Jump to new as of August 15, 2000
Jump to new as of February 18, 2001
Authors' note: Well, this is the new idea that we had for Belle and Leigh! We hope you approve! If not... OH WELL!!! Just kidding! *cheesy grins* Oh yeah and this takes place right at the end of Chapter 39 in "Did I Miss Something?" Enjoy! :-D
The library door opened and slammed back shut. Leigh Ashton stormed through the room and stopped in front of a large armchair. "Are you still in here?" she demanded of it's occupant.
Belle looked up and arched an eyebrow. Giving her sister one smug look, she returned to reading her book.
Leigh snatched the book from Belle's hands as she said, "What are you reading anyway?" She looked at the familiar cover and exclaimed, "Mansfield Park? Where on earth did you get this?
"Cory. I asked her to bring me a copy from our time."
"But we're already living in Regency times! What do you need this for?" Leigh asked, looking down at the book.
"Do you mind?" Belle said in a superior tone, "I'm trying to read!" She tore the book out of Leigh's hands and buried her nose in her it.
Leigh plopped down in the chair next to her. "Well read it out loud!" she said petulantly. "I'm bored! Ethan is out with the gentlemen and I'm sick of planning our wedding!"
Belle looked up. "What's there to plan?"
Leigh stared at her sister. "What do you mean 'What's there to plan?' Everything! But you haven't done any of the work!
"Yeah, so?"
"Never mind," Leigh long-suffering sigh. "Now will you please, please, please read to me?"
"But I'm already halfway into the book!"
"Who cares? If you don't, I'll tell everyone about the time you slipped and got stuck in the chamber pot!"
"You wouldn't!" Belle shrieked.
"Wanna bet?" Leigh replied with an evil grin.
Belle rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine! I'll start all the way back at the beginning, just to make you happy!"
"Gee thanks Belle!" Leigh gushed, batting her eyelashes.
Belle gave her sister a disgusted look. "Don't make me sick." And with that, she began to read. After a few chapters, Leigh was sawing logs. "Finally!" Belle sighed, "Now I can get back to my place!" She yawned and stretched. "Hmmmmm... Not before I take a nap first though I think..." She curled up in the chair and soon was snoring.
"Belle..." a voice called as if from a long distance.
"Mmmmmmmmph... Hrmmph..." she mumbled.
"Belle... wake up..." the voice called again.
"Dammit go away and let me sleep!" she grumbled.
A gasp. "Now there is no need for that kind of language young lady!"
Belle opened one eye, ready to give whoever was bothering her what for, when she saw a stranger standing over her. She leaped out of her seat, screaming loudly. This startled the man and he screamed in terror, which woke Leigh up and as soon as she took stock of the situation, she began screaming also. The screams alerted others in the house and the library door banged opened, scaring the room's occupants, who then screamed at that. The people at the door screamed at their screaming and soon everyone was screaming. Belle still had her book in hand and raised it to throw at the intruders when she noticed the title, Fordyce's Sermons. She screamed at that and dropped the book.
Leigh put her fists up and hopped around the room. "Come on beotch! Let's get it on!" she shrieked at the strangers.
"Father, what is going on?" said one of the people at the door. "Did I miss something?"
The man shook his head. "I am just as perplexed as you, Edmund. I came in to wake my nieces up and seemed to have scared them instead."
"I think, Father," said the another person at the door, "that you did more than just scare them! I nearly jumped out of my skin with all the screaming! I was so terrified that I messed up our billiard game!"
Edmund gave his brother an exasperated look. "Is that all you can think about Tom?"
"But I was winning!" Tom whined.
