Section I, Next Section
Part 1
The farewell between herself and Mr. Wickham was perfectly friendly; on his side even more... in his manner of bidding her adieu, wishing her every enjoyment, reminding her of what she was to expect in Lady Catherine de Bourgh, and trusting their opinion of her -- their opinion of every body -- would always coincide, there was a solicitude, an interest which she felt must ever attach her to him with a most sincere regard; and she parted from him convinced that, whether married or single, he must always be her model of the amiable and pleasing. Pride & Prejudice, Chapter IV of Volume IIThe visit at Huntsford had been progressing more pleasurably than Elizabeth had envisioned. The enjoyment afforded by Charlottes company and the beauty of the burgeoning spring could not be denied. It even outweighed the odiousness of Mr Collins' company and Lady Catherine's officious interest in everything.
A slight alteration to the parsonage's small social circle was anticipated within the next few days as Lady Catherine expected a visit, in her opinion long overdue, from a nephew and niece. The niece hardly received a mention from the great lady though - she was too busy holding forth on the attributes of the young man, a certain Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy.
The Lady had been half way through a long lecture on the privilege the young women were to be afforded by their introduction into his society, when an interruption by Mr Collins informed his patroness of their previous association with Mr Darcy.
Mr Collins quickly regretted his information, as it became quite clear that that Lady Catherine was rather put out at the loss of her power of introduction. Elizabeth watched with wry amusement as her cousin tried to back away from his statement and down play the contact that had existed between the ladies and Mr Darcy, but succeeded only in increasing Lady Catherine's disapproval.
Elizabeth's eyes wandered to Anne to see of the mention of Mr Darcy had the power to bring more animation to her features, or indeed any animation at all, but Anne appeared to be as disinterested in this conversation as she was in any other.
The anticipated arrival of the Darcys gave Lizzy no expectation of increased pleasure. She already knew Mr Darcy to be an arrogant and unpleasant man, and Wickham had advised her that she'd find Miss Darcy was cut from the same cloth.
The actual event however, did afford an agreeable change, as the Darcy's had brought with them a cousin, one Colonel Fitzwilliam. Despite his being related to both the de Bourghs and the Darcys, he proved to be a true gentleman, full of ease and well-informed conversation.
Elizabeth liked him from the first, when both he and Mr Darcy had visited the parsonage on the day of their arrival. Her pleasure in his company grew as she began to gain insight into his intelligence and character on his, not infrequent, visits to the parsonage over the following week.
Mr Darcy had been only seen at church, but he had condescended to introduce his sister to Elizabeth and Charlotte. Elizabeth found her just as she expected. Though out of sheer courtesy, Elizabeth had tried to initiate some form of light conversation, she found it difficult to obtain a word from Miss Darcy above a monosyllable. The Bingley sisters may well have raved about this young lady's superior accomplishments, however Lizzy couldn't help but think that the addition of basic politeness would have been a great enhancement to her achievements.
"I was a little taken aback to find Miss Darcy so shy," was Charlottes comment to Elizabeth later that day. "I would have thought that with her wealth and consequence that she'd have more self assurance."
"Did you say shy?" Elizabeth exclaimed. "I would say that 'aloof' would be a far more appropriate term. She thought herself too far above our company to be bothered with even exchanging light pleasantries."
"You surprise me Lizzy!" Charlotte answered with a slight note of disapproval in her voice. "I had far more respect for your powers of discernment than that. I don't really understand your determination to dislike the Darcy family so much."
Elizabeth was momentarily disconcerted by Charlotte's words, but very little reflection assured her that her assessment of Miss Darcy must be correct. Hadn't Wickham himself, an intimate of the family for so many years, told her of the young lady's pride. If his insights on the Darcys were not to be given credence, whose could be?
Charlotte's gentle words however played on her mind a little throughout the afternoon, and she had to continue to suppress little pangs of conscience that she felt at the possibility she may have been harsh in her judgement of the girl; after all she was only 16. When the matter again crossed her mind, as she dressed for their engagement at Rosings that evening, Elizabeth decided that in all fairness she would leave room for the possibility that it was the negative interference on the part of Miss Darcy's brother that had created the distance between Miss Darcy and Wickham. It was quite plausible that a young and inexperienced girl could be led astray by the strong dislike that Darcy obviously held toward Wickham.
Feeling happier with this more charitable theory, which clearly laid the blame for Miss Darcy's deficiency at the feet of her older sibling, Elizabeth determined to continue to be polite in her dealings with younger lady, and at least give her the benefit of the doubt.
Apart from a short exchange on her arrival however, Elizabeth realised it would be outside her reach to give more attention to Miss Darcy, as they were seated in separate parts of the room. Instead Elizabeth found herself in the company of Colonel Fitzwilliam and was left with very little attention for anyone or anything else in the room as she relaxed to enjoy his conversation and opinions. She did not agree with his taste or ideas on everything, but this only made their exchange much more dynamic and interesting. The pleasure of his company however, was cut short by Lady Catherine.
``What is that you are saying, Fitzwilliam? What is it you are talking of? What are you telling Miss Bennet? Let me hear what it is.''
``We are speaking of music, Madam,'' said he, when no longer able to avoid a reply.
``Of music! Then pray speak aloud. It is of all subjects my delight. I must have my share in the conversation, if you are speaking of music. There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient. And so would Anne, if her health had allowed her to apply. I am confident that she would have performed delightfully, and how do you get on Georgiana?"
Elizabeth looked across at the young girl who seemed mortified at having the focus of every one in the room moved to her. She stammered a reply that it was difficult to catch the sense of, before Darcy intervened and spoke with affectionate praise of his sister's proficiency.
``I am very glad to hear such a good account of you,'' said Lady Catherine; ``just remember that you cannot expect to excel, if you do not practise a great deal.''
Miss Darcy looked confused as to how she should answer her forbidding Aunt and she again looked to her brother for assistance.
``I assure you, Madam,'' he spoke on her behalf, ``that she does not need such advice. She practises very constantly.''
``So much the better. It cannot be done too much, and I charge you not to neglect it on any account. I often tell young ladies, that no excellence in music is to be acquired, without constant practice. I have told Miss Bennet several times, that she will never play really well, unless she practises more; and though Mrs. Collins has no instrument, she is very welcome, as I have often told her, to come to Rosings every day, and play on the piano forte in Mrs. Jenkinson's room. She would be in nobody's way, you know, in that part of the house.''
Mr. and Miss Darcy looked a little ashamed of their aunt's ill breeding, and made no answer. More over Miss Darcy was extremely concerned for Miss Bennet, believing that she must be feeling as humiliated as she would herself, in the same situation.
Elizabeth however, was not at all concerned by Lady Catherine's opinions or advice. She was concerned for Miss Darcy though, as it was obvious that the whole exchange had thoroughly discomforted her.
"Miss Darcy, I've often heard your playing spoken of with high praise," Elizabeth said, hoping to end the awkward silence that had settled on the room before Lady Catherine could take up her lecturing again. "Colonel Fitzwilliam has asked if I will play for him a little later and I was wondering if you might go through some of the music with me and help me choose some pieces."
Miss Darcy looked shyly pleased with the idea, not only was it a compliment to her, but it would also remove her to the other end of the room, away from her aunt's questioning and notice.
She quietly accepted Elizabeth's proposal.
As Elizabeth stood to move toward the instrument, she could not resist the urge to glance at Darcy, half expecting to see some sort of concern over whether Elizabeth's company was strictly appropriate for his precious sister.
Darcy caught her eye as she looked across, but there was no gravity or worry in his countenance, instead he gave her a smile that held warmth and gratitude, leaving Elizabeth completely taken aback - until she recalled that even Wickham had given him credit as a brother.
