Beginning, Section II, Next Section
Posted on Sunday, 23 October 2005
Will Darcy wasn’t the easiest man to talk to at the best of times. Intelligent, aloof and fastidious about the company he kept, Charles Bingley often wondered how they had become friends. He recalled their days at university where Will had been a natural choice when the pranksters had needed a victim. He endured it all, not necessarily happily, but with dignity. Charles had soon outgrown the childish antics of his first year roommates, noticing that the more serious and studious Will Darcy was at the top of every class he took. Charles wanted to succeed and, not completely abandoning his entertainments, sought out Will’s company more often in an effort to emulate his achievements.
Their association was mutually beneficial. Charles often persuaded Will to participate in an organised social activity, to meet and mingle with fellow students to whom he’d not even nodded in the hallways. After two or three of these outings Charles understood his friend’s reluctance; the girls who wouldn’t otherwise give him the time of day were suddenly very interested as soon as they heard his family was filthy rich. With this realisation he ceased pressuring Will to accompany him, although he continued to issue invitations.
Now that he needed to discuss Elizabeth’s condition in a more clinical, and legal, manner with Will, Charles resorted to his professional guise in order to obtain enough time for an audience with him.
“What do you need me to sign now, Charles? I don’t have much time. The meeting with Watson has been moved up an hour so I can leave at two.” Will’s manner was brisk as usual.
“Then I’m glad I caught you. It’s Lizzy we need to talk about.”
“I’m sure Jane told you my plans. That’s where I’m going this afternoon. What needs to be said?”
Charles disliked being the bearer of bad tidings. “Jane, you know, is the eternal optimist. For some time now the doctors have not been. I won’t play games with you, Will. Lizzy’s chances of emerging from this coma become smaller with each passing day. Even if she does wake up, her condition is an unknown. She suffered trauma to the skull and brain swelling which caused her to slip into the coma in the first place. There may be brain damage. Hell, there is damage to the brain tissue, the scans have shown that. What effect it would have is not clear.”
“You’re a little ray of sunshine this morning,” said Will bitterly.
“I want you to know all the facts before you get your hopes too high.” Charles rested his elbows on the desk and leaned forward. “I’ve supported Jane through the last three months and it’s not been easy. She was devastated by her sister’s situation but refused to believe the worst the doctors predicted. She was near to what you might say is giving up, but others call facing reality, when your intervention infused her with new hope. Jane is fragile right now and I know you are not at your strongest, either. I’m not accustomed to being the grounding rod for you, Will, but if I have to keep you from tipping over the edge I’d rather start now before you convince yourself Lizzy’s recovery is in your hands.” The way his friend looked away confirmed the accuracy of his concern. “I’m not trying to dissuade you from helping, Will, just don’t fall into that easy trap of believing your involvement could be the difference. Lord knows I want Lizzy back with us just as much as anyone but not at the expense of my wife and my best friend.”
Will regarded him silently for a moment. Finally, he nodded and quietly said, “I understand, Charles, but I have one question for you. What would you do if it was Jane in that hospital bed instead of Lizzy?”
Will didn’t waste any time in setting up a routine with his visits to the hospital. Not only did he show up punctually each day but he also began bringing personal belongings that Jane provided from her sister’s items that were in storage. The hospital room was quickly being transformed from a cold, dispassionate place to one filled with character and life. Stuffed animals, photos and favourite articles of clothing surrounded Elizabeth. Will sought out anything with the scent of honeysuckle, one day bringing in an armload of candles and using his considerable influence to obtain permission to light them.
Jane was excited by all the changes. Each day she would find something new added and could hardly contain her enthusiasm when she spoke to her sister. “Oh, Lizzy! Just look at all the flowers today! I admit I’m starting to feel a little envious. Charles is wonderful and sweet, and I’d never trade him in, but such attention that Will is lavishing on you is every woman’s dream.”
Even the nurses were impressed, and some moved, to see the young man’s daily perseverance. It was a shame, many thought, that he received nothing in return.
For the first week Will had Georgiana’s support when he came home after each visit. Those first days were the most difficult for him, especially following Charles’ demoralising chat in his office. It was not in Will’s nature to accept a loss without having made an attempt to win, however. He was initially surprised at his friend’s unusually detached view of the case but eventually understood that the same quality which made Charles an excellent corporate lawyer was being applied to protect his family and friend. Will was thankful for it, knowing that Charles would be available whenever he needed reminding of his place.
Georgiana was somewhat reluctant to return to Vancouver. Her practice, however, required her attention and she felt she was leaving her brother in good hands once more.
“I’ll call you every day,” she promised, hugging him as they said goodbye at the airport. “Will, take care of yourself. I made extra for dinner every day this week so there’s more in the freezer for you.” His laughter brought a big smile to her face. “Okay, so I’m becoming mom after all! Don’t laugh at me!”
“I’m not laughing at you,” he said, covering his mouth to stifle just that.
She swatted his shoulder. “If I miss you when I call, promise me you’ll call back.”
“I will,” he said more seriously. “I promise.” He gave her a push toward the doors. “You’ll miss your flight.”
Georgiana obediently made her way to the exit, turning around to wave at him before she disappeared. He wasn’t completely healed but she would have to be content with leaving Will in a better state than she’d found him only seven days previously.
Three weeks passed quickly. Will’s days were full, scheduling meetings in the mornings and, when impossible to fit them all in, moving some to an evening hour. He refused to give up his afternoons. His time with Elizabeth was precious but demanding. Research took on a whole new meaning as he sought information to assist in his efforts to encourage a response from her. It was essential to maintain the pattern of his visits and so he maintained regular habits, his entrance to her room beginning with the lighting of a candle, closing the blinds to shut out the bright light that spilled in from the hall, before drawing a chair up beside the bed. There he would fill her in on the news of the day or share amusing memories from his own childhood while applying the lotion as Jane taught him. Then he would simply read to her. It didn’t take long before he was able to tune out the noises from the equipment and just concentrate on the one sound from the heart monitor. It was a slow, unchanging rhythm and the tempo of his recital kept pace.
At the end of his visit the candle was extinguished, leaving the room in shadow, and for a few moments Will would sit quietly, studying Elizabeth’s face; the curve of her cheek, her lips slightly parted as they lay slack. His farewell was the same each day; soft caresses he placed upon her hand and brow, an affirmation of his love for her, and then the promise to return the next day.
The overnight shift was not quiet throughout a hospital. Birth and death have no respect for civilisation’s clock. While the maternity floor might welcome new life and joyous parents, the intensive care unit more often called relatives in the small hours to hurry to a bedside before it was too late.
Shifts changed, hours crawled by and the nurses made their rounds to check on each patient in turn, administering medications, changing IV bags and taking other pertinent observations dependent upon the individual case.
Elizabeth Bennet’s room had become a point of interest for there was always something new added to it every day. Although they kept to their regular routine, each nurse looked forward to seeing Miss Bennet’s name was next on her list so that the latest object could be discovered.
That particular evening a music box stood on the table near the patient’s head. The nurse admired the simple elegance of the crystal and could not resist winding the mechanism. Delicate notes like tiny bells chimed a tune which she recognised but was unable to name. She tried to recall the title as she recorded blood pressure, heart rate, made the routine checks, but finally had to look at the bottom of the music box. She smiled when she saw what was written there.
You Are My Sunshine
She turned to look over her shoulder at the door, expecting to see someone there and was surprised to see no one. Sure that some movement had caught her peripheral vision, the nurse frowned. She did a visual inspection of the room to make certain everything was where it should be. Then she observed the patient for a full five minutes on the remote chance that Miss Bennet had moved.
However, whatever it had been did not seem inclined to repeat itself. The nurse shrugged and went on to her next patient, reminding herself to make a note in her log book at the nurses station.
The soft chimes of the music could be heard down the hall.
Jane was waiting when Will entered the hospital room. He smiled a surprised greeting before seeing that Elizabeth was gone.
"Where is she?" he demanded, fear squeezing his heart.