Belle and Leigh stared at the people before them and then gaped at each other. Tom? Edmund? Nah... It couldn't be... could it? Their question was quickly answered by a whirlwind that tore through the room. It bore some resemblance to the Tasmanian Devil mostly due to the slobbering and gibberish that spewed forth. When it stopped, the sisters were shocked to see that is was no animal but was in fact a middle-aged woman. "Oh my dear Sir Thomas!" she cried, "I heard all the screaming and came as quickly as I could! I had to put a maid in her place first though, as she was about to throw away a bit of cabbage! Well that is what she said but I believe she was keeping it for herself, the scheming thing! I set her straight and then came directly here!"
Belle's eyes bugged out of her head and Leigh stifled a groan. If the lady was who they thought it was, both were ready to begin cursing whatever deity thought fit to take them out of their comfortable Pride & Prejudice world only to drop them into this. Eeeeeeeeeh...
"Thank you, Mrs. Norris," Sir Thomas answered, "But I believe I just gave my poor nieces a fright." He turned to Belle and Leigh. "I am sure all of your traveling has made you tired. I suggest, perhaps, that you should rest in your rooms for a while."
"Huh?" Leigh asked, thoroughly confused. She hadn't been traveling as far as she knew. What were they talking about? She looked again at Belle, who just shrugged.
Sir Thomas looked at them, pity written all over his face. "I perceive that you are both more exhausted than I first believed. It is not surprising, considering the ordeal you just went through. Mrs. Norris," he said, "Would you be so kind as to show my nieces to their rooms?"
The lady's eyes widened in shock. "What? Me? Sir Thomas, surely you jest! I have to return to Lady Bertram! I am sure she is missing my absence this very moment!" She narrowed her eyes as she caught sight of a third person standing in the doorway. "But Fanny may do it!" And with that, she picked up her skirts and whirled out of the room.
"Ahem... Right..." Sir Thomas shook his head then looked at Fanny. "Will you please show your cousins to their rooms, my dear?"
"Yes sir," Fanny replied quietly. "Belle? Leigh? Please follow me." She turned and started down the hallway.
The sisters wasted no time in going after Fanny, as they wanted some privacy to talk over the events of the last half-hour.
Authors' note: All right, these chapters are for you alethea! *grins* You did ask me politely in chat! :-D ~~Col
After thanking Fanny profusely for being such a dear as to show them the way, the sisters went into Leigh's room. Belle plopped down into an armchair with a grunt. "Well this sucks! There we were, adjusted to our new home and happily engaged and look what happens!" she exclaimed with a grand gesture. "Whisked away and dumped into the same household with Aunt 'Nosy' Norris, Tom 'The Teh-Heh Man', Edmund 'Doldrums', and Sir 'I Have A Stick Up My...'"
"Belle," Leigh said exasperatedly, "I get the point! We can make up names for them later but right now we have to figure out why we're here."
"Well you know there's only one person...errrr...squirrel that can tell us that!"
"Where is that little bugger any... OUCH!" Leigh broke off with a yelp, rubbing her head. A maniacal laugh came from one end of the room. Both sisters looked over to see Cory on top of the mantle piece, leaning against the wall and chewing on a nut. "It's about time you showed up!" Leigh growled. "Now would you please tell us why we're here?"
Cory gave them a strange look, "Because you asked to!"
"Uh no we didn't," Belle said, "I just asked for the book, not to be in the story!"
"Uh oh," Cory said scratching her head. "You sure about that?"
"Positive."
"Oh well, nothing I can do about it now!"
"What do you on earth do you mean?" Leigh half-yelled. "You brought us here so you can sure as heck take us home again!"
"I'm afraid not," Cory said apologetically. "You see when I grant wishes, the grantees are bound by them until the wish's time period runs out. That's the rule."
Belle stared at the squirrel. "Do you know how long this book is?" she shrieked. "If you brought us here before Sir Thomas leaves for Antigua, then we'll be stuck here for a year or two!"
Leigh's eyes widened and she exclaimed, "My gods, you're right!" She advanced on the squirrel. "Take us home now! I don't care about your silly rules! I want go back home to James and Ethan and Anne and, well, everybody! Don't you realize people will miss us?"