Part 2
Author's Note: I was almost overwhelmed by your positive responses, and now I'm a little concerned this won't come up to expectations. At least I get to use large slabs of JA's own words, and that's always a good thing.
Although Miss Darcy was hesitant to begin with, Elizabeth's easy manners began to work to make her a mite more at ease. With the bond of music as a point of commonality Elizabeth was able to draw her out a little more, and was beginning to like what he saw.
Under her extreme reserve Miss Darcy showed definite signs of good taste, good sense, and humour, and though not confident enough with Elizabeth yet to venture far with her own opinions, she listened to Elizabeth with a restrained amusement and pleasure.
Though Darcy sat in 'conversation' with his Aunt, very little of his attention was on Lady Catherine herself. Fortunately the great woman never really required much from her company than the occasional compliment and deference to her opinion, and as Mr Collins was part of the circle that was more than adequately supplied.
His eyes were more often than not, turned toward the pianoforte where he was pleased to see Georgiana actually engaged in conversation with Elizabeth. He could not see their countenances from where he sat, but he could tell by her posture that his little sister was beginning to relax just a little. He'd begun to feel that he'd made a mistake in bringing Georgie to Rosings this year. She seemed more intimidated by her aunt than ever, was finding little companionship in Anne. Since the incident in Ramsgate she had not seemed to be able to fully overcome her embarrassment in front of her brother and cousin, leaving Darcy to despair of her ever fully being able to leave that experience behind her. It was so good to see her looking a little more comfortable.
Darcy was brought out of his revere by a soft laugh from the end of the room, and he registered it with astonishment. It was a sound that he'd not heard for months on end and it brought with it such a sense of relief that it was almost overwhelming.
Colonel Fizwilliam had also noticed Georgiana's laugh and looked across at Darcy with a grin. He too had been concerned at the deepening of her introversion and insecurity since the affair with Wickham.
"Should we join the party?" he asked, before moving across to seat himself at Elizabeth's side.
Darcy remained where he was for a while, thinking of Elizabeth. His emotions had been very ambivalent on hearing that Elizabeth was visiting the parsonage. It had taken him some months after leaving Hertfordshire to really purge his mind of thoughts of her. She attracted him more than he liked, but he could not, and would not, forget the inferiority of her connections. He had somehow been unable to help himself visiting on their first day at Kent, and within minutes he again felt the danger of being too much in her company.
He hated how she effected his self-control. He did not want to like her so much, but every time he was with Elizabeth he was more drawn to her. Although he had deliberately avoided seeing her all week his thoughts had never been far from her. He had steeled himself to be indifferent to her this evening, but it had all been to no avail. He'd had to repress pangs of jealousy upon seeing her obvious enjoyment in his cousins company, and her attentions to his sister had given his feelings an increase that he was not at all happy with.
He looked across again as Elizabeth started playing. Lady Catherine listened to half a song, and then talked, as before, to Darcy; till the latter walked away from her, and moving with his usual deliberation towards the piano forte, stationed himself so as to command a full view of the fair performer's countenance. If he was going to be obsessed with her regardless of his intentions, he might as well enjoy her company as not. Elizabeth saw what he was doing, and at the first convenient pause, turned to him with an arch smile, and said,
``You mean to frighten me, Mr. Darcy, by coming in all this state to hear me? But I will not be alarmed although my playing may not come up to the standards Miss Darcy's does. There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me.''
``I shall not say that you are mistaken,'' he replied, ``because you could not really believe me to entertain any design of alarming you; and I have had the pleasure of your acquaintance long enough to know, that you find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which in fact are not your own.''
Elizabeth laughed heartily at this picture of herself, and said to Colonel Fitzwilliam, ``Your cousin will give you a very pretty notion of me, and teach you not to believe a word I say. I am particularly unlucky in meeting with a person so well able to expose my real character, in a part of the world where I had hoped to pass myself off with some degree of credit. Indeed, Mr. Darcy, it is very ungenerous in you to mention all that you knew to my disadvantage in Hertfordshire -- and, give me leave to say, very impolitic too -- for it is provoking me to retaliate, and such things may come out, as will shock your relations to hear.''
``I am not afraid of you,'' said he, smilingly.
``Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of,'' cried Colonel Fitzwilliam. ``I should like to know how he behaves among strangers.''
``You shall hear then -- but prepare yourself for something very dreadful. The first time of my ever seeing him in Hertfordshire, you must know, was at a ball -- and at this ball, what do you think he did? He danced only four dances! I am sorry to pain you -- but so it was. He danced only four dances, though gentlemen were scarce; and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young lady was sitting down in want of a partner. Mr. Darcy, you cannot deny the fact.''
``I had not at that time the honour of knowing any lady in the assembly beyond my own party.''
``True; and nobody can ever be introduced in a ball room.''
``Perhaps,'' said Darcy, ``I should have judged better, had I sought an introduction, but I am ill qualified to recommend myself to strangers.''
``Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?'' said Elizabeth, still addressing Colonel Fitzwilliam. ``Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill qualified to recommend himself to strangers?''
``I can answer your question,'' said Fitzwilliam, ``without applying to him. It is because he will not give himself the trouble.''
``I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,'' said Darcy, ``of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.''
``My fingers,'' said Elizabeth, ``do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault -- because I would not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman's of superior execution.''
Darcy smiled, and said, ``You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you, can think any thing wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers.''
It was then that Elizabeth noticed a look half way between confusion and concern on Miss Darcy's face. She had listened to the exchange with astonishment bordering on alarm. She had never before seen her brother the object of open pleasantry. Elizabeth's lively and sportive manner moreover, did not seem to have offended him at all. Georgiana didn't quite know what to make of it.
Elizabeth, sensing the nature of Georgiana's feelings, and not wanting to lose the ground she had earlier made in penetrating her reserve, decided it was time to change the subject.
"Miss Darcy, I would truly be grateful if you would now favour us with a song, I'd love to hear you play."
Elizabeth's request was delivered with a natural sincerity that made it hard for Georgiana to refuse. She looked up at brother who smiled his encouragement. Elizabeth moved from her seat at the instrument and Georgiana only hesitated a little before taking her place, although nervousness was clearly written on her features. She always found it threatening to have attention focussed on herself.
As she began to perform though, she forgot her fears as she lost herself in the music. Mr Darcy had been right about his sister's talent; her performance was a delight. Elizabeth listened with rapt attention, totally enchanted with the young girls interpretation of the music.
Upon finishing Georgiana was a little embarrassed, but also pleased by the warm and appropriate praised she received by the three that were primarily her audience.
Lady Catherine however, entered the conversation with her usual lack of tact and discernment. "That was a pretty piece Georgiana. You have quite a good taste, mind you I don't think that your taste is quite equal to Anne's. Anne would have been a delightful performer, had her health allowed her to learn.''
She then continued her remarks on her performance, mixing with them many instructions on execution and taste, ignoring both her nephew's and Elizabeth's attempts to turn the conversation.
Elizabeth soon took Georgiana's place at the instrument as she could receive Lady Catherine's remarks with an indifference and all the forbearance of civility. As Georgiana could no longer be prevailed upon to return to the instrument, Elizabeth remained at the piano till her ladyship's carriage was ready to take them all home.
Upon rising to leave Elizabeth found herself wondering how an insecure girl like Georgiana was to survive a prolonged visit with her Aunt, and acted upon a protective impulse that had been developing over the evening. She certainly needed her time with Lady Catherine reduced or at least diluted.
"Miss Darcy, it's been such beautiful weather that I have been often taking the opportunity to walk out and enjoy some of the beautiful grounds here about. I was wondering if you would like to join me on my ramble tomorrow. Some of the walks about here are truly delightful."