"Don't panic, Will." Jane quickly assured him that nothing was wrong; Elizabeth had been taken to another floor for an MRI scan. "They do the scan periodically but when I learned another would be done this afternoon I stayed just to let you know as soon as you got here."
He thanked her for her thoughtfulness and sat down. "How long does this take?"
"Shouldn't be much longer." Jane looked at him thoughtfully for a few minutes. "Will, have you noticed anything different lately?"
He turned to face her. "What do you mean?"
"I'm not sure exactly. It's like I see something but then I don't."
"You're not making much sense, Jane." Will grinned.
She laughed lightly. "Yeah, Charles says that all the time. Seriously, though, the last few days when I've been here with Lizzy it's like I almost see her cheek twitch or her eyelids move but then I look closely and there's nothing."
"Did you mention this to the nurses or doctors?"
She shook her head. "I was afraid it was my imagination. I so want to see a change with all that you've done. Even the therapists have made use of the things you've brought in."
"I'm glad to hear it." Impatient, Will got up from the chair to walk around the room. He picked up a stuffed toy, seemingly examining it.
"I gave that to Lizzy on her sixteenth birthday," said Jane, smiling with fond remembrance. She proceeded to tell him stories from their childhood. Charles had heard them many times and Jane was delighted to have a fresh audience in Will. He was genuinely interested, their waiting time was pleasantly spent and when the orderlies wheeled Elizabeth into the room both Jane and Will felt a surge of relief.
Jane knew it was pointless to ask questions of the orderlies but as soon as a nurse appeared to ensure all of the monitors were properly attached she began.
"How was the scan?"
The nurse smiled. "She behaved herself. You'll be pleased to know that Dr. Hanson is reviewing the results now. He'll most likely be up here within the next half hour."
"Great!" Jane turned to Will. "I'll just give Charles a call to tell him I'll be late and be right back."
He nodded, then sat down out of the way of the activity around the bed. He thought about all that Jane had said, realising with a pang of envy that he had no such memories of time shared with Elizabeth. Will had never meant anything to her.
Soon enough he was left alone in the room, Elizabeth's silent presence bringing him more questions than comfort.
What if this is all I ever share with her? God willing, when she awakens, what would I do if she tells me to go and never come back?
The very thought filled him with such dismay that Will felt nearly overpowered. He recognised the signs and knew he was in danger of slipping back into that black void from which Georgiana had worked so hard to free him. He refused to allow it.
Moving to the bed, he stood looking down at Elizabeth's closed eyes. "I'm staying whether you want me here or not. I'll love you whether or not you want that, either."
Her passion for the subject fascinated him; she was so intelligent and sympathetic to the plights of others.
“It’s quite simple, really,” she said with only a trace of exasperation. “Perhaps you just prefer to remain ignorant.”
He couldn’t disregard her undisguised challenge. “You are presuming two things with that suggestion, neither of which is necessarily true.” The surprise in her expression made his mouth twitch with amusement. “However, if you feel the need to enlighten me further...”
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Give you a chance to tell me how wrong I am, that I’m a misguided, gullible, bleeding heart? Well, I’ll pass, thank you.”
Her reply was not what he expected and his brows drew together in a frown. “I would never presume to call you gullible nor a bleeding heart.”
She stared at him for a moment, perplexed, then shook her head. ‘They warn us that doing this job too long will make us paranoid. I’m sorry if I offended you.”
“You did not,” he said, very simply and quietly.
Jane's soft voice called to him from the doorway. "Will, would you come with me to speak with Dr. Hanson?"
He was thankful for the inclusion and said as much. Taking his hand, Jane wished she could ease his mind on the one point which remained a mystery; would Lizzy love him when she returned to them?
Posted on Sunday, 30 October 2005
"Increased cortical activity. So, what does that mean, exactly?" Charles looked from one excited face to the other.
"It's possible that her brain is compensating for the damage done to some parts and has rerouted processing to areas unaffected. What those functions are is not known at this point," explained Will.
Jane added, "But Dr. Hanson says it's a positive sign! With all the stimuli being applied lately he feels it is directly related."
Charles nodded, still cautious. "Is this the only improvement he noted?"
"Well," said Jane, glancing aside at Will. "I have for some time thought I may have seen some signs of movement but didn't say anything about it. I wasn't entirely sure it wasn't just my imagination."
"However," Will continued for her, "apparently two nurses reported similar experiences."
"Really?" Charles was surprised. "What happens now?"
Jane quickly explained that everything they'd been doing would be continued with greater attention to subtle responses on Elizabeth's part. Whenever a response was seen or suspected it would be recorded in a log, along with a notation about the activity and environmental stimulus at the time. She cautioned her husband that it would be a long road yet. It could be months before Elizabeth reached a state that might be considered conscious. "When I think how the prognosis has changed in such a short time I really believe it's down to all you've done, Will."
Will wanted to believe it, too. He was doubly determined to find out what was working, what provoked a response in Elizabeth. He diligently kept his own log book as well as making entries in the hospital’s version. No question went unasked; if he thought of one in the middle of the night at home it would be written down to be repeated the next day at the first opportunity.
Charles watched him carefully at work. At the first sign that Will’s focus was straying too far in the direction of obsessive he would take his friend aside and tacitly remind him of his other responsibilities. Will was grateful for there was too much at stake to let either the company or Lizzy slip from his care.
On an especially rushed day he found great relief in the visit to Lizzy’s bedside, allowing him an interval of peace in his otherwise hectic existence. Such a day put him to the test when the physiotherapist arrived shortly before Will was to leave. The interruption to his routine was disconcerting. Will considered his goodbye to Elizabeth as private, the most intimate part of his visit with her. The therapist's intrusion was unwelcome. Rather than apologise and depart, the man was impatient as if expecting Will to get out of his way. This was furthest from his mind, however, and Will was faced with the choice of drawing the other man out of the room to tell him off or try to conclude his visit in the usual manner. The latter, sadly, was impossible. Will's mood had altered sharply and he was unable to calm himself enough, nor was he particularly pleased to have an audience. Rather than frustrate himself further, he gestured to the therapist to follow him into the hallway where they proceeded to have words.
Will Darcy was unaccustomed to defiance of his directions but when he informed the therapist that he would have to wait until Will's visit had come to its natural conclusion the man immediately countered with the same arrogant stubbornness. His time was money, or so he claimed, and Will could leave or stay but not in the patient's room while he performed his work.
This cold manner rankled Will even more. He stood his ground, refusing to allow access. It didn't take long for the ICU nurses to notice the confrontation. Security was summoned while two of the nurses approached to speak with the pair.
"In the time you've spent arguing, Mr. Darcy could have concluded his visit three times over. Mr. Timmons, another five minutes' wait would not ruin your schedule."
Will didn't feel particularly generous but he thanked her for her assistance when Timmons removed himself from the scene, saying he would be back in half an hour.
"Perhaps you'd like to take a few minutes to calm down, too," the nurse suggested. "It wouldn't do to say your goodbye to Miss Bennet while you are angry and upset."
Will nodded. He suddenly realised just how tired he was. Pulling over a chair from across the corridor, he stationed it beside Elizabeth's door and sat down heavily. Then he leaned his head back against the wall and stared at the ceiling, concentrating on his breathing. The rhythm slowed, his breaths became deeper, drawing in more oxygen to relieve his fatigued brain. Soon he felt relaxed enough to join Elizabeth again.
It was the first time he'd entered her room into the ambience he had created. Immediately Will was exhilarated by the delicate aroma of the candles' perfume. Images of Elizabeth flashed through his mind one after another, the flickering light from the flames accentuating the surreal effect. Blindly, he reached for the chair, lowering himself into it slowly while taking Elizabeth's hand in his. His tongue felt thick, he couldn't speak. He simply stroked her hand then raised it, pressing the fingers against his lips, his eyes tightly closed.
