcy smirked. Carina, then closed the book, glared at me, and left the room.

"Miss Bennett, I did not know you had an interest for Milton?"

So the man does speak.

"I suppose what people don't know usually surprises them. I have an great interest in many things, Mr. Darcy."

"Well, what about me?"

I laughed.

"Hello, Rich."

"Well?"

"Well, I have to think about it...but I suppose I can consider," I looked him up and down, "even you."

"I consider myself lucky to even be considered by a gracious woman like you." He grinned as his cousin rolled his brown eyes.

"Rich, whatever happened to the conventional hello?"

"Oh pardon me, hello, Lizzy." I smiled.

"You're such a silly boy, Rich." Charlie then entered the room, haggard and tired, slowly walked over to the couch, and slumped into it.

"Hello, Charlie. You've been up there for hours. You must be starving. Why don't we go get you something to eat."

He just looked at me and sighed.

"I'm sure Jane will be fine. It's just the flu. You have to take care of yourself, and you know Jane will hate it if you get sick as well."

"Okay." He did not move. Rich and Mr. Darcy decided to help him out.

"She's right Charlie," Rich said helping his friend. "Let's go get a bite to eat in the kitchen. Man, you need your rest; you look like you've been to hell and back."

"Or basically like a man worried over the woman he is head over heels in love with," Mr. Darcy whispered.

I smiled.

I was going to follow them to the kitchen, but I noticed a few pieces of paper on the floor and I picked them up. I read the white sheets and recognized the words.

They say that Hope is happiness-
But genuine Love must prize the past;
And Mem'ry wakes the thoughts that bless:
They rose the first-they set the last

And all that mem'ry loves the most
Was once our only hope to be
And all that hope adored and lost
Hath melted into memory.

Alas! It is delusion all-
The future cheats us from afar:
Nor can we be what we recall,
Nor dare we think on what we are.*

My dear Love, I cannot live in a world of memories. I will hold on to hope, no matter what they say. I know we can over come this. Please say you have not given up. I am forever yours.

I picked up the other page, intrigued by the passion of the author's words and curious about the person it was intended for.

How can you expect me to do this? I thought you would think differently. I had always admired you for your individuality but where has it gone? What have they done to you? I know you still exist somewhere, somewhere behind that mask you are wearing. You are the one person I am in love with, you always will be. Yet, if you wish it, I must follow what you desire. I cannot deny any wish of yours so I will go - not because anyone but you demands it. You are the only one I am concerned with, and I do not want to cause you further grieve. I leave you with these thoughts:

I cannot live with You-
It would be Life-
And Life is over there-
Behind the Shelf

The Sexton keeps the Key to-
Putting up
Our Life-His Porcelain
Like a Cup-

Discarded of the Housewife
Quaint-or Broke
A newer Sevres pleases-
Old Ones crack-

I could not die-with You-
For One must wait
To shut the Other's Gaze down-
You-could not

And I-Could I stand by
And see You-freeze
Without my Right of Frost-
Death's privilege

Nor could I rise-with You-
Because Your Face
Would put out Jesus'-
That New Grace

Glow plain-and foreign
On my homesick Eye-
Except that You than He
Shone closer by-

They'd judge Us-How-
For You-served Heave-You know,
Or sought to-
I could not

Because You saturated Sight-
And I had no more Eyes
For sordid excellence
As Paradise

And were You lost, I would be-
Though My Name
Rang loudest
On the Heavenly Fame-

And were You-saved-
And I-condemned to be
Where You were not-
That self-were Hell to Me-

So We must meet apart-
You there-I-here-
With just the Door ajar
That Oceans are-and Prayer-
And that White sustenance
Despair**

That is all I have left. Life without you will be despair. You have given me "Permission to recant/ Permission to forget," but I will not. You have asked me to endure a life without you, but I will hold on to my dreams, our dreams. I will not forget you nor will I ever recant any of the words I have spoken. I love you and I always will.

I felt like an intruder. As I placed the papers down on the table, Carina came into the room frantically. She tried to find Paradise Lost again.

"Where is it? What did I do with them?"

"What are you looking for?" She looked up and noticed my presence and pushed her hair away from her face. Then, she saw the papers and rushed towards them. She seized them like a hawk grabbing her prey.

"What were you doing with them? Where did you get them?"

"They were on the floor."

"I'm sure you enjoyed reading them," she said bitterly.

"I didn't know..."

"You have no right. You and your sister do not belong here. You, with your coarse family. I saw your youngest sister's behavior. And you with your prying, meddling..."

"What is going on in here?" It was Charlie and Rich.

"Nothing. Eliza and I were having just having a friendly chat."

"It didn't sound like one," Rich muttered.

"Whatever. I don't need to deal with this." She grabbed her papers and left.

"Don't worry about her," Rich said, "She's always been like that."

"You and your cousin put up with her well."

"Well, we don't quite enjoy it... Will, especially, poor guy," he whispered. "Anyway what were you two bickering about?"

"Nothing really." He did not believe me and I can't blame him for his doubt, but no matter how Carina treated me, she still deserved her own privacy.

"So, anyway, where did you disappear to earlier?"

"I went down to the Academy."

"In Annapolis? You drove in all the snow?"

"Yes. I had to finish some business despite the weather, but hey it's a great-looking town in the snow."

"Which town?" Mr. Darcy walked into the room.

"Will! You got to know the place I am talking about! We spent so much time down there..."

"Annapolis?"

"So many memories down in that city, Will..."

"Yeah, you're right. It is wonderful."

Both of them were immersed in a wistful cloud and I felt left out so I added, "I love that place. I spent a little time down there too, a while ago."

"Really? Well then let me test you two...where do you guys think is the best place to grab a bite to eat down there?" Rich questioned.

"The Marketplace."

"The Marketplace."

I looked at Mr. Darcy in surprise and he smiled.

*Lord Byron
**Emily Dickinson