Georgiana's face brightened at the prospect, and she turned to her brother what he thought of the prospect.
"That sounds like a lovely idea Georgie. You've been shut up inside far too much lately." He then turned to Elizabeth and smiled. "Thank you for including Georgiana in your plans."
"It's my pleasure. I look forward to her company," Elizabeth replied, a little disconcerted by his smile. She had seen it directed at her too many times this evening. She was having a little trouble reconciling this Mr Darcy with the one she had known at Hertfordshire, and found herself having to remind herself of the type of man he really was.
Part 3
The next morning Elizabeth made her way across to Rosings to meet Georgiana at the pre-arranged time. As she walked her mind was on Miss Darcy and on how she had managed to let a prejudice formed months earlier blind her to the young girl's true nature. It was a little humbling to Elizabeth, who generally had pride in her discernment, to acknowledge that she had been so wrong and so ungenerous in her thoughts.
"Well, I intend to make amends now," she sighed to herself as she arrived at the great house.
Miss Darcy was prepared and waiting, but it took the girls a full 20 minutes to get away from the Aunt's instructions as to how they should pace themselves, where they should walk to, what they should see, and even how they should react to it!
Elizabeth had no doubt that their 'briefing' would have gone on for much longer had not Mr Collins arrived and distracted Lady Catherine for a moment. It was one of those rare occasions that her cousin's presence turned out to be a blessing.
After the difficulty in making their escape from the house, the joy of being outdoors and away from the notice of Lady Catherine, was intensified. Elizabeth was amused when Georgiana let out an audible sigh of relief on turning a corner and taking a path that led away from Rosings.
The girls only talked a little at first. These exchanges were usually initiated by Elizabeth and were of a general nature. They talked of the weather, the gardens, the view and, as they did on the preceding evening, they talked of music.
It was the discussion of music that again seemed to help Miss Darcy forget her self-consciousness a little, and allowed Elizabeth to draw out more of the girl's feelings and opinions as the morning wore on.
After about 40 minutes rambling at a slow pace they sat themselves down on a bench in a small grove of trees to rest a little, and Miss Darcy expressed her thanks to Elizabeth for the invitation to join her.
"It's particularly nice of you considering that it's probably not your first wish to have a girl five years your junior as a companion."
Georgiana was surprised when Elizabeth just laughed at the notion.
"I think that you'll find only four years difference in age Miss Darcy," she smiled. "I am not yet one and twenty, but as for disparity in ages, apart from Jane, my eldest sister, Charlotte has been my closest friend for many years and she is seven years my senior."
"So you do not find my company too much of a chore?"
"On the contrary," Elizabeth reassured her. "I'm finding it a pleasure and can't imagine why you'd think otherwise. Good taste and intelligent opinions are always desirable qualities in a companion."
Georgiana blushed at the compliment and looked out at the distance.
"I feared you might have only asked me as a favour to my brother."
Elizabeth was aghast, not only at the idea that she would ever willingly bestow a favour on Mr Darcy, but at Georgiana's extreme tendency to think so lowly of herself.
"Your brother has asked no favours of me Miss Darcy," Elizabeth answered carefully, sensing the risk that Georgiana had taken in sharing her fear. "I hope I'm not overstepping the bounds of our acquaintance here, but it concerns me that you would undervalue yourself so. I was not just being polite when I said I was enjoying our morning together. I truly think that you should be less suspicious of your own attractions."
Elizabeth thought she could read some relief in the features of her new young friend, but she could also see that she was embarrassed at having exposed herself in such a way. Her decision about whether or not she should pursue the matter further was taken from her, as both girls were distracted by the sounds of hoof beats approaching at a rather fast rate. Before either of them could fully register what was going on two horses thundered past them at alarming speed.
Darcy, who was riding the stallion that was slightly in the lead, somehow managed to espy the girls on his way past them. He drew in his steed and began to walk it back to where his sister and her fair companion were seated.It was a few moments before Colonel Fitzwilliam registered that he was now riding on his own and also reigned in his mount.
Elizabeth watched as the two men approached, and couldn't help but notice how well they looked atop their horses. She was a little disconcerted to have to acknowledge that though Col Fitzwilliam looked remarkably fine, Mr Darcy looked even better. The wild ride had put an exhilaration in his eyes, and given his appearance a slightly dishevelled look, which she actually thought, became him very well.
She continued to watch as he swung himself down with an easy grace. If she had not been quite so preoccupied herself she may have noticed Georgiana watching Colonel Fitzwilliam with a more open admiration.
"Good morning ladies," Colonel Fitzwilliam typically was the first to speak as the girls stood up to greet them. "Have you been enjoying your walk on this glorious morning?"
Georgiana smiled and answered in the affirmative, giving Elizabeth time to bring her mind back from where it had wandered.
"I must say I was surprised to see you and Mr Darcy turn back," Elizabeth smiled at the Colonel. "The way in which you were riding made me think that you must have been on some very urgent business, a matter of major importance to the country at least. That, or I alternatively thought you may have had a battalion of the French Army at your heels."
Georgiana laughed at this.
"Well, I'm not at all surprised by their riding in such a manner. They sometimes become childishly competitive in each others company."
The men looked at Georgiana almost in shock. While Georgiana her self seemed to be in more shock at actually having spoken these words aloud.
"What have you done to my sister, Miss Bennet?" Darcy laughed, "I've never heard her say such things, mind you, I've often suspected she maybe thinking them."
Georgiana seemed to relax at the realisation that neither her brother nor cousin had taken offence at her words.
"You know Georgie, I think that I was about to overtake him at any moment," the Colonel smiled at his young cousin. "He just pulled up so as to take away my opportunity of beating him."
"I won't dignify that with an answer Fitzwilliam," Darcy replied, "as I know that my younger sister is far too wise to be led astray by guileful whisperings..."
Darcy abruptly stopped as he noticed Georgiana's face suddenly drain of colour, and he could have kicked himself for his last ill-conceived statement. In his pleasure at seeing his sister more at ease, he had forgotten to vet his conversation of anything that could have over-tones of the Wickham fiasco.
Elizabeth, who had been enjoying watching the exchange, could not understand what had just happened. One moment everything was light and easy, and the next it was as though an overlying darkness had descended upon her three companions. Colonel Fitzwilliam seemed the first to recover, and he moved toward his younger cousin and took her arm.
"It looks like you may have had a little to much sun Georgie," he said has he led her toward the bench again and sat her beside him, talking to her now in soft tones that Elizabeth could not quite distinguish.
She turned to Mr Darcy who was looking somewhere between dangerously angry, and frustrated with himself. Elizabeth felt the awkwardness of having witnessed something deeply personal, which had nothing to do with her at all. Having not a clue as to what was going on Elizabeth could only desire to make herself as unobtrusive as possible, and maybe be of some little use.
"Sir," she addressed Mr Darcy. "Would it be of some aid if I walked back to Rosings and asked for the phaeton to be sent to collect Miss Darcy?"
It seemed as though it took a few moments for him to register that she was speaking to him.
"No... no... thank you for the thought, but I'm sure she'll be alright to walk back in a moment. I think she'll be happier if our Aunt doesn't learn of this, she sometimes gets a little overwhelmed with her attentions."
Elizabeth could easily imagine the fuss that Lady Catherine could make over such an incident, and silently agreed with Darcy that almost anything would be preferable to alerting the aunt to Georgiana's indisposition.
The Colonel looked up to his cousin and as if a silent message had been sent, Darcy moved over to take his place by his sister, and Colonel Fitzwilliam walked across to join Elizabeth.
"Have you been enjoying you morning's walk?" he asked, making it quite clear to Elizabeth that he'd rather not talk of the reason for Georgiana's sudden affliction.