Her presence there was unexpected though hardly unwelcome. Stretched out upon the beach chair, tanned skin exposed to the sun with tiny flecks of sand sparkling across her belly, he was brought up short at the sight. He stood, able only to admire her silently and wishing his lips would express the feelings he kept hidden deep inside. Her laughter reached his ears, as delicate and beautiful as herself. Her sense of humour was rich and perceptive. Awe kept him at a distance; beauty and intelligence so combined could not be so carelessly approached.
Will had no concept of passing time. How long he sat there he couldn't guess but with a jolt he became aware of the room once more. He tried to determine what had pulled him from that dreamlike state when it happened again.
Elizabeth's fingers moved!
The rush of excitement that fired through him was followed by an attempt to rein in his frantic thoughts. He squeezed her fingers lightly, then looked at her face only to find that her eyes were no longer closed. Not quite open, either, she seemed to stare through him, her face as expressionless as ever.
Will found himself wondering how long she had been looking at him. "Lizzy," he whispered urgently. "Lizzy, keep fighting. I know you can do it. I know you want to come back to us." Jane! He had to call Jane but to leave Elizabeth now was unthinkable! Will grabbed the cable to call for the nurse, pushing the button repeatedly.
Two nurses responded to the page, hurrying into the room. Will's excited babbling was difficult to understand but there was no mistaking his intent. As one briskly began examining her patient thoroughly and making notations, the other left to call the doctors and Jane.
It was impossible for Will to release Elizabeth's hand. He repeatedly brought it to his lips, softly kissing her fingers, her palm; pressing her hand to his cheek. After a few moments her eyes fluttered closed; disappointment settled over him.
"Don't be dismayed," said the nurse as if she could read his thoughts. "It looks like she's made a start but these recoveries take time. Patience is very important."
Will was grateful when she left. Maintaining his hold on one hand, he gently touched Elizabeth's cheek with a finger, caressing the curve of her skin.
Her fingers moved against his own.
Delighted, Will grinned. "If I'm annoying you just tell me. It won't mean I'll stop, though. Not as long as I get a reaction from you." Sighing happily, he made himself comfortable in the chair, awaiting the arrival of Jane and Elizabeth's doctors.
Her quality was unparalleled. Nobody could tell him of her flaws; he dismissed them with an impatient grunt. His eyes never left her, drinking her in slowly, like a fine, aged wine.....
"Will?" Charles gently shook his shoulder.
Opening his eyes, Will took in his surroundings and realised he had fallen asleep at Elizabeth's bedside. Instantly, his head swung around to focus on her face; her hand still rested in his.
Jane stood on the opposite side of the bed, watching him, an enquiring look in her eyes. "We got here as quickly as we could. What happened?"
Will's face broke out in a huge smile and excitedly he said, "She opened her eyes, Jane! Only for a little while but they were open and she squeezed my fingers, too!" He turned to Charles. "I swear I didn't imagine it. The nurses were here, too."
His friend laughed. "Okay, I believe you!"
"Lizzy?" Jane called, her voice soft yet strong. "Lizzy, don't let Will have all the excitement. I expect to share in it, too. Okay, maybe not tonight. You've already made your appearance today but I mean it! If I have to sit here all day and night, I have to see for myself that you are making an effort." To Will she said, "Do you remember what you were doing or saying when it happened?"
"I don't know. Nothing different. In fact, I had my eyes closed, just lost in thought... memories of ... before." The thrill of feeling Elizabeth's fingers move within his gripped him again. "Something startled me out of my daydreaming and, while I was trying to figure out what, I felt her fingers move in my hand. Then I saw her eyes were open!"
Jane laughed. "I'm actually jealous, Will. I always thought I'd be the one to see the first signs but as it is I am so happy just to know it's happening at last!"
At these words the neurologist entered the room, glancing over the chart he'd picked up at the nurses' station. "Try not to be too hasty, Mrs. Bingley," he said. "Let's determine what stage Elizabeth is at before making plans for a homecoming." He asked several questions of Will, consulted the chart again as well as the log notes kept at the foot of the bed. "Well," he finally said. "These are still very early signs but it's far more than we've seen in the last few months. There is no way to tell how long she may take to progress to a more cognitive state. Since the periods of, I won't call it wakefulness just yet but when you do notice her eyes are open it's not going to be for long periods. Not enough time for a doctor or nurse to arrive to test responsiveness in most instances. I'll leave some instructions for you, simple reaction tests you may employ if you suspect Elizabeth of being in a more conscious state. Other than that, at this point, keep doing as you have been and we'll upgrade the level of monitoring, physio, etc."
After the high emotions they'd been feeling, the doctor's speech left Jane, Charles and Will rather deflated. Although Will was exhausted, he accepted Charles' invitation to go back to their house for some dinner. The meal restored some of his energy and afterward the three of them sat on the deck enjoying the warm summer evening.
Jane could not help thinking that the next year her sister might be joining them and it caused her to sigh out loud.
"What is it, dear?" enquired Charles, thinking his wife had considered something unpleasant.
"I was just thinking how great it will be to have Lizzy here with us next summer." She had a foolish grin. " I know, I'm getting ahead of myself but I can't help it!" Will admitted to thinking ahead, which came as no surprise, but when Charles confessed his own thoughts had been of the day Elizabeth would leave the hospital and move into the Bingley home Jane was astonished. He had always been, if not pessimistic, at least the realist of the two. Her husband's change of outlook only strengthened her own happy expectations.
It was another ten days before anything new was noted in Elizabeth's condition. She had been periodically opening her eyes each day, sometimes for as long as thirty minutes at a time. On this particular day Jane noticed her sister actually seemed to be watching her, not simply staring off into nowhere. She moved closer, deliberately taking the long way around the end of the bed to see if Elizabeth's eyes followed her. She was thrilled to see that they did!
"Which one would you like to hear?" she cheerfully asked, a cd in each hand. Holding the left one out, she said, "This is a fast moving, bouncy collection but this is soft, romantic jazz." Jane kept her gaze on Elizabeth, looking for anything, any small flash of response to her words. "Will's coming soon. Maybe the jazz is the way to go." She wanted to think she'd seen Elizabeth's eyelids flicker when she mentioned Will but imagination was a powerful thing and could be a wicked tormenter. She put the second cd on anyway and proceeded to talk about him.
"I was stunned when told Will was in love with you, you know. I never noticed it but then I wondered if you had. You didn't have anything nice to say about him, ever, but the last month has opened my eyes to the depth of his feelings. He really does love you, Lizzy, so much so that he might have had a complete breakdown because of what George Wickham did to you. Charles intervened in time, thank goodness. I don't want to even imagine what would have happened otherwise." As she spoke, Jane gently rubbed Elizabeth's hand between her palms. "He's so excited to see your improvements. Is there something new to show him today? I think there is, Lizzy. Let's see how long it takes him to notice, but you'll have to play, too!"
"What are you playing?" Will had come in to hear the last of her comment.
"You have to guess!" laughed Jane.
"I do?" Will wore a big smile but it was his bright yellow shirt which drew attention. As he stepped toward the bed Elizabeth's eyes followed. Jane noticed immediately. Will bent over Elizabeth and kissed her forehead. "Hello, beautiful," he whispered. He shifted his focus to one of the monitors. "Jane, did you see this? Lizzy's heart rate has increased. It's not that slow, steady pace of the comatose patient. Have you been working her too hard?" He grinned.
Jane, however, was surprised. She hadn't even looked at those monitors. "No," she teased. "It's obviously your presence. Don't all the girls' hearts go aflutter when you walk into the room?"
Will snorted. "There's only one heart that interests me and it does seem to have quickened." He suddenly realised he was being watched. "Hey! Lizzy?" Sitting on the edge of the bed, Will took her hand and squeezed it. "Come on, you can do it," he urged, his eyes travelling back and forth between hers, the heart monitor and their hands. Elizabeth's pulse had gone up again when he'd touched her. Will grinned. "Either you like me and are pleased to see me or I'm annoying the hell out of you!"
"Will!" Jane laughed. Tears were flowing, the combination of laughter and turbulent emotions caused by her sister's recent strides.
