Jump to new as of February 28, 2001

Posted on Saturday, 24 February 2001

Author's note: This story is based on The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot. The part where she actually becomes a princess comes later, so be patient!

Tuesday, September 23

Sometimes it seems that all I do is lie. My Dad thinks I'm repressing my feelings about this. I say to him, "No Dad , I'm not. I think it's cool."

He hands me this book and looks really skeptical about the whole thing. He tells me that he wants me to write down all of my feelings. So, here I go, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S DOING THIS TO ME! Everybody at my school already thinks I'm a freak. I mean, it's not because of the way I look, I mean, I'm 5'9', I have curly, waist-length chestnut brown hair and eyes that are of a shade that's beyond description, of a very dusky color that has traces of cerulean and rose. They are totally my best feature. But, I'm a nerd. Well, not really, I just love reading, and tend to be good at all my schoolwork. On top of that, I'm only a freshman at Columbia. I guess I could move out, but dorm costs are above our budget, because Dad's an artist. Back to Ms. Phillips. There are 4 million people in Manhattan, right? And about 1/2 of them are women. So out of two million female Homo sapiens just in the region of New York, he has to go out with my English teacher. Thanks Dad, thanks a whole lot.

Wednesday, September 24, 5th period

Jane's like, "Ms. Phillips is cool."

Yeah, that's right, but as a step mom? no way. She's cool if you're Jane Darcy. She's cool if you're parents are married. She's not so cool if she's dating your dad.

They haven't even gone on their first date yet. I saw George Wickham stick his tongue down Lydia Bingley's throat last week. I had this totally close up view of it, since they were leaning up against George's locker, which is right next to mine. It kind of grossed me out. Though I can't say I wouldn't mind if George Wickham kissed me like that.

Jane says that he's a jerk and wouldn't talk to me, Elizabeth Bennet, lowly freshman. George is totally different away from Lydia and all his jock friends. He's the kind of guy who doesn't care if your Dad's dating your English teacher, he doesn't care if you're a smart freshman. The kind of person who looks into a girl's soul. In reply to this, Jane says that I have an overactive imagination, and therefore have a need to invent drama in my life. That is what comes from having parents who are psychoanalysts.

Thursday, September 25

In English today all I could think about was Dad going out on a date with Ms. Phillips. I sat there, staring at her. She asked me a really easy question on the play we're reading (Much Ado About Nothing), and I didn't even hear it. I was like, "What?"

My attention was caught afterwards by Lydia Bingley writing a note to Katrina Vaughn. I got caught by a huge wave of perfume (a strange mixture of Chanel no. 5 and Tommy Girl) as she passed the note. Under her breath as she leaned past me she said "freak." She just said it kind of strangely like FEREE-KE. Sometimes Lydia sounds just plain demented. I kind of wonder sometimes how she got into Columbia. She somehow seems more like a Community college kind of girl. oh well! Today after school, the Dr. George and Dr. Anne were trying to interrogate me. Jane and I were sitting in the middle of he living room floor playing Scrabble and every five minutes, Anne leaned into the room and asked numerous different questions and the last one was asking me about my Dad and Ms. Phillips. I wasn't sure how to answer her, so I said that I didn't care. I was nervous that Anne might tell my dad the truth if I told her. The worst part of it is that Jane's brother Will overheard the whole thing. He started laughing his head off. He went, "Your Dad is dating Madeline Phillips? Ha! Ha! Ha!" I don't see what's so funny. There are only two different views one could take on the subject, the disturbed or the uninterested. I mean, it's not as if she's ugly or anything! She's only 26,(which is uncommonly young for a college English professor she must have skipped a couple of grades) she has curly red hair and the coolest green retro glasses and a spunky personality.

So great. Now Jane's brother Will knows. Now I have to start yelling at Will not to say anything about it. He's a Physics major and always goes to the 11:00-12:00 study hall that's open to anyone, but mandatory to freshmen. Will uses it to monopolize the Internet, writing his webzine on campus life. Mostly what we do is to try and get Jane and Charlie Bingley to kiss. Charlie's a blonde, good natured senior who is madly in love with Jane. He minored in pre med. and majored in biology.

When I'm over at Jane's, Will spends most of his time in his room. I once asked Jane what he does in there, and she said she and her parents employ a "don't ask, don't tell" policy with Will. I bet he's in there making a bomb. Maybe he'll blow up the school as a joke.