"Yes, we've appreciated the beauty, and also the opportunity to get to know each other a little better. She's a lovely girl, well worth the effort to get to know," Elizabeth replied, quite happy to speak of other things. "I must say that after having the acquaintance of her brother for some months now, I expected to find her very different than she is."
"Oh, you'd be very surprised. There are more similarities between them than you'd expect."
Elizabeth did not want to agree with The Colonel on this, but it crossed her mind that Wickham had said much the same thing "But she is too much like her brother..." She could see his countenance as he said it, and hear his voice, "...very, very proud."
No, she totally rejected the thought. Despite her first impression, all it had taken was a few minutes of unprejudiced observation to convince her that she was only exceedingly shy. Elizabeth still felt contrite at how much she had let her pre-conceived notions colour her initial assessment of Miss Darcy.
"You are right Colonel Fitzwilliam. Such a notion does surprise me. I see very little that is the same in them, but I suppose that one cannot have sole guardianship of someone for many years without having an influence.
``He doesn't have sole care'' said Colonel Fitzwilliam, ``that is an advantage which he must divide with me. I am joined with him in the guardianship of Miss Darcy.''
``Are you, indeed? I must say that you are lucky in your charge. Young ladies of her age are sometimes a little difficult to manage, and if she had the same spirit as Mr Darcy, she may have been more inclined to her own way.''
Elizabeth could not help but notice that Colonel Fitzwilliam looked a little discomforted at this observation, but before he could reply they were joined by the Darcys, Georgiana still looking a little pale, but much recovered.
Elizabeth immediately enquired as to how she was feeling.
"I am well Miss Bennet. I'm sorry for having worried you."
"I am just pleased to hear that you are feeling recovered. I would hate to think that my dragging you about the country had a detrimental effect on your health."
"Oh no!" Miss Darcy protested. "I'm sure that I feel much better for the exercise."
The Colonel and Darcy had drawn aside and were talking between each other.
Mr Darcy soon returned to the girls, but the Colonel walked away to where the horses had moved off grazing.
"I hope you don't mind, but I've taken the liberty of sending my horse back with Colonel Fitzwilliam so that I can escort you home safely."
"William, I'm fine..." Georgiana began to protest.
"I know Georgie, but would you mind humouring me a little for my peace of mind?" Darcy asked gently.
Elizabeth accepted the fact that it might be wise for Miss Darcy to have one of the men as an escort home, but she wished that it could have been Colonel Fitzwilliam rather than Mr Darcy. Under normal circumstances she would have been very tempted just to excuse herself from his company, and return home alone; or at the very least, walk quickly to be rid of his company sooner. Georgiana's presence though, made these options unacceptable, and she resigned herself to being in Mr Darcy's company for the next half-hour at least.
Part 4
They turned toward the house with Darcy lending Georgiana the support of his arm. It was not merely out of politeness that he offered his disengaged arm to Elizabeth, but he found his offer refused, as she protested that she was not at all fatigued.
It was an annoyance to Elizabeth when Darcy was polite, as it disturbed the perverse kind of pleasure she found in her dislike of him. Witnessing his kind attentions to his sister diluted the enjoyment that her ill opinion of him gave her, and receiving his civility toward herself lessened it further. In so many ways she would have preferred his aloof and withdrawn manners of Hertfordshire, because at least they were consistent with his true character.
The three said very little as they began walking back, and this presented a strong contrast to the light interplay that had been going on only a few minutes before. Elizabeth was at a loss to explain exactly what had happened to change the mood so completely. She would have been happy to have credited the blame for any awkwardness to the account of Mr Darcy. Indeed, his own reaction almost indicated that he felt himself responsible for Miss Darcy's sudden discomposure, but try as she might she could not find anything remotely offensive or critical in his words. What was it that he'd said again? ...something about her not easily being led astray... she couldn't remember his words exactly.
She ran her mind through the circumstances once more, but rather than making her any wiser she only found more to confuse. If she were not mistaken, Colonel Fitzwilliam had been discomforted by her throwaway comment on the manageability of girls Miss Darcy's age... Was it remotely possible that there had been some difficulty involving Miss Darcy in the past?
No, Elizabeth strongly doubted it. It crossed her mind however, that were she able to talk with Wickham, he might be able to throw some light on the subject, but then again, his understanding seemed less than perfect when it came to Miss Darcy.
It occurred to Elizabeth that the prolonged silence was beginning to seem unnatural and she made some comment on the picturesque of a certain view they were afforded.
"Yes, it is quite beautiful Miss Bennet," Darcy rejoined, glad of any topic of conversation that might prove a diversion to Georgiana. "Georgie, It would be quite a nice aspect for you to sketch."
"Oh, do you draw Miss Darcy?" Elizabeth asked with interest.
" A little," Georgiana exerted herself to speak, "and not very well."
"She actually draws quite well," Darcy contradicted, "but she sometimes sets such impossibly high standards for herself that she ends up little satisfied."
Elizabeth laughed. "Well that's one problem that I don't have, but I can relate to what you are saying because I see it in my eldest sister. She may be ten times better than me, but she will never recognise it."
Mr Darcy mentally denied the image of Jane Bennet being superior to Elizabeth, but he didn't want to think about Jane Bennet just now. His conscience still pricked him a little over the role he had played in separating her from Bingley, so he was pleased when Georgiana spoke and turned the conversation back to art.
"Do you draw Miss Bennet?"
"Not at all. Even if nature had given me the talent Miss Darcy, I doubt if I would have the patience required to pursue such an art. I am quite willing to admit a great ignorance on the subject. I only know what I like, and what I don't like."
Elizabeth's natural manner again set itself up in contrast to the affected and false behaviours Darcy had often witnessed in the more fashionable women of his acquaintance. Though very willing to make fun of others, they would never laugh at themselves. Elizabeth's honesty and spirit were like a breath of fresh air.
Although he personally found her presence distracting, and for his own peace of mind, would rather that she were far away, he was really pleased for Georgiana's sake that there was such a companion available to her during their stay at Rosings, someone she could feel comfortable and at ease with.
As they continued on their way Elizabeth noticed Darcy was promoting conversation between herself and his sister. For her part she felt that this interference was unnecessary, as she was quite happy to talk to Georgiana without his encouragement. It put her in the dilemma of having to choose between her desire to displease the brother and her inclination to please the sister. She wished she could do both at the same time but unfortunately that alternative did not appear to be before her, until she finally came upon a topic of conversation that couldn't possibly upset Miss Darcy, but one that Mr Darcy seemed a little uncomfortable with. She addressed him directly.
``My eldest sister has been in town these three months. Have you never happened to see her there?''
She was perfectly sensible that he never had; but she wished to see whether he would betray any consciousness of what had passed between the Bingleys and Jane; and she thought he looked a little confused as he answered that he had never been so fortunate as to meet Miss Bennet.
``How very suddenly you all quitted Netherfield last November, Mr. Darcy! It must have been a most agreeable surprise to Mr. Bingley to see you all after him so soon; for, if I recollect right, he went but the day before." As she mentioned Bingley, Elizabeth could not help but turn to Georgiana, who had been set up as a rival to Jane, but there was no look in her that spoke of any particular regard. "He and his sisters were well, I hope, when you left London.''
``Perfectly so -- I thank you.''
She found that she was to receive no other answer -- and, after a short pause, added,
``I think I have understood that Mr. Bingley has not much idea of ever returning to Netherfield again?''
``I have never heard him say so; but it is probable that he may spend very little of his time there in future. He has many friends, and he is at a time of life when friends and engagements are continually increasing.''