Elizabeth's fingers twitched in Will's grasp. He couldn't stop grinning. "That's my girl! You know, I expect you to honour me with your first dance when you leave here. I won't take no for an answer." He winked at Jane. "And while we're on the subject, dinner is a must as well."
Posted on Sunday, 6 November 2005
The water was dark. It was deep... and it was soothing, inviting a sense of security. Further below could be felt the tug of an undertow; seductive, alluring and so easy to be swept away.....
“Now that we’ve established Elizabeth is tracking movement and has attained a level of recognisable consciousness we can look for signs of further advancement such as responding to verbal commands. Since she has made no sounds, intelligible or otherwise, that is consistent with such an early stage of recovery as well as her reflexive responses.”
Charles, with a quick glance at the others, took the position of intermediary. “What can we expect?”
Dr. Hansen tapped a file on his desk. “More extensive investigation has revealed the damaged areas of her brain would limit the control of her right side, noticeably the arm and leg, as well as a portion of the speech centre being affected.” He observed each of the people sitting opposite him. “Speech may be relearned. Only when Elizabeth has achieved a more cognitive and interactive state will we be able to determine the probability of success in rehabilitation.”
Jane nudged her husband’s elbow. He nodded and she addressed the doctor. “What of her chances of recovering the use of her arm and leg, at least sufficiently for her to get around unaided? Lizzy has always been active; walking, swimming. I cannot imagine her easily accepting a comparatively idle life.”
“Elizabeth’s acceptance is a matter that must be addressed on another level entirely,” he replied. “Physically, tests have shown that her autonomic responses, reflexes, for her right side are below that of her left. Her age works in her favour since a younger brain has a greater chance of adjusting to the death of a portion of its tissue, what we refer to as neural plasticity. This at least encourages the possibility of her achieving an adequate level of use depending upon therapy and application and providing no complications arise.”
“Complications?” Will leaned forward in his chair. “What sort of complications?”
“Generally speaking, we are still at a very early phase of her recovery process. Elizabeth’s potential is very much an unknown at this point. We wait, watch, evaluate and test. There is no timetable, no expectation to reach the next benchmark at a specific date. Very little can be predicted and any development could be considered unexpected, hopefully not bringing with it a complication.”
Ten minutes later Will and Jane sat dazedly looking at Charles. Will’s voice broke the silence.
“Do we know any more now than we did an hour ago? Really?”
Jane frowned, emotions bruised from being tossed about so haphazardly. “Yes. I mean, no. We’ve always taken it day by day and that’s not going to change. Damn, I wish someone could just give us a definitive answer; tell us she’ll be fine, she’ll never walk again or we’re wasting our time!”
“Jane!” Grasping her hands, Will held them tightly, his eyes staring intently until she looked up to meet them. “We’re not wasting our time. Lizzy is going to be alright. She won’t be the same, that could never be after what has happened, but she’s trying! I believe in her. I believe in her will to survive and her desire to return. She’ll fight for it.”
“Will.” Charles’ tone was sharp. Both his wife and friend were startled. “Will, don’t confuse Elizabeth with yourself. You are the one driven to succeed in everything you do, not Lizzy. As much as you hate to hear this, you aren’t calling the shots this time. Everything is not within your control so you’re just going to have to wait and see like the rest of us.”
Will’s spine stiffened and his expression grew stony. “I don’t sit and wait, Charles. You can’t tell me that my efforts haven’t made a difference. I am not going to stop. Elizabeth is like a ... a butterfly about to leave a cocoon! The tremors are there, the life inside is struggling to get out and I’ll be damned if I let anyone convince me otherwise!”
“He’s right, Charles.” Jane’s soft voice disturbed the tension between the two men. “You never knew Lizzy like I do. She might not be driven to win but she is a fighter. Life and living was always her passion and she won’t give up now that she’s begun, I’m sure of it.”
He had to admit that his knowledge was limited with regard to his sister-in-law and that Jane, despite her perennially optimistic outlook on life, was never delusional. How accurate Will’s assessment could be was questionable but Charles did not doubt that his friend had made every effort to learn as much as possible about Elizabeth Bennet from the moment she had caught his eye. Observation and deduction were his two strongest attributes. “I apologise if you thought I was trying to discourage you. I wish I could look ahead and be confident like both of you but the truth is that if, if the worst should happen, then someone has to pick up the pieces and that someone’s going to have to be me.” He could see the indecision in his wife’s eyes, how she was torn between believing in her sister and wanting to trust in her husband. Stretching out his hand to her, Charles drew her close and then reached his other hand toward Will. “We will survive anything together.”
Movement.
No longer was it the rarity during visits. As anticipated, her left limbs showed greater success with any attempts to move them. More than her gaze followed her visitors for she tried to turn her head when they left her field of vision. She was responding to the voices of her visitors, therapists and the nurses. Will and Jane tested her frequently, pushing Elizabeth to make new achievements, while carefully watching to ensure they did not ask for more than she could give. Such progress meant she could be moved from the shelter of ICU to a room closer to the rehabilitation facilities, her collection of stuffed animals and Will’s gifts going with her to maintain the personal feel of her surroundings.
Their biggest stumbling block was communication. Jane was continually trying to determine her sister’s level of comprehension, encouraging her to respond even in a primitive manner. She’d had little success, nothing concrete to form a conclusion, despite the various tools she had provided. Flash cards, bliss symbols, photographs and even hastily drawn pictures did not seem to have any effect.
The day that Elizabeth made her first sound sent Jane into a flurry of activity.
“What did you say?” was her astonished reaction. She could sense Elizabeth’s frustration with her limited abilities and briefly wondered if it had initiated the step forward into testing her voice. “Do you want something?” She reached for the page of bliss symbols, trying to anticipate the answer.
Elizabeth’s face contorted with the effort to produce the sound again. When Jane put the page within reach she finally managed an inarticulate noise.
“I’m sorry I don’t understand, Lizzy, but it will get better. You’ve come so far already!” Jane sat down on the bed, pulling a small photo album off the table beside it. Opening the book to the first picture, she held it so that her sister could see. “Do you remember this one? Mom insisted I wear that hideous dress and you managed to sneak my favourite out of the house so I could change before we got to the dance.” She turned the page. “Oh, look at you here! I don’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful than you did at my wedding.” Jane felt Elizabeth’s hand bump against her arm. “Would you like a closer look?” she asked, shifting her seat to move the picture nearer. The album slipped from her grasp and Jane cried out as it fell to the floor. Bending down to retrieve it, tears welled up with her own sense of failure. Photos had slipped from the pages, loosely scattered across the tiles. As she collected them Jane hardly knew what she was feeling. The excitement with the changes in her sister’s condition had disguised the stress and fatigue that had been building for months. She hoped for the strength to hold herself together for another ten minutes, just until Elizabeth’s next therapy session was scheduled.
The last photo on the floor was of the two sisters, typical teenagers making faces for the camera. Jane couldn’t stop herself from laughing.
“Lizzy, after saying how beautiful you were in one picture I find this! Can you believe how silly we were?” In a matter of seconds, through her mind passed countless memories of the hours and days she had spent at the hospital, hoping, praying and eventually being rewarded. “We’ll be able to be silly again very soon.”
There was the beginning of a smile in Elizabeth’s eyes which only improved as Jane wrapped her arms around her sister and hugged her close.
By what standard can a man be judged? The possible combinations were known by rote but all seemed worthless as comparisons. The world had turned upside down and everything familiar was no more.
Elizabeth’s achievements were marked on a large chart which hung in her room. At times the progress seemed slow, even took a step backward, but each degree of her recovery was witnessed, encouraged and celebrated by Jane, Charles and Will. There was no shortage of therapists or professionals in any capacity that Will thought might be helpful in her recovery. In the space of time he had spent with her, she had emerged from the coma and was relearning speech as well as regaining control of her motor functions. Walking and talking had never seemed so difficult!