Occasionally, Will comes out of his room and makes sarcastic comments. Sometimes he isn't wearing a shirt. I've noticed that Will has a very nice chest. His stomach muscles are extremely well defined. I never mentioned this to Jane. Jane told me not to worry about Will telling anyone about my dad and Ms. Phillips, because the only people he could tell are Charlie Bingley and his twin sister Caroline. Did I mention that Caroline follows Will around all the time? Or that she's Lydia's sister? whoops!

Posted on Monday, 26 February 2001

Friday September 25

Jane Darcy's List of Hottest Guys with commentary by Liz Bennet (Compiled during World Civ, my one non-English course required for the degree)

1. George Wickham (agree- 6 feet of pure hotness. Curly black hair, often falling into his clear blue eyes, and that sweet, sleepy smile. Only drawback: he has the bad taste to date Lydia Bingley) (author's note: personally I think her having a crush on Wickham is gross, but..)

2. Charlie Bingley (Well.. not exactly my type, but if Jane likes him, he's hot)

3. Sean Connery, best James Bond Ever ( Disagree- he was old. I liked Roger Moore better)

4. Clark Gable from Gone With the Wind and It Happened One Night (Totally agree! too bad he's dead)

5. Prince William of England (Duh!)

6. Leonardo Di Caprio from Titanic etc. (As if! That's so 1998)

7. Simon Rex from Jack and Jill ( Omigod he's so hot!!!)

8. Joey from Friends (so disagree- Chandler's cuter. well, at lest funnier!)

9. Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman's boyfriend (Whatever happened to him? He was hot!)

10. Ken Denny (Yeah, he's a really good violinist! I heard he played at Caregie Hall at age eight!)

Later on Friday

I was measuring my chest (I must be a 34C by now!) and trying not to think about my Dad and Ms. Phillips when my mom called. She sounded really weird on the phone. But then again, she always does. Transatlantic phone calls suck because I can hear the ocean swishing in the background and it makes me nervous, like the fish are listening or something. Plus, Mom didn't even want to talk to me. She wanted to talk to Dad. I suppose someone died, and she wants Dad to break it to me gently. Maybe it was Grandmere. Hmmm. . . .

Saturday September 27

I was asleep when Dad got home from his date last night (I stayed up as late as I could because I wanted to know what happened, but I guess I can't stay up past three am as many nights in a row as I thought I could), so I didn't get to ask her how it went until this morning. Dad was up already, which was weird, because I'm a college student, and I'm the one who's supposed to be sleeping all the time.

But Dad's been depressed ever since his last girlfriend turned out to be a Republican. ( She hadn't voted for Bush, but then, who did?) Anyway, he was there, humming in a happy way and making pancakes. I nearly died of shock to see him actually cooking something at all, let alone something vegetarian. (Did I mention I'm a vegetarian? well, just as now, I'm also a member of the wildlife conservation and I donate my allowance every week to Greenpeace [$10, but I'm lucky to still have an allowance, none of my friends do. I'm also luck because my mom pays for everything text books, clothes, everything.] )

Today Jane is shooting a spoof of the movie The Blair Witch Project for her TV show, Real Life With Jane Darcy. The Blair Witch Project is about some kids who go into the woods to find a witch and end up disappearing. All that's found is the film footage and some piles of sticks. Only instead of The Blair Witch Project, Jane's version is called The Green Witch Project. Jane intends to take a hand held camera down to Washington Square Park and film the tourists who come up to us and ask us if we know how to get to Green Witch Village (It's actually Greenwich Village, you're not supposed to pronounce the "w" in Greenwich. People from out of ton always say it wrong.)

Anyway, as tourists come up and ask us the way to Green Witch Village, we are supposed to run away screaming. All that will be left of us by the end is a little pile of MetroCards. Lily says after the show is aired, no one will ever think of MetroCards the same way. I suggested that Caroline Bingley play the witch, but Jane says it would be too much trouble to detach her from Will and convince her to wear black instead of orange. Then again, she's so vain that she'd probably jump at the chance to be on TV, even if it's only Manhattan public access. After filming was over for the day, we all saw the Blind Guy crossing Bleecker. He had a new victim, a totally innocent German tourist who had no idea that the nice blind man she was helping cross the street was going to feel her up as soon as they got to the other side, then pretend he hadn't done it on purpose.