``If he means to be but little at Netherfield, it would be better for the neighbourhood that he should give up the place entirely, for then we might possibly get a settled family there. But perhaps Mr. Bingley did not take the house so much for the convenience of the neighbourhood as for his own, and we must expect him to keep or quit it on the same principle.''
``I should not be surprised,'' said Darcy, ``if he were to give it up, as soon as any eligible purchase offers.''
Darcy dearly wished she would talk of something else, and was saved by Georgiana exclaiming at the sight of their cousin walking toward them.
"Oh, look who has walked out to join us again!"
This time Elizabeth did not fail to notice the animation on Miss Darcy's face, and it suggested a partiality for the cousin that had not previously occurred to her. She had not known Georgiana long enough to really draw any conclusions from her manner, but even the suspicion that the young girl may have feelings for Colonel Fitzwilliam, was enough to make Elizabeth reassess her own manner toward him.
The Colonel was without a doubt a very pleasant companion and Elizabeth enjoyed his company a great deal. She would not however, risk upsetting Georgiana by particularly courting his attention now that she suspected her interest in him.
"I couldn't bear the thought of my cousin having the company of two attractive women, while I was all alone," the Colonel smiled upon his arrival.
"You had the horses for company," Darcy threw back.
"I hardly think that an adequate compensation," Fitzwilliam laughed. "You're not comparing these ladies to our mounts, are you?"
"No, indeed!" Darcy defended himself. "Such a thought never entered my head and I wonder at your mind even conceiving such comparison."
The Colonel just rolled his eyes as he gave up the idea that he could actually win this round.
Elizabeth, aware that it would be quite natural for Colonel Fitzwilliam to now take his place at her side, as Mr Darcy was already at the side of Georgiana, called Miss Darcy away from her brother on the pretext of showing her something in the garden. When they resumed their stroll back to Rosings the two girls now walked in front, talking amongst themselves, and the two men followed behind.
"I must say that the view one is afforded from here is not at all bad," the Colonel commented to his cousin in lowered tones. He was not looking at any aspect of the country side, but at the young ladies walking in front of them. "Miss Bennet has a very pleasing figure and Georgiana has quite grown up in the last year or so."
Darcy did not at first reply. He wasn't sure if he was most discomforted by Fitzwilliam's admiration of Miss Bennet or of his little sister.
"I ask you to remember that it is Georgiana you are talking of here," he finally answered, forcing the aside the twinge of jealousy he felt in regard to Elizabeth.
"Yes it is, and she is no longer a child," Fitzwilliam laughed. "I know you would be happier had you been able to keep her a child forever, but I'm afraid that was not within the realm of possibility. You should be proud to see her growing up so well Darcy, despite the drama of last summer, and I must say that I've been enjoying the glimpses of the less reserved Georgiana that we've been getting over the last few days."
Darcy smiled at this.
"Yes, I think Miss Bennet is the ideal companion for her at the moment. I hope their friendship grows."
It was a hope that Darcy found realised over the next few weeks. Often when Charlotte was busy with Parish duties Elizabeth sought out the company of Miss Darcy, or 'Georgie' as Elizabeth now called her as they were on a first name basis. Georgiana was developing a very high opinion of Elizabeth, though she was sometimes almost alarmed at her liveliness, that seemed to edge toward impertinence, and she marvelled at how Lizzy managed to get away with what she did.
Though she had not yet the courage to broach such a subject with her friend, Georgiana was suspicious that Lizzy had discerned her growing partiality for her cousin. Whenever Colonel Fitzwilliam joined them Elizabeth seemed to encourage Georgiana's conversation with him, and withdraw a little from the interaction herself. Georgiana was grateful for her friends efforts, as she felt very inadequate as to know how to go about the promotion her own interests in this regard, and she had a feeling that if Elizabeth really wanted to, she could totally captivate the Colonel's interest all for herself.
Elizabeth found that she was really drawn to Georgiana, whose intelligence, gentleness and eagerness to think well of people, reminded her many ways of Jane.
Apart from the irritating manner of Mr Collins, Elizabeth found her only source of real discontent during this period to be her concern for Jane's spirits. There were passages in her letters that showed that she was still struggling to support her positive outlook, and was not fully at ease with herself.
Although Mr Darcy, who spent far less time in her company than Georgiana and Colonel Fitzwilliam did, was usually polite and occasionally even amiable, and although he was always kind and solicitous in his attentions to Georgiana, Elizabeth could not shake the feeling that he had played a role in the disappointment of her own sister. So, when she coupled this suspicion with that which she knew of his character from Wickham, she still could not like the man.
Part 5
Darcy sat in an ante-room off a summer parlour (where he had hidden himself from the attentions of his Aunt) and tried to concentrate on his book. He was struggling once more though, as images of Elizabeth Bennet again invaded his mind. Try as he might he could not exorcise these thoughts; he avoided her company, he reminded himself that he was a man of consideration in the world, and of the inferiority of her connections - but his fixation with her seemed to be growing daily. He knew aligning himself with such a family was not an option, and never would be. He just had to find a way to forget those eyes, her figure, her easy smile, playful manners and that soft laugh... oh no... it was happening again...
With a deliberate determination he turned his attention back to the page before him and forced himself to attend to the words. He managed more or less successfully, to keep his mind on the book until he was disturbed by the very laughter that he had earlier been trying to banish from his thoughts. It was obvious that Georgiana and Elizabeth had entered the adjoining room from the other door.
Darcy waited a moment to see if they would just pass through. If they intended to settle he knew he would have to excuse himself from their company. The last thing he needed at that moment was further exposure to the alluring Miss Bennet. His hesitation however, cost him dear, as by the time he'd realised that the girls indeed meant to stay, he began to comprehend that their conversation was of a rather personal nature, and it would be somewhat embarrassing to let them know he'd overheard them.
He felt extremely uncomfortable with his situation, but could see no way out without announcing his presence. His only alternative seemed to be to lay low until the girls moved on, and desperately hope that their talk became somewhat less personal in the mean time.
"...I certainly don't think you need to worry about such things at your age and in your position," Elizabeth was laughing. "You have all the time in the world and many personal attractions."
"It's my 'position' as you put it, that causes me much of my concern," Georgiana continued. "How am I to know whether I am admired for who I am, rather than for what I'm heir to?"
"Well, at least that's a problem that I don't have," Elizabeth answered cheerfully. "Honestly Georgie, you're an intelligent girl. You just have to take things easy and make the time to really get to know the essence of a person. A little cynicism doesn't hurt. It is a fact that there are many people who might wish to take advantage of you, but there are also many who are good and sincere. It would be a terrible thing to lose faith in the world as a whole, through fear of peoples motives."
"But it's hard not to be suspicious Lizzy, and what if I get it wrong?"
"Georgie, life will never be perfectly safe, but in the long run it's much better to learn discernment and to face things head on. Hiding from life never solves anything."
"I'm not sure my discernment is up to the task," Georgiana admitted softly. "I've made some very poor judgements before today."
Elizabeth could sense that Georgiana was in earnest and sought to reassure her.
"We've all made poor judgements Georgie, but the best thing is to learn from them and put them behind you. You need to take on some of my philosophy. Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure."
Georgiana gave her a reluctant smile.
"Such a philosophy might work for those whose past is void of unpleasant memories..."
"Do you mean to imply that my life has been full of roses?" Elizabeth laughed, obviously trying to lighten the tone of the conversation. "It's easy to see that you didn't grow up in a house with four sisters."
"It can't be that bad," Georgiana smiled. "I would have loved a sister."
"Well, you'd often be welcome to one of mine, but I must insist on keeping Jane for myself. Now her, I could not part with."
"I would have loved a sister to have talked these matters over with Lizzy. William is a wonderful brother but I sometimes find him a little daunting."