Despite Elizabeth’s willingness to work there was also an ingrained stubbornness that showed itself in specific forms and at particular times. At no time would she speak when Will was present and even his provoking comments failed to entice her from that mind set. He read her items from the newspapers, choosing those stories he thought would most arouse her interest. She appeared to listen attentively but never indicated a desire to pursue more information.
Will longed to hear her voice, however, and tried to temper his disappointment, knowing that Elizabeth spoke only to a select few individuals. He should not take it personally but it was difficult not to feel a certain amount of rejection, though he carefully hid it while in her presence.
As therapy sessions took up more of her time Elizabeth now saw less of Will. He still visited daily but she was often in another part of the hospital when he arrived and would return to her room to find him waiting there. While both Jane and Will assisted with her physical rehabilitation, Elizabeth viewed the time spent afterward with Will as relaxing following the trials of her daily challenges.
There were good days and bad days, not always consistent on every level. A good speech session might be followed by an afternoon of physical setbacks. Each day brought with it the potential for anything to happen. No matter what transpired, Elizabeth welcomed her bed at the end of it all, exhausted.
Swept along with the rhythm it was easy to forget and even easier to forgive. Music had often felt hypnotic, the music of the waves was the same; life’s gentle cadence bringing two very different worlds together briefly... so very briefly....
She was angry. They didn’t understand and she couldn’t make them understand. Swinging her head back and forth, Elizabeth sent her arm swinging wildly, making contact with a nearby tray and sending its contents flying. It only made her more frustrated and she began to hit her hand on the arm of her wheelchair, faster and with more force as her anger was released. One of the therapists moved forward to put a stop to her tantrum but Will was there before him.
“Lizzy!” he shouted over the noise she was making. He grabbed for her wrist and held her fast while Elizabeth continued to struggle, growling out her anger. “Lizzy,” he said again, insistently. “Enough! Calm down, Elizabeth. Calm down.” His voice dropped to a whisper, his arms wrapped around her and she was held tightly in his embrace. Soon her angry tears gave way to sobs and Elizabeth’s entire body sagged against Will’s.
He motioned to the others to leave and when he was alone with her, Will slowly released Elizabeth. He placed a finger under her chin, tilting her face upward to read what was in her eyes. Pain and fear but, most of all, exhaustion was written there.
“You’re pushing too hard, demanding more of yourself than you can do right now. Don’t be in such a hurry that it does you more harm than good.”
She allowed her eyes to close, searching for an elusive inner peace. The touch of his hand on hers was not distracting. Rather, it provided a point of focus. Elizabeth’s breathing slowed and the tension in her muscles flowed away. When she opened her eyes it was to see Will smiling slightly, his eyes warm and inviting.
“Better?” he asked.
Elizabeth nodded, squeezing gently on his fingers.
“Shall we continue where you left off or work on something else?” Will looked at her expectantly.
Elizabeth studied him for several seconds as if judging the strength of his resolve, then she gestured to the weights she had been using prior to her outburst. He retrieved them from the table and held them out to her. There was a pause before she reached out but only her right hand rested upon his; Elizabeth’s left hand rose to touch Will’s face. As softly as she could manage, her fingers traced along his cheek and nose, finally coming to rest against his lips. Her voice was silent but her eyes no longer held the fear he’d seen earlier.
Will’s own eyes closed and he exhaled slowly between barely parted lips, his breath hot on her fingertips.
The sharp intake was overheard. She turned her head in time to see him beat a hasty retreat. The sand provided mute evidence of his hesitation; deep imprints where he had turned quickly.
“Wasn’t that Charles’ friend?” she asked.
Jane turned to look over her shoulder. “Where?”
“He just disappeared. Why didn’t he say something?” She frowned. He was better looking than she remembered him from their brief and unfriendly meeting months before. Much better looking, especially those tanned legs and the way his shorts —
“Lizzy, I’m going to get another drink. Do you want one?”
“Hmmm?” She looked up, distracted. “Yeah, sure. Thanks.” The lure of the ocean drew her to the water’s edge while awaiting Jane’s return. Perhaps a quick dip would tame her wandering imagination.
Posted on Sunday, 13 November 2005
Elizabeth stared silently at the wall. The chart which detailed the journey she had made thus far was a sea of colours, blurred by the mist in her eyes. She would be leaving this room, and the hospital, in a matter of days and was overjoyed to be doing so but at the same time terrified to move into what lay beyond; piecing together the rest of her life.
Jane and Charles had stated as fact that she was to live with them. There was no arguing the matter even if Elizabeth felt inclined. Truthfully, she was more grateful than could ever be expressed.
The Bingley home had been evaluated for its suitability of Elizabeth’s needs and suggestions were made for necessary changes to make all their lives easier. Then the occupational therapist had gone over it all with her patient to be sure she understood her limitations and could cope with the difficulties the new environment would present. Stairs would be the biggest danger and with Elizabeth’s stubborn pride often interfering with her good sense it was a very real concern.
Alone in her hospital room, Elizabeth scrutinised her image in the small mirror Jane had brought for her. Beautiful was what Will had called her. She saw only a gaunt face peering back, eyes underlined by the stress her body had undergone, small scars offering mute testimony to the brutal act that had been perpetrated upon her. She didn't even want to look at her hair; dry and brittle, it had been shorn close to her scalp for ease of care. For the first time since she had opened her eyes in the hospital and seen her sister and Will Darcy staring back at her Elizabeth felt the weight of despair.
Many long hours had been spent in therapies of all kinds, none of the exercises daunting her. It was her own body that she felt kept betraying her. Elizabeth faced each session with determination, drawing strength when she needed it from the presence of her supporters. There had been frustration and disappointment but nothing compared to what she felt upon seeing the reflection of a woman she did not recognise, knowing it was herself.
She closed her eyes and mouthed the words she had heard Will say a thousand times when he thought she was sleeping. You'll always be my beautiful Elizabeth.
Snatches of dreamlike memories surfaced; the touch of his hand on hers, the brush of his lips on her cheek. There was more; the scent of flowers, hundreds of flowers, filled her mind. A voice, whispering and urgent, loving and tender, professing a never ending devotion....
Elizabeth had never thought of Will Darcy as anything but a man with a heart sealed behind a vault door. That is, not until that time before Jane's wedding when he'd stolen her kisses and tried to convince her he was in love. Elizabeth had spurned him then, shocked at her own behaviour. Expecting George, it hadn't surprised her to feel a man's lips on her neck but when she had turned to kiss him as well it didn't take more than two seconds to realise he wasn't who she thought. Yet Elizabeth did not stop to find out whose kiss was far superior to anything George had given her. It just felt so right. She came to her senses quickly enough, though; shaken to discover she was in the arms of Will Darcy.
More upset with herself than with him, she lashed out with every insult she could think of but the hurt so evident in his eyes had caused her many a sleepless night afterward. In those dark hours she would again feel his kiss for it burned deep within her.
Although Elizabeth remembered nothing of the physical abuse she had experienced to result in her trip to the hospital and subsequent coma she did recall what had started that argument with George. Their relationship had not been one of respect, mutual or otherwise. Elizabeth had early on discovered that he was manipulative, a spendthrift and, later, womanising. There was one thing he could not stand, however; comparison with his old friend Will Darcy. In the heat of anger, swelled to monumental proportions by the discovery of George with another woman, Elizabeth had used this insecurity to taunt him, declaring Will the most passionate man she'd ever kissed and sending George into a jealous rage.
It was the last thing she remembered.
No mention of George Wickham had been made between her and Jane but Elizabeth wanted to know what had become of her former lover. She felt safe enough, knew that Will would never allow any further harm to come to her, but not knowing George’s fate filled her with fear nonetheless and she would not count on being forever under Will’s protection.
Along with guilt and gratitude came admiration for Will. She found it difficult to understand his faithfulness when she had stripped his hide clean that night in their romantic tropical setting. No, she did not want to be merely grateful for everything he’d done, for bringing her back from the blackness of oblivion. Will deserved so much more. He deserved her respect, her loyalty, but most of all her love. Yet did he want it? Did he want her with everything so different; she would never be the same, not the woman he had said he loved. She could never be the same again.
