Posted on Tuesday, 27 March 2001

"Hello . . . my name is Mo . . . and I'm *snif* a Literaholic . . ."

"Hiiiii Moooooo . . ."

"I--I just can't seem to stop reading . . . I keep a book in my purse, one in my backpack, a crateful by my bed, and they're scattered all over the floor of my room . . ."

"The first thing to do is admit you have a problem, Mo," Stephanie says encouragingly.

Mo begins weeping. "I went to Barnes and Noble the other day--"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh . . ." the group murmurs sympathetically, but also enviously.

"I had a $10 gift certificate from my friend!"

"An enabler," Stephanie murmurs darkly.

"I thought I could control my--my cravings . . . but I wound up spending over thirty dollars after the gift certificate . . ."

Tiki cries out, "What didja get, Mo?"

Mo brightens. "A book called Uppity Women of Ancient Times--"

"Oh, that sounds interesting--" Arleen Leah says.

Stephanie says sternly, "Now, Arleen, it does sound interesting, but remember, Mo and all of us have a problem, and egging her on just doesn't--"

"I also got a wonderful copy of JA's Sense & Sensibility--" Mo continues happily.

Kate yells out, "Was it that nice hardback that B&N does? I have Pride and Prejudice, Emma, and Persuasion in those editions . . ."

Stephanie cries out, "I thought you got RID of those!"

Kate shrinks. "Um--I meant to--"

"Kate! You lied to us! Now you're just hurting yourself when you--"

Tabbi, who has been investigating Stephanie's purse, yelps, "Hey, she's got a copy of Mansfield Park in here!"

Coleen shrieks, "OOOOOOO GIMME! I left my copy at home! I'm right at the part where they do the play--"

"Can I have it for a moment?" Gabby wails. "I had to leave home before I could read the part with the ball!"

Stephanie cries out, "Ladies! Ladies!"

Tabbi and Coleen stop and look around. "Ladies? Where?" Gabby grabs Mansfield Park and starts reading avariciously.

Kathy says thoughtfully, "I found a really nice Emma at Borders--"

"Kathy!" Stephanie exclaims.

"Really? Which Borders? My copy fell apart when I was reading it the other day," Caroline says with interest.

Stephanie starts to tear out her hair. "This is NOT the way to control our problem!" Her gimlet eye lands on Asia. "ASIA! What are you doing?"

Asia raises a guilty face, and lifts the book from her lap. "Reading Pride and Prejudice again," she whispers.

Stephanie looks as if she's about to have a coronary. "We've been working so much on control!"

"But--but--" Tears well up. "Mr. Darcy was about to propose for the first time!"

"Really?" Teanna yelps, and leans over. "This is such a great scene," she sighs. "'In vain have I struggled. It will not do. You must allow me to tell you--'"

"'--how ardently I admire and love you,'" Shem sighs. "Aw, man, how could she resist?"

"No way!" Crysty objects. "The heck with Mr. Darcy, Mr. Knightley's way better! I mean, just listen--" She whips out a pocket-size Emma. "'I cannot make speeches, Emma: If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am.-You hear nothing but truth from me.-I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it.-Bear with the truths I would tell you now, dearest Emma, as well as you have borne with them. The manner, perhaps, may have as little to recommend them. God knows, I have been a very indifferent lover.-But you understand me.-Yes, you see, you understand my feelings-and will return them if you can.'" Crysty sighs loudly and finishes up, "'At present, I ask only to hear, once to hear your voice.'"

There is a loud *SNORT* from Sania. "Uh-UH," she says. "Wentworth all the way! 'I can listen no longer in silence--I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul! I am half agony, half hope.'"

"Please!" Stephanie cries out. "You're undoing the work of weeks!"

Kimmie leans over to Mo. "How much did you say that Sense and Sensibility was?"

"Seven bucks!" Mo says happily, digging it out of her purse.

"Seven bucks?" Elli cries.

"Seven bucks??" Julie howls.

"SEVEN BUCKS????" the room screeches as one.

Kimmie leaps to her feet. "To Barnes and Noble!" she trumpets. "Follow me, Dwiggies!"

The Dwiggies stampede from the room, overturning chairs, upending water glasses, and sending pictures crashing to the floor. When the dust clears away, Stephanie sits in the middle of it, a stunned look on her face.

"All that work," she murmurs. "One mention of Jane Austen . . . and it's all gone . . ."

Suddenly she reaches for her purse. "I just know I've got seven dollars in here somewhere . . ."

The End.