"I can well believe that," Elizabeth answered. "Sisters at least have that advantage over brothers. Jane and I can share almost anything, and it's wonderful to have a confidant."
"Yes it is Elizabeth, I'm learning that right now. You really don't mind me telling you these things?"
"Of course not Georgie, is there something else worrying you?"
"Well... I know that this might sound silly. You've told me to take my time and be discerning, but what if no really nice man ever wants me. What if I turn away someone and then never receive another offer. Isn't an imperfect marriage better than no marriage at all?... Lizzy, don't laugh at me..."
"I'm sorry Georgie, but I was perfectly serious in what I said before. You are 16, with years of bloom still ahead of you. You are a very pretty girl, well connected, unassuming, good humoured and intelligent. You should stop under-valuing yourself. You have no reason at all to be desperate... and as for you last question, I would have to answer with an emphatic no! An unequal marriage is not a better alternative to no marriage at all."
"Do you really think that Lizzy? Would you really risk turning down an eligible offer of marriage...? Tell me what is so funny - why are you smiling like that...? Lizzy, have you ever turned down an offer of marriage...?"
"Only one," Elizabeth smiled, "and it might make a good case in point for what I'm saying."
"Would it have been a good match in the eyes of the world?" Georgie questioned.
"Not the part of the world that has any sense," Elizabeth answered, "but in a purely prudential light it wouldn't have bad match. The man stands to inherit my father's estate."
"Ew, Mr Collins!" Georgiana exclaimed in disgust.
In the ante-room Darcy's mind had made the connection a few seconds before Georgiana, and his reaction was at least as acute. The idea of Elizabeth married to a man like Collins was enough to make the stomach turn. He was also angry at the hide of such a man in even assuming it might be in his power to attain the affections of a woman his superior in so many ways.
Back in the larger room Georgiana was begging for details, and after obtaining the requisite promises that from the younger girl that the story would go no further, Elizabeth relented and told her the tale with great spirit, delighting in all that was ridiculous in the circumstance.
"...and I found myself being solemnly addressed by my father," Elizabeth concluded. "Now let me see if I can recall his exact words - 'An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. -- Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do'."
By the time Elizabeth finished Georgiana was wiping tears of laughter out of her eyes.
"Oh, thank goodness for your father. What on earth would you have done without his support?"
"I'm very grateful for my father's interference, but believe me Georgie, even without out it nothing could have ever induced me to marry Mr Collins."
"You must admit though," Georgiana asked, sobering up a little, "Mr Collins is rather an extreme example. What if the offer had come from someone a little more personable?"
"I have never been in that situation; Jane has though. I flatter myself however that I would make no compromise in this area. Our own family has shown us how important it is to have a partner in life who you can respect. We will not marry without affection and esteem."
"So Jane has turned down a proposal as well?"
"Yes, but fortunately the offer and her refusal were kept from my mother. Jane was staying at my Uncle Gardiner's home in town when she was only 15, and a gentleman of significant means became almost obsessed with her, he called all the time, wrote her poetry and bought her gifts - that were immediately returned. The man however was extremely arrogant and Jane found his attentions overbearing. My Aunt tried to warn my mother in order to have Jane removed from the situation, but my mother only became over-excited at the prospect of such an attachment, and made matters worse. In the end my father had to be applied to, and he arrived in London just in time to refuse consent. My mother still thinks that the man just lost interest."
"Has she never received an offer since?" Georgiana inquired.
"No," Elizabeth answered softly. "She is very beautiful but she doesn't put herself forward. Even though she may have suffered disappoint since then, I still believe she does not regret her decision to hold out for appropriate affection."
It probably does not need to be stated, but hearing this about Jane did not sit very comfortably with Darcy's already uneasy conscience. As he thought about the role he'd played in separating Elizabeth's sister from his friend, he could not help but ask if this had been the disappointment that Elizabeth just referred to?
Meanwhile, in the adjoining room the conversation had moved on.
"Is there anyone in your current acquaintance you would consider accepting a proposal from?" Georgiana had asked. "Would you consider my cousin for instance?"
"No Georgie... and I think you know why," Elizabeth answered with a smile.
Georgiana blushed and quickly moved on to hide her embarrassment.
"What about my brother then?"
"Never!" Elizabeth answered decisively, and then laughed at the look of abject astonishment on Georgiana's face. "I'm sorry Georgie but it's hard to conceive of a partnership more incompatible than you brother and myself."
Part 6
The arrival in the room of Mr Collins looking for Elizabeth, brought a sudden end to the discussion between the two girls, and soon Darcy found himself again alone, with nothing but his thoughts for company.
The stupefaction that he'd experienced on hearing Elizabeth's emphatic 'never!' had eased somewhat, and instead his feelings had settled into a rational denial. She couldn't have honestly meant that she'd never consider a proposal from him. Her reaction was most likely one of embarrassment at being asked such a question by his little sister... but then again, she hadn't seemed particularly embarrassed - more amused. Why then should she deny that an offer of marriage from him would be very desirable proposition? No one in Elizabeth's position, while still possessed of her right mind, could possibly refuse such an offer.
He ran his mind over their relative situations, and felt a little comforted at the conclusion that her negative response must have been some form of disguise. It didn't matter anyway. He would never offer, so why should he be concerned over whether or not she'd accept? If she were not interested in him it was all the better. Why should it matter to him? If Elizabeth didn't want him there were plenty of other far more eligible and better-connected women, who did! He would put this business and Elizabeth out of his mind forever.
Putting the matter out if his head however, was far easier determined than done, and her 'never!' stayed with him for the rest of the day and disturbed his sleep through the night. Given the substance of the whole of the conversation he'd overheard, Darcy was almost embarrassed that it was Elizabeth's quick dismissal of the idea of him as a potential marriage partner that dominated his thoughts so completely.
Georgiana has been sharing deep-seated fears and insecurities. His mind was barely recalling these things though, as it turned again and again to question what possible reason Elizabeth could have to reject him as an acceptable partner.
The next morning he sought out Fitzwilliam's company in his quest for distraction and relief.
"...and how are you feeling today Darcy?" Fitzwilliam inquired. "You seemed a little out of sorts last night."
"I'm fine Fitz, there's just a little matter of business that's been playing on my mind." Well... it wasn't exactly untrue. It was a business of sorts.
"Anything that I can help you with?" the Colonel asked.
"Not really, But I think that I may go into town later this week to deal with it," Darcy replied. Yes, that was the perfect idea. He just needed a few days far away from Elizabeth Bennet to clear his mind.
The satisfaction that he received from such a plan was short lived though, as the two men were soon joined by Georgiana and Elizabeth, who had walked over with Mr and Mrs Collins on their morning visit to Lady Catherine. The Colonel greeted them with pleasure and slipped into easy conversation with the girls.
As on so many occasions previously, Darcy found himself intently watching Elizabeth, but this time with a slightly different perspective. He watched not so much to try and discern his feelings for her, but rather to discern her feelings for him. It was a disconcerting point of view as he found himself questioning more and more, whether she might not have been speaking the absolute truth in her opinion of him on the preceding day. She was friendly and open in her interaction with his cousin and sister, but no more than polite in her treatment of him. He noticed for the first time, that her smiles which were frequently directed at the others seemed not to be happily bestowed on him.
For someone so used to having others court his attention and good opinion, it came as a shock to realise that Elizabeth seemed to be only tolerating his company. He excused himself from the group and headed toward the stables, feeling the need for some release of tension. About an hour later, after some reasonably heavy riding, he reigned his horse in and left it to graze while he sat himself down to properly think things through. It was obvious enough that his feelings were not going to be able to be repressed, so he may as well face them.