Elizabeth searched the eyes in the mirror. She felt only despair and disillusionment. Who was this creature staring back, pretending to house her soul in a body that was no longer her own? Until she could accept herself, love herself, how could she love Will? Yet part of her knew that she did love him and had begun to long before George had worked his evil on her.
Elizabeth yawned. Abandoning the mirror, she settled into bed, drew the blankets up to her chin and imagined herself tucked in the warmth of Will’s arms.
There was so much she wanted to say; to apologise for her behaviour, the things she’d said.... for slapping him. Every time she drew near him, though, it seemed that George appeared. The only time Elizabeth had spent alone with Will was their dance and it was hardly the time or place, while everyone else was watching them.
Amazingly, he had been perfectly polite, a gentleman with class enough to treat her as if nothing unpleasant had passed between them. She could not feel any worse. She could not feel less deserving.
The day of her discharge had finally arrived. Elizabeth had seen every inch of the hospital and hated it all. Jane and Charles would be taking her home before lunch and she could hardly wait to put the last year behind her. Every moment wasted on George Wickham was one to forget. Therapy would continue for a long time; exactly when she would, or if she could, be self-sufficient again was still unknown.
There was no great fanfare when she was wheeled from her room to the elevator although staff from the many departments she had frequented appeared to bid her farewell. The elevator doors closed and Elizabeth was alone with Jane and Charles. She closed her eyes, determined to keep the tears at bay until she could reach the sanctuary of her own room in Jane's home. Charles commented on the weather turning cooler, a forecast of rain for the week ahead, then the doors parted once more to release them on the main floor of the hospital. Charles navigated Elizabeth's chair through the corridors to the entrance where she at last saw Will. He was standing next to the open door of a minivan but upon the trio's approach stepped quickly forward.
Elizabeth's throat constricted with emotion. His smile sent her heart beating wildly and when he leaned down to whisper in her ear she could no longer hold back the tears.
"You didn't really think I'd miss this moment, did you?" Will asked and was astonished when she began to cry. "Oh, Lizzy!" he murmured, scooping her up from the chair, her arms wrapped around his neck and her face buried into his shoulder. He managed to place her in the van, sitting down next to her, whereupon Elizabeth promptly curled up against him.
It was a half hour to the Bingleys', even with Charles driving. Elizabeth had regained her control by then, taking an active interest in the passing urban landscape while Jane excitedly filled her in on everything that had changed. Will watched her in silence, relishing her excitement and rejoicing in the simple fact that she was living again.
How I love you so, Elizabeth! he silently told her, probably for the hundredth time. He caressed her face with his gaze, wanting to touch her yet afraid; the day's emotional toll on her would be overwhelming and he had no desire to add to the pressure.
Charles and Jane were out of the van as soon as it was parked, pulling Elizabeth's belongings from the back and taking them into the house. They left Will to assist her, knowing those few moments alone would have to last them for some time.
"Ready?"
Elizabeth took a steadying breath, nodding her head. Then she placed her hand in Will's as he helped her down to the gravel drive.
"I've got you," Will quickly assured when he saw her falter. His grip was strong and he slipped his other arm around her waist for more support. Elizabeth smiled at him, grateful for his attention to her safety and just because she liked the look he gave her when she did. She had paid close attention to how much his eyes revealed from the time she had awakened one day to find him staring past her, his expression one of such sadness and pain that she could hardly bear it. Elizabeth wondered how he could.
They took their time progressing along the walk and to the front door. Elizabeth had been frustrated with the slow improvement in the control of her legs; they still refused to cooperate and work together, often turning a foot inward when she most needed it straight. Will's patience amazed her. When she had first met him, and for a long time after that, she had considered him an obsessed professional with no time for the average joe. What she had learned during her weeks of therapy so far was that he was a hard worker, dedicated to meeting the goals he assigned himself regardless of the obstacles in his path. Elizabeth had quickly adopted his philosophy, applying it to her therapy whenever a setback threatened to defeat her.
The house was dark inside after the brighter light of the outdoors. Elizabeth stood in the doorway, leaning on Will, while her eyes adjusted. When she felt comfortable in venturing forward again she squeezed Will's hand, a signal they had developed early on in her recovery to tell him she was prepared to continue. He led her to the sofa, finally releasing her when she was relaxed.
"Now that I've seen you home safe and sound, young lady, I must return to the office."
"Must you?" Jane asked, disappointed for his sake.
"Afraid so," he said with attempted cheerfulness. He looked down and saw in Elizabeth's eyes an expression of longing that made his heart jump. This was her first day home, however. He was not going to tire her by staying too long and he was fully aware of Jane's hope to have her sister quietly settled in.
"I'll drive you," Charles offered. "I have a few things to take care of, myself."
"Thanks." Will faced Elizabeth again. "No shirking your exercises once I've gone or I'll have to come back and make you do extra. Don't think Jane won't tell me if you play hooky, either!" He grinned at the latter, then hesitated only slightly before saying goodbye and slipping out the front door.
When the men were gone Jane moved closer to her sister, patting her knee. "Would you like something to drink, Lizzy? Are you hungry? I thought we might sit for a while before unpacking your things."
Elizabeth haltingly expressed her thanks and said a glass of water would be nice. They were the first words she had uttered that day. Relearning speech had not come easily and despite the hard work she was not comfortable in talking to anyone other than her therapist, Jane and the mirror. Thus their subsequent conversation was rather one sided. Jane's enthusiasm in having her sister at home made up for it, though. It was hardly an hour before Elizabeth was unable to disguise her yawns and Jane apologised for keeping her up so long.
The trip upstairs to the bedroom took longer than Jane had imagined. Her sister was tired and taking one step at a time as she had been instructed. Fortunately there were only five steps to negotiate and once at the top, with a brief rest, the remaining distance could be covered more quickly. Jane pointed out the bathroom beside Elizabeth’s room, then smiled as they entered the bedroom.
“Charles had your furniture moved from storage so you would feel more at home. I’ve put some things out on your dresser, within easy reach.” Picking up a decorous china bell Jane said, “You can ring this if you need me. I won’t be far.” She helped Elizabeth to undress then gave her some privacy, saying she'd come back to check on her later.
Most of the dresser was covered with the stuffed animals that used to fill her hospital room. Many were old favourites but some were new acquisitions. It seemed that Will had a soft spot for the cute puppies with bright eyes and several breeds were sharing space with her older kittens and bears. A smile graced Elizabeth’s lips as she picked up one of the pups and carried it back to the bed. She stretched herself out under the blankets, enjoying the feel of the sheets against her skin, then snuggled the stuffed toy under her chin. As she drifted off to sleep, Elizabeth hoped her dreams would be more pleasant now that she was home.
She stared after him in disbelief, her ears ringing with the sound of her own arrogance. Was he laughing at her? Was that why he had whispered so seductively in her ear, told her in essence that he admired her work and then simply walked away?
She followed him with her eyes as he crossed to the other side of the room, wanting to go with him and demand an explanation, but George had seen her come in and he was already making his way over to her. Elizabeth was not in the mood for his games. With an empty glass in hand she pursued Charles for a refill, managing to leave her boyfriend to share his angry glares with no one.
As she sipped her wine, thoughtfully turning over what little George had told her of his history with Will, Elizabeth considered the mystery of the man himself. He was not what she’d been led to believe, nor was he what she had originally thought; selfish, thoughtless and vain. Watching him stand silently near the doors leading back out to the deck, she shook her head in bewilderment.
Why did she feel the need to argue with him whenever he opened his mouth, no matter what he said, and why did he never seem to be angry with her when she did? What was it about the man that kept drawing her back?
Jane put aside her book and looked at the clock. Her sister had slept most of the afternoon and it would soon be time to start dinner. When she knocked softly on Elizabeth’s door she was surprised to see it open from the other side. “How did you sleep?” she asked with a welcoming smile.
“Fine.” Elizabeth was already dressed, her clothes hanging loosely on her thin body.
“I’m going to get dinner going now. Would you like to help?”
