Posted on Saturday, 20 September 2003
Darcy sucked in a breath as he saw Elizabeth pass through the door into the library. He had been hiding in here in hopes of avoiding her enticing eyes and vivacious manner; she was beginning to have entirely too much power over him then he would have liked. He sunk lower in his seat and began to concentrate even harder on the book in his hand, though, if truth be told, he knew not what he was actually reading and was entirely too conscience of her movements on the far side of the room.
Despite his resolution to himself, the more time passed, the more he found his gaze fixated not on his book, but at the figure that was still avidly searching the shelves for suitable reading material, without once glancing in his direction. It was this, more than anything, which attracted his attention. Had she been just another, heaven forbid, Caroline Bingley, and fawned over him, he would have been well able to simply dismiss her, but it was this complete lack of concern of his presence that had him so, well, concerned. Random thoughts began to fly through his mind at this time; did she find something wanting in his appearance? Should he speak to his valet? It was true that he hadn't been wearing his best apparel as of late, but it was simple because they were not visiting, nor receiving visitors, what with Miss Bennet's convalescence, but now he began to think it may have been a poor decision on his part. "No, you want to avoid her," he reminded himself. Perhaps she just didn't realize his position and wealth. As quickly the though came to him, he dismissed it with an audible scoff, knowing whom her mother was. It was then that Elizabeth looked in his direction for the first time, brow raised in a silent question at his outburst.
He felt his face begin to burn as he quickly looked back down at his page and began to assiduously study the print before him. He felt her gaze on him but for a moment more before she again went back to flipping through books in silence. He slowly released the breath he did not realize he's been holding, and tried to force himself to attend to the book and not the lady.
Minutes passed by record of the clock, yet it felt an eternity to Darcy as he flipped through the text, not attending to a word, his gaze again fixed across the room. Why would she not look at him, give him a sign that she knew of his presence and was effected by it as he was hers? Here he stopped his thoughts again; he was not and could not be affected by her. She was merely a young country woman of no consequence to him, nor the world. Yet why then did he feel as if she held his sanity in her delicate grasp? He shook his head at this thought and began to deny the rebellious part of his mind that produced such a statement. "No, she has no power."
"Mr. Darcy?"
His head shot up as a sense of euphoria and triumph washed over him at her address. "May I be of assistance, Miss Bennet?"
She looked confusedly at him. "No, sir, I thank you. I simply did not catch what you said a moment ago."
"What I said?" Suddenly realizing he spoke aloud, his colour heightened.
"Yes sir, but a moment ago. I'm afraid I did not catch all of it."
Clearing his throat nervously and being all the more disgusted with his nervousness, he turned to his comfort of hauteur. "I'm afraid I do not know what you mean madam, perhaps I simple read aloud." She opened her mouth to reply, but Darcy quickly cut her off in an effort to end this particular conversation and consequently his current discomfort at being found out. "I apologize for interrupting your silent reverie, madam." He turned his head back to his book, effectively dismissing any reply she might have made and breathed a sigh of relief when she simply looked on him for a moment more in confusion before turning back to her own pursuits.
Feeling satisfied that he had the opportunity to address her, he felt that would have cured his fixation on her for the moment, but to his dismay, he felt it heighten in its intensity. He began to fidget in his chair in a most ungentlemanly manner, which only caused the highly polished leather to creak, and Elizabeth to look up once again. At her look, he froze in his spot and bit down on the inside of his cheek in an effort to concentrate a physical discomfort, rather then a mental. He quickly moved onto clenching and unclenching his fist at his side when she tilted her head, exposing more of her elegant neck to his view. "For Gods sake man, it just a neck," he chided himself. He again fidgeted in his chair, but this time Elizabeth did not move.
He stilled again, watching her closely from the corner of his eye, waiting for her to turn to him, but she never did. He began to shift again, this time crossing and uncrossing his legs, and yet she still did not glance over, not even in curiosity. He stopped again for a time and tried to will her to move. Still nothing. He cleared his throat loudly once, then twice. She still ignored his very existence.
Seemingly against his will, at this point, he turned and spoke, "Miss Bennet?" As the words passed his lips, the horror of courting her attention struck him and he immediately sunk lower in his seat and brought his book up to block his view of her as this time she did react.
"Mr. Darcy, are you alright?"
The only thought that passed through his mind was, "Oh, heavens no," but thankfully his mouth did not betray him again and he simply spoke, "Yes, quite."
"Then is there something you require?"
"No, I thank you."
She raised another brow at him and released a small sigh. "Very well Mr. Darcy." She rose from her seat and replaced her chosen book to the shelf. "It is obvious I am disturbing you, I shall let you be."
He sat up quickly at this. "No, no. You are not disturbing me, Miss Bennet."
She just stared at him in confused disbelief. "I should get back to Jane."
He rose from his seat and extended a slight bow to her. "Of course Miss Bennet." She dropped a quick curtsy and all but fled the room while Darcy settled himself back down, a small grin playing across his features.
"Well down, Darcy," he congratulated himself as the pride swelled within him. He managed to sit an entire half hour without giving Elizabeth any undue attention in his mind. "There now, she cannot possible begin to suspect anything in my quarter." With that thought firmly in his head, he flipped back to a page he recalled reading and began to attend to his book with renewed interest, becoming again engrossed in the story presented.