He found himself going over much of the overheard conversation in order to try and find any clues to her rejection of the idea of marrying him. When she had talked of what she desired in marriage she had used terms like 'respect', 'esteem' and 'affection'. The implication that she could not feel any of these things toward Darcy, was glaring, but why would she feel that way? He could understand her rejecting Collins on that basis, but he would hardly put himself in the same category as the obsequious little clergyman.
He asked himself what he'd ever done that could have forfeited Elizabeth's respect. What had he ever done to deserve such indifference? It suddenly came to him, almost as an epiphany, that he was asking the wrong question, that he should have been asking what he'd ever done to deserve her affection and respect.
He ran his mind over their past relationship and found little to satisfy in doing so. He thought back to the very beginning of their acquaintance.
``She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me; and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men."
Could she have overheard him? He hadn't taken any care to ensure she'd not. His mind turned to subsequent meetings.
``Indeed, Sir, I have not the least intention of dancing. -- I entreat you not to suppose that I moved this way in order to beg for a partner.''
``You excel so much in the dance, Miss Eliza, that it is cruel to deny me the happiness of seeing you; and though this gentleman dislikes the amusement in general, he can have no objection, I am sure, to oblige us for one half hour.''
``Mr. Darcy is all politeness,''
``He is indeed -- but considering the inducement, my dear Miss Eliza, we cannot wonder at his complaisance; for who would object to such a partner?''
He remembered Elizabeth's arch look as she turned away.
He smiled almost bitterly as he ran his mind over the time she'd spent at Netherfield and thought of how hard he'd worked at trying to overcome his growing attraction. He'd enjoyed their sparring exchanges, but that's all they'd been, quick exchanges. They didn't have so much as a normal conversation in the whole time she was there. He remembered their bantering on her last evening there.
"But it has been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule.''
``Such as vanity and pride.''
Was that really how she saw him? - as vain and proud. When he really put his mind to it he couldn't think of any reason for her to think otherwise. In his struggle with his own feelings he had often been deliberately distant and aloof. He had worked hard at letting no sign of admiration escape him. He had not wanted her to build up any false hopes in regard to his intentions. Now that was ironic wasn't it? Whose hopes had proved false in the end? How could he have been so full of his own feelings to have never once considered hers?
He could only recall one occasion in the whole of their acquaintance, when he had really tried to get to know her a little, and that had turned out very poorly indeed. It was at the ball at Netherfield, and he had not intended to ask her to dance, but she had looked so beautiful. He unhappily recalled some of their exchange during the dance.
``Sir William's interruption has made me forget what we were talking of.''
``I do not think we were speaking at all. Sir William could not have interrupted any two people in the room who had less to say for themselves. -- We have tried two or three subjects already without success, and what we are to talk of next I cannot imagine.''
``What think you of books?''
``Books -- Oh! no. -- I am sure we never read the same, or not with the same feelings.''
Yes, Elizabeth had meant when she told Georgiana that they were incompatible. She wasn't just posturing.
Darcy winced as he remembered more of the conversation.
``When you met us there the other day, we had just been forming a new acquaintance.''
``Mr. Wickham is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure his making friends -- whether he may be equally capable of retaining them, is less certain.''
``He has been so unlucky as to lose your friendship, and in a manner which he is likely to suffer from all his life...''
``I remember hearing you once say, Mr. Darcy, that you hardly ever forgave, that your resentment once created was unappeasable. You are very cautious, I suppose, as to its being created.''
``I am,''
``And never allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?''
``I hope not.''
``It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their opinion, to be secure of judging properly at first.''
``May I ask to what these questions tend?''
``Merely to the illustration of your character,'' said she, endeavouring to shake off her gravity. ``I am trying to make it out.''
``And what is your success?''
``I do not get on at all. I hear such different accounts of you as puzzle me exceedingly.''
He could only imagine what Wickham may have said about him. If he'd already started making insinuations while Darcy was still in the locality, what might have he said after the group from Netherfield had left for town?
Darcy sat there almost overwhelmed by a confusion of feelings. He was angry with Wickham and angry with himself, he was hurt by the knowledge that a woman he so admired obviously held him in such low esteem, and on top of this, the guilt he had been trying to repress over separating Bingley and Jane, was again reasserting itself.
He had reassured himself many times that he was right in this interference, not only because of the poor connections and the lack of propriety within the Bennet family, but mostly because he was convinced of Miss Bennet's indifference. What he had heard from Elizabeth on the preceding day however, was creating huge cracks in this conviction. His interference in Bingley's affairs, particularly his concealing of the fact that Jane was in town, now seemed impertinent and beneath him. Bingley was a grown man and should be allowed to choose the direction of his own life.
Darcy finally stood and moved to retrieve his mount.
"Well my good fellow," he addressed his horse as he took the reigns in his hand. "I've obviously made a lot of mistakes over the last few months and I will live to regret them, but Bingley should not have to share in the consequences of my misjudgements."
Part 7
Darcy returned to Rosings and made plans to leave for London on the following day. His Aunt was seriously displeased with this defection, but he assured her that the business was pressing, and that his absence would only be of a short duration.
Under ordinary circumstances Fitzwilliam would have jumped at this as an opportunity to accompany Darcy and get away from Rosings for a few days, but this time he didn't even suggest such a plan. The company of Elizabeth and Georgiana had added a great deal to his enjoyment of Kent, and though it crossed his mind for a moment that he too could visit London, he owned to himself that he would really much rather stay where he was.
Elizabeth's positive influence on Georgiana seemed to be growing daily, and Fitzwilliam was gratified to see his young cousin finally coming out from behind the walls she'd so carefully erected around her, since the Wickham incident. He was again seeing glimpses of the open and affectionate, if somewhat quiet, little girl he had known before. Only this time it was different. Georgie was a little girl no longer. She had grown into quite a young lady. Not only was her figure well formed and her appearance womanly and graceful, but her understanding was developing a real intelligence and maturity. Over the last few weeks Fitzwilliam had been seeking out her company more and more, even when Elizabeth was not present, and he was finding great pleasure in his discussions with her, and in the influence he could have on her opinions and taste.
Darcy had not yet left the house. He did not need to be in London at any particular time, so there was no cause for hurry, and though he denied to himself that he was waiting to see Elizabeth before he left, his disappointment upon Mr and Mrs Collins's arrival for their morning visit by themselves , showed him otherwise.
Polite greetings were made all around before Charlotte turned to Georgiana.
"Elizabeth is just finishing off a letter to Jane, and expects to be over within the next half hour."
Darcy waited no longer and gave his apologies as he made to leave. An idea had just occurred to him that would make his business in London seem far more natural and a lot easier.
Ten minutes later Elizabeth was startled by a ring at the door. As she had heard no carriage, she thought it not unlikely to be Lady Catherine, and under that apprehension was putting away her almost finished letter, that she might escape all impertinent questions, when the door opened, and to her very great surprise, Mr Darcy, and Mr Darcy only, entered the room.
"I hope you will pardon my intrusion Miss Bennet," he spoke politely, "but Mrs Collins said that you were just completing a letter to your sister, and as I am at this moment leaving for a few days in London, I thought that I might offer to convey the letter for you."
Elizabeth, in complete astonishment, did not at first know how to react. She considered, out of pure perverseness, refusing his kind offer, but this somehow seemed too petty and ungracious.
She hesitated a moment before making her reply.
"Why... thank you Mr Darcy... but I haven't quite finished it yet. If you are leaving now I can easily send it by post."
"A small delay will make no difference to my journey, I'm happy to wait if I can be of some service to you."
Elizabeth looked as confused at this civility as she had been by his original offer, and suggested he take a seat while she finished off her missive.