Cory backed away towards the window. "I swear to you, I can't do anything! You'll go home when everything's resolved! And I'll take care of every back home as you say, don't worry!" she squeaked. With that, she opened the window and jumped out, escaping into the darkness.
"Come back here! ARGH!" When no answer came, Leigh yelled, "WELL FINE THEN! BE THAT WAY!" She slammed the window shut and proceeded to stomp around the room, shrieking curses.
"Will you quit?" Belle yelled, "People will hear you!"
"WHAT DO I CARE IF THEY HEAR ME?" Leigh yelled back. She ran to the door and flung it open. "SEE!" she screamed into the empty hall, "I DON'T CARE IF YOU HEAR ME OR NOT, DAMMIT!"
In the library...
"What was that?" Edmund gasped, looking up from the book he had been reading.
Sir Thomas and Tom stopped their conversation as the last of Leigh's words rang through the house. "It sounds like one of my cousins," the younger man said.
"Hmmmmmm..." Sir Thomas pondered for a moment. "I think I had better look in on them."
In Leigh's Room...
"...ROTTEN, WORTHLESS, FLEA BITTEN FUZZBALL!"
"Leigh, you're gonna bring everyone up here if you keep shouting like that!" Belle said, trying to reason with her sister.
"SO? LET 'EM COME! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" Leigh rambled incoherently. She was still in the middle of her ranting when someone knocked on the door. She stormed back over to the door and threw it open. "WHAT IN THE SAM HILL DO YOU WANT?" she yelled at the visitor.
Sir Thomas stood in front of the doorway with his two sons, their faces frozen in expressions of shock. "Did something happen? Is something wrong?" the Baronet finally managed to ask.
Leigh's face turned a bright red and her expression was murderous. Belle buried her face in her hands, waiting for the inevitable explosion but she was surprised when it never came. She looked up to see Leigh struggling to control her temper. "Nothing," she choked out, "There's nothing wrong. Goodnight." She slammed the door in their faces before more questions could be asked.
Belle looked at her sister, one eyebrow arched. "Getting an early start on terrorizing them, are we?"
Leigh grinned suddenly. "Of course! What else did Cory put us here for?" Her eyes narrowed. "I wonder what the gentlemen are saying about us now..."
"Well," her sister replied, "There's only one way to find out!" The sisters grinned wickedly and tore out of the room.
"...but Father, such behavior! I truly worry about their propriety... and their sanity." Edmund's voice drifted past the library door, where Belle and Leigh were not so subtly eavesdropping.
"Edmund," Sir Thomas replied, "You must understand that my nieces have been through traumatic experience. My sister and her husband were cut down by highwaymen! Losing one's parents and then having to move out of one's childhood home would make anyone act strangely. We must be patient with them." He sighed. "All they have is each other now. Had their brother lived, he would have been their guardian but that task has fallen to me. I expect you to show them every courtesy and to make them feel welcome. I especially charge you with this task, Edmund, as I must leave for Antigua within the week and am taking Tom with me."
"But Faaaaatheeeeerrrr..." Tom whined.
"Enough, Tom! You will do as I..."
The sisters lost interest in the conversation at that point and crept back up to their rooms.
"WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the sisters screeched. Poor Sir Thomas tried to comfort his wailing nieces but only succeeded in making them cry harder.
"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON'T GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Leigh whined. "YOOOOUUUUUUUU'LLLLLLL BE KIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLED JUST LIKE MAMAAAAAAAAA AND PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Belle threw herself to the ground and latched onto the Baronet's foot. "I WON'T LET YOU GO! NO! NO! NONONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOO!"
"My dears," Sir Thomas said while trying to untangle himself from Belle, "everything will be fine! Calm down! I will not be killed and I will return soon!"
Belle looked up at him and sniffled, "Promise?"
"I promise my dear. Now release my leg so I may go."
Belle let go and stood up. "Buh bye!" She turned and ran back into the house.