Her sister’s eyes lit up with interest and she nodded eagerly.
Jane walked ahead down the stairs, just in case Elizabeth slipped. Their progress was not fast and she talked the entire time. “Charles should be home in an hour or so. I thought we’d have some chicken, a salad, how about mashed potatoes? You always liked them.”
They made it to the kitchen where Elizabeth sat down at the table. Jane took the vegetables from the fridge and set them, along with a large bowl and cutting board, on the table in front of Lizzy. Then she started getting the chicken prepared for the oven. Glancing over, she was pleased to see her sister breaking up the lettuce for the salad. “I would have gotten a decadent dessert to celebrate but since you shouldn’t have anything that rich yet I thought it would be cruel to tease you.”
“Will?” Elizabeth asked, the one word filled with emotion.
Jane shook her head. “He won’t be here tonight, Lizzy. It’s just the three of us.” She felt a small twinge of guilt for excluding Will from this first dinner but really didn’t want to share that moment with anyone else, even Will Darcy. Jane was rarely selfish but this time she was not going to give in. Fortunately Will was understanding and, although Jane had no idea how Elizabeth felt about him, she hoped any disappointment would be minimal. In any case, the weekend would see Will returning for a visit and Lizzy should be more rested by then. Jane also planned to discover what her feelings were about the man before he landed on their doorstep again.
Elizabeth said nothing, applying herself to the shredding of the lettuce.
The chicken went into the oven and Jane brought a knife to the table to begin cutting the other vegetables. “Lizzy,” she cautiously said. “I’m sorry if you expected Will to come back. I wanted it to just be us tonight.” She placed her hand over her sister’s. “Does it upset you, his not being here?” Elizabeth quickly shook her head but averted her face. Jane’s expression changed to one of concern. “He did call while you were sleeping, to make sure you were alright. I guess he misses you, too.” She noticed the flutter of her sister’s eyelids at that. “I won’t press you on the subject now but we do need to talk about it, about him, over the next few days.” Jane was concerned for both of them. Will had invested so much of himself in Elizabeth that it was unthinkable to shut him out now. Her sister, on the other hand, was not strong, physically or mentally, and she feared any pressure from him might set Elizabeth back in her recovery. Jane could tell that she was hurt by Will’s absence and it worried her even more; it seemed there was no way to avoid it.
Taking both of Elizabeth’s hands, she insisted that her sister look up. “Lizzy, I know it’s hard for you but please try to tell me what you are feeling. I love you and I can’t stand to see you hurting. I promise Will is going to come on Saturday. He’s just giving us this time to be family again.” Her worst fear was that Elizabeth would rely too much on him. That wasn’t good for either of them.
“Okay.” That was all she said, pulling her hands from Jane’s grasp and resuming her work on the lettuce.
Jane sighed, knowing her task was not going to be easy.
Posted on Sunday, 20 November 2005
It had been only two days but seemed like forever to Elizabeth. She looked forward with excitement when she awoke Saturday morning.
Jane had been unusually nosy, prying with all sorts of questions she knew had but one aim. Elizabeth was trying to figure out that answer herself. It may have been frustrating for her sister to get monosyllabic responses but Elizabeth’s frustration was greater. Her tongue refused to cooperate and she felt her speech was slow, unintelligible and downright useless. She simply could not form the words she needed, couldn’t make them come out of her mouth. Had she been able, then a phone call to Will would have solved her troubles. Elizabeth wanted to see him, wanted to be with him. The days had felt empty without Will Darcy.
It wasn’t that she had too much time to herself. There were still her therapy sessions to attend which kept Jane busy in driving them to and from the clinic. Will had suggested hiring a private therapist who could come to the house but Jane thought there would be more benefit in getting her sister out instead of keeping her confined indoors. Seeing the logic in that sent Will’s mind in motion once more, considering what other activities might serve the dual purpose of physical and mental therapy.
Elizabeth knew what she wanted but remained confused about the likelihood of it coming about. Should she even dare to hope? It seemed that Jane was just as baffled, extolling Will’s virtues one moment and the next voicing caution about expecting too much. Elizabeth knew she wasn’t being intentionally contrary, though. With all that had happened she could hardly blame her sister for being protective. Despite an apparent desire to cotton wrap Elizabeth’s feelings, Jane had spoken of Will’s; his steady attendance at the hospital and devoted efforts in the face of hopelessness. It was incredible! How such a man could exist, and to love her, Elizabeth Bennet, to love her despite the abuse she’d flung at him, should be impossible.
Yet the proof was undeniable. Will Darcy was there when she began the long, slow climb from darkness. He was there every day like clockwork and her struggling awareness had sought him, expected him, demanded his presence and rejoiced when she found it each time.
So Elizabeth had waited, impatiently, for Saturday to arrive. She was determined to convey to Will what she could not confess to her sister.
Stretching her body as she lay in bed, Elizabeth chose to take advantage of her high spirits and imagined Will as she had seen him countless times during that week before Jane’s wedding.
He had no idea how gorgeous he looked; tall and dark, impeccably dressed even in shorts and a tee shirt. She considered how unfortunate it was that she hadn’t gotten to know him before and that arrangements had already been made for her own boyfriend to join them later in the week. She could get quite used to seeing the Formidable Man in these surroundings and curiously entertained the notion of forgiving his slight of her own appearance early in their acquaintance.
In one swift movement he had pushed the hair back from his eyes, placing the laptop on the table and pulling up a chair. Even these mundane gestures showed an elegance and grace not present in most of the men she knew.
As she watched, his expression transformed rapidly as concentration became amusement, consternation changed to enlightenment and finally, his breakfast complete and the coffee cup empty, he closed the laptop and left the dining terrace.
It was too bad, thought Elizabeth, that George had been so insistent upon coming. In hindsight she knew it was because he was aware of Will’s presence and didn’t trust him. It wasn’t because of Will’s interest in herself, though. No, it was the history between the two men, what Will could tell her, warn her about George that was the driving force. She was sure George had no idea that Will even looked twice at her, let alone felt any attraction. After all, she hadn’t known it, either. Not until he’d kissed her.
She pushed him away, staring in horror; more horrified that she’d actually enjoyed it than at what he had done. “What are you doing!”
“Elizabeth,” he said, reaching for her lips again. “Can you not tell? Do you not know how much I want you?”
“Want me!” she cried, grasping at his words to find a weapon in them. “I’d say that was obvious and I know exactly what it is you want!”
His arms fell away from her, panic in his face. “You don’t understand. It’s not like that. Elizabeth, I love you!”
“Love me? That’s a good one.” She spat on the stones at his feet. “I couldn’t care less what delusions you’re suffering from, but you can believe me on this; I don’t want you!” He blinked in surprise, taking a step back. In his moment of confusion she slapped him, hard. He took it, stood there with eyes closed but his breathing harsh. “I don’t want you,” she repeated. “How could I? You are a self-centred, egotistical, thoughtless and arrogant pig! Did you think I’d fall into your arms because you are rich? I want a man with feelings, a man who’s not afraid to show a woman how she is loved. I don’t want a walking bank account who thinks he can snap his fingers to make me come running!”
“No.” The word was barely audible. She was sure he didn’t know he’d said it for it contained so much more than the one word could hold. She sensed regret and pain, desolation and abandonment. His eyes were holding her captive; she couldn’t breathe for the fear and loneliness they held.
Elizabeth let out a long sigh. Will hadn’t deserved such humiliation. It was her disgust with herself, the desire she had felt for him, that had made her lash out like that. What crime had he committed? She had no objection to his kiss, as unexpected as it was to find Will Darcy’s lips on hers. No, that had lived on long in her memory, offering escape in some of her darkest moments in the months which followed.
Taking up with George Wickham had been the worst decision of her life and not for the most obvious consequence. The time Elizabeth had wasted on that man could not be regained and the distance the relationship had put between her and the people she cared about was immeasurable. Jane and Charles were counted amongst the few of her friends and family to remain on speaking terms with her once George’s true colours were revealed. More amazing was that she continued to see him in spite of common sense which told her to get rid of him. She could only blame her own vanity, believing he was as salvageable as the many clients she had worked with over the years. She’d been looking for one more success.