Darcy watched her as she took out the letter and resumed writing. Her astonished reaction to his offer had given him some pain. The idea that she thought such a small act of kindness was beyond him, hurt more than he wanted to acknowledge. Though he had completely given up the idea of marriage to her - he had never entertained it in the first place, had he? - Darcy did want to prove, by every civility in his power, that he was not nearly as devoid of all proper feeling as she supposed. Now that he was in her presence, the strength of his desire to lessen her ill-opinion surprised him, and he hoped her dislike of him wasn't so deep as to be immovable.
His introspections were interrupted by Elizabeth's rising at the completion of her correspondence.
"Thank you for waiting sir," she said as she handed him the letter, the formal tone of her address depressing his spirits even further. She looked hesitant even now. "You understand my Aunt and Uncle live in Gracechurch Street."
"Yes, I've heard it mentioned previously. I'm sure I'll have no difficulty in locating the residence." He tried to sound easy and unconcerned, though he knew that only two days ago his pride would have
fought hard against making a social call in that part of town. If he were strictly honest, he still balked at such a proposition, but he needed, as much as possible, to correct the consequences of his interference in Bingley's affairs.
He became aware that an awkward silence had now settled on the room, and that Elizabeth was considering him, as though wondering if he had been in the sun for too long. Understanding that he may have overstayed his welcome, he took his leave.
Bingley was pleasantly surprised late that afternoon, by an unlooked for visit from his particular friend. He welcomed Darcy with his customary warmth and the conversation soon turned to matters more pertinent in Darcy's mind.
"You must tell me how you're surviving your visit with your Aunt. Has the addition of Georgiana as well as Colonel Fitzwilliam, made any difference to your enjoyment of the stay?"
"Actually our party has been larger still," answered Darcy, deciding that he might as well just get to the point of his call straight up." Miss Elizabeth Bennet has been visiting at the parsonage next to Rosings, and she and Georgiana have formed quite a friendship."
The look that passed Bingley's face on the mention of the Bennet name, made Darcy feel his misplaced interference all the more.
"Miss Elizabeth Bennet did you say?" Bingley answered with a forced lightness. "Was she the only one of her family visiting?"
"Yes she was. You remember Miss Lucas of course. She married my Aunt's clergyman Mr Collins. Do you recall meeting him toward the end of our stay at Hertfordshire?"
"Yes, I do vaguely," Bingley replied. "I must admit that I was rather preoccupied by other things at the time."
"I know you were Charles," Bingley looked up at Darcy's uncustomary use of his Christian name, somehow sensing the serious turn of the conversation. "That's actually what I need to talk to you about."
"Do you still fear me making a fool of myself over Miss Bennet?" Bingley answered - his voice as close to bitterness in its tone as Darcy had ever heard it. "I believe even I have come to fully accept that she never really cared for me. She has not even continued correspondence with Caroline. I think that if she had any feelings for me at all, she would have at least tried to have maintained that connection."
"In this, I know you are mistaken," Darcy stated unable to look his friend in the face. "In fact Miss Bennet not only wrote, but even visited Miss Bingley on her arrival in town almost two months ago."
Bingley looked unsure of how to understand Darcy's information.
"Are you saying that Miss Bennet was in town... in my home... and Caroline kept it from me?"
"Not only Caroline..." Darcy replied, uncomfortably lifting his eyes to meet his friend's. "I also knew she was in town and didn't tell you."
Darcy winced as he saw an unfamiliar flash of anger in Bingley's eye.
"Darcy, as a good friend you certainly have the right of persuasion and influence, and I accept that - but this... this is deceit! I can believe this of Caroline - but of you?" The pain in Bingley's voice was undeniable. "And why, may I ask are you telling me this now? Is this just that you believe punishment in good for my development, or is there a real point to this?"
Darcy sat in silence, all his well rehearsed excuses and justifications suddenly sounded very hollow. What was he to say? Was he to remind him of the want of propriety continually displayed by Jane's mother and three younger sisters? Was he again to point out that her situation was rather beneath Bingley's own, or should he just stay with the plea that he sincerely had believed that Miss Bennet was not attached to him? Somehow witnessing strength of Bingley's obvious feelings for Miss Bennet, nothing really sounded reasonable.
"I was wrong, and I owe you my apologies," Darcy eventually replied. "I acted out of arrogance, and a misplaced idea that it was all for your good."
Bingley's face softened toward his friend on this confession.
"Misplaced?" he asked tentatively.
"Yes, misplaced. I happened to overhear a conversation the other day that has caused me to question my conviction of Miss Bennet's indifference."
Bingley hardly knew how to respond to such a revelation. He had spent almost four months unsuccessfully trying to overcome his disappointment over Jane's insensibility toward him. He had placed a great reliance on Darcy's opinion, particularly in such an important matter as matrimony. He had personally believed that Jane had returned his affection with sincere, if not equal regard, and it had crushed him to find that not only his sisters, but also his friend, believed her indifferent.
If the past months had taught Bingley anything though, it was to be more cautious in his expectations. He truly wanted to hope, but he wasn't quite ready to put his emotions on the line without good reason.
"What was it that you heard?"
"I can't remember the exact words," Darcy answered softly. "Just that Miss Bennet has previously refused an offer on the basis of insufficient affection. Miss Elizabeth said quite clearly that her sister would never marry a man for whom she did not feel esteem and affection."
"That's very admirable of her," Bingley answered, feeling all the more the loss of this woman, "but I don't see how this benefits me at all."
"Miss Elizabeth also commented on the fact that Miss Bennet was never forward... I may have mistaken her decorum for lack of feeling."
"It's possible I suppose, but you are normally a fairly accurate judge of character. I feel no confidence that Miss Elizabeth's statement really gives me more certainty of Miss Bennet's feelings."
Darcy could see that convincing Bingley to give his chances with Jane another try, were not as high as he'd hoped. The protective barriers were well and truly up.
"Miss Elizabeth also spoke of her sister going through disappointment."
Bingley looked up sharply upon hearing this statement.
"Did she imply it was over me?"
At this point Darcy dearly wished he could have answered in the affirmative.
"Not exactly, but I've been unable to shake the feeling that she was referring to you."
Bingley laughed out loud at this.
"Do you know what you've done to now Darce?" he asked shaking his head. "If I accept that Miss Elizabeth was talking about what happened between her sister and me, you've given me hope, and dashed it in one stroke. If she did feel for me, what must she think of me now after four months silence? She must think me every kind of cad for leading her on and then disappearing without an apparent backwards glance."
"I don't think Miss Bennet is of the nature to either develop or hold on to resentments," Darcy replied, trying to reassure himself as much as Bingley.
"Oh, so you think it would be possible to just return to Hertfordshire, and take things up as though nothing had happened?"
"Sarcasm doesn't become you," Darcy answered in exasperation. "I know that I can't undo what's been done, but this matter is not past repair. I can see that your feelings are obviously unabated, so unless you consider Miss Bennet likely to be fickle in her affections, I believe there is a good chance of this all coming to a happy resolution."
"That is if she had affections for me in the first place... if it was me who caused her disappointment..."
"I know that is not assured, but will you really let the chance to find out for certain pass you by?"
"Darcy, on the smallest amount of hope I am willing to be in Hertfordshire within the week," Bingley smiled at his friend.
"That's not exactly necessary," Darcy returned. "She's still visiting her relations in London."
"London..." Bingley's smile, though still a little uncertain, became less strained. "Do you really think she might be glad to see me...?"
"There's only one way to find out. Are you prepared to make a morning call tomorrow?"
"Of course! But what excuse can I give for such a unexpected visit. It will seem unnatural after such a long recess in our association."
"How does the excuse of delivering a letter from her sister sound?" Darcy grinned, producing his trump card.
"It sounds very well indeed," Bingley replied. "Very well indeed."