Leigh's eyes filled with tears. She ran up to her uncle and gave him a bear hug. "Bye Uncky Tom!" She then ran after Belle. Once inside the foyer she said to her sister, "Do you think we made him feel missed?"
Belle shrugged. "I think so. Nobody else around here will miss him!"
"Well congratulations on a job well done!" The girls shook hands and skipped off to the drawing room.
The winter passed slowly as the girls integrated themselves into life at Mansfield. They desperately missed their family and fiancés but Cory assured them all was well. Why did they doubt this? We don't know. Then an event happened that Jane Austen thought so momentous, she saw fit to mention it in the book. The old gray pony died... (Silence in the audience. Col looks at Tabbi. "You know, I don't think they get it." "Maybe they're just too shocked," Tabbi replied. "No I don't think they get it," Col insisted. To the audience, "Come on people! You know! The old gray pony! The one that Fanny used to ride!" Comprehension dawned on the audience's faces. "Ooooooooooooooooh... We see...") Anyway back to the old gray pony...
Belle, Leigh, Fanny and their two aunts were sitting in the drawing room when the issue came to Edmund's attention. He noticed that Fanny was looking pale and sickly and correctly guessed that it was from a lack of exercise. So in the middle of the ladies' conversation he blurted out, "Fanny must have a horse."
"Oooooooook," Leigh said slowly. "And what brought about this random thought? Surely a conversation on lace would not remind you of horses Edmund?"
"Well, uh no! But Fanny must have a horse!"
"My... You escaped that topic rather easily," was Leigh's reply.
"Uh... Fanny must have a horse!"
Arching an eyebrow, Belle said, "You do have a one track mind, Edmund, do you not?"
"Well, I do think Fanny must have a horse!" Edmund said stubbornly. Aunt Norris and Lady Bertram immediately attacked him as to the expense and making a purchase without Sir Thomas's consent, blah, blah, blah. Finally out of desperation, he turned to Belle and Leigh. "What do you think, cousins?"
The sisters looked at each other with stupid grins. "Assume the thinking position!" Leigh proclaimed grandly. Both girls stuck their forefingers in their noses and stared off into space. The room was silent for a minute before the ladies looked at Edmund, with their fingers still in their noses, and said, "We officially do not know!"
"But," Belle added, "We will get back to you on that as soon as we can get our fingers out of our noses. Mine seems to be stuck. What about you Leigh?"
Leigh tugged on her arm. "Yup! Stuck like flies on ssshhhh... Uh... Yeah..." She grinned innocently. She stood up and said to the others. "Please excuse us while we retrieve our fingers." She motioned to Belle and they both walked out of the room.
Edmund stared after them and mumbled to himself. "I still question their sanity."
The seasons changed quickly and fall approached once again with no sign of Sir Thomas returning home. Unfortunately for the gentleman, hardly anyone missed his presence. Maria and Julia were to busy thinking about the upcoming balls to spare a moment for their father. Mrs. Norris would rather look for husbands for her nieces and Lady Bertram was... well Lady Bertram! Thus, they all lived in relative harmony except for spats between the sisters and their Aunt Norris or Maria and Julia.
The Miss Bertrams despised their cousins because rather than looking up to them, the Ashtons spoke their own minds (and quite often we might add). Adding insult to injury, Belle and Leigh preferred to spend their time with Fanny than with the other two. Maria and Julia couldn't understand why anybody would want to spend time with that dull girl rather than with themselves, who were the embodiment of beauty, wit, and charm. Hardy, har, har... This rivalry soon receded into the background as winter came round, bringing with it many important social engagements.
Belle limped over to where Leigh was standing. "That is the last time I ever dance with Edmund!" she huffed angrily. "I've danced with men who had two left feet but never ten!" She looked over to where the gentleman was engaged in conversation with the host and hostess of the ball. "IDIOT!" she yelled at her cousin but the music drowned out the insult so she only got some strange looks from her neighbors.