It was an error which cost her more than she could have imagined.
The result was facing her as Elizabeth got out of bed and began the labourious process of getting washed and dressed. She wanted no assistance from Jane and would not ask for it, even though it meant the task would take that much longer to complete. Elizabeth had in mind to select something special from her limited wardrobe, an outfit that would make her look more attractive than she currently felt. She was to be disappointed, however. Her confidence was sinking the more she considered the twisted history shared with Will and the unknown future that lay before her. How could the two be reconciled? Elizabeth could not help thinking how unfair it would be to want him to stay if her disabilities proved permanent. At what point would she have to make that decision; ask him to stay or let him go?
“Alright, how are you holding up, Will?” He sounded so far away when he replied that Georgiana considered getting on the next plane. “I didn’t hear that.”
“It’s hard, Georgie, but I’m managing,” he repeated. “Sorry, I’m just a little tired.”
“A little tired?” she said sarcastically. “You aren’t my only source of information, big brother. I know what kind of schedule you’ve been keeping. It can’t be continued forever so make sure you take time for yourself, too.”
“I’ve got every reason to do that.” The smile could be heard in his words. “I can’t be of much use to Elizabeth otherwise.”
“You won’t be of use to anyone if you let yourself get out of control again, Will. I mean it! Take a step back and let Elizabeth find her wings without everyone hovering. It will only impede her progress.”
Will smiled again, shaking his head even though his sister could not see him. “Trust me, Georgie. I’ll know when the time is right and it’s not just yet.” He glanced at the clock beside him. “I’ve got to be going, though. I promised to be there before lunch.” He listened to her well meant warnings before they said goodbye to one another, then quickly finished dressing while whistling merrily and envisioning the afternoon before him.
An hour later, satisfied she had done her best though not necessarily satisfied with the result, Elizabeth left her room. As she descended the stairs she could hear Charles’ voice, evidently in a serious discussion. At first Elizabeth thought he was on the phone but eventually she could make out Jane’s quiet responses. Perhaps it was rude but Elizabeth took care to advance silently until she was outside the open entrance to the living room and could clearly hear what they were saying.
“She’s not ready. How could you think she would be? Just look at her, Charles! She can hardly talk, walking is slow and difficult, she’s got months of therapy ahead! Lizzy does not need her heart broken, too.”
“What makes you think Will would do that?” Charles was plainly angry. “He loves her, Jane! If she returns his feelings with one iota of the strength he feels then nothing could tear him away. You know he’s stayed away this week only because you requested it. He’s suffered enough.”
“I don’t want Lizzy hurt. I’m sorry, but Will’s feelings rank a distant second right now.”
“You are not thinking rationally. It’s as if you’ve completely disregarded everything he’s done for Elizabeth! I know you love your sister but let her make up her own mind. It’s not your decision to make. If she hates him she’ll have no trouble telling him even without words. Give them this chance, Jane. Back off and see what happens.”
There was a lengthy silence during which Elizabeth found she was holding her breath. When Jane finally, reluctantly, voiced her agreement Elizabeth slowly exhaled. Conflicting emotions battled within her. How dare her sister presume to interfere, to keep Will at bay? She needed no protection from him, and certainly didn’t ask for any!
Charles’ words echoed in her head; “He loves her, Jane!”
She closed her eyes, leaning against the wall as her knees threatened to give out. Her legs were trembling and Elizabeth thought she might need to sit down instead. Then the doorbell chimed and her body jumped in shock at the unexpected sound. Collecting herself, Elizabeth began to shuffle forward, eagerly expecting it to be Will at the door. Charles suddenly appeared beside her, smiling down into her face and offering his arm for extra support.
It was, indeed, Will on the front step and his entire face lit up upon beholding Elizabeth greeting him with a warmth in her eyes and a welcoming smile on her lips. He had brought flowers, too, stepping close to press them into her hand. Elizabeth inhaled their delicate fragrance.
“I’m sorry, there is no honeysuckle at this time of year,” said Will, leaning down to speak in a low voice next to her ear. The tone resonated deep within her, sending her heart racing. Colour rushed to Elizabeth’s cheeks, causing him to put a hand to her elbow in concern. “Are you alright?”
She nodded with a head too full of emotion to even meet his gaze. She heard Charles laugh softly and felt him move away. Then Will was steering her back to the living room where Jane was waiting.
Simple conversation filled the first half hour, partly to encourage Elizabeth’s participation although she was perfectly content sitting next to Will on the sofa, her hand firmly gripping his. Occasionally he gave her fingers a squeeze as if to remind her that he wasn’t going to disappear. Elizabeth met his eyes each time, blushing lightly, but the colour making her face look heavily flushed with her pale complexion. Before long Charles found an excuse to remove himself and Jane from the room, leaving Will to carry on the conversation alone. Elizabeth was still too self conscious of her speech to offer any verbal replies.
At last they had exhausted every topic that could be covered in a one-sided exchange. Will spent a moment in silent contemplation of the lady’s deeply expressive eyes, then tested the waters. “It cannot be easy for you to pick up life again after so long in the hospital. Have the last few days been too much?”
She hurriedly reassured him with a shake of her head, wishing for the means to tell him that her only difficulty was in separation from him. Then she suddenly realised that she did have a way to say what was on her mind, but did she dare? As she sat, silently working up courage and inwardly debating, Will asked her another question.
“Would you like to go for a drive this afternoon? It doesn’t have to be far, or for very long. If you’d rather not, I’ll understand.”
Elizabeth was nodding acceptance of the idea before she could think. Will called to Jane, who quickly returned, looking as if she expected her sister to be in some distress. He explained their plans but Jane wasn’t approving. Will was taken aback by her reaction and undecided as to what to do. Elizabeth had seemed eager and he didn’t want to disappoint her, nor did he wish to alienate Jane.
“You haven’t been out of the hospital long, Lizzy. The air is damp and chilly, you could catch a cold so easily!” she warned.
“Warm clothes should prevent that,” Will suggested.
Elizabeth defended her choice with a rebellious glare. Besides, if I do get cold I’ll just have Will warm me up. She grinned mischievously with the thought.
Jane relented but reiterated her concerns with instructions for Will. “Keep her in the car where it’s warm. The last thing Lizzy needs now is to be traipsing around in the wet grass. Oh, that reminds me! Lizzy, I need to find your shoes. I’ll just take a look in your room upstairs.”
Will shook his head as Jane disappeared. Elizabeth motioned for him to sit beside her again. When he was seated, he brought her hands together and held them firmly in his own.
“Elizabeth, please don’t be afraid to speak in front of me. You know that practice can only improve your speech and I have long wanted to hear you say anything at all.”
Her cheeks flushed deeply, emotions quickly engaged with him so near. Unable to look at him, Elizabeth merely nodded once more.
“I’ll help you,” he said, softly running his thumbs over her hands.
Again she felt her cheeks grow hot. Jane chose that moment to appear, a pair of runners dangling from one hand. “I’ll have to get you another pair next week, I think. You’ll need one for physio and another if you will be going out more often.” She knelt down beside her sister and began to work one shoe on.
Elizabeth pulled her foot back, frowning. She took the shoe from Jane’s grasp with an irritated stubbornness. Fumbling with it, she managed to get the shoe on with some trouble but tying them proved to be too much. Through tears of frustration she saw another pair of hands take her own and the job was done. Elizabeth looked up to see Will gazing back at her, his expression calm and reassuring.
“Let us help sometimes,” he whispered.
She stole a look at Jane, knowing she had hurt her sister’s feelings by rejecting her assistance. Will observed the two of them, announced that he would start the car, and left them alone.
“Forgive me?” Elizabeth ventured.
Jane wrapped her arms around Elizabeth, letting her actions speak for the moment. “Of course I do,” she finally managed to say before Will had returned to collect Elizabeth.