Leigh was doubled over in laughter. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOU HAD TO DANCE WITH EDMUND! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! WHAT A COUPLE YOU MAKE! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEE!"
Belle glared at her sister and gave her an unladylike shove. "Oh shut up! He threatened to ask you in a bit anyway!"
"He didn't!" Leigh gasped
Belle just smirked knowingly.
"AAAAAAACK!" Leigh shrieked. She picked up her skirts and ran to hide behind a curtain but was intercepted by Edmund on the way. Belle watched as Leigh's face turned red as Edmund asked her to dance. She laughed out loud as her sister was dragged to the dance floor and subjected to a half-hour of torture.
"Now you know how I feel," Belle said to her sister, who had returned limping and in a rage.
Leigh plopped down on a chair and rubbed her sore foot. "Yeah well I'm now beginning to understand the saying 'Ignorance is bliss.' Ye gods! How many more of these stupid balls do we have to endure anyway?"
Belle shrugged. "I don't know. There's only a couple of weeks left of the season."
"Good. The people in this neighborhood are starting to get on my nerves."
"I know! Everything sucks here!" Belle exclaimed heatedly. "The houses suck, the balls suck, the weather sucks, the land sucks..." Her voice grew louder every moment. "The food sucks, the music sucks, the musicians suck!" She drew a deep breath and shrieked, "Y'ALL SUCK!" Unfortunately the music stopped at that very moment, allowing her last statement to echo loudly through the room. Everyone looked over at the sisters. Leigh hid her face in her hands and Belle looked like a deer caught in headlights. She quickly regained her composure. "Mind your own business!" she ordered the assembly. After several seconds of silence, the other guests took her advice.
Leigh rolled her eyes. "Good going woman. Very smooth."
"Why thank you! I thought so myself!"
A Week And Another Ball Later...
"Cousins, do you know where Maria is?" Edmund asked the Ashton sisters.
Leigh snorted. "Who knows and who cares?" she said rudely.
Edmund looked about ready to explode but Belle stepped in to smooth things over. "Uh, she is over there!" she said, pointing towards the balcony door. "I believe she has just come in with Mr. Rushworth."
"Ooooooh, I think something important has just taken place," Leigh said. "She looks like a cat who just got into the cream." Indeed Maria looked very pleased with herself and Mr. Rushworth looked no less happy. "I think you better go over there, Edmund, and take Mrs. Norris with you. She probably has something very important to announce."
It took Edmund a minute to figure out what they were implying. "Oh yes! I see! I see!" And with that he rushed over to the happy couple, pausing only a moment to collect Mrs. Norris. The foursome then left the room to have a private conversation.
Leigh began to chuckle. Belle looked at her and asked, "What?"
"Maria's going to marry the Pillsbury Doughboy!"
Belle thought about that for a moment and then started to laugh with her sister. "He does look like the Doughboy doesn't he?"
Leigh nodded and choked out, "C-could you im-imagine their we-we-wedding night? Wha-what if M-m-maria accidentally p-poked her hubby in the s-stomach? He'd go 'He-he!'"
Both women howled with laughter, clapping and stomping their feet.
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
The sisters stopped suddenly and looked at each other. The same idea occurred to them at that moment.
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
"What are you ladies doing?" asked a gentleman, who stood nearby. "Are you all right?"
"Oh we are wonderful!" Leigh replied. "We, uh, just, uh, were remembering a new dance that we learned in London."
"Oooooh!" the gentleman exclaimed. "Well then you must teach it to us! Is that not right, my dear?" he said to his wife.
"Oh yes!" cried the lady. "You simply must!"
"Ummmm... I am not sure that you would like this one," Belle said.
"Oh nonsense! And how are we to know whether or not we like it unless you teach us?"
The word of a new dance soon spread to the other people in the room and they joined their entreaties in with the first couple.
Leigh looked at her sister helplessly. "Well," she said. "If that is what you all want..."
"Congratulations Maria!" Mrs. Norris gushed disgustingly. "Your father will be so proud and I'm sure it will ease his mind to know you will be so well settled if something happens to him."
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
Edmund and Maria just stared at their aunt while Mr. Rushworth looked confused.
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
"Yes... Er... We had better return to the dance," Edmund said. "I am sure they will be looking for us."
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
"What on earth is that?" Maria exclaimed.
"What is what?" Edmund asked her.
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
"That!"
The foursome exchanged perplexed looks before hurriedly entering the ballroom.
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
A large crowd had gathered in the center of the room and all were stomping their feet and clapping. Edmund motioned for the others to follow him and he pushed his way towards the center of the crowd. There stood Belle and Leigh leading the others in the noise.
"All right!" Leigh yelled. "You all have the beat! Now are you ready to rock?"
The crowd had no idea what Leigh meant by "to rock" but it sounded fun. "YES!" they roared.
"Okay then!" Leigh spied Edmund standing near the center, looking at her in disapproval. She grinned and then pointed him out to her sister. Together they made their way through the clapping crowd and stood in front of him. They then started to sing.
Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
Playin' in the streets gonna' be a big man some day
You got mud on yo' face
You big disgrace
Belle and Leigh poked their cousin in the chest, causing his face to turn red.
Kickin' your can all over the placeThe crowd joined in on the refrain.
Singin'
We will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you
The girls made their way over to Maria. "What are you doing?" she hissed at them. "You are embarrassing me in front of everybody!" The sisters just smiled sweetly and continued singing.
Buddy you're a young man hard man
Shoutin' in the street gonna' take on the world some day
You got blood on yo' face
You big disgrace
Wavin' your banner all over the placeWe will, we will rock you
Singin'
We will, we will rock you
Belle and Leigh danced around the room and stopped in front of Mrs. Norris.
Buddy you're an old man poor man
Pleadin' with your eyes gonna' make you some peace some day
You got mud on yo' face
You big disgrace
"Big disgrace! What do you mean big disgrace?" Mrs. Norris yelled. "Who is a big disgrace? Surely not I! Why I just arranged a marriage between my dearest Maria and Mr. Rushworth!"
Somebody better put you back into your placeWe will, we will rock you
Singin'
We will, we will rock youEverybody
We will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you
Alright
The crowd cheered with delight and cried for more. Belle and Leigh curtsied modestly but after taking one look at their rather irate relations, they quickly escaped from the center.
Leigh looked at Belle. "Balcony?"
Belle nodded. "Definitely."
They were halfway to the door when Edmund appeared in front of them. His face was now an unhealthy purple color and he was breathing heavily. "You... You... You... You... YOU!" he choked out angrily.
"We what?" Belle asked innocently.
"You... You... You... You... You... YOU!"
"Yyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssss?"
"You... You... You... You... You... You... You... You... YOU!"
Belle looked at her sister. "You know, I think he looks like his cravat is tied very tight."
"I believe you are right," Leigh replied. "Here. Let me see if I can fix it." She stepped closer to Edmund and tugged on his cravat. She succeeded in pulling it tighter. "There!" she said proudly. "Much better!" Edmund's face slowly turned a beautiful shade of blue.
"Excellent work Leigh!"
"Thank you! I always have had a way with cravats!"
The girls just smirked at Edmund and each other before running out the room, quitting the house, and walking the two miles back home. They left poor Edmund to struggle with his cravat.
Authors' note: This little bit was inspired by the Three Stooges so if it makes no sense, then don't blame us! Enjoy! :-D
Having finally gotten sick of Tom's whining, Sir Thomas contrived a reason to send the fop from Antigua. Actually he didn't really have to make up a reason -- he just sent the young man back home to convey his blessings upon Maria and Mr. Rushworth's engagement. And so it was, Tom came home, though nobody much noticed except to exclaim over his message.
For the next few months all talk at Mansfield Park was dominated by Maria's engagement to Mr. Rushworth. It drove Belle and Leigh mad and eventually the others learned not to speak of it in their presence because they insisted on making flatulence noises every time the subject was brought up.
"Why Mr. Rushworth..."
FART!
"Southerton is the most...
FAAAAAAARRRRRRRRT!
Well you get the point. Anwho, this all continued until some newcomers arrived at the Parsonage, one Mr. and Miss Crawford ("Crawford!" Col yells excitedly, "Whoohoo!" Tabbi stares at the gentleman and drools, "Oh yeah baby, give me a piece of that!"). And so it was one fine evening that Tom, Edmund, the Miss Bertrams, Mrs. Norris, and the Ashtons all went to visit at the Parsonage and the general agreement among them was that they would walk.
"Man, this sucks," Leigh said to Belle, "I hate spending time with these losers."
Belle snickered. "Now, now. Don't speak that way about our relatives."
"Relatives only through the interference of Cory."
"True." Belle did a little jig and tripped over a rock. She fell flat on her face. "Oooooooooooowwwwwww!"
Leigh burst out laughing. "Walk much, woman?"
Belle merely glared at her sister and then picked herself up off the ground. She sniffed disdainfully and walked on. Just then something sharp jabbed her in the foot. "Ack! What now?" she screeched. She hopped on one foot and pulled off her shoe. A small pebble fell out onto the ground. "Stupid rock! I'll teach you to get in my shoe!" Belle picked up the rock and threw it as hard she could. Unfortunately a certain someone was walking directly in front of her...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" Maria howled in pain, rubbing the back of her head. "Mrs. Nooooooorrrrrrriiiiiiiiissssss! Something hit meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" she whined.
Belle stared at Maria in horror. Looking up, Maria saw her cousin's expression and correctly guessed just who had thrown that pebble. She narrowed her eyes and growled, "Why you did that on purpose!"
"I did not!" Belle yelled back.
"Did so and I will get you for that!" Maria retorted hotly. She picked up a rather large stick and stalked towards Belle. "GAH!"
Belle reacted instantly and took off running towards the Parsonage, with Maria hot on her heels.
"Girls! Girls! What are you doing?" Mrs. Norris shrieked as the two ladies disappeared into the distance. "This is no way to behave! I will tell Sir Thomas!"
The Bertram siblings and Leigh gave their aunt a disgusted look before racing after Belle and Maria. Mrs. Norris shrieked at them too before following.
Meanwhile...
Belle reached the door of the Parsonage and began to pound on it frantically. "HELP!" she yelled. "LET ME IN! THERE IS A MADWOMAN AFTER ME!" The door suddenly swung open, revealing an astonished Dr. and Mrs. Grant. Belle pushed her way inside and slammed the door shut. She leaned against it, breathing heavily.
"What is happening?" asked a concerned Dr. Grant. "Are you well, Miss Ashton?"
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Belle hushed them. She turned, opened the door a crack, and spotted Maria storming towards the house, the stick still in her hand. Belle let out a little yelp and ran for the drawing room.
The Grants peered out the door just in time to see Leigh run up behind Maria and tackle her. The good doctor ran outside as the two women wrestled with each other on the ground. "Ladies! Please!" he cried desperately. "You forget yourselves!" Just then Edmund and Tom appeared and they pulled the fighting banshees apart, receiving a few kicks and punches in the process. Julia and Mrs. Norris reached the group just after that.
"GET YER STINKIN' HANDS OFF ME!" Leigh snarled at Edmund, while pulling away from him.
"Now wait a min..." Edmund protested as he made a grab for her.
"I'm not gonna beat up on your precious Maria," Leigh replied, "I have to find Belle." She looked at Dr. Grant. "Sir, you would happen to know where my sister is?"
The gentleman pointed to his house. "She is in there." Leigh turned wordlessly and headed in the direction he pointed. Dr. Grant looked confused and he asked, "Will someone please tell me what happened?"
Edmund shook his head. "I would like to know that myself!" he said. "I apologize for all the trouble, sir, but I suggest that we go in before something else occurs."
The other gentleman paled noticeably. "Yes, yes!" he exclaimed as he turned and walked very quickly to his house, the others close behind.
They entered the drawing room to find the Crawfords and Mrs. Grant staring at the sofa. Rather they were staring at what was sticking out from underneath the sofa.
In a vain attempt to hide, Belle had scared the Crawfords earlier by bursting into the room and running around like a chicken with her head cut off. She tried to conceal herself in several places but none worked so she finally resorted to crawling under the sofa. Unfortunately, all she could fit was her head, leaving the rest of her exposed.
Leigh rolled her eyes and said, "Belle, just what do you think you are doing?"
"Shhhhhhh... I'm hiding," came the muffled reply. "OUCH!" she shrieked as Leigh kicked her in the butt.
"Quit being a bloody coward and get out here!" Leigh ordered. "It's Maria we're talking about here, I mean come on!"
"Well, I would like to but I, uh, seem to be stuck," Belle replied as she tried vainly remove her head from under the couch.
"Where's a chainsaw when you need one?" Leigh mumbled to herself. She glared at the gentlemen. "Well what are you waiting for? You heard her! Help her out!"
"But, but how?" Edmund asked.
"Gods! You men are worthless!" Leigh rolled her eyes. "It's very simple! Everyone take a corner and lift the sofa." She stepped back as the men surrounded the sofa and bent down to lift. Her face took on a speculative look as this had given her a very nice view of Henry Crawford's bum. "Oooooooh yeah..." she said.
Crawford looked back at her. "What?" he asked.
"Huh? Uh, oh nothing!" Leigh replied, batting her eyelashes.
With a lot of grunting, groaning, and curses (Belle has a potty mouth you know), they finally got the lady unstuck. Her face was layered with dust and she sneezed several times before saying to Mrs. Grant, "Ye gods woman! When was the last time you cleaned under here? What do you do, sweep all the dirt from the floor under the sofa?"
Mrs. Grant blinked in surprise and then blushed furiously.
"Thought so," Belle said with a smirk.
The silence that followed was deafening until Mr. Grant remembered his duties as host. "Uh, Henry and Mary, I would like you to meet our neighbors, Mr. Bertram, Mr. Edmund Bertram, Miss Bertram, and Miss Julia Bertram." He stared dubiously at the grinning Belle and Leigh. "And these ladies are their cousins, Miss Ashton and Miss Leigh Ashton."
Everyone curtsied or bowed except Belle. Oh she had tried to but had sneezed in the middle of her curtsey, which caused her to loose her balance and fall face first on the floor.
"Good going Grace," Leigh said.
"Oh bite me!" Belle snapped as she picked herself up off the floor. She glared up at Crawford, who was standing over her. "And don't be staring down my dress, you pervert!" she growled.
Leigh cracked up as Henry gasped in astonishment. "I would never do such a thing," he exclaimed.
"Ah tell it to the priest, you whoremonger! I've heard about you!" Belle shrieked. "I know all your wicked ways! Thou shalt burn in hell! Satan will ram a pitchfork up your bum! AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"
Everyone gaped at her in astonishment, even Leigh.
"WHAT?" Belle demanded. "Why are you all staring at me? Is there snot on my face? I got a booger on the end of my nose, don't I? Noooooooooo! Get it off! Get it off!" Belle started frantically turning in circles.
"Oh my gods..." a stunned Leigh said. "There must have been crack in that dust!" She shook herself and grabbed on to hyperventilating Belle. "I believe I shall take her home," she said to the others. "I think the dust has temporarily addled her brain so I leave you all to a pleasant evening." Leigh steered Belle towards the door but turned back to say, "Fare thee well! And thus we depart!" she proclaimed grandly and then belched. And with that, they were gone.